What is your definition of "bisexual"?

[Safe_Bet]

The bolded part - you're kidding, right? I am honestly not sure.

The thread does show a lot of the complexities, but unfortunately it does it with a lot of invectives and angry language.

That's pretty much all I have to say about the matter.

As for my definition of bisexual, I don't have one. I recognize the commonly accepted definition, yes, but I prefer to let individuals tell me what their sexuality means to them, rather than define other people in my own way.

That's about it from me on the subject.

Well, let me just say I respectfully disagree. HM herself brought up her own label and discussed it in some pretty vague yet conflicting ways so I found all of GS's questions and comments to be completely legit within the context of the conversation.

As for the angry language I would point out that it was not us that made allegations that they were "oppressors", said our beliefs were "bullshit" and implied that we were somehow "threatened" by their sexuality or orientation.

Just sayin.

 

[HottieMama]

For the record, I didn't post this to start a fight or to offend anyone. Have things been said by both myself and others that could be offensive? Hell, yes. However, "you" leave yourself open to that any time you post or respond to a topic like this.

I am, in truth, more offended by the implication that I have "cooties" than I am by someone saying that I " don't know what I am." Yeah, both suck shit to hear but the "cooties, squicky"...etc..." is the worst for me.

I am done with this thread. I apologize that it did more harm than good.

 

[girlsmiley]

"I don't think she knows what she is" wasn't very nice.

I apologise.

 

[lustatopia]

It's your right/choice to not want to be in a relationship with a bi woman. However, how can you say that "I" wouldn't feel the same way about the relationship? It's that assumption, that I do struggle with.

Honey. Listen.
You fuck men. That's how.

Great, everyone is playing nice now.

Just one more thing girlsmiley should apologise for, which IMO was the real shame of this thread.

Hypocrisy in the name of being hurtful.

girlsmiley's claim that she wouldn't have sex with someone who has "fucked men" is mean-spirited hypocrisy since she herself has claimed to have "fucked men in the past." (is a link really required?)

How is Hottiemama's past sexual relationships with men different than girlsmiley's?

It's not. girlsmiley only made the "you fuck men" statement here to hurtfully assert some kind of claim to sexual superiority or purity. Pretty much just like a Southern Baptist who rails on about queers and sin, but who actually spent some time manning the glory holes in his youth. Just like smileygirl, he's no bisexual, I grant that much.

This isn't the first thread certain bullies have sought to bash bi's. Let's hope it's the last.

 

[girlsmiley]

Nope. I don't need to apologise for having sex with men.

 

[lustatopia]

Nope. I don't need to apologise for having sex with men.

No one asked you to.

Play nice. Be kind. Respect others.

Your sexual identity can not be affirmed by dissing someone else's. Be strong and assertive, of course, but temper your passions with empathy for the feelings of other people.

Obviously, this is Lit, so cattiness comes with the turf. But you (and a few others) have repeated a special kind of anger so much that it has become more than that. Please, look into yourself and see that you would never tolerate being treated the way you treat some people.

That's all anyone can ask. Treat others with the same respect you would vehemently demand for yourself.

 

[girlsmiley]

Remove user from ignore list lustatopia
This message is hidden because lustatopia is on your ignore list.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Great, everyone is playing nice now.

Just one more thing girlsmiley should apologise for, which IMO was the real shame of this thread.

Blah, blah, blah...

This isn't the first thread certain bullies have sought to bash bi's. Let's hope it's the last.

Dude, you have NEVER posted here, that I've seen, where you haven't gone off on some misogynistic attack spiel against one of the women who posted here.

If there a bully about it would be YOU because you are a serial hater and woman basher extradinaire!

 

[Cipher]

Just that simple. What is your personal definition of bisexual or what it means to be bisexual?

Being recently back in the dating "scene," I am finding a lot of stereotypes...misconceptions etc about bisexual women from the people I am talking to. Yes, some of this is from het men, which I can almost understand. (Stereotypical porn fantasy and all that...) However, I am also encountering it from a few lesbian women. It seems as though just the label of "bisexual," causes them to render me "undateable," WITHOUT hearing my story. (In reality, I have had one long-term relationship with a man as an adult, and all my other relationships have been with women.)

