The Bears Den

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kayte said:
Good morning ya'll!!!!

Hope it is a terrific Tuesday!!! :D


Good Morning {{{{Kayte}}}}} hope your day is awesome... And so glad to see you today....How are you doing?
 
:eek:

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A 'huge heart' covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the huge heart opened, and the cardiologists' casket rolled inside. The heart then closed sealing the cardiologist within the beautiful heart forever.
One of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral ----I'm a gynecologist."
At that point, the proctologist fainted
 
This one is worth reading. LOL..

Housework


One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his
house.
His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in
the
mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front
yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the
house
and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one
wall . In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel,
and
the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled
on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the
floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was
spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that
something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its
way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels,
scummy
soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a
heap and
toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still
curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at
him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered
and
asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when
you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do
today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.]

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

 
MaryBears said:
Good Morning {{{{Kayte}}}}} hope your day is awesome... And so glad to see you today....How are you doing?


{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}} good to see you. :kiss:

My day is pretty good thanks. Hope yours is going well. :)
 
MaryBears said:
This one is worth reading. LOL..

Housework


One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his
house.
His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in
the
mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front
yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the
house
and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one
wall . In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel,
and
the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled
on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the
floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was
spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that
something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its
way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels,
scummy
soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a
heap and
toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still
curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at
him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered
and
asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when
you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do
today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.]

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."



That is so great!! Thank you {{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}
 
Re: :eek:

MaryBears said:
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A 'huge heart' covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the huge heart opened, and the cardiologists' casket rolled inside. The heart then closed sealing the cardiologist within the beautiful heart forever.
One of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral ----I'm a gynecologist."
At that point, the proctologist fainted
*cracking up here* that was good~ How are you doing Mary? :)
 
That one cracked me up MaryBears and that is getting a little hard to do these days.
 
Some really good jokes today........nice to laugh today. For some reason I have been fine all week about this surgery thing and today I am really depressed. Not about the surgery really, but just depressed. Coming here will help though and that is why I am here.

Hope everyone is having a good Tuesday.

Hugs........Puddin

BTW..........not much of a pc person, how can I post some jokes here without having to type them out????
 
kayte said:
That is so great!! Thank you {{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{Kayte}}}}}}}}}}}

My day was good....This stupid cold rain is causing my body to ache....but i am surviving.....

Your welcome and I am glad you like the jokes....:kiss:
 
Re: Re: :eek:

PassionsFlame said:
*cracking up here* that was good~ How are you doing Mary? :)


Hello Passions.....I am doing good...hope your having a wonderful day....glad you liked the jokes....:D

How are you?
 
Puddin36 said:
Some really good jokes today........nice to laugh today. For some reason I have been fine all week about this surgery thing and today I am really depressed. Not about the surgery really, but just depressed. Coming here will help though and that is why I am here.

Hope everyone is having a good Tuesday.

Hugs........Puddin

BTW..........not much of a pc person, how can I post some jokes here without having to type them out????


{{{{{{Puddin}}}}}}} :rose: I think you truly need a big bear hug.....I can say that the closer you get to the surgery the more nerveous you will be and somewhat depressed but you will make it thru it and i will keep you in my prayers.....:)


As far as posting jokes.....all you have to do is select and copy ther joke......then paste it on a blank post screen....hit submit and bingo it is there;)

Copy and paste is an awesome tool;)
 
Marriage seminar


While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his
wife Peg listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"Pillsbury All Purpose, isn't it?"


The rest of the story was not pleasant. :)
 
Psychological Test


It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her mother, she met
a man whom she did not know. She thought he was amazing, her dream guy,
and she fell in love with him but never asked for his number and could
not find him after the funeral.

A few days later the girl killed her sister.


Question:

What was her motive in killing her sister?

Give this some thought before you scroll down




















Answer:

She was hoping that the guy would appear at the sister's funeral.


If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a
test that a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the
same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took this test
and answered it correctly.

If you didn't answer correctly, good for you.

If you DID answer correctly, please let me know so I can take you off my
e-mail list.
 
Gonna try this and see if it works, like I said I'm not that good with pc stuff!!

Well............gonna have to try it another way.

Thanks Mary Bears for the words of encouragment and the bear hug..........you were right, it did help. Gonna try and see what I can do about getting this "funny" things submitted.

