Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[redhot_363236]

What tattoo? Oh, you mean the red hourglass?

 

[jessica1218]

3 seconds?! What were you doing, trying to beat a record?

 

[seth6138]

3 seconds?! What were you doing, trying to beat a record?

That's 2 seconds better then your old bf!

 

[NaokoSmith]

3 seconds?! What were you doing, trying to beat a record?

That's 2 seconds better then your old bf!

 

[squirrelzo]

You are a genius. Lmfao

WOOF!

 

[loquere]

"That's just weird."

 

[Daniel_Matthews]

"OH YES, Baby!"

A good thing to hear during sex, but not before you actually penetrate her

 

[lovecraft68]

You call that licking pussy? My dog does a better job than that.

 

[Hypoxia]

"Oooh, nice... Oh yeah, the lab results came in. They're positive. Positive is good, right?"

 

[LaRascasse]

She reaches around and grabs your ass with both hands.

"I'll hold him open, Dad. You just ram it in."

 

[loquere]

Silence

 

[loquere]

"Nice effort though little guy."

 

[loquere]

"Your grandfather was way better at this."

 

[loquere]

"Humans are so much better at fucking."

 

[loquere]

"I forgot how good a warm body feels, you smell weigh better than last night’s corpse.”

 

[StrangeLife]

"Our son shall be the Kwisatz Haderach and grow up to rule the galaxy..."

 

[Hypoxia]

"Don't mind the scratchiness. It's just the scabs."

 

[loquere]

“Let’s have Sex Game of Thrones style.”

 

[loquere]

"What are you trying to do?"

 

[loquere]

"Your Vagina is identical to my mothers, this is going to be fun."

 

[loquere]

"I voted for Bush twice."

 

[loquere]

"Why do you have an 'Applause' sign mounted over your bed?"

 

[loquere]

"Please don't laugh, but I'm 35, still live with my mom, and I sleep in a crib. I hope that you don't mind sleeping on plastic sheets."

 

[loquere]

"I don't normally have sex with live women, so please don't move while I make love. And try not to breathe, it creeps me out."

 

[loquere]

"If you were any more frigid, I'd have to chip the icicles off of your nipples."