So I am wondering how others think...

I am bi-sexual.
What it means to me is i like women, i date women. I like men, i date men. I've never been involved with both at the same time. No love triangles for me, or steve wilkos shows lol!

I'm simply attracted to who i'm attracted to. Yep.

 

[girlsmiley]

Dude, you have NEVER posted here, that I've seen, where you haven't gone off on some misogynistic attack spiel against one of the women who posted here.

If there a bully about it would be YOU because you are a serial hater and woman basher extradinaire!

I can put it on ignore, but I can't make it die in a fire.
Shame that.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I can put it on ignore, but I can't make it die in a fire.
Shame that.

Small mercies, when you can't have the big ones.

 

[sandm321]

Being into both different genders? I think that is it. If you are interested and enjoying people from both genders then you might be Bisexual. It takes some time to really get to know yourself.

 

[roomfor1more]

My definition of bisexual is a spectrum definition that sits between heterosexual and homosexual. For me, heterosexual is some who has either had encounters with the opposite or have had explored their sexuality with someone of the same sex resulting in their preference for the opposite sex. Likewise my definition of homosexual is opposite of the definition for heterosexual. This means for mean bisexual is someone who has had sexual relationships with people of both genders and may show a preference for one gender over another. However that preference may change with time.

The defining features of my definition is bisexuality goes beyond mere exploration or curiosity. It requires the establishment of a relationship of the same gender, an establishment of a relationship with someone of the opposite gender, and it is something that is developed over time. This means a few isolated encounters does not make someone automatically bisexual and requires the establishment of a preference for both genders.

 

[CandiCame]

I'm not interested in entering into a relationship with a bisexual woman. At all.
She would not be right for me.
Why? Because I love women only, and would want (I have) someone that feels the same way I do.

It's not supposed to offend anyone, it's what I'm looking for in a relationship.

Um... as someone with a "Y" chromosome- you know... I'm trying to think of a nice way to say what I'm feeling, but I guess my testosterone fueled man-brain and realitivly smaller prefrontal cortex won't let me.

What kind of sexist bullshit is this? I mean, I understand that you could have a gold-star fetish or something, but call it what it is. If you had left it at this quote, I wouldn't have been offended, I would even have understood.

There you go.
It's not about "labels" or "terms" or however you want to put it.
If you're a woman who also sleeps with men I would not want to be in a relationship with you. Because you and I wouldn't feel the same way about our relationship. Because you also fuck men.

It's really not that hard to understand.

This is really hard to understand. I don't understand it at all. What does having dick in the past have to do with your relationship now? I mean, unless your relationship is entirely about eating pussy, then how can it possibly be negative to have experienced love and companionship with anyone else, regardless of gender? Why are you drawing such HUGE discrepancies along gender lines where none exist? If she's gonna cheat on you to suck dick, she's gonna cheat on you to tongue clit- it's the PERSON that matters, not the genitals attached to them. I would really like to understand this, but I really think that this statement shut my brain down. I'm not trying to attack, but sometimes when I get confused I come off as attacking.

This is just as sexist as the other example was racist. How is it not? This is a feminatzi, sexist thing to say. I would really like it explained to me in a manner other then, "fuck people with dicks, and the people who sleep with them," because that's offensive. It's not ANYONE's fault what sex they were born- hell, it would probably be a lot easier for me if I were a chick- I apparently have a chick personality (see several other threads about me coming to terms with this). And I don't get why past relationships with guys are a problem, but past relationships with chicks aren't. I just don't understand the extreme gender discrimination to the point of learning that one fact and then being like, "Well fuck the possibility of a relationship with that cocksucker." If a chick says that to me, it's homophobia. So doesn't that make this heterophobia, which is equally... dickish?





