That's So Gay....

[VampGirl]

and one more groaner especially for you, lezli......

Q: What do you call two butches bonding?





A: Hockey Night in Canada.


All my brain can dredge up right now... i'm sure more will come in time....

Ok i almost peed my pants!!!!!!! its soooo true!

Jamie invited her mother over to her house for dinner. Over the course of the evening, Jamie's mom started to wonder if there was more between Jamie and her roommate than met the eye. She had long been suspicious of her daughter's sexuality, and watching them interact made her more curious. Reading her mom's thoughts, Jamie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sandy and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sandy came to Jamie and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find my favorite gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Jamie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Jamie received a letter from her mother which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sandy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sandy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now."

This is the type of shit i would do to my kid if i had one!!!

Teenage girl asked her mom, is it true babies come out were boys put
their penis?
Her mom said yes.
The girl said won't that break my jaw?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i love it!!!!!!!!!

 

[scandium357]

Two queers walking over a bridge when one says to the other, "Look, it'sry boat!" and the other replies, "Wow! We have our own navy!?"

 

[No_chie_one]

OK folks I need a laff-got any good gay jokes?

ie: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapuss.

Cum on, let's hear yours, they can't be worse than mine!

What do you call a Jewish homo

A Heblew

A gay chinaman

chu-man-chu

A spanish homo

senior-eater

 

[Anniejustagirl]

From my daughter. She says to me... "You said you wanted to hear them no matter how bad they are, right?!"

Did you hear there's a new pill to help depressed lesbians?

it's called trimenagain.

*groan*

Watch out for the suicidal side effects!!!

 

[playwithlezli]

From my daughter. She says to me... "You said you wanted to hear them no matter how bad they are, right?!"

Did you hear there's a new pill to help depressed lesbians?

it's called trimenagain.

*groan*

Watch out for the suicidal side effects!!!

LOL! Depression doesn't sound so bad after all!

 

[Anniejustagirl]

There was a young woman from Wheeling
Who claimed to lack sexual feeling
Til a dyke named Delores
Simply touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Top 10 Things Heterosexuals Need to Know About Gay People

10. We didn't invent disco music so stop blaming us.

9. We're not sure about Ricky Martin either.

8. We also didn't invent the color black, but we are in complete agreement that you look better in it.

7. We are secretly glad Anne Heche is back on your team. She scares us.

6. Our so-called "gaydar" does not get us more cable stations or better reception.

5. We think your mini-vans are sooo cute!

4. David Crosby was not Melissa Etheridge's only choice.

3. If he's using two or more hair products at any one time - yes, he is.

2. If she's won Wimbledon 16 times, she is too.

And, the number one thing that heterosexuals need to know about gay people is...

1. Relax, we don't want you!

 

[FloridaCouple]

Two gay guys are fucking: one on top of the other. Lightening strikes and kills both of them dead. Who gets to heaven first?


The gay guy on the bottom. His crap is already packed!!

 

[FloridaCouple]

Several gay guys are drinking in a bar. Guy #1 says "He, you guys wanna play "Bar football?"

The other guys say "Sure, how do you play?"

Guy #1 says "You down a beer without stopping to breathe, and that's a touchdown. For the extra point, you drop your pants and fart."

So they're all game to play. Guy #1 say "I'll start" and quickly downs his beer, then drops his pants and rips one. There was much rejoicing.

Guy #2 says "Okay, I'll go next" and quickly downs his beer. He then drops his pants, and before he could rip one, Guy #1 shoves his cock up Guy #2's ass.

Guy #2 yells "Dude, what the hell are you doing?"

Guy #1 replies "I am blocking the extra point!!!"

 

[calgary guy]

Another one for you

Just looking around and found this thread...so here goes (it's kinda long but pretty funny)

These 4 guys are playing golf and heading to the first tee, when one realizes that he forgot something in the clubhouse. As he's racing back the others introduce themselves and give a little bio.

The first one says " I'm so proud of my son, not only is he successful but he's also very generous. He works for the biggest car dealership in the whole city and last year he gave his best buddy 2 new cars!"

The second golfer says " That's nothing...my son is successful and generous too. He works for the biggest realtor in the city and he gave his best friend a new house!"

The thrid guy just smiles and says " You want to talk about generous, my son OWNS the largest stock brokerage firm in this city and last year he gave his best friend a HUGE stock portfolio"

Finally the fouth guy shows up at the first tee and sees these guys talking and asks what they are talking about. So they tell him and then the first guy asks about this guys son. Well he sort of shuffles his feet and looks down and kind of sheepishly says " Well....my son is a hairdresser"

The 3 other guys start to snicker and then he says " and to be quite honest, he's a practicing homosexual" Well these guys are now laughing out loud. Then he adds "...but he must be pretty good at what he does.....because his last 3 boyfriends gave him 2 cars, a house and a huge stock portfolio".

