What is your definition of "bisexual"?

[BiBunny]

Honey. Listen.
You fuck men. That's how.

Um. Wow.

 

[girlsmiley]

Um. Wow.

what

 

[HottieMama]

Honey. Listen.
You fuck men. That's how.

Really? You are the one that made the generalization. The onus is on you to justify it.

 

[BiBunny]

what

I don't think anyone *truly* knows how another person feels about anything. We can try to guess, we can try to empathize, we can try to think about how we'd feel in that situation, but we can't truly know.

 

[girlsmiley]

Really? You are the one that made the generalization. The onus is on you to justify it.

EXACTLY.
I don't expect you'll ever understand.

 

[chaoticDeviance]

I kissed a girl

 

[BiBunny]

I kissed a girl

So now you, too, have your super-secret lesbian decoder ring?

 

[girlsmiley]

I don't think anyone *truly* knows how another person feels about anything. We can try to guess, we can try to empathize, we can try to think about how we'd feel in that situation, but we can't truly know.

I have not and will not call myself bisexual because I have never loved a man like I love women.
And that's me being honest with myself.
I know what I want, and it doesn't involve a woman who acts or identifies as a bisexual.

Seriously, if you really think about it - Why would HM identify as bi if she truly loved and only wanted to be with women?
That's the real question here, isn't it?
Does a past relationship determine a persons present sexual identity?

What's the real reason behind this thread, HM?
Are you acting bi, or have you just given yourself the label?
If so, why?

 

[BiBunny]

I have not and will not call myself bisexual because I have never loved a man like I love women.
And that's me being honest with myself.
I know what I want, and it doesn't involve a woman who acts or identifies as a bisexual.

Seriously, if you really think about it - Why would HM identify as bi if she truly loved and only wanted to be with women?
That's the real question here, isn't it?
Does a past relationship determine a persons present sexual identity?

What's the real reason behind this thread, HM?
Are you acting bi, or have you just given yourself the label?
If so, why?

This makes a lot more sense that what you seemed to be saying earlier. I thought that you meant that if you were in a relationship with a bisexual woman, hypothetically speaking, she could not feel *about* your relationship the same way that you do because she has sex with men. What you just said there was completely different and makes more sense.

Thank you for clarifying.

 

[girlsmiley]

Like I said,
If she acts or identifies as bi, I would not feel the same way about her.

yw.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Does a past relationship determine a persons present sexual identity?

Depends on who's judging. Women especially get judged by their pasts.

Unfortunately, there are always two people in any relationship, and although I tend to judge people by way of what they are doing today-- not everyone does that. And I can do it that way by sheer accidental privilege, frankly.

I think Hottie Momma is trying to be impeccably honest. She's just-- and I do mean, less than a month-- gone from that relationship. She feels the man's presence still-- cooties, maybe but...yeah. HM, sweets, you do still have to go through the process, even if it's not exactly a grieving process...

 

[girlsmiley]

Depends on who's judging. Women especially get judged by their pasts.

Unfortunately, there are always two people in any relationship, and although I tend to judge people by way of what they are doing today-- not everyone does that. And I can do it that way by sheer accidental privilege, frankly.

Anyone can judge, but only she knows

 

[Stella_Omega]

Anyone can judge, but only she knows

yeps, but like I said, there are two people in any relationship. She doesn't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

My definition of bisexual is pretty loose. And it isn't one continuum, either. There are four. I see it as one scale by which you measure your sexual desire for men-- none, to lots. One where you measure your desire for women-- not at all, to all the time. A third where you measure your romantic inclination towards men-- marry one, to die in a fire. A fourth, ditto, for women.

if you took four straws, and you put a mark on each straw representing where you are along the line for each of those four things, you might have a diagram of where you are...or throw them in the trash bin, because yanno, fuck it.

 

[girlsmiley]

In some ways I agree so I see where you're coming from. But I personally couldn't ever reject someone for their bisexuality as long they were 100% satisfied with me and doesn't want something more. (Which is another thing some people stereotype all bisexuals to be like - as in they won't ever be okay with just one of the sexes.)

