What do you fear?

[Sir_Winston54]

Strange that you should post this now, IYM - this general sort of topic has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks.

What do I fear for myself?

I fear dying alone, without someone in my life to regret my passing. I fear dying un-alone, with someone in my life who will be hurt by my passing. Oddly, I don't much fear dying - it's whether or not someone will regret or be hurt by it happening, because I know it will at some point happen.

In life itself, I fear losing, o so many things: Most of all, I think, my vision. It's so important to me, for reading the books I've loved all my life and still do, for coming here to read the thoughts posted, and to share in the joys and sorrows and peaks and valleys of their lives - these people who have, in some strange way, become a very important part of my life, though I've in "real life" met only a very few. It's crucial to me for bowling, for flogging/caning/etc. (if I ever get another chance to indulge! ); to see the love in my golden retriever Sadie's eyes; to see the trees turn green in the spring, and red and orange and gold in the fall; to see the pretty girls/women - and most of them are pretty, each in their own way... only those who have given up their spirit turn my eyes away. Even those decades older than I often show flashes of the youthful spirits that used to animate them, and still come to the fore at times, when their minds forget for a moment that they're not still young and beautiful and strong.

I don't think I could live without the ability to see the amazing glow in the eyes and face of a young boy who has just hit his first home run; a young girl who has just learned that the first boy she's had a crush on likes her; a young woman - or even a middle-aged or old one - who's had the man of her dreams propose; the young couple in one of my bowling leagues who just learned Wednesday that their upcoming child - the couple who were told they *couldn't* get pregnant - is a healthy boy at her 5-month sonogram... all of these faces and eyes, so open to the possibilities and dreams-come-true of their lives.

I fear that some of my various not-so-serious ailments now - heart disease, mild diabetes, moderate arthritis, incipient COPD/emphysema - could reduce, either directly or indirectly (e.g., losing my sight or a limb to complications of diabetes), my ability to do the things I love to do, and/or to take care of myself. I'm a rather independent cuss. To have to rely on someone else to dress me, bathe me, etc., would be worse in many ways than dying.

I fear Alzheimer's, though it's not a great fear. Most of my lineage on both sides were relatively long-lived, and all kept the vast majority of their faculties until at or very near the end of their lives. For me, the fear here is that I know - from my second wife's parents' experience - I could lose the ability to remember the parts of my life I want and need to remember, and the ability to do what I want and need to do to consider life viable - and not know it. See the last sentence of the preceding paragraph.

I fear letting down the people in my life - even those who are "only" "pixels on a screen" - by somehow screwing up and embarrassing or hurting them, and the possibilities of that are almost infinitely great; therefore, it's a great fear.

I told one of my ex-wives (#2, I think) before we got married that there's not a day, an hour, a minute, that some part of my body does not hurt, but that I could and would not allow that to prevent me from enjoying my life as much as possible. While those various pains - and age, and fat - now prevent me from doing many of the things I used to do, like playing slow-pitch softball, I still do enjoy much of my life. I fear losing that capability, and should I find that there is nothing left in my life to enjoy, I hope I have the testicular fortitude to either find something new to enjoy, or stop trying.

And one last fear: I fear to learn that someone I care about - "real life" or online - has succumbed, either to accident, disease or just the vicissitudes of life, or has given up on life.

 

[Netzach]

The fight metaphor with illness/injury is one of the weirdest we have ever invented.

It's really "what are my options?" And there really aren't any good ones. You go on, or you stick your head in the oven, that's pretty much it, that's the extent of the bravery of being sick.

It would be nice to have it be some other way, but it's not, you don't have the option on the table, so onward and upward.

I don't feel braver or stronger, just much more aware than a lot of other people of how nice it is to be up and breathing and not under the dirt, and liable to make my decisions based on more dramatic factors than a lot of people. It's not their fault for not having to think about it that way.

 

[minx1]

Your thinking about this all wrong, it doesn’t matter if there is someone worse of then you, it doesn’t matter if you are the one human being who has it worse then any other in all time, you keep fighting anyway. This is all about you,

Actually disagree...well kind of. It does matter or should about other people. IMO it helps you maintain perspective. Sure things seem bad sometimes, but some people not only have it worse; they still manage to summon up incredible strength to overcome what sometimes appear to be insurmountable hurdles. I take comfort and inspiration from their strength...so it does matter.

