PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
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HAHAHA! Oh thank you {{{Mary}}} for the chuckles!MaryBears said:
The Bears Den
- Thread starter MaryBears
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PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
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Morning Missing~ have a good day!Missingmeds said:
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
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<<<<<<<<<<<<<MARY>>>>>>>>>>>>> 
To You
I liked the jokes, espically the one about the blow up doll. I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
To YouI liked the jokes, espically the one about the blow up doll. I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
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http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/virtual_journeys/55375
http://homeschooled-kids.com/images/17kid104.gif
http://homeschooled-kids.com/images/17kid104.gif
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
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Absurb Warning Labels
okay~ I'm going a little nuts....
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: 'Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place.'
On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.
On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.
On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area.
On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2 shipping and a $3 handling charge, for a total of $4.97.
On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.
On a pack of cigarettes: WARNING -- The Tobacco Institute has determined that smoking just one cigarette greatly increases your risk of heart attack by making you so incredibly sexy that gorgeous members of the opposite sex surround you night and day, begging for intercourse and wearing you into exhaustion, unless, of course, you have another couple of cigarettes to steady your nerves.
On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.
On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.
On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.
On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.
On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.
On Kevorkian's suicide machine: This product uses carbon monoxide, which has been found to cause cancer in laboratory rats.
On Lyndon LaRouche literature: Mr. LaRouche is a serious political figure and not a paranoid lunatic, and should therefore -- Hey, what are you looking at? Quit staring at me.
On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.
On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.
On a calendar: Use of term 'Sunday' for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.
On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.
On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.
On a fax machine: WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax the photocopy.
On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause vomiting.
On a revolving door: Passenger compartments for individual use only.
On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.
On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
On a wet suit: Capacity, 1
And Last: On The Washington Post: Do not cut up and use for blackmail note.
okay~ I'm going a little nuts....
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: 'Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place.'
On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.
On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.
On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area.
On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2 shipping and a $3 handling charge, for a total of $4.97.
On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.
On a pack of cigarettes: WARNING -- The Tobacco Institute has determined that smoking just one cigarette greatly increases your risk of heart attack by making you so incredibly sexy that gorgeous members of the opposite sex surround you night and day, begging for intercourse and wearing you into exhaustion, unless, of course, you have another couple of cigarettes to steady your nerves.
On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.
On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.
On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.
On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.
On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.
On Kevorkian's suicide machine: This product uses carbon monoxide, which has been found to cause cancer in laboratory rats.
On Lyndon LaRouche literature: Mr. LaRouche is a serious political figure and not a paranoid lunatic, and should therefore -- Hey, what are you looking at? Quit staring at me.
On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.
On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.
On a calendar: Use of term 'Sunday' for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.
On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.
On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.
On a fax machine: WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax the photocopy.
On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause vomiting.
On a revolving door: Passenger compartments for individual use only.
On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.
On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
On a wet suit: Capacity, 1
And Last: On The Washington Post: Do not cut up and use for blackmail note.
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
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Little bells
In case anyone is considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement:
In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.
In case anyone is considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement:
In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
"Winter Wonderland" Based on the performance by Christmas
"Walkin Round in Women's Underwear" Parody by Jack Wilson
Just a look, in the closet
Just to look unusual
I know Im a guy
But just for tonight.
Walking round in women’s underwear
They’ll think I look like a blue bird
Because I look like a man bird
Wearin’ a thong
As I go along,
Walking round in women’s underwear
On the street. They might except a man
Then Ill say that my name is Lucy Brown
They'll say: Are you married?
Ill say: No man,
While I wear a gown.
They might think that Im a liar
When a scream like a girl
My hair is in braids
It’s gold that I made
On the street they might ask if Im a queer
Or say that I look like Britney Spears
If they ask, Ill say “Heck no, man”
Then he’ll notice my gown
In the gown, it was thrilling
All the neighbors, said Im silly
It was juts play, Im not turning gay
Walking round in women’s underwear
Walking round in women’s underwear
Walking round in women’s underwear
"Walkin Round in Women's Underwear" Parody by Jack Wilson
Just a look, in the closet
Just to look unusual
I know Im a guy
But just for tonight.