Anyhoo- to the original topic- it has come to my attention that my own personal form of bisexuality means that I like fucking girls and getting fucked by guys. BUT I'm capable of falling (stupidly) in love with either gender; to the point that I wait on a girl's balcony for 4 hours waiting for her to come home, or get so attached to a guy that I ruin his housewarming party and possibly my reputation for life. It's a capacity for love that isn't dependent on gender- in fact, I've come to see hetero- or homo-sexuality as fetishes, as defined by the APA. (You caught me in the middle of coming out, so I've been doing my big gay research). It doesn't mean that if I'm in a relationship with a chick I need a guy, or with a guy I need a chick, it just means that I'm capable of being in a long term relationship with either. I'm gay sometimes, I'm strait sometimes, depending on who I'm in love with.

It's not a strictly sexual thing. If I get a sexual itch with my g/f we can go to Hustler and get a strap-on. I'll pay for it. If I get one with my boyfriend, I'll top, I guess. Will it be exactly the same? No. But it's not a huge deal. The love is the huge deal.

I think wanting multiple partners makes you pan or something... I'm new to this...

 

[CandiCame]

Also suddenly realizing I might be a staulker...

Sad now.

 

[girlsmiley]

Also suddenly realizing I might be a staulker...

Sad now.

Each to their own, I guess. And stuff.
Also, there's no 'u' in stalker.

 

[CandiCame]

Each to their own, I guess. And stuff.
Also, there's no 'u' in stalker.

"There's no 'I' in team"
"There's no 'U' in team either. And if you're not on the team, and I'm not on the team, then who cares about the fucking team!?"

In even sadder news, I couldn't spell my own name until the 3rd grade. I wrote "Vin" on everything.



But seriously. I want to know. Because as a man, AND a bisexual, this confuses the hell out of me. What's the difference?

 

[girlsmiley]

Read the whole thread.

That is all.

 

[CandiCame]

Read the whole thread.

That is all.

I read the whole thread. Your basic take was that you didn't want to be with a woman who had been with a man because you wouldn't think the same way about your relationship, dispite other posters saying, and I'm guessing this is true only because you affirmed it, that you, yourself had been with a man.

What I'm trying to understand is why the past makes a difference ONLY if the past partner is male. All that I can understand from your previous posts is that you aren't sexually attracted to men and wouldn't date one because you don't want to be celibate. I can get that. What I don't get is why a woman who has been with a man is considered an inferior mate on your "who I would date" scale. I'm not saying that you didn't explain it well, I'm saying that I don't understand it. Sometimes people have to explain things to me, even my own thoughts (again see my other threads) in a different light for me to be able to understand it. I don't understand why having dated men would make her see the relationship, a current, exclusive relationship with you, any differently then if she had only dated women in the past. But I really, really, want to. You obviously aren't the only person who feel this way- so it may very well come up in the future and I'd have to deal with it in me*******. I want to be able to do that. I really want to learn to be a tolerant person, and not get upset when someone says something I don't understand. I'm very bad at that.

There have been so many psychological studies done along gender lines, and they all point out that our conception of gender is a cultural thing- there's nothing in that 1/2 of a chromosome that I admit to missing that makes our brain functions any different, except men shut down certain parts of their brain during a fight- but nomoreso then a stupid, stubborn woman (and they do exist, I've dated them). In fact, siblings of different genders have far more in common, neurologically, then non-related people of the same gender, so I know it's not a "she thinks I think like a man thing" or something. So what is it?

 

[girlsmiley]

What I'm trying to understand is why the past makes a difference ONLY if the past partner is male. All that I can understand from your previous posts is that you aren't sexually attracted to men and wouldn't date one because you don't want to be celibate.

No. I'm a lesbian.
You didn't read the thread.

If HM says she's bisexual then she is. End of story.

Goodnight.

 

[CandiCame]

No. I'm a lesbian.
You didn't read the thread.

If HM says she's bisexual then she is. End of story.

Goodnight.

*Feels like he's being brushed off because of the Y chromosome*

*is sad*

I didn't say that you weren't a lesbian or that she wasn't bisexual. I was asking why you wouldn't date a woman who had previously dated men and what the difference was between a woman who had previously dated men and a woman who had previously dated women exclusively.