I agree about keeping the fight though. Someone once gave me a pen with that engraved on it *smile*. In my opinion you should fight for yourself, for others you care about and for the ones you don't even know that may be touched or find inspiration in your resolve.

 

[YourCaptor]

The fight metaphor with illness/injury is one of the weirdest we have ever invented.

It's really "what are my options?" And there really aren't any good ones. You go on, or you stick your head in the oven, that's pretty much it, that's the extent of the bravery of being sick.

It would be nice to have it be some other way, but it's not, you don't have the option on the table, so onward and upward.

I don't feel braver or stronger, just much more aware than a lot of other people of how nice it is to be up and breathing and not under the dirt, and liable to make my decisions based on more dramatic factors than a lot of people. It's not their fault for not having to think about it that way.

Hmm, it sounds like you have been there.

Well the fight metaphor is for those who have already lost their innocents and can see that things could end in a horrible disaster. The point is to have the ill person believe they will still have a wonderful life, and when they do that it will happen too. The state of the mind is one of the most determining factors in any illness or injury treatment, and “INSIDEYOURMIND” stand a very good chance if he can keep his mind forward.

Those that are still innocent don’t need this, go to a children’s hospital and you will see. All the young kids their wont give a damn about what is wrong with them, they just keep doing anyway. If you ask them how they find the will, they wont know what you’re talking about, they never even considered giving up on what they want. If you ask them if they are happy, they will say yes. While it may not be the perfect existence, none ever is.

It doesn’t mater if you have no options, so your life isn’t like a fairly tale, it doesn’t matter, all it means is your story will be more interesting.

Actually disagree...well kind of. It does matter or should about other people. IMO it helps you maintain perspective. Sure things seem bad sometimes, but some people not only have it worse; they still manage to summon up incredible strength to overcome what sometimes appear to be insurmountable hurdles. I take comfort and inspiration from their strength...so it does matter.

I agree about keeping the fight though. Someone once gave me a pen with that engraved on it *smile*. In my opinion you should fight for yourself, for others you care about and for the ones you don't even know that may be touched or find inspiration in your resolve.

: pats your head : That was a really cute response, words from a sub. Yes you are very correct, it’s just from my angle things look a little bit different. You must understand, in the kind of struggle we are talking about, expectations turn into pain from hell itself. The point is to find a way to enjoy life without expectations. I don’t know if you understand that, it’s a difficult concept to grasp, generally only those who have felt that pain understand.

 

[minx1]

: pats your head : That was a really cute response, words from a sub. Yes you are very correct, it’s just from my angle things look a little bit different. You must understand, in the kind of struggle we are talking about, expectations turn into pain from hell itself. The point is to find a way to enjoy life without expectations. I don’t know if you understand that, it’s a difficult concept to grasp, generally only those who have felt that pain understand.

Was that meant to be as patronising as it sounds? If not forgive me.

If it was...

LMAO. sorry I don't understand...but then again I am _just_ a cute lil sub

and yes thankyou. I have felt pain.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

I am fearless, hear me roar!!! Just kidding, but at the moment I don’t fear anything. I know the things that would absolutely devastate me, but I don’t fear them until they are near. There aren’t even many of those, 1. my significant other dying, and 2. losing control over my sadistic side



Your thinking about this all wrong, it doesn’t matter if there is someone worse of then you, it doesn’t matter if you are the one human being who has it worse then any other in all time, you keep fighting anyway. This is all about you, you got a serious fight on you hands, and your gonna take care of it. The fighting spirit is important, it will push you far beyond what you ever thought possible, so feed your sprit with pride, joy, and knowing that you will kick all this shit and leave it in the dust.

I bet what you saw in that man you spook of was not that he is worse off then you, but that he has a really strong spirit that wont let his condition overshadow him. You can be the same, every time you feel less because of it, find a way around it, you can only win the war if you focus on every battle.

First off, please do not assume to tell me that MY thinking is all wrong, you may disagree, but don't think I am wrong.

Secondly, if you took the time to actually read my thread, I never said the fellow "spooked" me, in fact he was an inspiration to me at a moment I was feeling sorry for my situation.

