Women and Orgasm

[N8Dreams]

to orgasm is fine but I need it not. As said, its intimacy.
Not to orgasm makes me more randy for the next act

 

[DirtyJJ]

*sigh*
The short answer for me is... if it were easy for me to have an orgasm every time I have sex, then I might place more importance on it. But it's not easy for me, it's something I have to "work" at, so honestly sometimes it becomes more of a distraction that puts a little pressure on the encounter.

Obviously I'd like to improve this situation, and I am very envious and admire the women who easily orgasm in many different ways.

That being said, I also enjoy the intimacy of sex and get a lot of pleasure from it, even without the orgasm.
DJJ

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Re: Re: Re: Women and Orgasm

Actually what is being discussed is an orgasm from the man. As far as orgasms in general go, I have one once a day, minimum. Some days as many as 4. But, I do not have to have one while having sex with someone else, to be satisfied with my time with him.

I understood the question - my answer is I want both intimacy AND an orgasm (or two or three!) I'm greedy that way. And I do believe I get something akin to 'blueballs'. I agree 100% with littlecat and was surprised by the amount of women here who seem so complacent about orgasms - or lack thereof.

On the other hand I'm very orgasmic and can cum very easily - plus I've finally met a man who cares more for my pleasure than his own. I don't know how I would feel if I had such a hard time reaching orgasm - bummer for the girls who have this problem.

 

[y=mx+b]

I think it is sad that even here on Lit. I hear the same thing over and over and over..

So many women have become accepting of the belief that having an orgasm every single time they have sex is a terribly high, unrealistic expectation..

To them I say I say "Why the Hell not?"

He comes every single time, why should I get the short end of the stick just because it takes me a bit longer to get there?

I somehow doubt in lesbian relationships there is one partner that comes every time with the other having to take care of things herself after the selfish bitch falls asleep...

Stop kidding yourselves girls. You deserve orgasm every time he has one. Hell, two for every one of his would be better- Clitoral, vaginal, anal, it doesn't matter where it comes from, just as long as it's there..

In my experience, women who say orgasm doesn't matter have just come to the inevitable conclusion that they are never going to get it, no matter how much they long for it....

Do men ever fuck just for the warm fuzzy feelings?? I don't think so...

BAH!
L.

See, this is where the problem starts. Opinions like this, place high expectations in sex and only leads to frustration and dissapointment when those expectations are not met, by either sex.

I find it hard to believe that because women don't orgasm every time they have sex, they have just brain washed themselves into believeing that they are never going to get one. And I have my doubts that women think "maybe tonight he will make me cum" before they engage in sex.

Sure there are some assholes out there that don't give a shit if a women cums or not. A lot of men would take a hot poker to their own eyes if it induced a cosmic multiple orgasmic experience on the womens part.

 

[ReadyOne]

It took a while for my SO to convince me that there were times she really didn't want to cum. But I'm happy that she can cum when we wants to, and loving enough to not push her when she doesn't. Fortunatly it's rare for her to tell me she wants sex without orgasm.

 

[ilike2ponder]

All I can say is, not only to each their own, but thank god I am not the score keeping type. I suppose if that was what it was about, and that made me and my SO other happy to do, it would be fine.

It would be entirely different if I was not achieving orgasms every time with a man because he was being selfish, or because I couldn't and yet really really wanted to. Not only is it a choice that many women make not to, but for some of us, it is not the highest thing on our have to have list. I can honestly say, I would not trade places with anyone else. I am comfortable with me, and very content with how my body does or does not work in various circumstances. For some it is only about the orgasm.....I would not trade that for my sense of content, no matter what. Just because someone else cannot imagine being content if things were this way, does not diminish or take away from my contentment that it is this way for me.

No matter what name you put to it, or what item you think it might be at any given moment, contentment is really what we all want, need and crave. I am suddenly feeling quite good about being me.

 

[SexyChele]

Before I met my current partner, I was masturbating at least twice a day just to get off. Yeah, I got an orgasm or two or three, but were they satisfying? Nope. Not at all.

For me, achieving an orgasm with my partner (and any partner) takes a certain amount of concentration and effort. Most times I engage in that concentration and put forth the effort. Sometimes? I just want to feel his body next to mine, feel his hands on me, watch his face as he enjoys my body, and - the ultimate! - to watch as he finally lets his body go and orgasms. Being there, as opposed to being in my own little world of orgasms, while he cums, watching his face, feeling how his body reacts is way beyond heaven. And who can forget the intimacy? The foreplay, the kissing, the undressing, the fondling? And then the snuggling, giggling, tender kisses, and whispered words following?

