The Bears Den
- Thread starter MaryBears
- Start date
- Status
Jaybird3
Lustily burning for .....
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2003
- Posts
- 1,086
Frenchie, please clean out your pm box and don't forget the sent and the tracked messages. I can't reply if your box is full.
Hello MaryBears and Puddin.
Cuddlybear is at work.
You all are most welcome to the jokes and the quizzes.
Hello MaryBears and Puddin.
Cuddlybear is at work.
You all are most welcome to the jokes and the quizzes.
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do...
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blowjob? I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say
a
word...he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who
works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at
him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Colins, 31, Ferndale, MI [Debby Brewington] This is where I
Was born!
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
and
I turned red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I
saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered
up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter
in
tow. The last
thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia
5. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of
the
store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
6. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on
him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to
go,
and
he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident,
and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you
SURE
you
didn't have An accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must
have
had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I
asked
one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped
up,
yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. SEE
MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made
me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had.
7. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any...a
true
story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed
to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have
to
leave
the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do...
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blowjob? I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say
a
word...he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who
works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at
him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Colins, 31, Ferndale, MI [Debby Brewington] This is where I
Was born!
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
and
I turned red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I
saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered
up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter
in
tow. The last
thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia
5. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of
the
store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
6. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on
him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to
go,
and
he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident,
and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you
SURE
you
didn't have An accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must
have
had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I
asked
one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped
up,
yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. SEE
MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made
me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had.
7. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any...a
true
story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed
to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have
to
leave
the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
The Rock
As you can see corn and beans aren't the only things Iowa has.....This huge rock is located on Highway 25 .....There is a huge gravel-rock pit here and the kids used to use if for obsenities, etc but since it has been painted like this it has been left alone!!! Check this out:
http://www.ticz.com/homes/users/bob/On-A-Rock/On-A-Rock.htm
It is in Adair County, between Greenfield and I-80. The kid who painted it is a local guy.
As you can see corn and beans aren't the only things Iowa has.....This huge rock is located on Highway 25 .....There is a huge gravel-rock pit here and the kids used to use if for obsenities, etc but since it has been painted like this it has been left alone!!! Check this out:
http://www.ticz.com/homes/users/bob/On-A-Rock/On-A-Rock.htm
It is in Adair County, between Greenfield and I-80. The kid who painted it is a local guy.
Puddin36
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2001
- Posts
- 1,853
Mary.........loved the things that you posted on Monday.....I had heard most of the stories that you posted and still find them funny. As for the rock in IOWA, that is a wonderful rock and I hope the ppl in that community are very proud of it. I was amazed at the pics of it.......the artist is truly amazing and should be congratulated every time someone passes him by. Being in Wisconsin, if I am ever near that area, you can be sure that I will stop and look at that rock.
Hope everyone had a good Monday and may these warm hugs
((((((((((( )))))))))))) start your Tuesday off right.
Hugs and Licks to all.........Puddin
Hope everyone had a good Monday and may these warm hugs
((((((((((( )))))))))))) start your Tuesday off right.
Hugs and Licks to all.........Puddin
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Good morning ya'll!!!
Here is a cute one.
God is Watching
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching."
Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
Here is a cute one.
God is Watching
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching."
Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
Good Afternoon to you all over there, Its evening already here but who cares.
Hey guess what, I've actually got a joke 4 U all, I'll post it later on
Hope you are all doing well.
Catch you later.
Hey guess what, I've actually got a joke 4 U all, I'll post it later on
Hope you are all doing well.
Catch you later.
Jaybird3
Lustily burning for .....
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2003
- Posts
- 1,086
Subject: Lee Marvin
Very interesting read:
Quite a few of us grew up with Captain Kangaroo, as you or your children probably did. I knew nothing of his background, only that his show was both entertaining, educational, and as kids, we looked forward to it with great anticipation.
Captain Kangaroo turned 76 recently, which is odd, because he's never looked a day under 76 DOB:6/27/27). It reminded me of the following story.
Some people have been a bit offended that the actor, Lee Marvin,is buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT.) and service (USMC). Nothing else. Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys?
Well, following is the amazing answer: I always liked Lee Marvin, but did not know the extent of his Corps experiences. In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces often in rear-echelon posts where they were carefully
protected, only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award ... the Medal Of Honor. If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery.
Dialog from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson: His guest was Lee Marvin. Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima...and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded." "Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the ass and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi...bad thing
about getting shot up on a mountain is guys gettin' shot hauling you down. But Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew ...
