kiltsr4guys
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 272
last f/f
The Bears Den
- Thread starter MaryBears
- Start date
- Status
kiltsr4guys
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 272
m/f
hows this..........you still playing mary?
hows this..........you still playing mary?
kiltsr4guys
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 272
another......want something differnt?
kiltsr4guys
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 272
whats ubder the kilt
This is a picture of the Black Watch Regiment lowering the flag for the last time at the Hong kong garrison......leave it to them to moon the Chinese on the way out
This is a picture of the Black Watch Regiment lowering the flag for the last time at the Hong kong garrison......leave it to them to moon the Chinese on the way out
kiltsr4guys
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 272
I pm you with what I would do
kiltsr4guys
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 272
pm
you might have two more.....LOL
you might have two more.....LOL
kiltsr4guys
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 272
Yawn.........
I'm sleepy now..........my head is banging on the keyboard. check your pm's and you have my email if you want to send me anything feel free. It was fun Mary we'll have to do it again, for sure
I'm sleepy now..........my head is banging on the keyboard. check your pm's and you have my email if you want to send me anything feel free. It was fun Mary we'll have to do it again, for sure
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Morning all......I have a busy day ahead of me.....I will be on later this evening....Here is your morning chuckles....as if i didn't give you enough last night.
Chuckles Are Good For The Soul
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even
get into my own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a
relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So, I said, "Implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing
up fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one
flea..."
6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know
me here.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a
screamer or a moaner..
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many
of them get elected.
10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and
shithead's.
11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one
special person you want to annoy you for the rest of your life.
12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am
perfect.
13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of
consecutive days I've stayed alive.
14. How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?
15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like
having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want
to see naked?
17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's
wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
Chuckles Are Good For The Soul
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even
get into my own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a
relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So, I said, "Implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing
up fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one
flea..."
6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know
me here.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a
screamer or a moaner..
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many
of them get elected.
10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and
shithead's.
11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one
special person you want to annoy you for the rest of your life.
12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am
perfect.
13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of
consecutive days I've stayed alive.
14. How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?
15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like
having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want
to see naked?
17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's
wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
just stopping by to say good morning. I hope the day is great for everyone and you all get done what you need to.
.......Hehehe.
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
The Gas Station
>
> The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't
> been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. He had no
> decorations, no tree, no lights. It was just another day to him. He
> didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. There
> were no children in his life. His wife had gone. He was sitting there
> looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering
> what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped
> through. Instead of throwing the man out, George, Old George as he was
> known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the space heater
> and warm up.
>
> "Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger. "I see
> you're busy. I'll just go"
>
> "Not without something hot in your belly," George turned and opened a wide
> mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot
> and tasty. Stew. Made it myself. When you're done there's coffee and
> it's fresh."
>
> Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse me
> be right back," George said.
>
> There in the driveway was an old 53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the
> front. The driver was panicked. "Mister can you help me!" said the
> driver with a deep Spanish accent. "My wife is with child and my car is
> broken."
>
> George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the
> cold; the car was dead. "You ain't going in this thing," George said as
> he turned away.
>
> "But mister. Please help...." The door of the office closed behind George
> as he went in. George went to the office wall and got the keys to his old
> truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building and opened
> the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was
> waiting. "Here, take my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing you
> ever looked at, but she runs real good." George helped put the woman in
> the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. George turned and
> walked back inside the office. "Glad I gave em the truck. Their tires
> were shot too. That 'ol truck has brand new........" George thought he
> was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The thermos was on the
> desk, empty with a used coffee cup beside it.
>
> "Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought.
>
> George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked
> slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had
> been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas
> Eve meant no customers. He discovered the block hadn't cracked; it was
> just the bottom hose on the radiator. "Well, shoot, I can fix this," he
> said to himself. So he put a new one on. "Those tires ain't gonna get
> 'em through the winter either." He took the snow treads off of his wife's
> old Lincoln. They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car.
>
> As he was working he heard shots being fired. He ran outside and beside a
> police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left
> shoulder, the officer moaned, "Help me." George helped the officer inside
> as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He
> knew the wound needed attention. "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he
> thought. The uniform company had been there that morning and had left
> clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound. "Hey,
> they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to make the
> policeman feel at ease.
>
> "Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used
> for his back. "These ought to ! work." He put some water in a cup and
> gave the policeman the pills.
>
> "You hang in there. I'm going to get you an ambulance." The phone was
> dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in
> your car." He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the
> dashboard destroying the two-way radio. He went back in to find the
> policeman sitting up.
>
> "Thanks," said the officer. "You could have left me there. The guy that
> shot me is still in the area." George sat down beside him. "I would never
> leave an injured man in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George
> pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding.
>
> "Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right through 'ya. Good
> thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna
> be right as rain." George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you
> take it?" he asked.