Orgasms I can give myself - in spades. But experiencing his pleasure for the sheer pleasure of sharing it? Well, to quote MasterCard: Priceless!

And as to feeling like I must give up something to a selfish man and that I "deserve" at least as many orgasms as he does? Hogwash! I am my own person and I do what fits and satisfies me. If this man never strove to bring me to orgasm, if my pleasure were not foremost in his mind, I wouldn't be with him, plain and simple. I am not some 19 or 20 year old kid who has no knowledge of what to expect. I am a 43 year old woman who knows what she likes, when she likes it! Besides, sex should never, ever be some sort of bargaining tool. "I'll let you cum if you make me cum," or "I'll give you a blowjob only after you go down on me." It's give and take and taking pleasure in your partner for the sheer joy that, well, your partner is there with you!

Oh, and yeah. My partner has indeed engaged in sex without cumming just so I could either 1. have an orgasm, or 2. feel that intimacy and closeness that we both desire. Men are not orgasm machines and to think so would be quite naive. There are men who can enjoy the closeness and intimacy within a relationship and not achieve an orgasm.

And the funny thing? I rarely masturbate anymore. Even when I've had sex without an orgasm. Fact is, it isn't the orgasm I was missing previously, it was the closeness and intimacy.

Mandatory disclaimer: Not all women are the same! Some need an orgasm, others don't. If a woman tells you she is satisfied without one, take her into your arms, kiss her, and for heavens sake - BELIEVE HER!

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Chele always says it the best. I did not mean to imply that something was wrong with women who did not want an orgasm each time they had sex. Sorry if I did - after re-reading my post it seemed a bit flip. I just hope that women are not settling for less than they want. That'll come back and bite you! lol

 

[ldlarry52]

Thank you ladies for your comments. I have been enlightened, though I still don't fully understand not needing to orgasm to enjoy sex. For this man it is the culmination that completes the whole enjoyable experience.

I have had sex on a few occassions with out orgasm and it leaves me unfullfilled and frustrated. There are certain times of the day, ussually morning for me, that I have difficulty coming to orgasm. Also, job stress can and has put a damper on orgasm.

The orgasm for me is what brings emotional satistfaction, bonding and that oneness feeling with my wife.

Knowing your need for intimacy and physical touch is more important than orgasm is a great help to me in understanding what my wife wants and needs.

LDLarry52

 

[SexyChele]

Chele always says it the best. I did not mean to imply that something was wrong with women who did not want an orgasm each time they had sex. Sorry if I did - after re-reading my post it seemed a bit flip. I just hope that women are not settling for less than they want. That'll come back and bite you! lol

Not to worry, bbwgirl. My comments were not directed towards anything you stated. You have always shown yourself to be honest and upfront and I've never seen you post something that was purposely unkind to another poster.

 

[SexyChele]

Thank you ladies for your comments. I have been enlightened, though I still don't fully understand not needing to orgasm to enjoy sex. For this man it is the culmination that completes the whole enjoyable experience.

I have had sex on a few occassions with out orgasm and it leaves me unfullfilled and frustrated. There are certain times of the day, ussually morning for me, that I have difficulty coming to orgasm. Also, job stress can and has put a damper on orgasm.

The orgasm for me is what brings emotional satistfaction, bonding and that oneness feeling with my wife.

Knowing your need for intimacy and physical touch is more important than orgasm is a great help to me in understanding what my wife wants and needs.

LDLarry52

Let me ask you this: has there ever been a time when cuddling up on the couch or in bed was simply "enough"? Or do you believe that every time you touch your wife or kiss her or give her a hug needs to end in sex? Why or why not?

There are some men who feel that what begins with a kiss must end in an orgasm. And then there are men who give their wives/girlfriends a long, soulful kiss just express affection and not have it really go, ah, anywhere. Neither is better than the other, providing their partner is in sync with them. However, if you are the type of man who can show affection for affection's sake, just to have a moment (or a few minutes or a couple of hours) of intimacy with your wife, then you already know what she is feeling. Or, well, close enough perhaps!

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Not to worry, bbwgirl. My comments were not directed towards anything you stated. You have always shown yourself to be honest and upfront and I've never seen you post something that was purposely unkind to another poster.

