The Horny Unicorn

[The_high_king]

Creeps

ooc: I'm watching you Mergale

ic: I tap Mergale on the shoulder, "Were you gawking at the man's holy hand grenade Mergale. This wouldn't have to do with scrying stones would it". I cross my arms, and wait for an answer. I could tell he was trying to make up an excuse. I could also tell he didn't like me very much. Sure I sneaky, and stealthy, but that didn't matter. The matter was that I was getting on his nerves.

 

[Arius]

Darinth smiles softly to Isolde. "Is it that manners are as rare as beauty within this realm? If such be true then indeed I am blessed with one of the dark sky's star currently." Darinth gives a curt bow. "As to what I am though with the wealth upon me I would appear to be one of status, I am not. My role within this life is a mercenary as well as a collector of fine objects. Though I doubt not that I shall appear a banker to you, I assure you this is merely due to over kindness on the part of my last employer." Darinth hears the outburst from the center of the room, sipping his ale as he raises a brow. placing the tankard down he speaks to Isolde once again "But such wealth is best shared, please have yourself something to drink as well. I shall compensate the inn for it." "As for where I hail from, I hail from everywhere, I do not doubt that sounds a bit perhaps cliche for you, but it is quite true, I rove about having no place to truly call home save the road and the occasional fine inn." "Now if I may ask, what of yourself milady, is it always as entertaining here as this eve?

 

[kitsuke]

*back rigid, eyes intent on doorway, still standing same spot*

"I apologize sirs, but I cannot start this expedition. I have no knowledge of where this particular peak is. It is up to the large one here to lead us.", looking meaningfully at the still pondering barbarian.

 

[Isolde]

I waved the offer of drink away but took up the offered conversation.

"Well, seeing as how this is our grand opening and the inn is only a few hours into its business life, lets say I hope not! And, being the hulking airhead's sister, you can guess I am originally from the barbarian lands. Though I seem to be a throwback. Kind of stuck out when I lived at home. I could actually speak, read and write so that people could understand."

"Once Thorr left it got kind of dull with the same old fights and dragon slaying going on so I simply packed up my things and went out to adventure myself. I hooked up with Imoen and we decided to go into business. Stick around and you can be here for our 'out of business blowout sale' it should be coming up in a few hours."

 

[Neale]

Thorr

OOC:raving headache. The expedition starts this evening. More to follow.

 

[The GrandMage]

Brent, Royal Baker

he was quite simply a baker, son of a baker, and so forth, on and on. Who happened to be in possession of the Holy Grenade of Antioch, the one weapon which worked against killer bunnies. It wasn't as if he had gone looking for the thing, he'd just...found it one day. It hung in a small pouch at his side, and was unable to be noticed unless he told someone he had it.

He looked up at Mergale, and knew not who he was, but heard the arguement over what happened to be no ones business. He'd like to know, however, how everyone learned of the grenade he had, since it had been clearly stated when he entered that IT COULD NOT BE NOTICED!!!

He coughed, and took another swig of ale. He knew when people wanted something. And all he had that anyone knew of was his money. He slipped that pouch in his pocket, and ignored the people fighting over an item that they don't know he has unless they are going against what had already been set forth in the cosmos, which is impossible. He also eyed Isolde. With any luck, he might just have a good time here after all.

 

[kitsuke]

ooc: hey *waves his hand like obi wan at MrSand* this is not the holy hand grenade your looking for



IC to come after Neale recovers

 

[Neale]

Thorr

OOC: I apologize in advance for the outright theft from Weiss and Hickman, but I LOVED this part of Dragonlance, and kinda just had to borrow it, sorta kinda....


IC: Thorr's people were oral historians. In most pre-literary cultures, all knowledge and history were passed on by word of mouth, through lengthy tales. Names often were given by listing all the barbarian's forefathers and notable relatives. Famous places were often named by relating important events that happened, in exhaustive detail. Famous places that had ever been home to a barbarian tribe had entire sagas told about them.

Mt. Whatever was such a place. Legends told that the all of the barbarian peoples had been born upon its frosty slopes in the days of legend, when men were real men, women were real women, and young wooly mammoths ran scared...

When the cartographers of the Royal Cormyrian Empire first explored the area, being the first 'civilized' people to do so, they tried to name places according to the names given them by the aboriginal dwellers in each area. When they came to the barbarian lands, they asked the local chief what the name of that mighty, lone peak was, which towered over the entire region. Some 5 hours later, the Chief Cartographer threw up his hands and said "Whatever!"

From that point on, the Royal Cartographer, and in fact the entire Cormyrian Empire, was worshipped as near-gods... The barbarians were mightily impressed that these were a people so brilliant as to be able to condense the entire 8 hour name of that peak to a single, three-syllable word. Thusly, the mountain became known as Mt. Whatever...