>
> "None for me," said the officer. "Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the
> city. Too bad I ain't got no donuts."
>
> The officer laughed and winced at the same time.
>
> The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun.
> "Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled. His hand was
> shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this
> before.
>
> "That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer.
>
> "Son, why are you doing this?" asked George. "You need to put the cannon
> away. Somebody else might get hurt."
>
> The young man was confused. "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot you, too.
> Now give me the cash!" The cop was reaching for his gun. "
>
> "Put that thing away," George said to the cop. "We got one too many in
> here now." He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas
> Eve If you need the money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I
> got. Now put that pee shooter away." George pulled $150 out of his pocket
> and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the
> same time.
>
> The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to
> cry. "I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something
> for my wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job. My rent is due. My
> car got repossessed last week..."
>
> George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze
> now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the
> best we can." He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a
> chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things."
>
> George handed the young man a cup of coffee. "Being stupid is one of the
> things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer.
> Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this thing out."
>
> The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. "Sorry I
> shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer."
>
> "Shut up and drink your coffee." the cop said.
>
> George could hear the sounds of sirens outside.
>
> A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the
> door, guns drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded
> officer. "Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?"
> "GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread."
>
> Who did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man. Chuck
> answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped
> his gun and ran."
>
> George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other. "That guy
> work here?," the wounded cop continued. "Yep," George said. "Just hired
> him this morning. Boy lost his job." The paramedics came in and loaded
> Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and
> whispered, "Why?"
>
>
> Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas boy. And you too, George, and thanks
> for everything." "Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there.
> That ought to solve some of your problems." George went into the back room
> and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box. "Here you go.
> Something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said
> it would come in handy some day."
>
> The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw.
> "I can't take this," said the young man. "It means something to you."
>
> "And now it means something to you," replied George. "I got my memories.
> That's all I need."
>
> George reached into the box again. An airplane, a car and a truck
> appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to
> sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours."
>
> The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old
> man had handed him earlier. "And what are you supposed to buy Christmas
> dinner with? You keep that too," George said. "Now git home to your
> family." The young man turned with tears streaming down his face.
>
> "I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good."
>
> "Nope. I'm closed Christmas day," George said. "See ya the day after."
>
> George turned around to find that the stranger had returned. "Where'd you
> come from? I thought you left?" "I have been here. I have always been
> here," said the stranger. "You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?"
>
> "Well, after my wife passed away I just couldn't see what all the bother
> was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree.
> Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself
> and besides I was getting a little chubby."
>
> The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate the
> holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold
> and hungry. The woman with child will bear a so! n and he will become a
> great doctor. The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from
> being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make
> you a rich man and not take any for himself. That is the spirit of the
> season and you keep it as good as any man." George was taken aback by all
> this stranger had said.
>
>
> "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man.
>
> "Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And
> when your days are done you will be with Martha again." The stranger moved
> toward the door. "If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I
> have to go home where there is a big celebration planned."
>
>
> George watched as the old leather jacket and the torn pants that the
> stranger was wearing turned into a white robe. A golden light began to
> fill the room. "You see, George... it's my birthday. Merry Christmas."
> George fell to his knees and replied, "Happy Birthday, Lord."
>
>
> THANKS FOR BEING A FRIEND !
>
> The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't
> been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. He had no
> decorations, no tree, no lights. It was just another day to him. He
> didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. There
> were no children in his life. His wife had gone. He was sitting there
> looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering
> what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped
> through. Instead of throwing the man out, George, Old George as he was
> known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the space heater
> and warm up.
>
> "Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger. "I see
> you're busy. I'll just go"
>
> "Not without something hot in your belly," George turned and opened a wide
> mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot
> and tasty. Stew. Made it myself. When you're done there's coffee and
> it's fresh."
>
> Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse me
> be right back," George said.
>
> There in the driveway was an old 53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the
> front. The driver was panicked. "Mister can you help me!" said the
> driver with a deep Spanish accent. "My wife is with child and my car is
> broken."
>
> George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the
> cold; the car was dead. "You ain't going in this thing," George said as
> he turned away.
>
> "But mister. Please help...." The door of the office closed behind George
> as he went in. George went to the office wall and got the keys to his old
> truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building and opened
> the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was
> waiting. "Here, take my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing you
> ever looked at, but she runs real good." George helped put the woman in
> the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. George turned and
> walked back inside the office. "Glad I gave em the truck. Their tires
> were shot too. That 'ol truck has brand new........" George thought he
> was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The thermos was on the
> desk, empty with a used coffee cup beside it.
>
> "Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought.
>
> George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked
> slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had
> been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas
> Eve meant no customers. He discovered the block hadn't cracked; it was
> just the bottom hose on the radiator. "Well, shoot, I can fix this," he
> said to himself. So he put a new one on. "Those tires ain't gonna get
> 'em through the winter either." He took the snow treads off of his wife's
> old Lincoln. They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car.