Hugs, Puddin
 
10 THINGS TO DO IN A WALMART
WHILE YOUR WIFE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS TAKING THEIR SWEET TIME
SHOPPING!
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when
they
aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute
> intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why
can't you people just leave me alone?"
5. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he
knows
where the antidepressants are.
6. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme
from
Mission Impossible."
7. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different
size
funnels
8. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say,
"PICK
ME!
PICK ME!"
9. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again."
and last but not least,
10. Go into a fitting room and yell loudly, "Hey! We're out of toilet
paper in here!"
send this to anyone in need of a good laugh


Hope this works........I found it to be funny!!!!

Puddin
 
You can tell these in church

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced
to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building
program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your
pockets."

========

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish
carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of
humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand
printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and
grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

========

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys
and girls, what do we know about God? A hand shot
up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you! know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our
Father, who does art in Heaven... "

========

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just
before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly,
but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service
station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant
pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It
seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get
ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know
what you mean. It's the same in my business."

========

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the
center of attention.

========

"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the
world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning
and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

========

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a
meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
"I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll
miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along
with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't
give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into
temptation."

========

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I
know what the Bible means!"

His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the
Bible means?"

The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"

"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving
Earth.'"

========

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll
get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was
perplexed.

Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and
the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was
about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

========

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible
to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there
anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

========

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to,
after the worship service, ask the congregation to
come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to
the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find
that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been
brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know
what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll
have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice
as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who
can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that
moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled
Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular
organist!

HYMNS FOR ALL THINGS
The Dentist's Hymn:.....................Crown Him with Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn..............There Shall Be Showers of
Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn:............... The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn:....................... Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn:...................... There's a Green Hill Far
Away
The Politician's Hymn:.................. Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn:.............. Open My Eyes That I
Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn:................. I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn:.......................Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn:..................Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn:.................... Sweet By and By
The Realtor's Hymn:.......................I've Got a Mansion, Just
Over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn...... He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn:...................... The Great Physician

AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
-----45mph....................God Will Take Care of You
-----55mph....................Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
-----65mph....................Nearer My God To Thee
-----75mph....................Nearer Still Nearer
-----85mph....................This World Is Not My Home
-----95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home
-----Over 100mph...........Precious Memories

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.


Hope you all liked this one too.

Puddin
 
Puddin36 said:
Gonna try this and see if it works, like I said I'm not that good with pc stuff!!

Well............gonna have to try it another way.

Thanks Mary Bears for the words of encouragment and the bear hug..........you were right, it did help. Gonna try and see what I can do about getting this "funny" things submitted.

Hugs, Puddin

Your very welcome Puddin.....We all need a bear hug at sometime or the other....and knowing that others really care means the world sometimes.....:D

and you did an awesome job posting your funny.....that is a good one....I would like to do some of those things but not for the reason of the joke...Hugs and :rose:
 
Originally posted by MaryBears

Your very welcome Puddin.....We all need a bear hug at sometime or the other....and knowing that others really care means the world sometimes.....

and you did an awesome job posting your funny.....that is a good one....I would like to do some of those things but not for the reason of the joke...Hugs and :rose:

Thanks again MaryBears.........I thought those Walmart ones were funny.........could you imagine being in a Walmart and seeing or hearing some of these things being done. LOL

Hugs..........Puddin
 
Puddin36 said:
Originally posted by MaryBears

Your very welcome Puddin.....We all need a bear hug at sometime or the other....and knowing that others really care means the world sometimes.....

and you did an awesome job posting your funny.....that is a good one....I would like to do some of those things but not for the reason of the joke...Hugs and :rose:

Thanks again MaryBears.........I thought those Walmart ones were funny.........could you imagine being in a Walmart and seeing or hearing some of these things being done. LOL

Hugs..........Puddin


Pudding another lil hint for you....when you want to quote something some one says.....down in the left is a link that says quote....click that it will quote that for you;)

I worked for Wal-Mart for 8 years....and I can believe people do it....and I have seen some pretty nasty things going on in there....like one time a lady went in the lady's fitting room and pissed in a shoe box and left it....and then there is some worse than that....:|

 
For anyone that don't know....one of my hobbies is to create MSN groups (communities).....One of the pages I just created is one of me.....Pics that is....so here is the link if you want to know what i look like....I hope I don't scare anyone....:rolleyes: Pics of me
 
Embarrassing Moments
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.

Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN ITH A HAMMER?"

 
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde
jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show
her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at
work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the
task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a
pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat
at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies "yes."

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they
said....











(scroll down)... I love this one ...




















FOR BEST RESULTS . . .

PUT ON TWO COATS


 
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