I don't do the whole lable thing very well yet. I thought that you had tried men and found you weren't sexually attracted to them, that all the people you WERE attracted to were women. I understand that. That's not the part I'm having difficulty understanding.

I'm also confused as to why you think I didn't read the thread... Does everyone else have that impression to? Is it just my bad writing- I have a very confusing writing style. I've had some very nice editors who make my writing bearable, but unfortunately, unless Nina wants to come in here and explain every post I make, and I'm sure she doesn't, then I'm left to fend for myself on the threads.

 

[CandiCame]

No. I'm a lesbian.
You didn't read the thread.

If HM says she's bisexual then she is. End of story.

Goodnight.

*Feels like he's being brushed off because of the Y chromosome*

*is sad*

I didn't say that you weren't a lesbian or that she wasn't bisexual. I was asking why you wouldn't date a woman who had previously dated men and what the difference was between a woman who had previously dated men and a woman who had previously dated women exclusively.

I don't do the whole label thing very well yet. I thought that you had tried men and found you weren't sexually attracted to them, that all the people you WERE attracted to were women. I understand that. That's not the part I'm having difficulty understanding.

I also don't understand why you blocked (or if you blocked) lustatopia. She/he's commented on a lot of my threads and been pretty nice. I didn't see anything here that would warrant an ignore...

 

[Safe_Bet]

*Feels like he's being brushed off because of the Y chromosome*

*is sad*

I didn't say that you weren't a lesbian or that she wasn't bisexual. I was asking why you wouldn't date a woman who had previously dated men and what the difference was between a woman who had previously dated men and a woman who had previously dated women exclusively.

I don't do the whole lable thing very well yet. I thought that you had tried men and found you weren't sexually attracted to them, that all the people you WERE attracted to were women. I understand that. That's not the part I'm having difficulty understanding.

Dude, are you purposefully trying to be a belligerent dumbass?

She explained that she's a lesbian. That means she has sex with women only. She also, like many of use, doesn't choose to have sex with women who do still have sex with men. I fail to see where you confusion is coming from unless you just feel like picking a fight.

Also your statement that it's sexist to not want anything to do with dick, or wanting anything to do with people who do, is laughable. OF COURSE it's sexist. It has to do with the sex of who we choose to have sex with. It is NOT sexist in a sociological context however because we are not demeaning, oppressing or limiting you to anything other then access to our beds and that is OUR right. (whether you and the rest of the Bi-nazi "You MUST fuck me"s like it or not).

Now let me ask you one. WTF is your fascination with having sex with people who find you abhorrent? Why do you and others INSIST that we MUST find you attractive and fuck you? Do you realize that forcing yourself on someone who feels this way is tantamount to rape?

 

[girlsmiley]

All that I can understand from your previous posts is that you aren't sexually attracted to men and wouldn't date one because you don't want to be celibate

.

This comment is... well... stupid.

I have been with men and I am currently with a woman who has been with men.

I never said I wouldn't be with a woman who has been with a man.
(You didn't read the thread)

I said I wouldn't be with a bisexual. (MY definition of a bisexual ie men & women)
And that's my preference.

I don't ask WHY a straight woman won't be in a relationship with me.
I don't ask WHY a gay man won't " "
I don't ask WHY a bisexual won't " "

It's late and I have paperwork to finish. Uhm...

Take it easy, I can reply tomorrow.

 

[CandiCame]

.

This comment is... well... stupid.

I have been with men and I am currently with a woman who has been with men.

I never said I wouldn't be with a woman who has been with a man.
(You didn't read the thread)

I said I wouldn't be with a bisexual. (MY definition of a bisexual ie men & women)
And that's my preference.

I don't ask WHY a straight woman won't be in a relationship with me.
I don't ask WHY a gay man won't " "
I don't ask WHY a bisexual won't " "

It's late and I have paperwork to finish. Uhm...

Take it easy, I can reply tomorrow.

I think you may be confusing "bi" and "pan" sexual.
Bisexuals are monogamous. Pansexuals are not.