Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[Handley_Page]

Uh oh, wrong hole !

Shouldn't that be
"Oh Shit; wrong hole" ?

 

[Passionate_Gent]

I think we should call it a night

 

[Handley_Page]

Would you mind if I got some sleep now ?

 

[loquere]

Mrs Smith got a new cat and it hacked up a fur ball right in front of the tv. John and Cathy are fighting again because that shit head crashed her dads car, again. I think I might get the flu shot again this year. My Gramma got the flue last year and died. Oh, ya, I almost forgot, I lost my car keys and can’t find the spare set. Jeez remember that creep 2 doors over? He keeps hitting on my brother. I think he might be gay, no, not my brother that creep 2 doors down. What do you think about spaghetti for supper tomorrow night? Jessica is coming home from college this weekend for thanksgiving. Should we have turkey or ham? Or why not both? What do you think? I don’t like that new lady in the cafeteria at school, she’s always bitchy. She kicked that fat guy out of the cafeteria again telling him he shouldn’t eat so much. He told her to fuck off and got sent you the principals office. The gym teacher got busted fucking the drama teacher now both those guys are out of a job. You know dandelions don’t make good wine.

Why did you stop? What are you doing? Where are you going?

Lol

 

[JamesMiehoff]

Oh crap! There went the handcuff key.

James

 

[JamesMiehoff]

I think I just found that missing vibrator...….


James

 

[JamesMiehoff]

Oh my god, something's got ahold of me ….

James

(A Halloween plot bunny )

 

[Hypoxia]

"By the powers vested in me by the state of Nefrexis, I hereby sentence you to hang by the neck until you are dead, dead, dead," the judge said. Then I escaped. Wanna know how? I hid a gun in my bouffant. This one right here. Isn't it cute?

EDIT: I wrote that as state of A.b.r.a.x.a.s not N.e.f.r.e.x.i.s (without dots) but LIT asterisked it out. What has Laurel got against A.b.r.a.x.a.s?

 

[Jada59]

My last BF had a bunch of STDs. What are STDs?

 

[widower72]

Do you have any toilet paper?

 

[SynSlave]

Thanks. I kind of got the idea to try that from a story I read on this silly website. I sometimes read these stories... Yeah, that's the site! Wait... um, no. I'm not... wait a second... what's YOUR username?

 

[widower72]

Whats on the T.V. ?

 

[OmnislashXX]

"Honey. I'm home!"

 

[Handley_Page]

<Ding Dong>
"Avon Calling"

 

[SynSlave]

Fine! I'll take my teeth out.

 

[Darkhand98]

You aren't the worst I've had but you are in the top one

 

[loquere]

You aren't the worst I've had but you are in the top one

So castration is popular these days.

 

[Jada59]

I think my water broke!

 

[loquere]

I'm thirsty, break time.

 

[loquere]

I think my water broke!

Nice!

 

[loquere]

Fuck me like a horse.

 

[loquere]

The test was positive.

 

[loquere]

Bones snapping.

 

[loquere]

"This is the police, put your hands above your head."

 

[loquere]

I am God.