The Bears Den

[MaryBears]

Good morning ya'll.

Hope it is a great weekend for you. Here is a bit of a funny!!!



A Taxi Driver and a Priest Die…

A priest and taxi driver die on the same day.

St. Peter, who is standing at Heaven's gate, allows the taxi driver to proceed on to one of the highest levels of heaven but the priest has to wait.

He waits for a long time and finally goes to St. Peter and asks: "Why could that taxi driver go to the highest level of heaven and I, who all my life spoke about God, have to wait for such a long time?"

St. Peter replies: "When you were speaking to the people at your church, everybody was sleeping. But when that taxi driver was driving, everybody prayed!"

(((((((((((((kayte)))))))))))))))))))) good morning and thanks for the chuckle.....Hope your having a wonderful weekend.....

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Cab

I was in that guys cab...........

Kilts Good Morning....Hope all is well your way.....Doing good hear....Have a wonderful weekend

 

[Missingmeds]

Good afternoon to everyone. I am glad to see all of you here. MaryBears, it is good to see that you are taking some time to rest and relax.

This time of year can be to much sometimes.

 

[FRENCHIE44T]

{{{{{{{{{{{MARY}}}}}}}}}

 

[Puddin36]

If you need to talk Puddin, we are here.

Be careful MaryBears, don't overdo it to the point that you can't enjoy the holidays.

Thanks Missing.......I know that I can talk to any and all of you. But at this point, I'm just not ready. But thanks so much for the offer.
I'm on my way back to work soon, hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

Re: Re: Good evening everyone

((((((((((((((((((((((Puddin))))))))))))))))))) if i can do anything to help let me know....take care and I love having you in the den....

Thanks MaryBears........I will definately let you know if there is anything you can do to help. And thanks for the ((((((((( ))))))).
I really needed that. I will try and post again soon, but it is hard for me right now with what is going on here and having to work all weekend too. Hope you are having a good weekend as well.

Puddin

 

[MaryBears]

{{{{{{{{{{{MARY}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FRENCHIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

Thanks MaryBears........I will definately let you know if there is anything you can do to help. And thanks for the ((((((((( ))))))).
I really needed that. I will try and post again soon, but it is hard for me right now with what is going on here and having to work all weekend too. Hope you are having a good weekend as well.

Puddin

{{{{{{{{{{{{Puddin}}}}}}}}}}}}}} your most welcome.....I really care about everyone and i hate to see people suffer.....I have a very soft heart.....and that gets me in trouble sometimes cause i care to much but in the end it is worth it cause at least I know that I am the best that I can be

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

Thanks MaryBears........I will definately let you know if there is anything you can do to help. And thanks for the ((((((((( ))))))).
I really needed that. I will try and post again soon, but it is hard for me right now with what is going on here and having to work all weekend too. Hope you are having a good weekend as well.

Puddin

{{{{{{{{Puddin}}}} Sweetie. So sorry things are so difficult for you now. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

{{{{{{{{{{{{Puddin}}}}}}}}}}}}}} your most welcome.....I really care about everyone and i hate to see people suffer.....I have a very soft heart.....and that gets me in trouble sometimes cause i care to much but in the end it is worth it cause at least I know that I am the best that I can be

{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}} And yes you are that!! The best.

 

[MaryBears]

Oh this is so cute........


The 3 priests

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets, especially since she was wearing an extremely low cut blouse.

The first priest approached the window...
"Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached...
"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." He turns red and runs away.

Then came the third...
"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. and I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates - St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you!"

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}} And yes you are that!! The best.

{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}} thanks so much....


I hope all is well for you and your having a wonderful weekend...

 

[kayte]

Oh this is so cute........


The 3 priests

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets, especially since she was wearing an extremely low cut blouse.

The first priest approached the window...
"Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached...
"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." He turns red and runs away.

Then came the third...
"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. and I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates - St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you!"

That is so funny!!! Thank you {{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}} thanks so much....


I hope all is well for you and your having a wonderful weekend...

Doing pretty well, thank you.

I am in my new place and most of the unpacking is done. Will be checking out a new church for Mass tomorrow.

Will have to decide if I like their choir.

 

[MaryBears]

Southern terms

Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight.
Artery......................... The study of paintings.
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section............... A neighbourhood in Rome.
Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... A sheep dog.
Coma........................... A punctuation mark.
D&C............................ Where Washington is.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema.......................... Not a friend.
Fester......................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................... A small lie.
G.I. Series.................... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................... Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................... A higher offer.
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................... I knew it.
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative................. A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.................. Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................... Pretty near killed him.
Secretion...................... Hiding something.
Seizure........................ Roman emperor.
Tablet......................... A small table.
Terminal Illness............... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumour.......................... One plus one more.
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out.
Varicose....................... Near by/close by

 

[MaryBears]

Reasons Why to be Single

Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.

I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants.

I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well please.

I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls, I'm here".

I'd be painting the town instead of the house.

When I get home after work, I don't have to start work again.

I could show my girlfriend where I live.

I'd be driving a miniskirt instead of a minivan.

The only weeds I'd be concerned with are the ones I'm rolling.

I would have saved $372,416.21 in groceries by now.

I wouldn't catch so much grief about those skid-marks in my underwear!

I'd get to see what my paycheck looks like.

I'd get to see what my credit cards look like.

You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day of the week!

Going to a strip club doesn't have to be a covert mission.

Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws.

I wouldn't have to watch sub-titled French films.

I could home drunk to sleep, instead of under a bridge.

I could use my own name at hotels.

I wouldn't have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere.

When asked his opinion, a single guy can say "Hell yes, you're fat!".

 

[MaryBears]

That is so funny!!! Thank you {{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}

Your very welcome {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

Doing pretty well, thank you.

I am in my new place and most of the unpacking is done. Will be checking out a new church for Mass tomorrow.

Will have to decide if I like their choir.

Good to hear the packing is done and out of the way......I hope you like your new place


Good luck with the new church....I know I would be nerveous....I get nerveous when i face new things....*blushes*

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

Good to hear the packing is done and out of the way......I hope you like your new place


Good luck with the new church....I know I would be nerveous....I get nerveous when i face new things....*blushes*

Thank you, I am sure it will be fine. I am not trying out for the choir yet. Just going to Mass and listening....

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

Thank you, I am sure it will be fine. I am not trying out for the choir yet. Just going to Mass and listening....

After Mass in the morning, my family is providing breakfast.....It is Mom's christmas present to the church....so I am baking the ham tonight......and I made cookies....I hope we don't get to much snow.....cause if we do and I don't make it to church I will have a 11 pound ham to eat by myself:eeks:

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

After Mass in the morning, my family is providing breakfast.....It is Mom's christmas present to the church....so I am baking the ham tonight......and I made cookies....I hope we don't get to much snow.....cause if we do and I don't make it to church I will have a 11 pound ham to eat by myself:eeks:

Hope you don't get snowed in!!!

At least you won't starve!!!

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

Hope you don't get snowed in!!!

At least you won't starve!!!

so very true......but i think i would never want to eat ham ever again if i ate all 11 pounds of it....

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

so very true......but i think i would never want to eat ham ever again if i ate all 11 pounds of it....

So very true!!!! Shudders........................

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Good evening everyone

So very true!!!! Shudders........................

Sorry for taking so long to respond....got caught up in creating graphics......

 

[MaryBears]

A friend of mine (male) that i meet online sent me this .....it is titled Male Bashing

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.

Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.

Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.

Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.

Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.

Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."

Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.

Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.

Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.