Women and Orgasm

[ldlarry52]

Ladies I have long wondered why orgasm is not a necessary part to a woman having a satistfying sexual encounter. My wife and I have been together twenty years and most of our sexual unions did not result in orgasm for her, yet she says she enjoyed it. She says for her it's like an itch that I scratch and that in of itself satistfies her.

Fucking rarely brings about orgasm, regardless of technique, time or foreplay. If she does climax it comes from my going down on her. Which I enjoy very much and she has multiple orgasm from it.

So, ladies, why isn't orgasm a necessary part to your pleasure and what brings about your pleasure if not orgasm?
LDLarry52

 

[ynattirb]

In a word: intimacy.

Making love to a man is very intimate and makes two people that much closer. For a woman, it's much more about the connection than an orgasm. I guess it's just one of the differences between the sexes. But I would choose a very loving encounter with my husband with no orgasm than a wam-bam-thank-you-ma'am with an orgasm almost every time. (I know, I know - not true in every instance. Sometimes I do want a wam-bam-thank-you-ma'am too.) But I think that's the short answer to your question.

 

[ilike2ponder]

In a word: intimacy.

Making love to a man is very intimate and makes two people that much closer. For a woman, it's much more about the connection than an orgasm. I guess it's just one of the differences between the sexes. But I would choose a very loving encounter with my husband with no orgasm than a wam-bam-thank-you-ma'am with an orgasm almost every time.

Agreed! I am sure that any woman that has the ability to orgasm at the drop of a hat during sex is not complaining, but that of course is not always the case. The bottom line is like I said in a previous post....I can give myself an orgasm....but I cannot give myself the touch of a man's hand, a deep passionate kiss, and the connection that comes from being with another. For me it is also about my focus being his pleasure. That is not to say I am playing the martyr, it is just how I am really made. I too get pleasure, or I would not bother, it is just not always the kind of pleasure that many men think is the only one that matters. Most women that are with someone for any length of time and say they are pleased, even without climaxing, really do mean it! I always have.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

man+woman+intimacy= H E A V E N

 

[Ylvie]

I can masturbate to orgasm, but that's purely for the orgasm and not to get turned on. The thing is that when my b/f touches me, it's heaven! I get so turned on, it just burns, it's in my whole body! Just to get that amazing feeling at all, is enough for me. An orgasm is a bonus, but nothing but that - I can be just as happy without one. He doesn't seem to understand it, but it IS true. I, too, like to focus on his pleasure. Not to be martyr or obedient, but because seeing what I can do to him just adds on to my own pleasure. The more turned on I can have him, the more turned on do I get myself.

I like it that way. I wish my b/f would stop hunting for the orgasm.

 

[Bobmi357]

man+woman+intimacy= H E A V E N

I think Larry has latched onto a fundamental difference between the sexes, and it leads me to wonder, if Avery's statement is true, then wouldn't;

man+woman+intimacy+orgasm= B E Y O N D H E A V E N ?

Don't get me wrong ladies, I'm happy you get some sort of pleasure from having sex with us guys, but I spent 12 yrs living with a woman that had no orgasm as far as I could tell. She was rather vocal about that lack and blamed me at the top of her lungs. To be quite honest my second wife is rather orgasmic and I am grateful in the extreme that she is, rarely do we have a session where she does not enjoy at least one orgasm. I do not think I could stand another, "I still enjoy it anyways" woman, that was the line fed to me by my first wife during our first few years. I cringe when I hear some of the ladies here saying it, but then I've had a bad experience and that colors my perception.

I can understand the women that have trouble orgasming via PIV sex, but there are other methods, like Larry mentioned that a woman's partner can resort to, to give her that pleasure.

So I guess what I'm saying is, why isn't the second equation as important as the first ladies? It would seem to me that if the first one is true, the second one should still be more desireable.

 

[Quint]

Most of the time, when I get horny, it's not for an orgasm. After I come, I feel depleted and listless and not very submissive at all, which does not work with the nature of my relationship. It's more of a hindrance than a blessing.

Nevertheless, I would like to be able to come from sex. I really would. I can do it with a vibrator on at the same time, but then I have to concentrate on that rather than the sex and T has to alter his normal pace in order to keep me from getting distracted, and I find that entirely unfulfilling. So I much prefer getting fucked and getting my orgasms at other times, if at all.

I second what the other ladies were saying. Pleasure in general borders on boring to me, because I can effectively give it to myself. Fucking has more of the emotional and mental stimulation to it, which far outweighs the purely physical element of orgasm.

