Your Misadventures in Sex

[iaabanag]

haha, the third one was funnny..what was his reaction ?

 

[Penuche]

Hmmm, there was the bloke who was extremely tall and skinny and I swear, by all I hold sacred, that his cock was similarly proportioned.

So much so that each item in his pack of condoms was a couple of inches too short for him and a bit loose, but staying on, in various positions. We got through a few of them that night, all of the same type.

Come the morning, we had one final bout, as you do, before breakfast. And this time, instead of it merely being loose, the filled condom came right off inside me.

Cue 10 minutes of honestly not panicking at all while fishing around to scoop it out of myself.

 

[jennyxiaoxoxo]

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[masterslave00]

One nighter. She got stoned on weed, I got drunk. But we still wanted to have sex. Bit of mutual oral, then in doggie, if I recall right... To this day, I am still not sure if I fucked and came in her cunt or in her arsehole...

 

[Katiesub]

Not going to go into the details, but ... ended up with a dislocated shoulder.

And no orgasm.

 

[Xerxes82]

Had a partner change her mind mid fuck and throw me out into the hallway of her building sans clothes. It was late enough that I think only most of her neighbors got an eye full as I scrambled to make myself decent.

The only other good one I have: Had just broken up with a long time girlfriend that morning. Was hanging out with a mutual friend, who happened to be one of her sorority sisters. Things heated up quickly, and I was just sliding inside her when her phone rings. She ignores it as we really start to get into it. But the person calls back, and then again right away. Finally she stops me to answer it and it's my now ex calling to bitch about me. Afterward she felt too awkward to get back to fun. We never did recapture that moment.

 

[newhere2learn]

I've mentioned this somewhere before, but I get ferocious heartburn, and it sometimes happens during sex, so I'll frequently have to stop to have an antacid.

Not just me then? That embarrassing moment when you can hear your chest gurgling as it burns whilst there on top

 

[Iwantotasteu]

Jenny I want to taste you read my pm. I can make you fun

 

[DrRickMarshall]

Everyone's had something go wrong during sex. Let's hear your funny, or tragic, story.

I'll start...........

I was on my knees giving a friend a BJ and he was about to cum. He took it out of my mouth and jerked it a few times, I tilted my head back and lowered myself so he could cover my face properly. Well, the first rope shot straight up my right nostril, to the back of my nasal cavity. I was taken aback for just a second, as the second rope shot straight up my left nostril. I gasped, causing me to breathe cum into my lungs and cum sprayed out of my mouth, then I yelled between coughing "OMFG! All I can smell is cum!!!" Then we both starting laughing out asses off.

Had the same thing happen to my Ex and I Took about 20 minutes to stop laughing

 

[ChattyAnnie]

I was in the shower (a bathtub with a shower) having a really steamy (pun) session. I grabbed at the curtain when my orgasm hit. The rod pulled out and we both fell over the side of the tub onto the floor with the shower curtain draped around us.

 

[Nightstalker_82]

I was either 18 or 19 years and I had been working a lot of hours at work. My off day finally came and all I wanted to do was catch up on sleep. My then gf had other ideas. She kept trying and trying to get me to come over. I finally caved. I was going on maybe 2 or 3 hours in a 48 hour span so I really wasn't all the way there. We started fooling around and she started to give me a bj. I don't know what triggered it, but I started to giggle. She asked what the noise was, Trying to cover, I told her I didn't hear anything. She went back to business. Moments later, I giggled again, but louder this time. This time I couldn't play stupid and say I didn't hear anything. She asked if I was laughing. Told her "of course not, why would I be laughing". She went back down. Then it happened, I busted out in complete laughter. Could not stop, tears running down my face. She is just sitting there with the dirtiest look on her face. I ended up making the drive home with the worst case of blue balls and deservedly so. Took a few days for her finally to accept my apology.

 

[TurmoilSlider]

Not going to go into the details, but ... ended up with a dislocated shoulder.

And no orgasm.

If you dislocate your shoulder, the least you should get is an orgasm.

Right?