 

[ima6uldv8]

CG, good one!

This isn't a joke but it gave me a great laugh today. I was watching Cash Cab on Discovery and these two gay guys were in the cab. I didn't catch all the question but it was something to do with football. The one guy's answer was the 69ers Fucking hilarious! Then he changed it to the 49ers. Wrong answer still, but we knew where his mind was..........

 

[south_florida_bicur]

HYSTERICAL

great thread...

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Why can't they have gay people in the army?

Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going,
"Who'd you call a faggot?"





~John Stewart

 

[Anniejustagirl]

My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.



~Bill Kelly

 

[Wolfman1982]

Whats the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.


How do you know you're at a gay barbecue?

The hotdogs taste like shit.

 

[Wolfman1982]

What do you call a gay bar without any stools? A fruit stand.

 

[Ransack]

Did you hear about the private in the army who got caught having sex with his vd infected drill instructor?

He got an oily discharge



Whats the toughest part about roller blading?

Telling your father you're gay

 

[CandiCame]

Just looking around and found this thread...so here goes (it's kinda long but pretty funny)

These 4 guys are playing golf and heading to the first tee, when one realizes that he forgot something in the clubhouse. As he's racing back the others introduce themselves and give a little bio.

The first one says " I'm so proud of my son, not only is he successful but he's also very generous. He works for the biggest car dealership in the whole city and last year he gave his best buddy 2 new cars!"

The second golfer says " That's nothing...my son is successful and generous too. He works for the biggest realtor in the city and he gave his best friend a new house!"

The thrid guy just smiles and says " You want to talk about generous, my son OWNS the largest stock brokerage firm in this city and last year he gave his best friend a HUGE stock portfolio"

Finally the fouth guy shows up at the first tee and sees these guys talking and asks what they are talking about. So they tell him and then the first guy asks about this guys son. Well he sort of shuffles his feet and looks down and kind of sheepishly says " Well....my son is a hairdresser"

The 3 other guys start to snicker and then he says " and to be quite honest, he's a practicing homosexual" Well these guys are now laughing out loud. Then he adds "...but he must be pretty good at what he does.....because his last 3 boyfriends gave him 2 cars, a house and a huge stock portfolio".

lol, that is awesome!

Keep them coming, I don't know any good gay jokes!

 

[Safe_Bet]

lol, that is awesome!

Keep them coming, I don't know any good gay jokes!

That's because there ARE no good gay jokes. Just homophobic ones.

 

[CandiCame]

That's because there ARE no good gay jokes. Just homophobic ones.

Nah, I like to think that I'm a good gay joke.

I need them cornier though- some witty, Mitch Hindenburg one-liners. Something I could use as a pick-up line. Something like, "So this one time, at giant robot camp-" you know, something that works exclusively on gay nerds.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Any joke with a punchline that assumes 'they're all alike" is not funny, especially to "they."

 

[Wolfman1982]

Bickering, bickering bitches, and here I came home from Copenhagen, And what do I find online here in the GLBT chatter ? the usual two cunt hags, messing around in a thread where the topic is humour , not hatred . And as I have said in an old post, I love humour in all shapes and forms, as long you do not believe in the hatred. That is "present" in the jokes. Jesus Fucking Christ, Amy, and the follower take a fucking hike and smoke a joint, and come back when you are more mellow and laid back. So to all the other great members, keep the jokes coming, cause I personally love humour. But I hate hatred. So to the haters, suck it up ! But then again haters are going to hate, no matter what. And every body who laughs of the "gay" jokes, who are NOT GLBT phobic, laughs of the stereotype and the absurdity.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ignore the hatred in hatefulness. That's a good trick!

 

[Wolfman1982]

Ignore the hatred in hatefulness. That's a good trick!

Please explain, cause it makes less sense than my post does. But then again you don't make a lot of sense anyway. humour is humour, but it seems to me, you and Amy just has a knack of always ruining threads . And I used to think I was an off topic person, but it seems to me, you two hateful humans tops me, when it comes to being off topic in a topic.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hateful humour is not funny to the people towards whom the hate is aimed.

Duh.

Some of the jokes here have been funny, because they present a different way of looking at the commonplace-- in this case, from a point of view that sees gayness as part of a normal way to be.

Some of them are not funny because they present gay folk as others, as wrong, and "all alike."

Some of the jokes here skirt the line.

I don't expect you to ever notice the differences, you aren't very good with subtleties or cultural tags.