 

[bobsgirl]

I think Larry has latched onto a fundamental difference between the sexes, and it leads me to wonder, if Avery's statement is true, then wouldn't;

man+woman+intimacy+orgasm= B E Y O N D H E A V E N ?

Don't get me wrong ladies, I'm happy you get some sort of pleasure from having sex with us guys, but I spent 12 yrs living with a woman that had no orgasm as far as I could tell. She was rather vocal about that lack and blamed me at the top of her lungs. To be quite honest my second wife is rather orgasmic and I am grateful in the extreme that she is, rarely do we have a session where she does not enjoy at least one orgasm. I do not think I could stand another, "I still enjoy it anyways" woman, that was the line fed to me by my first wife during our first few years. I cringe when I hear some of the ladies here saying it, but then I've had a bad experience and that colors my perception.

I can understand the women that have trouble orgasming via PIV sex, but there are other methods, like Larry mentioned that a woman's partner can resort to, to give her that pleasure.

So I guess what I'm saying is, why isn't the second equation as important as the first ladies? It would seem to me that if the first one is true, the second one should still be more desireable.

Speaking only for myself, I would love nothing better than to have hanging-from-the-chandelier orgasms every time. But somewhere around my mid-forties, my ability to do that decreased drastically. I learned to love the journey more than the destination, if you get my drift. Now, as to the cause of this inability to reach climax, I have several theories, and I'm sure a sex therapist would have a field day trying to straighten this out. It was simply too frustrating and unfulfilling to focus totally on orgasm and be disappointed. But I have never blamed my husband. We try to work on it together.

From what I can gather, Bobmi, and please tell me if I've got it wrong, your first wife sounds like a shrew who got her kicks from belittling you--she wanted you to be as miserable a human being as she is. You are well rid of her.
I don't orgasm very often, but I assure you I enjoy sex with Hub, and he knows that. I make sure he knows it. I consider it one of the finer pleasures of life.

 

[Bobmi357]

From what I can gather, Bobmi, and please tell me if I've got it wrong, your first wife sounds like a shrew who got her kicks from belittling you--she wanted you to be as miserable a human being as she is. You are well rid of her.
I don't orgasm very often, but I assure you I enjoy sex with Hub, and he knows that. I make sure he knows it. I consider it one of the finer pleasures of life.

You're right Bobsgirl (I still love that name), my first wife wasn't human in my opinion and it has colored my perceptions of the matter.

In discussing this thread with my wife, we latched onto another issue which I think is relevant to the subject at hand.

For many guys, keeping an erection for too long without an orgasm will result in a case of blue balls. It can be painful, but the pain varies from case to case. I've had it few times, sometimes its very painful, other times its just annoying.

So for a guy, SEX+ERECTION+NO-ORGASM=BLUEBALLS

As far as I know, there isn't any female version to equate with.

 

[ilike2ponder]

I can understand the women that have trouble orgasming via PIV sex, but there are other methods, like Larry mentioned that a woman's partner can resort to, to give her that pleasure.

[/B]

OK, confession time. I know I have battled this with so many men when this is all that jumps out at me when reading this post, and suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck rise. lol Hmmmm, resort to.....as if, ya know second choice, third choice...whatever it takes because well yeah, that is really what it is about you know. Does that make it about her pleasure, or his pride? Sorry, just something I have battled far too many times.

I was just getting this off my chest and do not mean this in any disrespectful way to the original poster, I promise.

 

[Imi]

I've got a more physical answer.

I have 'different' kinds of orgasms, IMHO. I usually get the "hang from the chandlier" types from oral or manual stimulation, never from just intercourse.

Now, for me, after I have the over the top clitoral orgasm (and 99 times out of 100, I DON'T want any vagina stimulation at the same time), then it's like my G-spot gets turned on. Intercourse is that much more intense. It's a different feeling than the over the top type, but it's much more sustainable. I can go longer having my g-spot stimulated, then waiting a few moments, then going at it again. Then it gets so intense that I can't see straight and I can't take it anymore. But it's still not the same feeling as the clitoral one.

When it's REALLY good, my g-spot doesn't get turned off. Then that spot throbs for the next 24 hours and I gotta have it 'itched' again. Then, I don't need the over the top to get that BIG g-spot feeling again.

Now, can I reach that spot with my fingers? Hell no, in spite of many many months of trying to find the damn thing.

Also, without the clitoral orgasm, intercourse is okay. It feels good, but I can take it or leave it. With the clitoral orgasm, I turn into the damn energizer bunny.

 

[ldlarry52]

Wow! I am enlightened, intrigued and fascinated by your answers. As I think about it my wife has said similar things when I have tried to figure a way out to give her more pleasure when we do it.