But I do find it as bit of a turn-off for a girl to be interested in men.

I'm sure MANY women would be 100% satisfied with you
I think Stella's right when she says HM needs to go through the process. If indeed it has only been a month, would you see HM as relationship material? I mean no offense, but... I wouldn't want to rush (her or I) into anything.

Bisexuals are a lot of work!

 

[lustatopia]

Hottie Mama,

It’s all about intolerance.

Reactionary heterosexuals won’t have sex with a bisexual person because they’re freaked out by the gayness of bisexuality.

Reactionary homosexuals (I use the term homo- to mean same-sex sexuality, not just gay men) refuse to have sex with bisexuals because they’re intolerant of the heterosexual aspect of bisexuality.

Bisexuality threatens reactionaries on both sides of the sexual fence because it projects sexual ambiguity as a lifestyle and the reactionary finds that intolerable or immoral and perhaps even disgustingly so.

Bisexuality proves that human sexuality forms a continuous spectrum of love from strictly homo to total het. The vast majority of rational gay and straight people understand this intuitively, yet there are always going to be those whose sexual identity is so fragile or damaged that the mere existence of sexual ambiguity needs to be denied respect and rejected. By the process of rejection they reaffirm their own fragile identity, much in the way bullying is often a way of dealing with personal inadequacy by asserting your own superiority physically or emotionally over some one else. For them identity is tribal (because they are afraid or weak as individuals) so they relish the gatekeeping power of defining us versus them.

So, ironically, we actually have reactionary gays who insist bisexuality is immoral, or is only a transitional phase or is a fetish, you know, like toe sucking, and therefore refuse it equality as a sexual identity. And of course, reactionary Heterosexuals have never been ability to make the distinction between homosexuality and bisexuality at all. Bisexuals are the hated other, rejected by both tribes, left to wander the desert looking for a home.

In fact, evidence suggests that bisexuality is the third major sexual identity, the other two being homo and het. And because bisexuality contains elements of both sexual polarities, it is progressive and inclusive, by definition.

We all have a right to have sex with whom ever we please and exclude those we are not sexual attracted to from our beds, FOR WHATEVER REASON. But that doesn’t mean that some of those reasons aren’t reactionary or irrational.

For instance when a lesbian says she wouldn’t consider you as a sexual partner, because, “You fuck men.” That’s her right. Deal with it.

But how is that statement any different then rejecting a sexual partner because they had sex with a black person?

It’s not.

 

[girlsmiley]

yeps, but like I said, there are two people in any relationship. She doesn't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

My definition of bisexual is pretty loose. And it isn't one continuum, either. There are four. I see it as one scale by which you measure your sexual desire for men-- none, to lots. One where you measure your desire for women-- not at all, to all the time. A third where you measure your romantic inclination towards men-- marry one, to die in a fire. A fourth, ditto, for women.

if you took four straws, and you put a mark on each straw representing where you are along the line for each of those four things, you might have a diagram of where you are...or throw them in the trash bin, because yanno, fuck it.

Wait, so four straws. Mark four...

Four straws...

*scratches noggin*

=Bisexual iz hard!






Oh gawd look who's back.

 

[girlsmiley]

You may just have to go for someone who's bisexual and poly, HM. That's what I have to do, to avoid a lot of the bullshit. Of course, that opens you up to the whole "my husband and I are looking for a third" bullshit as well, but I'm sure you've had enough experience sidestepping that to handle it.

Sidestep this bullshit?



http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=38194243&postcount=16

 

[BiBunny]

Sidestep this bullshit?



http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=38194243&postcount=16

That's...sad.

Sorry, that's all I got.

 

[Stella_Omega]

But how is that statement any different then rejecting a sexual partner because they had sex with a black person?

You're right, it's not.

So what? Although I sympathize with the lesbian and don't give a fuck about the racist -- both statements are equally legitimate, for the speakers. Both people are being pretty hurtful to the person they've turned down, mind you. But that's life. We have a word for forcing someone to fuck someone they don't want to. And criminal charges and jail sentences, if we are lucky.