>
> As he was working he heard shots being fired. He ran outside and beside a
> police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left
> shoulder, the officer moaned, "Help me." George helped the officer inside
> as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He
> knew the wound needed attention. "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he
> thought. The uniform company had been there that morning and had left
> clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound. "Hey,
> they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to make the
> policeman feel at ease.
>
> "Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used
> for his back. "These ought to ! work." He put some water in a cup and
> gave the policeman the pills.
>
> "You hang in there. I'm going to get you an ambulance." The phone was
> dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in
> your car." He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the
> dashboard destroying the two-way radio. He went back in to find the
> policeman sitting up.
>
> "Thanks," said the officer. "You could have left me there. The guy that
> shot me is still in the area." George sat down beside him. "I would never
> leave an injured man in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George
> pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding.
>
> "Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right through 'ya. Good
> thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna
> be right as rain." George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you
> take it?" he asked.
>
> "None for me," said the officer. "Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the
> city. Too bad I ain't got no donuts."
>
> The officer laughed and winced at the same time.
>
> The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun.
> "Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled. His hand was
> shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this
> before.
>
> "That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer.
>
> "Son, why are you doing this?" asked George. "You need to put the cannon
> away. Somebody else might get hurt."
>
> The young man was confused. "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot you, too.
> Now give me the cash!" The cop was reaching for his gun. "
>
> "Put that thing away," George said to the cop. "We got one too many in
> here now." He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas
> Eve If you need the money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I
> got. Now put that pee shooter away." George pulled $150 out of his pocket
> and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the
> same time.
>
> The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to
> cry. "I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something
> for my wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job. My rent is due. My
> car got repossessed last week..."
>
> George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze
> now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the
> best we can." He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a
> chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things."
>
> George handed the young man a cup of coffee. "Being stupid is one of the
> things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer.
> Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this thing out."
>
> The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. "Sorry I
> shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer."
>
> "Shut up and drink your coffee." the cop said.
>
> George could hear the sounds of sirens outside.
>
> A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the
> door, guns drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded
> officer. "Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?"
> "GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread."
>
> Who did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man. Chuck
> answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped
> his gun and ran."
>
> George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other. "That guy
> work here?," the wounded cop continued. "Yep," George said. "Just hired
> him this morning. Boy lost his job." The paramedics came in and loaded
> Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and
> whispered, "Why?"
>
>
> Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas boy. And you too, George, and thanks
> for everything." "Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there.
> That ought to solve some of your problems." George went into the back room
> and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box. "Here you go.
> Something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said
> it would come in handy some day."
>
> The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw.
> "I can't take this," said the young man. "It means something to you."
>
> "And now it means something to you," replied George. "I got my memories.
> That's all I need."
>
> George reached into the box again. An airplane, a car and a truck
> appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to
> sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours."
>
> The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old
> man had handed him earlier. "And what are you supposed to buy Christmas
> dinner with? You keep that too," George said. "Now git home to your
> family." The young man turned with tears streaming down his face.
>
> "I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good."
>
> "Nope. I'm closed Christmas day," George said. "See ya the day after."
>
> George turned around to find that the stranger had returned. "Where'd you
> come from? I thought you left?" "I have been here. I have always been
> here," said the stranger. "You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?"
>
> "Well, after my wife passed away I just couldn't see what all the bother
> was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree.
> Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself
> and besides I was getting a little chubby."
>
> The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate the
> holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold
> and hungry. The woman with child will bear a so! n and he will become a
> great doctor. The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from
> being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make
> you a rich man and not take any for himself. That is the spirit of the
> season and you keep it as good as any man." George was taken aback by all
> this stranger had said.
>
>
> "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man.
>
> "Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And
> when your days are done you will be with Martha again." The stranger moved
> toward the door. "If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I
> have to go home where there is a big celebration planned."
>
>
> George watched as the old leather jacket and the torn pants that the
> stranger was wearing turned into a white robe. A golden light began to
> fill the room. "You see, George... it's my birthday. Merry Christmas."
> George fell to his knees and replied, "Happy Birthday, Lord."
>
>
> THANKS FOR BEING A FRIEND !
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing.
"I'm a light bulb," answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss.
So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going.
The blonde answered, "Home. I can't work in the dark."
.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing.
"I'm a light bulb," answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss.
So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going.
The blonde answered, "Home. I can't work in the dark."
.
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
The gas station one was beautiful MaryBears. Thank you for finding and posting it.
Now that blonde had it going on.
I had a wonderful hump day and I hope you all enjoy the night.
Now that blonde had it going on.
I had a wonderful hump day and I hope you all enjoy the night.
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating; she is attracted to men with rugged & masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
- Status
Similar threads