It is odd that as I am fucking her we both vocalize to one extend or another the pleasure we are feeling. I sometime think she is getting close, but she isn't. When I am ready to cum she genuinely is excited for me and as I do she seems to take pleasure in the pleasure I am receiving from her body. As we lie there in the aftergloe I carress her body with my hands, legs, and feet. We exchange kisses and we tell each other we love the other

Once we are done she will tell me how glad she is that I love her and desire her. Then she we curl up to me deeply satistfied.

Now, don't get me wrong she does like to have orgasms and if I don't tend to her orally on a regular basis she will move my hand down to her freshly filled pussy and want me to finger her to orgasm.

Thank you, all, for your response. If anyone else has any more insight to share I eagerly await your post.

LDLarry52

 

[DevilishTexan]

I've got a more physical answer.

I have 'different' kinds of orgasms, IMHO. I usually get the "hang from the chandlier" types from oral or manual stimulation, never from just intercourse.

If I ever make a woman "hang" from the chandelier, I'm becoming a gigilo LOL!!!


That's GOTTA be worth some money

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Ladies I have long wondered why orgasm is not a necessary part to a woman having a satistfying sexual encounter. My wife and I have been together twenty years and most of our sexual unions did not result in orgasm for her, yet she says she enjoyed it. She says for her it's like an itch that I scratch and that in of itself satistfies her.

Fucking rarely brings about orgasm, regardless of technique, time or foreplay. If she does climax it comes from my going down on her. Which I enjoy very much and she has multiple orgasm from it.

So, ladies, why isn't orgasm a necessary part to your pleasure and what brings about your pleasure if not orgasm?
LDLarry52

huh? I do not know what you guys are talking about. Orgasm not necessary? Really? hmmmmm, I've never tried NOT having an orgasm during sex. I've been with guys who didn't care if I had one or not - in which case I'd usually just wait for them to fall asleep and give myself one - otherwise I would get what I would describe as 'blue balls'. Just a bad, aching, uncomfortable feeling that's not going away unless I cum.

 

[Enodia]

Originally posted by Bobmi357
You're right Bobsgirl (I still love that name), my first wife wasn't human in my opinion and it has colored my perceptions of the matter.

In discussing this thread with my wife, we latched onto another issue which I think is relevant to the subject at hand.

For many guys, keeping an erection for too long without an orgasm will result in a case of blue balls. It can be painful, but the pain varies from case to case. I've had it few times, sometimes its very painful, other times its just annoying.

So for a guy, SEX+ERECTION+NO-ORGASM=BLUEBALLS

As far as I know, there isn't any female version to equate with.

I get "blue balls", and it actually took my boyfriend to figure that out. When we first got together, we had sex at least 6 times a day (hey--it had been 3 1/2 years for him before that, and I just really enjoy sex). Because of the frequency, on occasion, I wouldn't have an orgasm (not that it mattered--I was guaranteed to have sex again in another hour or so ), and would end up with an earth-shattering migraine! I had know, during sex, that I wouldn't cum, and it didn't matter.

So after this happening a couple times, my boyfriend started fucking me again (while I laid there in agony--partially laughing at his perserverance, and partially moaning in pain, and partially groaning in pleasure), and made me cum. The migraine was then gone.

His theory is that a migraine is my "blue balls".

Luckily, I don't get them anymore. Unfortunately, I don't get sex 6 times a day anymore either. (Simply because he and I met when I was off work with an injury--my ankle, so luckily it didn't hinder sex--and now I work, and we work opposite shifts and live in different cities).

 

[ilike2ponder]

Re: Re: Women and Orgasm

huh? I do not know what you guys are talking about. Orgasm not necessary? Really? hmmmmm, I've never tried NOT having an orgasm during sex. I've been with guys who didn't care if I had one or not - in which case I'd usually just wait for them to fall asleep and give myself one - otherwise I would get what I would describe as 'blue balls'. Just a bad, aching, uncomfortable feeling that's not going away unless I cum.

Actually what is being discussed is an orgasm from the man. As far as orgasms in general go, I have one once a day, minimum. Some days as many as 4. But, I do not have to have one while having sex with someone else, to be satisfied with my time with him.

 

[sipthekitty]

Dunno if this is weird, but sometimes it's a relief not to orgasm. Cumming can be a real zonker for the day. (Usually if I do cum, I have multiples) It's just nice to have a good fucking session, enjoy him cumming, then feel refreshed and fuzzy afterwards. Kinda like taking a power nap rather than sleeping your eight hours.