Thanks. It's is weird the kind of stuff you learn here. I guess I spent a few relationships with men who were not the most 'giving' kind of guys. I have faked it to save a guy's ego. Now I feel I'm just too old and have worked too long to go around faking orgasms! So to hear girls say they don't even care if they have one seems weird to me. I always want one - I could use one right now! lol

 

[ldlarry52]

SexyChele, no I don't think every hug, kiss or cuddle has to end with sex and orgasm. My wife and I cuddle a great deal in and out of bed without sex and I do enjoy the warmth, softness and closeness of her body.

I understand you are trying to convey the enjoyment of sex with out orgasm that a woman enjoys, and I appreciate the effort. I think I understand better but not completely. Guess it is not possible to understand completely since I am not able to experience sex as a woman.

It is nice to know that woman are wired in this way. It takes some presure and guilt away for not bring her to orgasm each time. Though I would like it if she did. It feels so good it's the grand finale of sex for me.

LDLarry52

 

[littlecat]

See, this is where the problem starts. Opinions like this, place high expectations in sex and only leads to frustration and dissapointment when those expectations are not met, by either sex.
Why is it so bad to place high expectations on sex?
It is still the most giving and personal thing you can share with another human being, and I'd much prefer to come away just as satisfied as he does thank you!!

I find it hard to believe that because women don't orgasm every time they have sex, they have just brain washed themselves into believeing that they are never going to get one.
I never meant they believe they are never going to get one, but that they begin to believe that it's okay that they are never going to get one every single time the sex act occurs.. Do you honestly initiate sex knowing that the chances of you obtaining orgasm are not 100% certain?? I'll have to check with my husband about his mindset during those times, but I can bet it's not "emotional closeness" he's after.. And this is seperate from cuddling or just messing about, I am talking foreplay here, with the belief it will end up with sex.

Okay, I don't keep score, demand my turn before he can have any, or play any kind of emotional head games that happen in unstable sexual relationships.(or unstable relationships in general) I have had past relationships where I've thought I had to fake it to save his ego, and also one where I've had to push him off for trying too hard. Both became equally tiresome and detrimental to my own feeling of worth.

My own relationship is not perfect. He doesn't get me off every single time and I have come to accept it. YES, I tell him it's "fine" for me anyway, YES, I can easily do it myself, and that may be the reason it doesn't bother me so much, hey everyone has ups and downs.. YES it might be nice to see the effect I have on him and the whole enjoying him enjoying me thing, but it's not the sex I want.. I much prefer the mind-blowing, thought-killing, overwhelming pleasure of the "BIG O"!!!!

All in all I never said that women need to have orgasm every single time, I said they deserve it.
Big difference.
L.

 

[y=mx+b]

See, this is where the problem starts. Opinions like this, place high expectations in sex and only leads to frustration and dissapointment when those expectations are not met, by either sex.
Why is it so bad to place high expectations on sex?
It is still the most giving and personal thing you can share with another human being, and I'd much prefer to come away just as satisfied as he does thank you!!

I find it hard to believe that because women don't orgasm every time they have sex, they have just brain washed themselves into believeing that they are never going to get one.
I never meant they believe they are never going to get one, but that they begin to believe that it's okay that they are never going to get one every single time the sex act occurs.. Do you honestly initiate sex knowing that the chances of you obtaining orgasm are not 100% certain?? I'll have to check with my husband about his mindset during those times, but I can bet it's not "emotional closeness" he's after.. And this is seperate from cuddling or just messing about, I am talking foreplay here, with the belief it will end up with sex.

Okay, I don't keep score, demand my turn before he can have any, or play any kind of emotional head games that happen in unstable sexual relationships.(or unstable relationships in general) I have had past relationships where I've thought I had to fake it to save his ego, and also one where I've had to push him off for trying too hard. Both became equally tiresome and detrimental to my own feeling of worth.

My own relationship is not perfect. He doesn't get me off every single time and I have come to accept it. YES, I tell him it's "fine" for me anyway, YES, I can easily do it myself, and that may be the reason it doesn't bother me so much, hey everyone has ups and downs.. YES it might be nice to see the effect I have on him and the whole enjoying him enjoying me thing, but it's not the sex I want.. I much prefer the mind-blowing, thought-killing, overwhelming pleasure of the "BIG O"!!!!

All in all I never said that women need to have orgasm every single time, I said they deserve it.
Big difference.
L.

Deserve it, why? Do you feel like your being left out because a man can cum with the blink of an eye?

I am sorry if I came off abrasive but you made it sound as if it is manditory for a woman to cum in order for sex to be enjoyable at all.