We both got the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison. The dumb bastard actually stood up on Red Beachand directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. Bullets flying by and mortar rounds landing every where and he stood there as the main target of gun fire so that he could get his men to safety. He did this on more than one occasion because his men's safety was more important than his own life. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends. When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me, lying on my belly on the litter and said, "Where'd they get you Lee?" "Well, Bob ... if you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!" Johnny, I'm not lying ... Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew ...
The Sergeant's name is Bob Keeshan... You and the world know him as Captain Kangaroo."
On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PBS, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr.Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long sleeve sweater on his show to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. A master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in
a heartbeat.
After the war Mr. Rogers became an ordained Presbyterian minister and therefore a pacifist. Vowing to never harm another human and dedicating his life to helping children on the right path in life. He hid the tattoos and his past life away and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm.
America's real heroes don't flaunt what they did, they quietly go
about their day to day lives, doing what they do best. They earned our respect and the freedoms that we all enjoy. Look around and see if you can find one of those heroes in your midst. Often, they are the ones you'd least suspect, but would most like to have on your side if anything ever happened.
Take the time to thank anyone that has fought for our freedom.
With encouragement they could be the next Captain Kangaroo or Mr. Rogers.
Very interesting read:
Quite a few of us grew up with Captain Kangaroo, as you or your children probably did. I knew nothing of his background, only that his show was both entertaining, educational, and as kids, we looked forward to it with great anticipation.
Captain Kangaroo turned 76 recently, which is odd, because he's never looked a day under 76 DOB:6/27/27). It reminded me of the following story.
Some people have been a bit offended that the actor, Lee Marvin,is buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT.) and service (USMC). Nothing else. Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys?
Well, following is the amazing answer: I always liked Lee Marvin, but did not know the extent of his Corps experiences. In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces often in rear-echelon posts where they were carefully
protected, only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award ... the Medal Of Honor. If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery.
Dialog from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson: His guest was Lee Marvin. Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima...and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded." "Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the ass and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi...bad thing
about getting shot up on a mountain is guys gettin' shot hauling you down. But Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew ...
We both got the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison. The dumb bastard actually stood up on Red Beachand directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. Bullets flying by and mortar rounds landing every where and he stood there as the main target of gun fire so that he could get his men to safety. He did this on more than one occasion because his men's safety was more important than his own life. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends. When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me, lying on my belly on the litter and said, "Where'd they get you Lee?" "Well, Bob ... if you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!" Johnny, I'm not lying ... Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew ...
The Sergeant's name is Bob Keeshan... You and the world know him as Captain Kangaroo."
On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PBS, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr.Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long sleeve sweater on his show to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. A master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in
a heartbeat.
After the war Mr. Rogers became an ordained Presbyterian minister and therefore a pacifist. Vowing to never harm another human and dedicating his life to helping children on the right path in life. He hid the tattoos and his past life away and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm.
America's real heroes don't flaunt what they did, they quietly go
about their day to day lives, doing what they do best. They earned our respect and the freedoms that we all enjoy. Look around and see if you can find one of those heroes in your midst. Often, they are the ones you'd least suspect, but would most like to have on your side if anything ever happened.
Take the time to thank anyone that has fought for our freedom.
With encouragement they could be the next Captain Kangaroo or Mr. Rogers.
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
The Green Man
Well, folks here is my first effort, taken from The Mail, one of our national newspapers, hope you like it
There was a green man who lived in a green house and, deciding to have a green bath, went into his green bathroom and turned on the green taps to fill the green bath. Taking off his green clothes, he was about to step into the green bath when he heard the green door bell ring.
So, wrapping a green towel around his waist, he went out on to the green landing, down the green stairs, into the green hall, and opened the green door. There stood a beautiful green lady. As he'd never seen a green lady before, he dropped his green towel.
The lady, giving a shriek, turned around and dashed down the green path, through the green gate, and ran into the road, where she was knocked down by a green bus and killed.
The moral of this story is: Dont run across the road when the green man is flashing.
Well, folks here is my first effort, taken from The Mail, one of our national newspapers, hope you like it
There was a green man who lived in a green house and, deciding to have a green bath, went into his green bathroom and turned on the green taps to fill the green bath. Taking off his green clothes, he was about to step into the green bath when he heard the green door bell ring.
So, wrapping a green towel around his waist, he went out on to the green landing, down the green stairs, into the green hall, and opened the green door. There stood a beautiful green lady. As he'd never seen a green lady before, he dropped his green towel.
The lady, giving a shriek, turned around and dashed down the green path, through the green gate, and ran into the road, where she was knocked down by a green bus and killed.
The moral of this story is: Dont run across the road when the green man is flashing.
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
Jaybird3 said:
You wait till I get hold of you, I'll give you a good spanking
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
YES I DOJaybird3 said:Do you promise? lol
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