PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
Mary and Missing those are all great! Missing, those are some thoughts to punder and deep ones~ which I am entertaining alot lately. *hugs* to all Merry Christmas Season!
The Bears Den
- Thread starter MaryBears
- Start date
- Status
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
I just couldn't resist posting this one.
Gift Wrapping Hints for Cat Owners.
Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
Open door and remove cat from closet.
Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc ...
Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
Remove present from bag.
Remove cat from bag.
Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.
Place present on paper.
Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.
Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.
Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.
Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.
Put present in box, and tie down with string.
Remove sting, open box and remove cat.
Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.
Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.
Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.
Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)
Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)
Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.
Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.
Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.
Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
Go to store and buy a gift bag.
Gift Wrapping Hints for Cat Owners.
Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
Open door and remove cat from closet.
Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc ...
Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
Remove present from bag.
Remove cat from bag.
Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.
Place present on paper.
Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.
Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.
Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.
Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.
Put present in box, and tie down with string.
Remove sting, open box and remove cat.
Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.
Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.
Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.
Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)
Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)
Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.
Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.
Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.
Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
Go to store and buy a gift bag.
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FRENCHIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Hmmmmmmm......I don't drink coffee.....But CREAM is good in other areas....FRENCHIE44T said:{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HELLO MARY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Do you like milk or CREAM in your coffee
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
The Surprise Birthday Party/ Christmas Party
IT went great....MY friend was so surprised when she got here....We had a blast.....I fixed baked speghetti and garlic cheese bread....Then one of the other girls brought the salad.....Of course I had all the sweets too.....We laughed and had a good time.....I am glad it went so well...
IT went great....MY friend was so surprised when she got here....We had a blast.....I fixed baked speghetti and garlic cheese bread....Then one of the other girls brought the salad.....Of course I had all the sweets too.....We laughed and had a good time.....I am glad it went so well...
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
MaryBears, sounds like you all had a great time. Sometimes I think that smaller parties are the best parties.
One for the morning chuckle.
it's come to my attention that some are having a hard time
unsubbing from the list.........therefore, i wrote this tutorial to help
you.
How To Unsubscribe
To unsubscribe from this service you must first
purchase a Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription
Cancellation Unit. The unit can be obtained from most
hardware stores and dental clinics. Be sure to obtain
the proper permits to operate the unit from the
Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the Food and Drug
Administration in Washington D.C. USA.
Be sure to carefully unpack the kit and place each
component in its accompanying mesh safety bag. Mount
the Pershing DF4 mesinator on top of the perforated
Gerring Mach 77 refibulator and attach them using the
eight-millimeter torque fork. Be sure that the
refibulator is mounted at a 66 degree angle and
properly dispersed so that it is flush with the curved
section of the Pyrex thistle tube. Place the four
sections of the triangular separation gear into the
posture cylinder and lock them into place using the
band aid adhesive strip. Insert the wiggling pin into
the wobbling hole, making sure that it seated
correctly. Place the D cell battery and the eleven 9
volt batteries in the power chamber.
The device should be calibrated before operation using
the optional digital corkscrew accessory pack prior to
operation. Insert the digital corkscrew through the
electronic combustion service chamber using caution
not to touch the reinforced tungsten igniter control
module and quickly turn the inverter drive to 28.6
degrees. Turn the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable
Subscription Cancellation Unit upside down and hit the
bottom plate with a 48-ounce ball-peen hammer while
shaking the unit vigorously. Force open the door to
the incineration valve compartment and set the
pressure gauge to 719 psi. Close the door and seal it
shut with duct tape. The unit should now be properly
calibrated and ready to use.
Before activating the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable
Subscription Cancellation Unit, you must first elevate
it to a height of 229 feet above sea level to insure
that the unit receives the proper oxygen level and
barometric pressure. Point the aerial to 17 degrees
north by northeast to within the parameters of the
Telstar GS-2 weather satellite and apply pressure to
the wing shaft on the southern most section of the
modular accelerator. Using the special ratchet adapter
supplied with the unit, rotate the heater core to the
"on" position.
The "on" position has been obtained when the green
light begins to flash, signifying that the red light
is about to go off. Once the red light is off, flip
the toggle switch labeled "ON/OFF" to the "ON"
position and count to 47 before logging on to the
system.