I understand quite well the fighting spirit, and the power of positive thinking, if I believed the Doctors almost 5 years ago, I should have died 3.5 years ago. After 7 heart attacks, my fighting spirit is strong.

I simply stated that my fear is my heart not lasting until my transplant, that in no means should assume my lack of "spirit"

The purpose of thread is to learn others fears, I don't need a "cyber shrink" attempting, albeit poorly, to analyze my thoughts, and attempt to be a cheerleader.

 

[minx1]

: pats your head : That was a really cute response, words from a sub. Yes you are very correct, it’s just from my angle things look a little bit different. You must understand, in the kind of struggle we are talking about, expectations turn into pain from hell itself. The point is to find a way to enjoy life without expectations. I don’t know if you understand that, it’s a difficult concept to grasp, generally only those who have felt that pain understand.

actually and now I have re-read it and am just as insensed....

I won't get into a debate about what constitutes 'real' pain. To me thats a private part of my life, not to be broadcast here. But my argument is about how you choose to deal with that pain. My work, my ethics and pretty much approach to life are based on the principles of the collective I guess. Perhaps why I try whenever I can never to adopt the individualistic....its all about me, approach.

I completely agree with the op....looking at others worse off than yourself who overcome such huge obstacles is imo a good way of gaining strength and inspiration. Being too egocentric is in my opinion a little unhealthy and I wouldn't mind betting that in lots of cases the reason why people fight hard is the thought about the impact on others close to them.

Grasp that? *pats head*

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Might seem trivial but...

It scares the shit outta me that I might never find a PYL that has their shit together at least as much as me, coz without that they do not have my respect and the relationships fail.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I fear to learn that someone I care about - "real life" or online - has succumbed, either to accident, disease or just the vicissitudes of life, or has given up on life.

I fear this too yes, as I care for my online friends the same way as for the "real life" ones.


As for my other fears :

~I fear to lose my mum

~I fear of lose my kids, thats something I just wouldnt deal with, ever

~I fear I might die before my kids will be able to live a good life without me

~I fear all I am doing for the last few years might be still just wasting of a time and dreaming a dream that won't ever come true

~I fear that live with someone till death do us apart is maybe too much to ask from men

~I fear I won't ever be really loved and cared for the way I need to

~I fear that the hard life might make my heart hard as well one day

~The last one, but one of those I fear the most is: As much as I am a person who thinks everyone deserves a new chance - I fear to be lied to and abused again

 

[h_i_s]

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[h_i_s]

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[h_i_s]

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[minx1]

In real life [and offline] that shit would have cost him him a good kick in his arrogant nads, where I come from.

*sniggers and nods* a pat on the head is something reserved for my M.

I don't take too kindly to the pats from people I don't know and in particular the ones accompanied by condascending words. I am not a dog and I am submissive to only one man.

 

[nh23]

~ Something happening to my children or husband

~ Loosing him...

~ Not being a productive person, wasting my life away.

~ Fucking up my kids, or raising them half as bad as my parents did me.

 

[h_i_s]

.....

 

[minx1]

I'm starting to believe that it is a probability that TheCaptor is another Alt. I have a difficult time believing that anyone who has been here since June 07 could think that would be an OK thing to do. What a patronising ass.

Damn I missed this bit and I was going to say the same. I am convinced

 

[Essene]

No doubt. I'm right there with you... same here. He's an ass, no doubt.

*nod* I third that.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

On re-re-reading YourCaptor, and having seen some other posts by the same "person," my analysis indicates a close familial relationship to JBJ.

BTW, as some of you did, I was a bit taken aback by YC's phrasing here:

[blah blah blah] I bet what you saw in that man you spook of was not that he is worse off then you, [blah blah blah]

before I realized that his intent was to say, "I bet what you saw in that man you spoke of was not that he is worse off th[a]n you, [blah blah blah]."

Reference the

: pats your head : That was a really cute response, words from a sub. Yes you are very correct, it’s just from my angle things look a little bit different. You must understand, in the kind of struggle we are talking about, expectations turn into pain from hell itself. The point is to find a way to enjoy life without expectations. I don’t know if you understand that, it’s a difficult concept to grasp, generally only those who have felt that pain understand.

