Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[Jamiegeo]

If you cum before me, I'll gut you to death.

Hmmm.... Your not quite as big as my last bf was...
Hmmm.... Your not quite as tight as my last gf was...

 

[JKendallDane]

"You're sure you don't know me? I'm running for President. 'Make America Great Again' and all that."

.

 

[loquere]

I should've looked at your hands before I came home with you. What they say about men with tiny hands is true.

 

[Jamiegeo]

*BEEEP the answering machine interrupts*...'This is the animal disease clinic calling regarding your most recent test results, could you please call us back ASAP,in the meantime please refrain from all sexual intercourse, thanks, have a nice day!'

 

[loquere]

Fart.

 

[loquere]

Cut that's a wrap. End of scene!

 

[Jamiegeo]

The theme tune from jaws.... Duh duumt...duh dummt...

 

[loquere]

Do you have a twin?... Shit wrong twin.

 

[Jamiegeo]

'POP!pssssssssssssshhhhh'..............(blow up doll puncture)

 

[loquere]

That's not my name. You don't know my name? What's my name then? Get out.

 

[Jamiegeo]

Bringg! Brinnng!(phone rings) ' yes hi this is Cardio aware, we're just calling to check as our computer shows the pacemaker hit 200bpm then stopped about 45mins ago...do you required and ambulance?..Helllo... Are you there?...

 

[loquere]

I think we should take off our masks now... DAD!!!!!!!!!!?

 

[Jamiegeo]

"This is good an all but err how do you feel about donkey's?"....

 

[loquere]

"This is good an all but err how do you feel about donkey's?"....

 

[loquere]

I can't see it.

 

[RNJAG]

This is the first time I've had sex with a LIVE person. It's weird, you're warm and moving and making sounds. It's freakin me out..... Where ya going?

 

[loquere]

This is the first time I've had sex with a LIVE person. It's weird, you're warm and moving and making sounds. It's freakin me out..... Where ya going?

That's a real good one.

 

[loquere]

Your a doctor right? That's why I hooked up with you actually. I don't have health insurance. Tell me, is this normal?

 

[Handley_Page]

Honey, you don't actually blow.

 

[tnhardon]

It felt better when my ex did it that way.

 

[loquere]

There's way too much junk in your trunk baby, you need to take care of that.

 

[loquere]

Why is your cum red?

 

[SlickTony]

Here's one: N-gack n-gack n-gack n-gack BLEAH. Anyone who has cats will recognize this at once. Not as blood-freezing as the two mentioned, but definitely off-putting. Carry on, making a note of where you think it happened so you won't step on it when you get out of bed.

 

[beachbum1958]

My parents will love you; they're in the next room, I'll go get them...

 

[loquere]

Bomb!