Logon using your username and password and wait for
the prompt. Once prompted you must check the box with
the appropriate action you wish to take and then press
the pressure release button and turn off the
compressor while turning the hand crank at 231 meters
per minute. Next, press control, alt, delete, caps
lock, shift, number lock, escape and tab
simultaneously. Press enter.
You will have one second to complete the procedure. If
you fail to respond in the time limit allowed, simply
purchase a new Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription
Cancellation Unit and start from the beginning.
Please remember that this is the only way we will
accept for you to unsubscribe from this service. We
have made every attempt to simplify the procedure for
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unsubscribe policy will result in immediate
termination of your subscription so please follow the
above directions closely.
One for the morning chuckle.
it's come to my attention that some are having a hard time
unsubbing from the list.........therefore, i wrote this tutorial to help
you.
How To Unsubscribe
To unsubscribe from this service you must first
purchase a Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription
Cancellation Unit. The unit can be obtained from most
hardware stores and dental clinics. Be sure to obtain
the proper permits to operate the unit from the
Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the Food and Drug
Administration in Washington D.C. USA.
Be sure to carefully unpack the kit and place each
component in its accompanying mesh safety bag. Mount
the Pershing DF4 mesinator on top of the perforated
Gerring Mach 77 refibulator and attach them using the
eight-millimeter torque fork. Be sure that the
refibulator is mounted at a 66 degree angle and
properly dispersed so that it is flush with the curved
section of the Pyrex thistle tube. Place the four
sections of the triangular separation gear into the
posture cylinder and lock them into place using the
band aid adhesive strip. Insert the wiggling pin into
the wobbling hole, making sure that it seated
correctly. Place the D cell battery and the eleven 9
volt batteries in the power chamber.
The device should be calibrated before operation using
the optional digital corkscrew accessory pack prior to
operation. Insert the digital corkscrew through the
electronic combustion service chamber using caution
not to touch the reinforced tungsten igniter control
module and quickly turn the inverter drive to 28.6
degrees. Turn the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable
Subscription Cancellation Unit upside down and hit the
bottom plate with a 48-ounce ball-peen hammer while
shaking the unit vigorously. Force open the door to
the incineration valve compartment and set the
pressure gauge to 719 psi. Close the door and seal it
shut with duct tape. The unit should now be properly
calibrated and ready to use.
Before activating the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable
Subscription Cancellation Unit, you must first elevate
it to a height of 229 feet above sea level to insure
that the unit receives the proper oxygen level and
barometric pressure. Point the aerial to 17 degrees
north by northeast to within the parameters of the
Telstar GS-2 weather satellite and apply pressure to
the wing shaft on the southern most section of the
modular accelerator. Using the special ratchet adapter
supplied with the unit, rotate the heater core to the
"on" position.
The "on" position has been obtained when the green
light begins to flash, signifying that the red light
is about to go off. Once the red light is off, flip
the toggle switch labeled "ON/OFF" to the "ON"
position and count to 47 before logging on to the
system.
Logon using your username and password and wait for
the prompt. Once prompted you must check the box with
the appropriate action you wish to take and then press
the pressure release button and turn off the
compressor while turning the hand crank at 231 meters
per minute. Next, press control, alt, delete, caps
lock, shift, number lock, escape and tab
simultaneously. Press enter.
You will have one second to complete the procedure. If
you fail to respond in the time limit allowed, simply
purchase a new Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription
Cancellation Unit and start from the beginning.
Please remember that this is the only way we will
accept for you to unsubscribe from this service. We
have made every attempt to simplify the procedure for
your convenience. Failure to comply with the
unsubscribe policy will result in immediate
termination of your subscription so please follow the
above directions closely.
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
MaryBears said:{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FRENCHIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Hmmmmmmm......I don't drink coffee.....But CREAM is good in other areas....
I wonder what you mean???
Where???
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
Well now Frenchie, looks to me that you are just going to have to come over here and find out.
Good morning to you. Or is it afternoon where you are already?
Good morning to you. Or is it afternoon where you are already?
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
Missingmeds said:
Well its afternoon now, 3.45pm as I post this.
Also that sounds like an offer for me to cum over there. Whats the B&B like where you live?
kiltsr4guys
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 272
Disney world
Who wants to go to Disney World? This is one of the best marketing ploys I have seen in a long time...... http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/breasts/23.jpg
Mickey and Mine, never looked better.....
