What kicks you out of a story.

[RainyDayPen]

An infodump in the first three-hundred words, or anything starting, "When I returned home on my summer break." Gone as fast as I can back-space.

Confused - is this an inside joke I'm not getting? About summer break?

 

[Trionyx]

Instantly: Second Person POV or Present Tense Narrative

Amen to this.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Confused - is this an inside joke I'm not getting? About summer break?

I think it might be that in a genre of fiction where using often repeated story lines is nearly unavoidable, the college student home on summer break having wild sexual adventures is the most common to where it seems like the writer isn't even trying to be more original.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Unrealistic world-building. E.g.,

1. This is a femdom matriarchy! All men crawl around naked all day and all women strut around in leather and latex and heels with whips in their hands.

Really? What if they work jobs that need PPE? What if the men in question have more lucrative skills than polishing shoes with their tongues?

2. I randomly bumped into a woman at the store and she turned out to be a sadistic mistress and now I'm her full-time gimp slave.

What fraction of women in your world are into 24/7 TPE? Is this a mainstream thing? No? Then why aren't there breathless news reports talking about the shocking rise in predatory seductresses kidnapping the flower of our youth?

Etc.

Nothing I've said so far can't be explained away. Think of how long it took us to get from wheels to wheeled luggage, largely because we couldn't conceive of a man unable to carry a suitcase or a woman without a man to carry her suitcase. But it does need explaining, and sometimes people just don't bother.

 

[ColinPiper]

Then there's this, from that lovely old soul Maonaigh

I used to have a recurring dream, a dream that I had killed my father. His corpse, with dead, sunken eyes and graveyard pallor, the autopsy stitches livid against his torso, would rise up from the mortuary slab and shuffle towards me, pointing an accusing finger. I would wake, sometimes crying out, always shaking with horror.

The difference could not be more stark. [This] second work has a poise and a lyricism to it that is absent from the first.

I *need* that. The odd grammar mistake, the odd typo, missed misspellings etc don't matter if there's a gem at the heart of it. I'm too old and jaded to waste my time on nonsense because I've been spoiled by emeralds.

I get it, I do. But, for me, it's overdone. Over-boiled. Self-indulgent. That's what kicks me out. (And, at the beginner end, not getting Show vs Tell.)

I prefer the Hemingway style. You and others may not like it, and fair enough. But I prefer simplicity and putting the story before the flowery prose.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I get it, I do. But, for me, it's overdone. Over-boiled. Self-indulgent. That's what kicks me out. (And, at the beginner end, not getting Show vs Tell.)

I prefer the Hemingway style. You and others may not like it, and fair enough. But I prefer simplicity and putting the story before the flowery prose.

View attachment 2277735

Hemingway is vastly overrated - mostly by Hemingway himself.

I want to see a body, not a skeleton.

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

Poor style. There's very little, content-wise, that kicks me out of a story. I can enjoy almost anything if it's done with style.

If I like the first 300 words of a story, I'll probably like the rest, whatever the author throws at me. Water sports, non-con, incest, cartoon boobs and dicks, improbable plot turns--let me have it. As long as it's done right.

But bad grammar, spelling, punctuation, bad word choices, unconscious tense and POV shifting, and improperly written dialogue in particular are the things that are most likely to throw me out.

 

[luv2custrip]

Taking three Lit pages to set things up and there’s been nothing erotic happening yet.

 

[ColinPiper]

Hemingway is vastly overrated - mostly by Hemingway himself.

I want to see a body, not a skeleton.

Em

1. "I used to have a recurring dream, a dream that I had killed my father. His corpse, with dead, sunken eyes and graveyard pallor, the autopsy stitches livid against his torso, would rise up from the mortuary slab and shuffle towards me, pointing an accusing finger. I would wake, sometimes crying out, always shaking with horror."

2. "I used to have a recurring dream that I killed my father. His corpse would rise up from the mortuary slab and shuffle towards me, pointing an accusing finger. I would wake shaking with horror."

If I read 2. first I wouldn't have a feeling anything was missing.

Which leads neatly on to another observation - most stories on Literotica are too long. But that's just my opinion.

 

[onehitwanda]

Hemingway is vastly overrated - mostly by Hemingway himself.

I want to see a body, not a skeleton.

Em

Oh, if you insist.

https://gifdb.com/images/thumbnail/kate-upton-unzips-the-layover-wde4hwjrrd2cv1ky.gif

 

[AllenWoody]

Exposition, especially at the very opening of a tale. I find it awkward and lazy. A huge wall of text which substitutes for actually showing where the story is taking place, the characters, or anything else of interest.

 

[alohadave]

Other authors are the only ones who seem to be able to appreciate parts but not the whole. (likely b/c they understand the process and decisions that have to be made) At least going by comments/AH discussions.

Conversely, I think that authors would also be more critical, also because they understand how it works.

I'm actually reading something now that feels really klunky, and I'm wondering if the author is having a rough spot, or if I'm seeing that they aren't as good of an author as I previously thought, even though I've read works of theirs before that I enjoyed.