Thorr looked towards the west, where Mt. Whatever lay, now home to a terrible dragon, many vicious stone giants, and, the ultimate horror, an infestation of killer bunnies. The barbarians had been driven from their ancient homeland, but not one of them had ever forgotten one word of its history... Not one of them failed to dream of the day when it would be wrested from its monstrous inhabitants... Every barbarian boy swore a solemn oath to do everything in his power to go there, and face frozen death upon its sheer, ice-clad cliffs...

"Hokay, Thorr can find big hill. We go now!"

 

[kitsuke]

"Ka!", Kitsuke exclaimed, "It is good to be in action again. We now go to slay the evil oni no usagi... let them beware!"

*sets off with Thorr on his journey*

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

"Wait up!" I quickly dash out the door, and follow Thorr, "Isn't Mergale coming along?" Everyoned looked around to see if Mergale was coming.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

OOC: Everyone knows me as Mervin, not Mergale. If everyone knew my real name, I'd be dead. As for how I noticed the handgranade on Mr. Baker, well... I am a Dark Lord.

IC:

"Yes, um, I'll join you eventually," I say to the Easterner. "I have to, um, finish polishing glasses!"

I quickly turn around and push past the baker to get to behind the bar. Using my slight of hand skills, I manage to pass a note to the man without anyone noticing.

It read:

Hello, friend... if you wish to have a good time with a beautiful woman, please come to the next door inn, room 2-B in an hour's time. There you will meet female flesh so succulent, you will think you have died and woken up in the Heaven of Carnal Delights. Plz bring money and other valuables that you have right now at this very moment on your person.

After making a show of polishing a few superflous glasses, I move over to Isolde and say, "Oh my, Thorr and the others have left without me... I shall have to go and catch up with them now. I shall return soon, Boss. I must aid your noble brother get that wonderful ring for his lady love. I'll be sure to get you something valuable on my way back!"

I quickly run out the door.

Outside, I chuckled evilly as I made my way towards the inn. Soon that Holy Weapon shall be mine. Then I shall get the Scrying Stone, and use it to find other notable Totems of Power to return my vanished powers to me. Then I shall return to this rediculous establishment and murder the miserable fools who dared humiliate me!

I shall be victorious!!!

 

[Arius]

"I think not Lady Isolde, I believe that your inn shall be around for quite some time yet" Darinth says as he finishes his ale. "An intriguing name for an inn though I must say though I do not think it will have trouble attracting people within it, others may find connotation within it's words." Darinth winks and laughs as he removes his gloves. "So, you say you are the sister to the Barbarian? May I compliment you on your superb command of the civilized tongue, the words flow like a gentle stream from your lips." Looks about the empty inn. "Do you need help with anything within the inn milady? It would appear all that would lend aid have gone off to be assaulted by killer bunnies instead of staying and relishing in your own company. Darinth laughs heartily.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

If Mervin thinks that has problems now he will have even more by the time that I am done with him!

All that he has done was to Jump from the Frying Pan into an inferno!

OOC Sorry about the short post

 

[Isolde]

"Something valuable?," I said as Mervin moved past me to follow my brother out of the inn,"How about some employees that actually work?!" I yelled to his back as he disappeared.

Turning to the gentleman who was showering me with sweet words I said,"You dont know how to tend bar do you?"

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

Isolde I am staying I do not want to become Baked Fools!

Anyway you need to know secret password to get by Vicious Killer Rabbits without getting hair burnt off of your head by Dragon.

They will be back very soon with there tails between their legs beging for jobs back.

Some Men are hopeless they do not think with Brain in head but with other parts of body!

 

[The GrandMage]

Brent, Royal Baker

He looked at the note, waited for the man that had handed it to him to leave, and then balled it up. With a fairly decent throw, he got it into the fireplace and watched as it burned up.He was a simple man, not a stupid one. With another swig, his tankard of ale was no more. He reached over the bar, and picked out several bottles, mixing them together in the empty container.

He sat back, and put the pouch of money on the bar, eyeing it as he sipped at his new drink. Warriors and quests were all around, but where were the beautiful women? There were only three women in the place. He knew better than to mess with a woman a barbarian wanted, another was busy with the only other customer, and the last was well, he wouldn't describe her as beautiful.

He sighed. Thus was the life of the Royal Baker. Work almost all your life, and when you're done, you get a nice funeral that the king might attend. He opened his mouth, and began to speak in his deep, resonating, baritone voice. "Does anyone have a weapon so that I might end this fool's life? Has no one a blade to cut deep this lonesome heart?"

 

[kitsuke]

*pause by the door about to leave, turn abruptly and approaches the baker*

"Tell me maker of breads, what is it exactly you have done earn death? Especially an honorable death by the blade. Have you undertaken a grand quest and failed, your shame at that only to be quenched by the dagger entering your belly? Has your family performed some misdeed, and you now approach your ruler to make amends by spilling your life's blood?"

