Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

"Oooh, nice... Oh yeah, the lab results came in. They're positive. Positive is good, right?"
 
She reaches around and grabs your ass with both hands.

"I'll hold him open, Dad. You just ram it in."
 
"I forgot how good a warm body feels, you smell weigh better than last night’s corpse.”
 
"Please don't laugh, but I'm 35, still live with my mom, and I sleep in a crib. I hope that you don't mind sleeping on plastic sheets."
 
"I don't normally have sex with live women, so please don't move while I make love. And try not to breathe, it creeps me out."
 
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