The Un-Isolated Un-Blurt Thread

[TwinkleStars]

One Saturday morning at three
A cheesemonger’s shop in Paree
Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound
Leaving only a pile of de brie.

 

[summer_reine]

I hate it when people ask how are you doing, when they really don't want a truthful answer. They want you to say fine or ok, even when you're not. So if you answer the way they want, it's like a forced lie. Sometimes I spill my guts to them, just to annoy them and watch them cringe.

Yup, I work retail. It feels like I lie all day every day to every single person I speak to.
*Edit* that makes it sound like I'm miserable all the time, I'm not. But okay is a realistic but not socially acceptable response

 

[TwinkleStars]

 

[vanillia]

I hate it when people ask how are you doing, when they really don't want a truthful answer. They want you to say fine or ok, even when you're not. So if you answer the way they want, it's like a forced lie. Sometimes I spill my guts to them, just to annoy them and watch them cringe.

Oh agreed! What bs fr

 

[TwinkleStars]

​

 

[Noor]

Hey Twink!
Happy sparkling!

 

[thør]

Hey Twink!
Happy sparkling!

She has some nice garland going on.

 

[TwinkleStars]

Hey Twink!
Happy sparkling!

Teddy bear hugs to you

She has some nice garland going on.

You naughty boy

 

[TwinkleStars]

Damn! 5 times, one after another. I know my neighbors had to have heard something. That was an intense masturbation session. Glad I wasn't fucking a dick. I'd have probably fucked it off

 

[TwinkleStars]

Hope who ever reads this has a nice Valentine's Day.

For myself, I'll settle for having a good day with no problems.

 

[TwinkleStars]

An O’ can make Irish of thee
Just as easily as a Mc’D
So whatever your name
Play the St. Paddy’s Day game
And be Irish as Irish can be!​

 

[TwinkleStars]

I went to the pub for a drink
A man said its Patty's day I think
So I pinched his arm
I really meant no harm
But now I'm sitting in the clink​

 

[TwinkleStars]

 

[Mittering]

Why is this thread so lonely? It's cute and unassuming from what I can see.

I'm gonna have to dig a little into past posts ... Brb.

Oh, here! Something to look at while I'm gone:

 

[Mittering]

Well, I was wrong. It's not that the thread is lonely, it's that TwinkleStars has a monopoly on fun.

 

[TwinkleStars]

Um, ok

 

[Mittering]

Lol, it is.

It not that deep. Good morning!

 

[TwinkleStars]

"Wife: 'I can't believe you went to a prostitute to have sex!'
Husband: 'What did you expect? We haven't done anything for months...'
Wife: 'You could have told me you were willing to pay.'"

 

[TwinkleStars]

"A woman goes to buy a parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks, 'Why is the last one so cheap?' and the shopkeeper replies, 'Because he used to live in a brothel.' The woman — loving a good bargain — hands over $15."
"When she gets home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, a new brothel!' The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, two new prozzies!' The girls laugh, too.

When the dad gets home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, Pete. Haven't seen you for weeks!'"

I'm guessing the parrot was never seen or heard of again after that

 

[Noor]

"A woman goes to buy a parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks, 'Why is the last one so cheap?' and the shopkeeper replies, 'Because he used to live in a brothel.' The woman — loving a good bargain — hands over $15."
"When she gets home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, a new brothel!' The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, two new prozzies!' The girls laugh, too.

When the dad gets home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, Pete. Haven't seen you for weeks!'"

I'm guessing the parrot was never seen or heard of again after that

Or Pete hasn’t been

 

[TwinkleStars]

A man asks his wife what she would do if he won the lottery. She says she'd take half, divorce him, and move to Hawaii.

He says “I won twelve bucks. Here's six. Stay in touch.”

 

[TwinkleStars]

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

 

[TwinkleStars]

​

 

[TwinkleStars]

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. the doctor gives her a pill but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.

That night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!”

The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”

“Nah,” she says. “That’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”

 

[TwinkleStars]

There was a young man from Bear Pass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When they tinkled together
They played “Stormy Weather,”
and lightning shot out of his ass.