Who wants to go to Disney World? This is one of the best marketing ploys I have seen in a long time...... http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/breasts/23.jpg
Mickey and Mine, never looked better.....
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
The B & B are just fine where I am, Frenchie.
Kilts, I think that picture was actually taken at Mardi Gras. Disney wouldn't allow something like that I don't think. The give away is the guy with the beads.
Kilts, I think that picture was actually taken at Mardi Gras. Disney wouldn't allow something like that I don't think. The give away is the guy with the beads.
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
Cool Women
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up for injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or email you to show how much they
care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope.
They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have a lot to say and a lot to give. This has been sent to you from someone who respects you as a woman......pass it along to your women friends to remind them how amazing they are.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up for injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or email you to show how much they
care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope.
They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have a lot to say and a lot to give. This has been sent to you from someone who respects you as a woman......pass it along to your women friends to remind them how amazing they are.
I do believe you know what I mean.....*blushes*....not the CREAM from a cow either.....AND you men have to equipment to get that kind of cream from......
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
Good morning, Here is my contribution for the day.
T'was the Night of the Capture
December 14, 2003
'Twas the night of the capture, when all through the hole,
Not a creature was stirring, except for one soul;
The operation started with stealth and care,
And American forces would soon be there;
Saddam was snuggled inside his dirt bed,
With visions of recapturing power dancing in his head;
And there in a hole getting ready for a nap,
Living like vermin, Like a dirty sewer rat,
When up above there arose such a clatter,
The deposed dictator rose to see what was the matter.
Our troops had descended in such a great flash,
He grabbed his AK-47 and his $750,000 in cash,
The troops had come before he would know
Shining a flashlight beam on the dictator below,
When, what to his wandering eyes would appear,
But United States troops, and his worst fear,
He looked dirty and tattered like an old bum,
He knew at that moment his judgment day had come.
More rapid than eagles Special Forces they came,
And he threw up his hands, when they called him by name;
"Come out Now! Do not resist!
We urge you to give up, Cease and Desist!
To the top of the hole! With your hands up high!
Surrender peacefully or you will die!"
And then in his pants tinkling, confronting the truth
The United States forces would soon have their proof.
As he threw up his hands, down below the ground,
A security perimeter was set up around.
He looked unkempt and tired from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were tarnished with mud and soot;
A layer of grime now covered his back,
He looked like a bum who had just smoked crack.
His eyes--filled with tears! His dimples not merry!
His cheeks sunken in, his beard dirty and hairy!
His confident smile was now a great droop,
He was now in our custody in one fell swoop.
He was haggard and slumped, a shell of his old self,
And I laughed when I saw him on the news in spite of myself;
A Medic shining a flashlight into his eyes and twisting his head,
Soon the Iraqi people will know they have nothing to dread:
He was cooperative and spoke words, and will soon confess his evil work,
And we can rejoice in the fact that they captured this jerk,
To the critics who to this point that have held their nose,
Another terror of mankind has now been deposed:
To those who don't believe, listen to the Iraqi people shout and whistle,
Away his regime goes down like a dud SCUD missile.
Then I heard the Ambassador claim, right there in plain sight,
"American troops captured Saddam Hussein last night!"
T'was the Night of the Capture
December 14, 2003
'Twas the night of the capture, when all through the hole,
Not a creature was stirring, except for one soul;
The operation started with stealth and care,
And American forces would soon be there;
Saddam was snuggled inside his dirt bed,
With visions of recapturing power dancing in his head;
And there in a hole getting ready for a nap,
Living like vermin, Like a dirty sewer rat,
When up above there arose such a clatter,
The deposed dictator rose to see what was the matter.
Our troops had descended in such a great flash,
He grabbed his AK-47 and his $750,000 in cash,
The troops had come before he would know
Shining a flashlight beam on the dictator below,
When, what to his wandering eyes would appear,
But United States troops, and his worst fear,
He looked dirty and tattered like an old bum,
He knew at that moment his judgment day had come.
More rapid than eagles Special Forces they came,
And he threw up his hands, when they called him by name;
"Come out Now! Do not resist!
We urge you to give up, Cease and Desist!
To the top of the hole! With your hands up high!
Surrender peacefully or you will die!"
And then in his pants tinkling, confronting the truth
The United States forces would soon have their proof.