 

[haurni]

The core issue in this discussion (or what's become the core issue) has been touched on by a number of people thus far (myself included), but Lustatopia said it best:

Reactionary heterosexuals won’t have sex with a bisexual person because they’re freaked out by the gayness of bisexuality.

Reactionary homosexuals (I use the term homo- to mean same-sex sexuality, not just gay men) refuse to have sex with bisexuals because they’re intolerant of the heterosexual aspect of bisexuality.

Bisexuality threatens reactionaries on both sides of the sexual fence because it projects sexual ambiguity as a lifestyle and the reactionary finds that intolerable or immoral and perhaps even disgustingly so.

Just as straights look at anyone who's had sex with (or expressed an interest in) someone of the same sex and go 'Ewww!', clearly homosexuals (can) do it too. I think a lot of bi folk feel 'oppressed' (as HM commented, legitimately I believe) because they aren't accepted by either end of the spectrum.

Though, the way I see it for someone to be a "true" bisexual would would have to be one that doesn't say something like "I'll date both but eventually want to marry a woman/ man" as in they'd be totally satisfied being with either or. Or basically someone who just dates a certain sex for fun and has no interest in being with them (at least being with them long-time.)

I believe there are plenty of real bisexuals, but everyone I meet who says they're bisexual seems to not be a very serious one.

This assumes that there are only three orientations, and that anyone who likes both sexes must like both equally. Anyone who varies from the middle path, then, is seen as a closet straight (or closet homosexual) who simply refuses to admit it and therefore gets rejected by both.

My definition of bisexual is pretty loose. And it isn't one continuum, either. There are four. I see it as one scale by which you measure your sexual desire for men-- none, to lots. One where you measure your desire for women-- not at all, to all the time. A third where you measure your romantic inclination towards men-- marry one, to die in a fire. A fourth, ditto, for women.

Thank you, Stella.

Yes, folks, it's a continuum. We've all seen the "I'm straight but I want to suck cock" threads; clearly these guys do have some attraction to men, they just don't want anything but occasional physical contact. In most cases, I think the fact that they admit an interest indicates that they are, technically, bisexual. On the other hand, a man who was assaulted by a cell mate in prison may have had many homosexual experiences, but be completely heterosexual in his own mind. Self-labelling has some validity, and past experiences can be discounted in some instances. I see nothing wrong with calling someone who has more than a passing interest in both sexes 'bisexual' - that's what the term means - but it doesn't necessarily mean that it must be an equal bias. I like the terms homo- and heteroflexible (I'm the latter) but it's just adding more categories to something that is continuous.

I think that a major issue with the acceptance of bisexuality, at some level, may have an evolutionary basis. Assessing someone's suitability as a mate would include in part how likely they are to stick around for the duration, and if they're bisexual, that widens the pool of potential 'mate thieves' who can snatch them away. In short, it may look to others like us bi people just can't be trusted.

 

[girlsmiley]

Your sexual identity can be different to your sexual practices.
For example, you might present yourself to others as a straight woman and it's how you see yourself.
But you might sometimes have sex with women. Having bisexual sex doesn't necessarily mean that your sexual identity is bisexual, if that isn't how you see yourself.
It might just be what felt right for you at that time and with that person.

Your sexual identity may not match your sexual orientation.
For example, you might be a woman who is consistently attracted to women but still describe yourself as 'straight'.
You might feel more comfortable living this way.
But you may change and develop a sexual identity as a lesbian to the point where you 'come out' to yourself and others.


So again,

Seriously, if you really think about it - Why would HM identify as bi if she truly loved and only wanted to be with women?
That's the real question here, isn't it?
Does a past relationship determine a persons present sexual identity?

What's the real reason behind this thread, HM?
Are you acting bi, or have you just given yourself the label?
If so, why?


If you really wanted to get involved with a lesbian, I would suggest you say you're interested in her and only her.
By labelling yourself 'bisexual' you are basically saying you like men and women.
If you don't wish to change your identity, ie what you call yourself, you'll have to find a way to explain this to her.