 

[thespiceoflife]

more a potential misadventure I suppose. My lady likes to have my cock in her mouth when she cums. Bit of sensory overload especially as I sometimes manage to spurt as she comes. So far she has managed not to bite down on me. Am I living too dangerously?

 

[UrbanBohemian]

Definitely not as funny as the first post but once when I was about 20 I was fooling around with someone in her car. She had a problem lubricating properly most of the time so we kept some KY in the glovebox. Now the thing about KY is it can be nice and I'd suggest everyone at least try it because it can be pretty fun but natural lubrication is the best thing. It just feels better. So for some reason that day she had no problem with it. And she was making up for lost time too! She told me she was creaming for me (SO hot) and so I was pretty much ready to go. She was, too. I don't know if you've ever seen a woman produce so much cream she's literally dripping with it but that's what was going on. She was wearing a short skirt and we both just wanted to get to it so her panties didn't even come off. I just pulled them to the side and put a finger in. She unzipped me and stroked me for a second and I just slid it in... And 30 seconds later I was done. Maybe even 20 seconds. I pulled out and when she saw me cum she said "WOW! I guess I did good, huh?" Yes, yes you did. You did. For sure. We both started laughing hysterically and I said "I'm sorry! I told you natural was better!" She agreed that it did feel better and she wished she could do it all the time. So I felt kind of bad that she didn't get a chance to get off so I manually stimulated her and made her cum twice.

A lot of people say their first experience was the shortest but I lasted over an hour my first time. I think that's because I was a little bit nervous so I had trouble climaxing but it was over an hour nonetheless. So I don't have that story. But years later I did have a very short experience, I was the reason it was so short, and it was pretty damn hilarious. Maybe if I'd not gotten to know her previous to that it would have been embarrassing but we'd been together many times at this point so it was cool. The week before we tried anal for the first time and I rubbed her clit, which made her cum in less than ten seconds. So I said "Well, I guess we're even now!" I still lasted longer than she did that time so I guess yay for me? All joking aside, though, it was pretty damn funny.

I still laugh thinking about that. Maybe you had to be there but it was pretty funny.

 

[UrbanBohemian]

I thought of another one. I was having sex with someone and she just randomly called me "Daddy." I remember looking at her and cracking a smile but before I could say anything she got VERY red and said "Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I don't know why I said that! I'm sorry!" Of course I told her there's nothing to be sorry about and it was actually a little bit hot but she was so embarrassed the whole thing ended right there. We tried to keep going for a minute or so but then I could tell she was very uncomfortable so I just pulled out and told her it was okay again and I don't care why she said it, she could say whatever she wanted around me, and that I wasn't even thinking about it. But she was absolutely mortified at that point so I just suggested I hold her for a little bit until we fall asleep. For the next three days or so she was not quite normal so I think there had to be more to the whole thing that she wasn't telling me.

 

[UrbanBohemian]

I told this story in confessions but it seemed like it fit here so I'll tell it again. I'd been avoiding it for a while but I guess it did happen and I can't undo it so may as well...

In high school there was a rumor I hooked up with this one chick I knew. She was decently good looking and a pretty cool girl. So I didn't know who started this rumor and why. We were friends but I had a lot of friends in high school and the vast majority of them were girls so why would there be a thing about me and this one specific girl? So I asked her if she'd heard it or knew where it came from. She was SO offended. Like she was PISSED. I didn't know why but she filled me in. We went to a party not that long before that and we did in fact hook up. I was so drunk and high I didn't remember it. God, I felt like such an asshole. And I was. I actually did not remember what happened. We apparently got in her car and she drove off (she was sober according to her) and an hour or so later we came back and everyone said it was very obvious what happened. She was not happy that I forgot about it. I think that was the last time I was drunk and for sure the last time I was that wasted.

I'm such a dick. I fucking forgot that we had sex. Totally blacked it out. I'm still embarrassed about that. That was NOT my finest moment, to say the least.

 

[a75]

I had a gf who used to say "shoot me all over, darling" every time I was cumming on her. One day, as she was on her knees repeating her... catchfrace, the window broke, and fragments of glass landed behind her. She was panicked, screamed something like "my God they shot us", and ducked under the desk. What had really happened was that some kids were playing football in the street, and apparently one of them kicked the ball too hard.