My first thought was that YC was about to have his infinitely huge brass ones ripped off and melted in the heart of a supernova. I have seldom - if ever - seen such a blatantly condescending, ignorant response to anyone, PYL or pyl, on this board. Heh - maybe that's why I think YC is closely related to JBJ!

As for his implication that he too has "felt that pain" and questions that minx (and others) may not know or understand it... <shakes head> There are many here who I know from their past posts have experienced great pain - physical, mental/emotional, or both - of a great number of varieties, and - I'm sure - a number who have experienced it but have (thus far) chosen to keep that to themselves. To assume, as he obviously does, that minx (amongst others) is not one of them is a form of prejudice to which even Chauvin could not ascribe.

As for his "all wrong" comment, I can't say it any better than Sinn did:

A good example of "wrong" is undermining and dismissing another person's feelings, as being wrong. It's how He feels. He's entitled to feel. Beside the fact that what you think He needs to hear, based on what you have posted does nothing other than support the fact that you don't KNOW HIM. He is the last person who NEEDS this type of advice. He's not some poor thing with a poor outlook. Who the hell said anything about giving up??

YC, a suggestion. Grab your kissing cousin JBJ by the hand (or other bodily protrusion/extremity) and lead him into a board where the two of you dumbasses can impress each other with your complete lack of knowledge of the people of this board; your imaginary depth of understanding of human motivation and psychology; and your amazing ignorance, condescension and lack of empathy or understanding of real human beings - a category in which neither of you belong.

 

[Essene]

Sometimes I fear that people just don't understand me or that I may misstep and come across as being similar to YC.

No,

Seriously.

Clearly they just don't get him.
I'm always rechecking my posts. Did all of those cute yet inferior subs understand me?
I mean I try to talk slowly, audibly and use simple language for their benefit.

-Sometimes I just don't know.

 

[subkitty72]

Holy fuck... You are goddamned offensive.

i rarely and i mean rarely take exception to anything people say on these boards, but you are such an ignorant and patronizing little troll that i had to say something.

i wished i'd paid better attention to what you'd posted before i made the blunder about possibly meeting this Sunday with Brad and me.

i hope to NEVER meet you and i do not give a fuck if you live down my street.

: pats your head : That was a really cute response, words from a sub. Yes you are very correct, it’s just from my angle things look a little bit different. You must understand, in the kind of struggle we are talking about, expectations turn into pain from hell itself. The point is to find a way to enjoy life without expectations. I don’t know if you understand that, it’s a difficult concept to grasp, generally only those who have felt that pain understand.

 

[BiBunny]

*Sigh* I knew this one was trouble from the get-go, but I kept my mouth shut, since I usually get yelled at when I point it out.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

*Sigh* I knew this one was trouble from the get-go, but I kept my mouth shut, since I usually get yelled at when I point it out.

Maybe if we just ignore the troll now and get back to IYM's original premise, it'll get back to being a good thread. <Fingers crossed>

:: Points out that he never yells at da Bunny ::

 

[BiBunny]

Maybe if we just ignore the troll now and get back to IYM's original premise, it'll get back to being a good thread. <Fingers crossed>

:: Points out that he never yells at da Bunny ::

Thank you, Sir W.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

Maybe if we just ignore the troll now and get back to IYM's original premise, it'll get back to being a good thread. <Fingers crossed>

:: Points out that he never yells at da Bunny ::

Thank you..............

 

[00Syd]

I just thought of another thing that frightens me so I wanted to come back to this thread and post it.

I'm not really afraid of death, but I am afraid of dying and not being remembered.

***

And in a different vein, I'm not supporting what YourCaptor said because I agree that it was an insulting thing to say, but having recently been attacked myself (for what I think was a misunderstanding) I thought that maybe it may be valuable to just say that often its difficult to get peoples true meanings and intentions from typed text.

Of course its pretty easy to understand what YourCaptor meant by his "pat your head, cute sub" remark, but in other instances it is not always so clear. Even when I don't agree with what someone says, even when I am offended by it, I feel bad for people who are attacked on these boards and told to leave without even having a chance to try and explain themselves.

Again, please don't take this as my support of YourCaptor, because its not. I would really hate it if I was attacked again for a misunderstanding like that.