"You need not answer roller of dough, for your eyes say it for you. Know though, that there is indeed honor in bread, and a small bit of glory in yeast. Those who can, do. But those who must, do also. Sometimes this is forgotten in the talk of glorious deeds but hold it to your heart and never shall you. You seek a woman, someone to share a night or a life with? Do not drink your sorrow to it's grave... seek her out and prove your worthiness to her! Yet I sense that maybe something else lies behind your complaint and you long for something more. Very well, I offer you a destiny. Come with us to the mountain peak. Battle demons and giants and dragons with us. You may die, yet you may also live. Do not discount yourself before you even try though, that is the folly of the coward. Though you are a baker of pastries, I do not sense this fault in you. I also sense, that concerned with ovens and rolls you most certainly are, you may be of use on the mount. What say you man? Will you seize destiny? Or will you let it happen to you?"

 

[The GrandMage]

Brent, Royal Baker

He sighed, looking up. Ge shrugged, and got to his feet, draining the last of the drink and leaving a few coins on the table as he put the rest of the pouch away. Seek out a woman? Bah. He offered nothing. He worked all day, every day a week. What had he but a small room, and his job? Well, he had a week. Why not? He was a simple man, but every man dreams of going on a quest.

He clapped the other on the shoulder. "Yes. Why not? What have I to lose? A day of bread and pastries? Besides, this place offers only drunken despair. Let us be off, and perhaps I shall find a death more honorable than that of a mere baker. Onward, to destiny!"

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I slap my forehead, "Oh crap, I forgot something", I then tell them to wait, and I rush back into the Horny Unicorn, and grab Longtooth, my must trusted dagger. I then turn to Isolde, "don't worry, I'll be back for tonights show", I say goodbye to the man talking to Isolde, mannerwise, then I rush out the door. When I got back to Thorr I said, "forgot my dagger, sorry". Then we were on our merry way.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Time moved strangely in the badlands surrounding Mt. Whatever... to those on the journey, the boring parts simply flew by, as though they were commercials for the Idaho tourist industry, fast-forwarded through by a master remote. To the rest of the world, no more than an hour had passed ere the heroes were upon the lower cliffs of the lonely mountain. The landscape was bleak, the air burning their lungs with a bitter cold. Strange scurrying creatures could be seen darting in and out of the scant brush.

The heroes climbed a bit, the sharper eared among them hearing skitterings in the underbrush, and echoes of far-off, booming laughter. At the very pinnacle of the mountain, still a very good distance away, a thin plume of black smoke marred the icy-blue sky.

Rounding a bend in the trail, Thorr stopped. The others found their progress impeded by his massive body, and stopped as well. Ahead was a tableau that froze the very marrow in their veins. A monstrous cave grizzly bear had fought a terrible and bloody battle here... and lost. Its twelve-foot long body was torn, its fur shredded, and its entrails lay strewn about the entire area.

Still, these were, for the most part, hard men, brave men, strong men. An eviscerated bear was not likely to give them pause. However, the creatures that had so brutally ended the giant grizzly's life were still there, cutely chewing on bear bits... Sitting atop the corpse, their ears twitching, their noses wrinkling, were no less than half a dozen killer bunnies!

Thorr, in a strangely less than booming voice, declared "Right, then! Time to die, a killer bunny!"

 

[Arius]

"If that is what is needed I shall lend aid. But it does appear that your friend also wishes to remain rather than become a victim of the agitated beast your brother pursues." Nods to Lady Charlene with due respect. "Please do join us my lady, perhaps some conversation would help in calming everyone after watching the fools errant that recently departed." "Do not worry, after the tales of this night, I think you will find that you will have many new customers." Darinth laughs as he removes his cloak.

 

[The GrandMage]

Brent, Royal Baker

He had found this journey to be a bit quicker than expected. A mountain. Very nice. But now,....Killer bunnies. He was scared witless. But, somewhere in the back of his mind, a feeling awakened. He rippeded the pouch containing the grenade off his belt, and dumped the Holy Grenade of Antioch into his hand.

The couds parted, and a thin beam of light went to the grenade. Music descended from the heavens, and a golden voice proclaimed, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

The rabbits raised their little faces, glanced at the grenade in terror, and fled to their den, all the while calling to their comrades for help.

 

[kitsuke]

Kitsuke..(you needed this info... really)

"Zakkanayo!", I swore seeing the baker lose it, "what have I... ah well, with madmen there is death or glory! Baanzaaaai!!!" Whipping the huge war club off my back I run down a side trail towards one of the fleeing bunnies. Off in the bushes there is a short, wet squeak accompanied by a sickening *thud-crunch* sound. I emerge from the bushes with a sick grin and a bloody club.

"One slain, thousands left to overwhelm us.", the club stays out, held in front to ward against attack.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

This is not my Tavern I am just the Cook!

Why should I help to calm them down after this Foolish Quest is over?

This was a very Rash move on there part for all things come to those who wait!

They are going on a Fools Journey for what they are seeking is not there and never has been there!

 

[Imoen]

Killer Bunny!

OOC: Just thought you all might like the visual.