too long a virgin....now what

[liza146]

I thought there ARE male pros out there.

I'm sure there are and it would work for my wanting a 'coach'. I just wouldn't have any idea where to find one and how to know if he's safe enough - health wise, physically, caring enough for a first time, etc.. Plus, I think females in general have a better time when there is more of a connection to the guy (not marriage, just knowing the guy cares on some level).

 

[crazybbwgirl]

soooooo........

Has any one gone out and done it yet since this thread was started??? anyone? Bueller???

 

[Wolf31IL]

not lately

wanna help me out there bbw ???

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Re: not lately

wanna help me out there bbw ???

Taking on a virgin at my age?!!? whew - that's too much responsibility for me. Besides - I'd ruin him for life. After me, every other woman would just be a disappointment! lol

 

[vargas111]

No!

It would be a great service. Lack of experinece by a man prodices a lot of shame and insecurity. To have an experinced woman teach him how to please a woman would imporve his chances of success with other women in the future.

 

[liza146]

Hi BBW! I haven't solved the virginity thing yet but have met someone with whom I'm getting practice with other fun activities!!

By the way, I think the same concept is true for women. Learning from a good, experienced man would be great!!

 

[TamedTiger]

Re: soooooo........

Has any one gone out and done it yet since this thread was started??? anyone? Bueller???

LOL! I wish!! I'd be the first one to come back here and tell all ... well, maybe not all

 

[TZummer]

New member to the club, I'm 22 though. Me and my past gf dated for 4 years and decided to remain abstinent through it all, now I'm just single and frustrated.

 

[theoneadd2]

Wow, this is an eye opener for me I thought women had an easier time losing their virginity. Look at the up side if a crazed killer ever comes to your town you’d make it out ok. Virgins never die.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Wow, this is an eye opener for me I thought women had an easier time losing their virginity. Look at the up side if a crazed killer ever comes to your town you’d make it out ok. Virgins never die.

That's not true! Virgins are always the first to be sacrificed to the gods! lol Its us old sinners who never die.

 

[taurus78]

So I guess there might still me a little hope for me left, too? *crosses fingers*... Being 26 and a virgin - partly by choice and partly by lack of bf - is really depressing and frustrating. At least I know now that I'm not alone!

 

[Sarah Bethany]

Re: soooooo........

Has any one gone out and done it yet since this thread was started??? anyone? Bueller???

no still not too sold on the idea of just going out and having sex with anyone to get it over with. just not me. I do feel better reading a few people's posts in here though.

 

[liza146]

I think you're right that just grabbing the next person to pass by to take care of the virginity thing isn't the best idea going. However, there are lots of good/nice/fun/interesting people on this site with ideas on where and how to meet more people - including meeting some of them! Then there are more possibilities for meeting the right guy to share that experience.

At least, that's the theory I'm going with!!

 

[ozbloke1980]

Well for me safety didn't come into the equation cuz they make you use all the precautions under the sun so I was in no more danger that I would be from doing it with any other woman.

 

[Stiffy Says...]

Sounds familiar

I just want to tell Liza that she is not alone. I'm 'only' 23 but never had a g/f, no sex, no kissing, no holding hands.

This was one major point that resulted in a serious depression. But I can just tell that it IS in fact possible to make it and keep hope.

But the other thing that I found that just searching desperately for sex won't change a thing. I haven't found the answer myself yet.

Snoopy

I was 22 when I first made love, had not had but 2 dates prior to that point. It just so happened that in the tiny town where I went to HS, everyone knew everyone else, and "knew" what you were doing before you had done it. According the to rumor mill, I likely had at least 3 or 4 notches on my bedpost.

When I left that town, I joined the military. Knowing that I would not be able to really decide when and where I would be, I felt that, unlike many, waiting to open the door to fall in love till I was out was the smartest plan. I really wanted my first experiment to be special, and to feel love, even if misguided love.

During my military experience, on a couple of drunken occasions, a bunch of the guys and I went out and "hired" a couple of African American ladies to give us blow jobs. To this day, while I love blow jobs, and have a profound lust for African American women, I really regret doing that. Luckily, outside of my psyche, there were no lasting repurcussions from these potentially dangerous experiments.

Also during that time, I pined away for love, wanted so much to have a wonderful woman to pleasure and even just cuddle with, and had serious depressions, including suicidal thoughts over my self-imposed despair. While not a hottie, I knew as a teen that I could have given my virginity away a few times over, and same with my military experience, even without paying for ridding myself of it.

When I did finally fall for someone, I fell extremely hard, and was crushed when I found out how dishonest with bill paying she had been to me (we got evicted, despite me paying her my half of the rent money - communication and honesty were big issues with us from the get go).

I guess the whole point to this long post is this - given a do over, I would have given my virginity away in high school, never set myself up to feel obligated to be celibate (IE not joined the military) and I would be a very different person with a very different life. I think making sure that you do not torment yourself with the "what-ifs" and trying not to place too much importance on the act itself would be most beneficial. Focusing on making sure that the time, circumstances and person are right are much more important, and that is something that you intuitively will know - if you listen!

 

[liza146]

Hi Stiffy - I hope you eventually found someone special to be with that was honest and appreciated you!

I think you're right on with what you said - I'm not going to put a lot of pressure on myself and just let things evolve. I (as well as anyone else in this position) will probably know when it's right.

Thanks.

 

[REMITROM]

Questions

I was wondering how people who are virgins (at any age) would describe:
Whether they think their opinion of themselves is more positive or negative because of their continuing virginity?
Whether they would describe their opinions of their bodies as being positive or negative?

I think that a major factor in whether a person is perceived by others as desirable comes from the "aura" of lovability that we give off.