I feel you. I'm still in the process of writing my first story here (finally almost finished though!!!) and the opening is not something I'm proud of. It's a bit dull and I think takes too long to get going, so I'll need to try and edit that to be more enticing.

Openings are tough. I usually jump right in with an action or dialogue. Throw the reader into the story. You can always back up later and add some exposition or dialogue that helps ground the scene.

 

[SimonDoom]

Oh, if you insist.

https://gifdb.com/images/thumbnail/kate-upton-unzips-the-layover-wde4hwjrrd2cv1ky.gif

If you're not careful, people might start to think you're predictable.

But at least you're predictable with good taste.

 

[onehitwanda]

If you're not careful, people might start to think you're predictable.

But at least you're predictable with good taste.

I'm entirely predictable. Em says something I can treat as a double-entendre and I pounce.

 

[Bamagan]

I'm entirely predictable. Em says something I can treat as a double-entendre and I pounce.

At least it's effective branding.

 

[onehitwanda]

At least it's effective branding.

I refer to my title.

 

[TheArsonist]

-"She looked exactly like [porn star/female celebrity]"
-Characters who act like the author has no idea how humans think or behave

Men who are fully super hard, and as the scene gets steamier they get even harder and harder still.

I'd argue that while it's a cliché, this is a real thing. Think of a penis like a tire: it can be fully inflated, but you can still keep pumping it up to increase the pressure.

 

[Bamagan]

-"She looked exactly like [porn star/female celebrity]"
-Characters who act like the author has no idea how humans think or behave



I'd argue that while it's a cliché, this is a real thing. Think of a penis like a tire: it can be fully inflated, but you can still keep pumping it up to increase the pressure.

...dramatically increasing the odds of a blowout and interrupting the ride while the spare is called into service.

 

[PeytonMirabelle]

Uninteresting characters. I can see that in real life every day. I want complex, intriguing people in which I can invest a little emotion. And empathy. Protagonists don't have to be paragons of virtue but if they don't have something that makes them relatable, I can't do it.

 

[RainyDayPen]

So many folks want intense levels of realism, the realer the better it seems. For some reason I am at odds with that concept. I try to make it not completely laughable, but why would I read fiction about something I could just do with a partner? Or read a written version of something you could easily see in low budget porn? I read to escape real life, including the non-erotic fiction.

I say let there be magical spells or crazy future tech or bizarre alternate worlds or nations where way more people than usual are into my kinks. Where else would I ever get something like that but through the written word?

This reminds me of those people who paint photorealistic art. It's not a concept I enjoy. Just take a photo. It's amazing talent, don't get me wrong, it's precise and technical. But it's like, you are completely ignoring the vastness of the human imagination. Do something with your pen that you can't do in reality.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

There was a thread a couple years ago about imperfections, specifically portraying mom and milf characters as being unrealistic. That older women's breasts might be sagging a bit, they'd have jiggly thighs, maybe some extra weight etc...

I understood it in the sense of realism yet...

I've been going to the same gym for 12 years and I go in the mornings and you see the same people more often than not. There are several women there that I would guess to be in the 40ish range and these women are rocking the yoga pants and sports bras, they could star in milf porn. So....there are people in real life who still look good. I'm 55 and might not be what I was at 35 but I'm in good shape

Certainly, perfect hot bodies do exist in real life, but it's a fine line between a realistic older hot bod and a straight up Mary Sue. The difference, a good writer to put the hot bod in an immersive believable scene.

 

[Bamagan]

...why would I read fiction about something I could just do with a partner?

I think the simple answer to that question is that some readers can't do those simple scenarios. Either they don't currently have partners, or they're separated from them by space or time and want something that they can imagine doing together.
Don't get me wrong, I mostly like flights of fancy myself, but I completely understand why some people want the simple things in smut.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

So many folks want intense levels of realism, the realer the better it seems. For some reason I am at odds with that concept. I try to make it not completely laughable, but why would I read fiction about something I could just do with a partner? Or read a written version of something you could easily see in low budget porn? I read to escape real life, including the non-erotic fiction.

I say let there be magical spells or crazy future tech or bizarre alternate worlds or nations where way more people than usual are into my kinks. Where else would I ever get something like that but through the written word?

This reminds me of those people who paint photorealistic art. It's not a concept I enjoy. Just take a photo. It's amazing talent, don't get me wrong, it's precise and technical. But it's like, you are completely ignoring the vastness of the human imagination. Do something with your pen that you can't do in reality.

For some it may be stark reality, but for most who deal the realism card, it's more believability that they look for. If the story is about a sorceress in a land of dragons and myth, obviously it's not real, but if her character and actions are believable in that particular reality then the reader feels an authenticity and can stay in the moment.

 

[HordHolm]

For some it may be stark reality, but for most who deal the realism card, it's more believability that they look for. If the story is about a sorceress in a land of dragons and myth, obviously it's not real, but if her character and actions are believable in that particular reality then the reader feels an authenticity and can stay in the moment.

Exactly - provided the story has internal logic, anything goes. But it needs that internal logic.

 

[djrip]

Also, every penis in the world doesn't have to "drip with pre-cum" the moment it is "introduced".

Oops