 

[Four_Inch_Heels]

Sometimes I just enjoy the closeness.....the coming together as a couple after spending days off in our own worlds. Sometimes I have too much else on my mind to think about cumming, it seems like just another chore on the list of things to do. I always love feeling his excitement rising, and enjoy his orgasm with him. Just sharing the intimacy can be fulfilling.

 

[Guest]

 

[bobsgirl]

It is odd that as I am fucking her we both vocalize to one extend or another the pleasure we are feeling. I sometime think she is getting close, but she isn't. When I am ready to cum she genuinely is excited for me and as I do she seems to take pleasure in the pleasure I am receiving from her body. As we lie there in the aftergloe I carress her body with my hands, legs, and feet. We exchange kisses and we tell each other we love the other

Once we are done she will tell me how glad she is that I love her and desire her. Then she we curl up to me deeply satistfied.

Now, don't get me wrong she does like to have orgasms and if I don't tend to her orally on a regular basis she will move my hand down to her freshly filled pussy and want me to finger her to orgasm.

Ldlarry, that is exactly the case with Hub and me. I do like--who am I kidding--love to have orgasms, and oral is extremely pleasurable. For now, the psychological pleasure is more intense than the physical, but that is no small thing in my opinion. And we can always keep on trying!

 

[ldlarry52]

So, ladies, it appears that you get your pleasure from knowing, seeing and hearing the pleasure your man is receiving from you.
Is that a fairly accurate statement? If so, by percentage, how often do you enjoy sex in this way as compared to enjoying it with a personal orgasm?

Also, since you get pleasure from pleasing your man and orgasm is not necessary for your fullfillment, how can we men better your enjoyment in this way?

LDlarry52

 

[sipthekitty]

So, ladies, it appears that you get your pleasure from knowing, seeing and hearing the pleasure your man is receiving from you.
Is that a fairly accurate statement? If so, by percentage, how often do you enjoy sex in this way as compared to enjoying it with a personal orgasm?

Also, since you get pleasure from pleasing your man and orgasm is not necessary for your fullfillment, how can we men better your enjoyment in this way?

LDlarry52

I'd say it's accurate. As for percentages, two for him out of every three would be OK. Beyond that, and I start getting all short circuity and rubbing up against trees and shit. And then I start looking at my man like a piece of meat... Orgasms are stronger after going without. So too long and I might just kill the guy.
As for what the guy can do, I'd say be lovey and appreciative. We girls get turned on by the guy having a great time and all, but we don't like feeling ignored sexually. Tell us we're doing good and how wonderful we make you feel and we'll do more of it.

 

[y=mx+b]

Most of the time, when I get horny, it's not for an orgasm. After I come, I feel depleted and listless and not very submissive at all, which does not work with the nature of my relationship. It's more of a hindrance than a blessing.

Nevertheless, I would like to be able to come from sex. I really would. I can do it with a vibrator on at the same time, but then I have to concentrate on that rather than the sex and T has to alter his normal pace in order to keep me from getting distracted, and I find that entirely unfulfilling. So I much prefer getting fucked and getting my orgasms at other times, if at all.

I second what the other ladies were saying. Pleasure in general borders on boring to me, because I can effectively give it to myself. Fucking has more of the emotional and mental stimulation to it, which far outweighs the purely physical element of orgasm.

My wife is the same way. Sometimes she just likes to get fucked for the "warm fuzzies". Haveing sex without the orgasm gives her the feeling of being emotionally desired and wanted.

Not to put less value on orgasms, but they are easy to achieve. Mutual companionship isn't.

 

[littlecat]

I think it is sad that even here on Lit. I hear the same thing over and over and over..

So many women have become accepting of the belief that having an orgasm every single time they have sex is a terribly high, unrealistic expectation..

To them I say I say "Why the Hell not?"

He comes every single time, why should I get the short end of the stick just because it takes me a bit longer to get there?

I somehow doubt in lesbian relationships there is one partner that comes every time with the other having to take care of things herself after the selfish bitch falls asleep...

Stop kidding yourselves girls. You deserve orgasm every time he has one. Hell, two for every one of his would be better- Clitoral, vaginal, anal, it doesn't matter where it comes from, just as long as it's there..

In my experience, women who say orgasm doesn't matter have just come to the inevitable conclusion that they are never going to get it, no matter how much they long for it....

Do men ever fuck just for the warm fuzzy feelings?? I don't think so...

BAH!
L.

 

[Four_Inch_Heels]

I agree that I deserve an orgasm everytime he does littlecat, and if my hubby had his way, I would have one everytime he does.....I choose not to have one everytime he does.

Do men do anything just for the warm fuzzy feelings?? I don't think so....