 

[KINKYCanada]

I was in a sauna with a GF and we were going at it, we were young and dumb, well the heat started to get to us, after way to fucking long I passed out. She got scared and her mother walked in the basement where the sauna was and witnesses her daughter dragging me out semi conscious, and no shorts on. Well I was never allowed in there home again, we broke up soon after. No we didn't laugh about it!

KC

 

[liebherrrrr]

With my GF we were already naked she inviting me to fuc her and my hard penis was about to experience that miost pussy when her cat started to *roar* - and tried to jump towards my dick.. Asfter couple fo attempts to calm down the animal and cowr myself from his attacks I decided to throw him out and close the door. Roaring and other crazy stuff continued and it really spoiled the mood for us /:
Guess the cat was jelous..

 

[Sophies_Choices]

Everyone's had something go wrong during sex. Let's hear your funny, or tragic, story.

I'll start...........

I was on my knees giving a friend a BJ and he was about to cum. He took it out of my mouth and jerked it a few times, I tilted my head back and lowered myself so he could cover my face properly. Well, the first rope shot straight up my right nostril, to the back of my nasal cavity. I was taken aback for just a second, as the second rope shot straight up my left nostril. I gasped, causing me to breathe cum into my lungs and cum sprayed out of my mouth, then I yelled between coughing "OMFG! All I can smell is cum!!!" Then we both starting laughing out asses off.

In the same vein as this, a while back I spent an awful lot of money on a new hairdo for a major function, something which I rarely do.

....you can probably see where this is going....

Boyfriend of the time, despite innumerable "do it on my tits, today" from me, just pulls out of my mouth, and Ker-Splat, reams and reams of it all through my beautiful hair.

The poor guy didn't get so much as s handjob for weeks after that!

 

[Eclecticdiversi]

1st Time

Have always hated to admit THIS was my 1st time. Weeks after graduating from HS, gf and I were at a local park/dam. We wanted more privacy, more on that later. We did get privacy - enough to go at it at least twice. I had a '57 chevy (in summer of '71) so it was nice and roomy. We went at it long enough that ALL the windows were steamed up. Suddenly a Loud KNOCK on the window. The Park Dept. Guards (two of them) decided to disturb us... Make us get dressed, get out of the car... interviewed us separately... pretty sure all this happened cuz the "cop" who tt me gave me hell "If she didn't have ID on her that proved' she was 18..." (and legal age in state Was 16!). scared the shit out of both of us. I think her 'cop' told her he was going to call her parents...which was BAD... her father was Russian, from the old country... Anyway, no one called our parents, but my dad got Really pissed when he happened to find her panties and a condom wrapper in my car. Last note: we left for more privacy.. We Left a DRIVE-IN Theatre (why not there? more Privacy!) lol ! And the movie playing was 'Woodstock"... we shud of stayed there...

 

[MrMAR]

Fell asleep while I was being ridden by a girlfriend. :-/ We weren't together for long after that. Lol

 

[WisBlueEyes]

We picked up our new 84 Camaro and I was driving to work.I get dropped off and she goes to work. We had about 1/2 hour to kill. Drove down a country road and she started giving me head( we were young and flexible ). She was over the shifter and bobbing up and down and I told her I was ready to shoot. She went a little deeper and just as I started to shoot we hit a bump and she gagged and I had a lap for of cum. I wiped most of it off.It was still a faint white in my lap. We stopped at a store and she bought a bottle of grape juice and rubbed it in the white area to color it. Well I went to work smelling like grape juice and a boner from rubbing it . Thank god is was a factory and walked straight to my machine.

 

[kinkycockney]

Was at a hospital appointment with the woman I was dating at the time and e were both very horny, the only place we could find out of the way was a toilet-I know very sensuous-but as she was riding me the toilet seat decided at that moment to shatter and pepper my ass with plastic splinters, I had a very embarrassing convo with a doctor on how I got the splinters, I lied my sore splintered ass off to him

 

[mikendel]

Cleaning crew walked in on me and my boss.

Having sex on a Seadoo in a cove and a boat pulled in.

Fucking a bouncer in the club office and a waiter walked in.