Native Alien
Miss No Tact
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2002
- Posts
- 4,729
Just stopping by to say:
HAPPY
NEW
YEAR !!!
HAPPY
NEW
YEAR !!!
The Bears Den
- Thread starter MaryBears
- Start date
- Status
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED...
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...
10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
3. You're counting down the days until menopause.
2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS WOMEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP AND HAD A PENIS FOR A DAY...
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH...
10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
4. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
3. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
2. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN TV SHOWS IN IRAQ
10. Husseinfeld
9. Mad About Everything
8. Allah McBeal
7. Wheel of Fortune and Terror
6. Achmed's Creek
5. The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right
4. Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest
3. The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show
2. Buffy the Slayer of American Imperialist Dogs
1. Suddenly Sanctions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES
10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN SONG TITLES ON THE POPE'S NEW ALBUM
10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns
9. Wind Beneath My Vestments
8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy)
7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe
6. Exactly Like A Virgin
5. Sistine Candles
4. Take This Job And Read It
3. Gettin' Popey Wit It
2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me
1. Papa's Got A Brand New Encyclical
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER
10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...
10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
3. You're counting down the days until menopause.
2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS WOMEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP AND HAD A PENIS FOR A DAY...
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH...
10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
4. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
3. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
2. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN TV SHOWS IN IRAQ
10. Husseinfeld
9. Mad About Everything
8. Allah McBeal
7. Wheel of Fortune and Terror
6. Achmed's Creek
5. The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right
4. Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest
3. The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show
2. Buffy the Slayer of American Imperialist Dogs
1. Suddenly Sanctions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES
10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN SONG TITLES ON THE POPE'S NEW ALBUM
10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns
9. Wind Beneath My Vestments
8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy)
7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe
6. Exactly Like A Virgin
5. Sistine Candles
4. Take This Job And Read It
3. Gettin' Popey Wit It
2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me
1. Papa's Got A Brand New Encyclical
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER
10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Hello all in the Bears Den
Hope everyone is relaxing from the Christmas rush.......I had a good christmas and so very glad it is behind me.....Know to just undecorate.......And then put it all away...**** fun
Hope everyone has a good weekend...and have fun gearing up to the new year.......Anyone got major plans for it.....Not me...going to sit home on the computer
Hope everyone is relaxing from the Christmas rush.......I had a good christmas and so very glad it is behind me.....Know to just undecorate.......And then put it all away...**** fun
Hope everyone has a good weekend...and have fun gearing up to the new year.......Anyone got major plans for it.....Not me...going to sit home on the computer
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
MaryBears said:Hello all in the Bears Den
Hope everyone is relaxing from the Christmas rush.......I had a good christmas and so very glad it is behind me.....Know to just undecorate.......And then put it all away...**** fun
Hope everyone has a good weekend...and have fun gearing up to the new year.......Anyone got major plans for it.....Not me...going to sit home on the computer
MaryBears, there is a gift for you
Not the real thing though
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
MaryBears said:
MaryBears, would I do such a thing???
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
Mary I like that thought for the day. I have heard that one put several different ways.
Hello Frenchie, nice to see you.
Hello Frenchie, nice to see you.
FRENCHIE44T
Lover of oral sex
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 16,625
MaryBears said:
Well, if your going to let me then I wont say no.
Puddin36
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2001
- Posts
- 1,853
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL MY FRIENDS HERE AT THE DEN
Hello one and all.........sorry I wasn't here to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, but I was busy with Christmas stuff with my kids. I hope everyone had the happiest of holidays and a joyous New Year.
My plans for New Years Eve is to drive to my mom's and spend a couple of days there with her and my grandma. While there, we will have another Christmas, which the kids love. Hope everyone has a great New Years Eve and hope that everyone remains safe.
Hugs to one and all...........Puddin
Hello one and all.........sorry I wasn't here to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, but I was busy with Christmas stuff with my kids. I hope everyone had the happiest of holidays and a joyous New Year.
My plans for New Years Eve is to drive to my mom's and spend a couple of days there with her and my grandma. While there, we will have another Christmas, which the kids love. Hope everyone has a great New Years Eve and hope that everyone remains safe.
Hugs to one and all...........Puddin
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Re: HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL MY FRIENDS HERE AT THE DEN
(((((((((((Puddin))))))))))))))))))))) glad you had a good Christmas.....I do hope you will be safe and have lots of fun at your mom's.....Kids always love opening presents......
Puddin36 said:
(((((((((((Puddin))))))))))))))))))))) glad you had a good Christmas.....I do hope you will be safe and have lots of fun at your mom's.....Kids always love opening presents......
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Supermarket Fun
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
Tell an employee in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
Play with the automatic doors.
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along.
Walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
Follow people through the aisles, staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Put M&M's on layaway.
Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows.
Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
Toilet paper as much of the store as possible.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Take bets on the battle described above.
Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
Tell an employee in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
Play with the automatic doors.
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along.
Walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
Follow people through the aisles, staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Put M&M's on layaway.
Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows.
Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
Toilet paper as much of the store as possible.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Take bets on the battle described above.
Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
Glad you had a good christmas, Mary. Take a deep breath~ well, you probably already have so take another.MaryBears said:Hello all in the Bears Den
Hope everyone is relaxing from the Christmas rush.......I had a good christmas and so very glad it is behind me.....Know to just undecorate.......And then put it all away...**** fun
Hope everyone has a good weekend...and have fun gearing up to the new year.......Anyone got major plans for it.....Not me...going to sit home on the computer
Oh, New Year's, shoot that IS coming up isn't it? Me- probably same place lol
Thanks for the top tens.. got me in stiches... laughing that is
*hugs*
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
((((((((((((((((Passions)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) thanks and I am glad you liked them...PassionsFlame said:Glad you had a good christmas, Mary. Take a deep breath~ well, you probably already have so take another.
Oh, New Year's, shoot that IS coming up isn't it? Me- probably same place lol
Thanks for the top tens.. got me in stiches... laughing that is
*hugs*
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
Re: HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL MY FRIENDS HERE AT THE DEN
Expect you had a great holiday, nothing like christmas with kids... Hope you have a wonderful and safe New Year's!! *hugs*Puddin36 said:
PassionsFlame
erotic mischief
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2003
- Posts
- 11,701
Why women are superior....
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.
Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.
We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male's Speedo.
We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.
Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.
We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male's Speedo.
We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy...
A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
advantage: Tie
If you get a hair in your teeth
consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy
24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy
Too much head makes you mad at the
person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is
still edible.
Advantage: Beer.
If you come home smelling like beer,
your wife may get mad. If you come home
smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.
6 beers in a night and you better not
drive. 6 pussies in a night and you
have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy
Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie
It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy
If a cop smells beer on your breath,
you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath,
you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy
With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.
Wearing a condom does not make a beer
any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.
Pussy can make you see God. Beer can
make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy
If you think all day about the next pussy
you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer,
you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy
Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.
If you try to snag a beer at work,
you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy
at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie
If you suddenly drop a beer, it may
break. If you suddenly drop a pussy,
it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.
If you change to another beer, your
old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.
The best pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.
The worst pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.
Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Tie
Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead,
Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage Pussy.
The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
advantage: Tie
If you get a hair in your teeth
consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy
24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy
Too much head makes you mad at the
person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is
still edible.
Advantage: Beer.
If you come home smelling like beer,
your wife may get mad. If you come home
smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.
6 beers in a night and you better not
drive. 6 pussies in a night and you
have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy
Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie
It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy
If a cop smells beer on your breath,
you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath,
you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy
With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.
Wearing a condom does not make a beer
any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.
Pussy can make you see God. Beer can
make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy
If you think all day about the next pussy
you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer,
you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy
Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.
If you try to snag a beer at work,
you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy
at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie
If you suddenly drop a beer, it may
break. If you suddenly drop a pussy,
it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.
If you change to another beer, your
old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.
The best pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.
The worst pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.
Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Tie
Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead,
Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage Pussy.
The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
Good one MaryBears, good one. Are you getting rested from the holidays?
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Subject: A Billion
The next time you hear a politician use the words "billion" casually,
think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising
agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:
A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate
Washington spends it.
The Democrats are complaining on how long the war is taking but consider this:
It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno
to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.
It took less time to find Saddam's sons in Iraq than it took
Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.
It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines
to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy
to call the police after his Oldsmobile sunk at Chappaquiddick.
It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!!!
Man our military is GREAT!
The next time you hear a politician use the words "billion" casually,
think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising
agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:
A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate
Washington spends it.
The Democrats are complaining on how long the war is taking but consider this:
It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno
to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.
It took less time to find Saddam's sons in Iraq than it took
Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.
It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines
to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy
to call the police after his Oldsmobile sunk at Chappaquiddick.
It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!!!
Man our military is GREAT!
Puddin36
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2001
- Posts
- 1,853
Re: Re: HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL MY FRIENDS HERE AT THE DEN
Hugs to all..........Puddin
{{{{{{{{{{{{MaryBears}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks for the hug. Needed it after today. My symptoms are bacl for the kidney stones, but more painful this time. I'm hoping this doesn't delay my vacation to my moms. I like opening presents too!!!!! Hope you are well.MaryBears said:(((((((((((Puddin))))))))))))))))))))) glad you had a good Christmas.....I do hope you will be safe and have lots of fun at your mom's.....Kids always love opening presents......
Hugs to all..........Puddin
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