Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex
- Thread starter LaRascasse
- Start date
LoveHerNow
Lover...
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2010
- Posts
- 5,801
(Looks at watch)
TamLin01
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2011
- Posts
- 450
"Hang on, I can't do this without my teddy bear in the bed."
"Before we go any further just remind me what your rate is?"
"Under the conditions of my parole you need to sign this sworn statement affirming the consensual nature of our interaction."
"...wait, where am I? Who are you? Was I...was I sleepwalking again?!"
"Before we go any further just remind me what your rate is?"
"Under the conditions of my parole you need to sign this sworn statement affirming the consensual nature of our interaction."
"...wait, where am I? Who are you? Was I...was I sleepwalking again?!"
painful_rapture
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2014
- Posts
- 403
"Wazzzzup!"
or
"Can you hurry this up at all? There's a level on Candy Crush that I'm trying to beat."
or
"Can you hurry this up at all? There's a level on Candy Crush that I'm trying to beat."
StrangeLife
Eater of beef
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2013
- Posts
- 3,799
WOOF!
T_Silverwolf
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2013
- Posts
- 9
My favorites so far (all true) have been:
With men:
(with a plastic bag in hand) "Just hold your breath, this won't take long."
(at the home office) "I've never done it in my office before. My wife is usually in here 'cleaning'."
"Hurry up, my daughter's gonna be home in ten minutes."
"I had a dog once. Buried him out back with my wife." (>_>)
"We don't need KY for anal, the blood will do just fine."
"Probably a bad time to tell you I'm married, right?"
"I always wanted to have sex with a real woman. Papertowel rolls only take you so far."
"Will you marry me?"
With women:
"Hurry up, my father's gonna be home in ten minutes." (Whoops!)
"Well, do I look 18?"
"Oh, is that your daughter?"
"I saw this really cool video involving a power drill."
"I saw this really cool video involving a saws all. . ."
"We'll never have a man in this room. Forget about it."
"Will you marry me?"
Things I've said:
(Meant to be meeting her girlfriend's parents for lunch for the first time when the door opens.) "I think that was your mother."
"I recognize. . . like half of you. Everything from the neck up, not so much. Your name's Steve, right?"
"Well that was exciting. I didn't think you'd last that long."
"Let's get this donkey show started."
(When someone's looking up at you during oral sex.) "What do you want me to say, you're doing a good job?!"
"That was about as much fun as being covered in cuts during a circle jerk in an aids clinic"
One day I will use my powers for good. >_>
With men:
(with a plastic bag in hand) "Just hold your breath, this won't take long."
(at the home office) "I've never done it in my office before. My wife is usually in here 'cleaning'."
"Hurry up, my daughter's gonna be home in ten minutes."
"I had a dog once. Buried him out back with my wife." (>_>)
"We don't need KY for anal, the blood will do just fine."
"Probably a bad time to tell you I'm married, right?"
"I always wanted to have sex with a real woman. Papertowel rolls only take you so far."
"Will you marry me?"
With women:
"Hurry up, my father's gonna be home in ten minutes." (Whoops!)
"Well, do I look 18?"
"Oh, is that your daughter?"
"I saw this really cool video involving a power drill."
"I saw this really cool video involving a saws all. . ."
"We'll never have a man in this room. Forget about it."
"Will you marry me?"
Things I've said:
(Meant to be meeting her girlfriend's parents for lunch for the first time when the door opens.) "I think that was your mother."
"I recognize. . . like half of you. Everything from the neck up, not so much. Your name's Steve, right?"
"Well that was exciting. I didn't think you'd last that long."
"Let's get this donkey show started."
(When someone's looking up at you during oral sex.) "What do you want me to say, you're doing a good job?!"
"That was about as much fun as being covered in cuts during a circle jerk in an aids clinic"
One day I will use my powers for good. >_>
Saxon_Hart
WWJD4AKlondike Bar?
- Joined
- May 2, 2011
- Posts
- 7,412
You can take my ass, but I get to use Mondo Kong on yours first.
Saxon_Hart
WWJD4AKlondike Bar?
- Joined
- May 2, 2011
- Posts
- 7,412
(if your female) Damn I'm glad I didn't throw away my Fleshlight.
Zeb_Carter
.-- - ..-.
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2006
- Posts
- 20,584
"Your back hair is on fire!"
Saxon_Hart
WWJD4AKlondike Bar?
- Joined
- May 2, 2011
- Posts
- 7,412
Did you feed the baby today?