Walking round in women’s underwear
They’ll think I look like a blue bird
Because I look like a man bird
Wearin’ a thong
As I go along,
Walking round in women’s underwear
On the street. They might except a man
Then Ill say that my name is Lucy Brown
They'll say: Are you married?
Ill say: No man,
While I wear a gown.
They might think that Im a liar
When a scream like a girl
My hair is in braids
It’s gold that I made
On the street they might ask if Im a queer
Or say that I look like Britney Spears
If they ask, Ill say “Heck no, man”
Then he’ll notice my gown
In the gown, it was thrilling
All the neighbors, said Im silly
It was juts play, Im not turning gay
Walking round in women’s underwear
Walking round in women’s underwear
Walking round in women’s underwear
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
FRENCHIE44T said:<<<<<<<<<<<<<MARY>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I liked the jokes, espically the one about the blow up doll. I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Frenchie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
right back at ya......Your quit welcome.....I liked that one too....
MaryBears
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MaryBears
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- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
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MaryBears
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Missingmeds
Just being
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Just thought that I would pass this one on.
Some things to think about...
found this on a website... thought it might inspire some thought.
*Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone
is when they are right beside you and yet you can never
have them.....when the moment you can't feel them under
your fingertips, you miss them?
*Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying
something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and
wishing you had?
*I guess the most important things are the hardest things
to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words
diminish them, words shrink things that seemed timeless when
they were in your head...to no more than living size when
they are brought out....
*Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do,
they might break your heart...but if you don't, you might
break theirs.
*Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you
were so afraid of losing what you already had with that
person?
*Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn't. You
can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own....
when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
*Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you
had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
*Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to
care too much...for fear that the other person does not
care as much, or at all.
*Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea
whatsoever? Or fell for your best-friend in the entire world,
and then sat around and watched him/her fall for someone else?
*Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your
fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
*We tell lies when we are afraid.. afraid of what we don't
know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will
be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie....
the thing we fear grows stronger.
*Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't
be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would
have, or could have had. No one waits forever...
Some things to think about...
found this on a website... thought it might inspire some thought.
*Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone
is when they are right beside you and yet you can never
have them.....when the moment you can't feel them under
your fingertips, you miss them?
*Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying
something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and
wishing you had?
*I guess the most important things are the hardest things
to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words
diminish them, words shrink things that seemed timeless when
they were in your head...to no more than living size when
they are brought out....
*Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do,
they might break your heart...but if you don't, you might
break theirs.
*Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you
were so afraid of losing what you already had with that
person?
*Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn't. You
can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own....
when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
*Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you
had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
*Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to
care too much...for fear that the other person does not
care as much, or at all.
*Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea
whatsoever? Or fell for your best-friend in the entire world,
and then sat around and watched him/her fall for someone else?
*Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your
fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
*We tell lies when we are afraid.. afraid of what we don't
know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will
be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie....
the thing we fear grows stronger.
*Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't
be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would
have, or could have had. No one waits forever...
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Missingmeds said:
Thanks Missing......IT sounds like me to a tee......*pouts*......There was or is someone in my life that we have been thru thick and thin together but both are to afraid of committing.....and/or letting each other know how we truly feel.......But after 17 years of this.....i have buried my feelings deep down inside and decided that friendship is the best that it could be......
OK now i am rambling so I will shut up now....
Missingmeds
Just being
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- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
One for a laugh,
Your Drivers License Tell It All
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
Your Drivers License Tell It All
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Having sex is yet another great past time for burning up those unwanted fat producing calories...
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent... 12 calories
Without partner's consent... 187 calories
UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands... 7 calories
Using one trembling hand... 36 calories
GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner... 1.5 calories
Dragging partner along floor... 16 calories
Using skateboard... 3 calories
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
For normal healthy man... 2.5 calories
Losing erection... 14 calories
Searching for it... 115 calories
PUTTING ON CONDOM
With erection... 1.5 calories
Without erection... 300 calories
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman who does it is:
Experienced... 6 calories
Inexperienced... 73 calories
If a man does it... 650 calories
Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room.
POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS
Bouncing... 7 calories
Sliding around... 9 calories
Serious skidding... 12 calories
Whiplash... 27 calories
ORGASM
Real... 27 calories
Faked... 160 calories
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off... 35 calories
Expression didn't change... 0.5 calories
Orchestra swelled... 6 calories
Birds sang:
Large birds... 7 calories
Small birds... 3 calories
Earth moved... 30 calories
PULLING OUT
After orgasm... 0.5 calories
A few moments before orgasm... 500 calories
PENIS ENVY
For woman... 3 calories
For men... 72 calories
GUILT
Banging your boss for a promotion... 30 calories
Sex during a 'sickie'... 10 calories
Bonking each other with parents in other room... 7 calories
Putting it on your expense account... 9 calories
AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing plant... 5 calories
Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay... 14 calories
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time... 10 calories
Partner is taking phone calls... 7 calories
Partner is making phone calls... 40 calories
GETTING CAUGHT
By partner's spouse... 60 calories
By your spouse... 100 calories
Trying to explain... 55 calories
Trying to remain calm... 100 calories
Leaping out of bed... 75 calories
Getting dressed in one motion... 500 calories
.
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent... 12 calories
Without partner's consent... 187 calories
UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands... 7 calories
Using one trembling hand... 36 calories
GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner... 1.5 calories
Dragging partner along floor... 16 calories
Using skateboard... 3 calories
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
For normal healthy man... 2.5 calories
Losing erection... 14 calories
Searching for it... 115 calories
PUTTING ON CONDOM
With erection... 1.5 calories
Without erection... 300 calories
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman who does it is:
Experienced... 6 calories
Inexperienced... 73 calories
If a man does it... 650 calories
Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room.
POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS
Bouncing... 7 calories
Sliding around... 9 calories
Serious skidding... 12 calories
Whiplash... 27 calories
ORGASM
Real... 27 calories
Faked... 160 calories
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off... 35 calories
Expression didn't change... 0.5 calories
Orchestra swelled... 6 calories
Birds sang:
Large birds... 7 calories
Small birds... 3 calories
Earth moved... 30 calories
PULLING OUT
After orgasm... 0.5 calories
A few moments before orgasm... 500 calories
PENIS ENVY
For woman... 3 calories
For men... 72 calories
GUILT
Banging your boss for a promotion... 30 calories
Sex during a 'sickie'... 10 calories
Bonking each other with parents in other room... 7 calories
Putting it on your expense account... 9 calories
AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing plant... 5 calories
Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay... 14 calories
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time... 10 calories
Partner is taking phone calls... 7 calories
Partner is making phone calls... 40 calories
GETTING CAUGHT
By partner's spouse... 60 calories
By your spouse... 100 calories
Trying to explain... 55 calories
Trying to remain calm... 100 calories
Leaping out of bed... 75 calories
Getting dressed in one motion... 500 calories
.
Missingmeds
Just being
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- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
Good morning everyone and I liked that last one MaryBears.
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
Interesting Facts.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in
order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in
order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
I just have to let you all read this one.
CHOCOLATE CHRISTMAS
Twas the night before Christmas and all 'round my hips
Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care,
In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer,
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Atkins, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
Now dash away pounds; now dash away all.
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly
They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn
Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry
If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
"In the morning I'll starve...
'til I take that first bite!"
CHOCOLATE CHRISTMAS
Twas the night before Christmas and all 'round my hips
Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care,
In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer,
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Atkins, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
Now dash away pounds; now dash away all.
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly
They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn
Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry
If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
"In the morning I'll starve...
'til I take that first bite!"
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Missingmeds said:
Good Morning ((((((Missing))))))))))))))))...... Thanks for the interesting post....I really appreciate your being a part of my thread.....Thanks so very much
Just wanted to let everyone know that I will not be online much today.....I am hosting a christmas/surprise birthday party.......So I am just stopping in for a quick note....hope you all have a great weekend......and enjoy that last minute shopping, baking etc...
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HELLO MARY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Do you like milk or CREAM in your coffee
Do you like milk or CREAM in your coffee
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
Re: Microsoft behind the scene.......
HAHAHHA I have a friedn at work that will LOVE that!!! These are too funny omg....MaryBears said:
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