As he threw up his hands, down below the ground,
A security perimeter was set up around.
He looked unkempt and tired from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were tarnished with mud and soot;
A layer of grime now covered his back,
He looked like a bum who had just smoked crack.
His eyes--filled with tears! His dimples not merry!
His cheeks sunken in, his beard dirty and hairy!
His confident smile was now a great droop,
He was now in our custody in one fell swoop.
He was haggard and slumped, a shell of his old self,
And I laughed when I saw him on the news in spite of myself;
A Medic shining a flashlight into his eyes and twisting his head,
Soon the Iraqi people will know they have nothing to dread:
He was cooperative and spoke words, and will soon confess his evil work,
And we can rejoice in the fact that they captured this jerk,
To the critics who to this point that have held their nose,
Another terror of mankind has now been deposed:
To those who don't believe, listen to the Iraqi people shout and whistle,
Away his regime goes down like a dud SCUD missile.
Then I heard the Ambassador claim, right there in plain sight,
"American troops captured Saddam Hussein last night!"
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
Chuckle for the day.
LMAO...
What do you call a truckload of vibrators being delivered to a store for a Christmas sale?
Toys for Twats!
LMAO!!!
LMAO...
What do you call a truckload of vibrators being delivered to a store for a Christmas sale?
Toys for Twats!
LMAO!!!
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
(((((((((((((((((((Mary))))))))))))))))))))))))))) (okay I get enough of em there? lol) It could be worse.... (knock on woodMaryBears said:
) it hopefully will get better Hang in there and hope you got rest last night!
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
One to chuckle over during supper.
Gift Wrapping - From a Man's Point of View
Nothing says festive like yard bags under the tree This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus,
and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
"And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph WAS going to throweth it away, but Mary sayeth unto him, 'Holdeth it!
That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
They were wise.
They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is my son, George, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such an awful gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."
The other is my friend, Ernie, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Ernie says. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs.''
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never COMPLETELY wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very
close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt. My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills -- like having babies -- that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:
GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN
Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by rinting a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack!
If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning....
YOUR WIFE: "Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?"
YOU: "It's a gift! See? It has a bow!"
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag):
"It's a leaf blower."
YOU: "Gas-powered! Five horsepower!"
YOUR WIFE: "I want a divorce."
YOU: "I also got you some myrrh."
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
Gift Wrapping - From a Man's Point of View
Nothing says festive like yard bags under the tree This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus,
and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
"And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph WAS going to throweth it away, but Mary sayeth unto him, 'Holdeth it!
That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
They were wise.
They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is my son, George, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such an awful gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."
The other is my friend, Ernie, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Ernie says. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs.''
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never COMPLETELY wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very
close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt. My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills -- like having babies -- that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:
GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN
Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by rinting a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack!
If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning....
YOUR WIFE: "Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?"
YOU: "It's a gift! See? It has a bow!"
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag):
"It's a leaf blower."
YOU: "Gas-powered! Five horsepower!"
YOUR WIFE: "I want a divorce."
YOU: "I also got you some myrrh."
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
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- Jun 14, 2003
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Missingmeds said:
Hehehehhhee... ROFLMAOOOoooo
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 11, 2003
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((((((((((((((((((Group Hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Sorry all....I am just so tired......I can't consentrate enough to do anything else.....I will be glad when Christmas is behind us.....I have baked so much and made so much fudge.....I just want it to end Christmas is not the same when your an adult.......The commercial end of it has gotten so big....
Christmas is not the same when your an adult.......The commercial end of it has gotten so big.... 
Puddin36
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 13, 2001
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Hello to everyone.........hope everyone is good. Sorry that I haven't been around much lately, but my weekend was so busy. I barely had time to sleep it seems, but it was a very fun weekend as well.
I loved all the postings, I just sat here for about an hour getting all caught up on everything I missed. So many great chuckles and so many things to think about after reading them all.
WISHING ALL OF YOU THE HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS. MAY EVERYONE BE SAFE AND MERRY!!
Hugs to all...........Puddin
I loved all the postings, I just sat here for about an hour getting all caught up on everything I missed. So many great chuckles and so many things to think about after reading them all.
WISHING ALL OF YOU THE HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS. MAY EVERYONE BE SAFE AND MERRY!!
Hugs to all...........Puddin
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