Good luck.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Fucking WOW! I come back to this thread and I'm being called an intolerant, oppressive bigot and compared to a racist because I don't like dick and won't fuck women that do? Seriously people?

Y'all better be looking up the meaning of oppression I think. Last I checked not wanting to fuck somebody because of something they did, said or their life choices wasn't oppression. I'm not judging what you do so where the fuck do you get off on judging me? As far as I'm concerned you can fuck anybody you like for what ever reasons you like. Unless you suck and fuck any and every person you meet then you are also applying criteria to your selections. Yet it appears, at least here, many Bi's feel just fine condemning our criteria.

Seems like many bi's are all butthurt because we don't embrace them and immediately accept THEIR choices as our own. If we don't they immediately act like a bunch of self righteous fundie xians. What you don't seem to get is that I don't give a shit about your sexual orientation or who you fuck and I DEMAND the same respect.

 

[Etoile]

I kissed a girl

For the record, Katy Perry is the most homophobic singer loved by queers 'round the world EVER.

Seriously, you cannot have "I Kissed A Girl" following up "Ur So Gay" and not be homophobic. It's the standard "two women = hot, two men = gross" thing from mainstream society. "I Kissed A Girl" isn't even about being gay or bisexual (as Jill Sobule's song of the same name was) - it's about a drunk heterosexual girl who kisses another girl but still thinks it's wrong ("It's not what / Good girls do") and is still focused on her boyfriend. As for "Ur So Gay," well, pretty much nobody argues the homophobia there.

Not to mention her transphobia. http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2009/12/23/katy-perry-in-trouble-over-transphobic-tweet/

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Random Thoughts.

MY definition of Bisexual. ANY person who can have SEX with males and/or females.

That is NOT the same as Pansexual (which takes into account Mtf, FtM, bois, grrls, men, women, or any permutation thereof) nor is it the same as biamorous...(ANY person who can LOVE any one~male or female)

I have never liked the word bisexual because it did NOT encompass ME. So, I use queer.

I completely love women. Any TYPE of woman. Whether she is cis or trans. SO that means I don't use the term lesbian (FOR ME) because a woman with a penis doesn't squick me...just as long as she IS a woman. I would not call myself a GOLD STAR for that reason. Because most of my friends WOULD be squicked out by that extra bit of flesh. See?

EVERY person has the right to say who should come to their bed. I personally don't date girls more than 7 years younger and I would generally prefer they have SOME color (though I have been known to make an exception or two). Having a preference IS NOT oppression. It is deciding what you want and finding someone who fits those parameters.

I get so sick of seeing the words oppression and prejudice thrown about when it comes to preferences. Try being beaten bloody for being black and queer in high school. Try having someone threaten to take your kids because you love women. THAT is prejudice and oppression. This other stuff? Just preferences.

 

[girlsmiley]

Fucking WOW! I come back to this thread and I'm being called an intolerant, oppressive bigot and compared to a racist because I don't like dick and won't fuck women that do? Seriously people?

Y'all better be looking up the meaning of oppression I think. Last I checked not wanting to fuck somebody because of something they did, said or their life choices wasn't oppression. I'm not judging what you do so where the fuck do you get off on judging me? As far as I'm concerned you can fuck anybody you like for what ever reasons you like. Unless you suck and fuck any and every person you meet then you are also applying criteria to your selections. Yet it appears, at least here, many Bi's feel just fine condemning our criteria.

Seems like many bi's are all butthurt because we don't embrace them and immediately accept THEIR choices as our own. If we don't they immediately act like a bunch of self righteous fundie xians. What you don't seem to get is that I don't give a shit about your sexual orientation or who you fuck and I DEMAND the same respect.

You are so fucking bang on.
I'd like to see the "opressed" Bisexual??? girls reply to that.

Honestly, I don't think she knows what she is.
On the first page she's talking about how "Men are good for a fuck now and then, women are where my heart lies for relationships"
But when I say you fuck men, ooh, she wants to get all angry and shit!

Puhlease.

If you can't stand the heat, get out the kitchen!