Believe me, I am not trying to rob women of their orgasms. I am just trying to say that, according to my wife, sex still feels good with out them.

 

[Bobmi357]

Let me ask you this: has there ever been a time when cuddling up on the couch or in bed was simply "enough"? Or do you believe that every time you touch your wife or kiss her or give her a hug needs to end in sex? Why or why not?

There are some men who feel that what begins with a kiss must end in an orgasm. And then there are men who give their wives/girlfriends a long, soulful kiss just express affection and not have it really go, ah, anywhere. Neither is better than the other, providing their partner is in sync with them. However, if you are the type of man who can show affection for affection's sake, just to have a moment (or a few minutes or a couple of hours) of intimacy with your wife, then you already know what she is feeling. Or, well, close enough perhaps!

Chele,
I will answer this, slightly differently from how Larry replied as well. Yeah I crave the intimacy of cuddling with my wife. And we snuggle fairly regularily. But the closeness I feel from snuggling pales in comparison to the closeness I feel post sex.

Let me put it to you this way. Suppose you were on a diet where once a week you allowed yourself a small dish of low fat chocolate icecream, and once a month you indulged in pint of Hagen Daz's Chocolate Chocolate chip? No real comparison eh? That about describes the two feelings. One is good, the other is so fantastic your convinced there is a god, and she's married to you!

 

[BTK51]

Interesting post and it was food for a great conversation with my wife that made sitting in holiday traffic actually enjoyable. After reading this, I wondered if MY feelings during sex were “out of whack” and did I focus too much on bringing her to the big O. I shared the comments of everyone here and how I was surprised that so many females didn’t feel the need to orgasm every time they have sex and that I still didn’t understand it.

My wife orgasms 99% of the time and that’s no exaggeration. I have told her many times how sexually titillating I find her orgasms and that it is very arousing to me to get her off. I shared the comments about woman saying that they have to focus on having an orgasm which could distract from enjoying what is being done. She agreed and said that it sometimes makes her feel selfish focusing on only her enjoyment. She knows that I love getting her off, but she also enjoys pleasing me and when she is focused on her own feelings, she sometimes misses the enjoyment that comes from mutual pleasuring. That may be the point that many were trying to make. After all, men usually don’t have to focus at all.

Many, many times when I have wanted to try and “break the O record” by bringing her to as many orgasms as we can, she has not been interested and only wants to share one simultaneous orgasm. We’ve had numerous discussions about this with my point being “hey, if you can do it 10 times in a row – go for it!” and her’s being “that’s not what I really want so why are you pushing it”.

I think this epitomizes the point! Every woman (and man) is different and every episode is unique. Our conversation and this board’s posts illustrates the correlation of communication to pleasure and that there are no hard and fast rules. During our conversation, I asked her if there are times when I shouldn’t be so focused on giving her an orgasm. She got real serious and emphatically told me that I am blessed with a woman that can orgasm every time, “don’t ever fucking think that I don’t want to” and “don’t dare forget it!!” lol I got my answer.

 

[mistymoon]

having an orgasm everytime

This is just my opinion, ....we do don't deserve to cum everytime.... woman or man.I think that the thought is very selfish. You can have a wonderful lover in the bedroom but if the relationship sucks your mind is just not going to let you release. It will just be another job..... When a couple is making love its the intimacy that truly means the most.
My lover is a very skilled lover and very persisitant to make sure that I cum. I always cum when he performs oral stimulation. But I just ablsolutely love when after he has gotten me off.... that we then have penitration. I love the look in his eye, the smell of his neck, the noise from all the moisture from our sex.....Thats the stuff that drives me wild.....

 

[Bobmi357]

Many, many times when I have wanted to try and “break the O record” by bringing her to as many orgasms as we can, she has not been interested and only wants to share one simultaneous orgasm. We’ve had numerous discussions about this with my point being “hey, if you can do it 10 times in a row – go for it!” and her’s being “that’s not what I really want so why are you pushing it”.

I'd be careful trying to break any record, even if it is a personal one. I once tried that with my wife. I don't remember the exact number somewhere around 20 I think. But it left her barely able to move, let alone get out of the bed. Sure it was fun while we were doing it, and yeah, she didn't tell me to stop, but I wouldn't put her in that position again. The next day she had muscles she didn't even know she had hurting her.

My wife is multi-orgasmic, but that doesn't mean I should try to put her into the Guiness Book of records either. I'm happy when she's had one, if she has a couple extras, thats a bonus, but I've stopped counting.