In college I once read a widely accpted study that said that if you change someones image of their body in a positive way, you change their total self-image to the EXACT same degree. Body image is powerful stuff.

Others don't want to get involvd with someone, no matter how beautiful they perceive that person, if the person doesn't believe that they are themselves beautiful. I guess it's part of the "you can lead the horse to water but you can't make them drink" syndrome.

 

[Bridget69]

Re: Questions

I was wondering how people who are virgins (at any age) would describe:
Whether they think their opinion of themselves is more positive or negative because of their continuing virginity?
Whether they would describe their opinions of their bodies as being positive or negative?

I think that a major factor in whether a person is perceived by others as desirable comes from the "aura" of lovability that we give off.

In college I once read a widely accpted study that said that if you change someones image of their body in a positive way, you change their total self-image to the EXACT same degree. Body image is powerful stuff.

Others don't want to get involvd with someone, no matter how beautiful they perceive that person, if the person doesn't believe that they are themselves beautiful. I guess it's part of the "you can lead the horse to water but you can't make them drink" syndrome.

I've always perceived myself as physically unattractive and have always figured that's the reason why I have yet to attract someone and ultimately lose my virginity. If anyone's wondering, I am 27 years old.

I'm also quite shy and self conscious which might give off certain "vibes" which keep people at a distance. As much as I really do want to get close to someone, there always seems to be something holding me back.

Sure, I've had a couple of boyfriends and we've fooled around but nothing more came of it. Again, it might have been because of my reluctance to open up and let go of my inhibitions and insecurities, or I simply felt the relationship wasn't quite right.

 

[bibphi]

.....

 

[Stiffy Says...]

Hi Stiffy - I hope you eventually found someone special to be with that was honest and appreciated you!

I think you're right on with what you said - I'm not going to put a lot of pressure on myself and just let things evolve. I (as well as anyone else in this position) will probably know when it's right.

Thanks.

I wish you, and all the other wonderful virgin posters out there a happy and safe, healthy first lover and experience with them.

Well, many experiments have been tried, but for now, I am between lovers - waiting to run into the next special one to come into my life. Thanks for the kind words.

Stiffy...

 

[REMITROM]

Please explain

I fairly recently lost my virginity (in Aug, at age 30) and I felt the same way, that something was wrong with me and that I was unnattractive. I had boyfriends and messed around, and even came close to "doing it" several times but circumstances always foiled it.

I met my beautiful boyfriend in March and he makes me feel wonderful about myself. Having said that, though, my self-perception hasn't changed now that I'm having sex. I spent so much time bemoaning the fact that I was a virgin, and that something was wrong with me, and thinking that if I had sex, for some reason my life would change...and then I did, and it didn't.

My point is, even though you might feel as if something is wrong with you if you haven't had sex yet, there's not. It's hard to fathom that fact though, and I can relate.

bibphi,
I'm kind of confused about your post. One the one hand you've said that your boyfriend "makes me feel wonderful about myself" and in the next sentence you say, "my self-perception hasn't changed".

If you began "feeling unattractive", in what way did your boyfriend make you feel wonderful? And isn't going from feeling unattractive to feeling wonderful changed your perception of yourself?

I can completely relate to the fact that you thought losing your virginity would be a life-changing event, and after the fact said, "I'm still the same person". That is the same thought process that makes people think "if I only leave these circumstances and relocate to ______, I'll get a fresh start and be a new person." People find that their essence is internal and no external change, in and of itself, significantly alters that essence.

 

[REMITROM]

Re: Re: Questions

I've always perceived myself as physically unattractive and have always figured that's the reason why I have yet to attract someone and ultimately lose my virginity. If anyone's wondering, I am 27 years old.

I'm also quite shy and self conscious which might give off certain "vibes" which keep people at a distance. As much as I really do want to get close to someone, there always seems to be something holding me back.

Sure, I've had a couple of boyfriends and we've fooled around but nothing more came of it. Again, it might have been because of my reluctance to open up and let go of my inhibitions and insecurities, or I simply felt the relationship wasn't quite right.

Bridget,
The first step to changing your physical perception of yourself is acceptance.

You need to understand that there is no ONE ideal standard of beauty. As long as you are as far along toward a goal (when measured by standards that you alone create) of making yourself the best Bridget you can be and as can reasonably be expected of you given whatever limitations you feel are out of your control, then you should begin to gain the self-confidence that will be the first step to losing that self-consciousness.

Some people are naturally gregarious, others a more retiring. In many cases, a guy will want to find out who the person is that is sitting quietly while someone else is grabbing attention. If you believe in yourself, a guy will often be willing to take more time to allow you to be yourself and open up at your own pace.

 

[bibphi]

.....

 

[REMITROM]

Confusion gone

Yeah, you're absolutely right. You start trying to live up to external expectations and when you can't the "what's wrong with me" feelings predominate.

I'm glad your boyfriends love and caring made you see the beautiful you that you always were.

Best wishes for those feelings to remain strong!

 

[liza146]

Re: Questions

I was wondering how people who are virgins (at any age) would describe:
Whether they think their opinion of themselves is more positive or negative because of their continuing virginity?
Whether they would describe their opinions of their bodies as being positive or negative?

I think that a major factor in whether a person is perceived by others as desirable comes from the "aura" of lovability that we give off.

Very interesting. I haven't thought of it in those terms. I don't really consider virginity a positive or negative at this point - just an irritation.

I guess I fit into the BBW category - so my body image frequently needs work. I know I'm much more comfortable with who I am now than I've ever been. Hence, I'm not just jumping at any chance to get rid of the virgin status. I'd rather not be one, but that has more to do with enjoying life than any negativity.

Maybe my 'aura' is changing as self image improves.