Your Misadventures in Sex

[agedmac]

sunburn

Laying out nude with a girl back in college on a secluded swimming hole. We both fell asleep on the warm rocks. She woke with a burned bottom that made it hard to sit down for several days........ but I woke up w/ a sunburned penis.......and it was flaccid.......and began to stiffen as I wok wanting her body....which.......well, let's just say skin stretching sunburned is VERY painful.

 

[SinfuIDreams]

My Master/Hubby and myself had been married for a short while and had started traveling overseas to visit his sons. We always stayed in the nicest hotel we could find (M is old-school and likes to travel in comfort always has)

We arrived and checked in at the hotel with a little bit of flirting on my part with with girl at reception. Cute,young, perky breasts and a bubbling giggle. After a bit of back and forwards between the two of us and M grinning in the background we decided to "catch up" after her shift.

We went for dinner and back to the hotel and wait in the bar for our little receptionist (let's call her B). I'm dressed in a black mid thigh party dress, stockings, red lace panties and bra, red 6 inch stilettos. M as usual is in a suit (dove grey,a fresh pressed white shirt and black tie).
Knowing M the way I do I know he's loaded his pockets with toys of some sort. He rarely goes out in public with out something he can use on me.
We find a corner booth and order drinks. She arrives obviously nervous and fidgety I pat the seat beside me she slides in and I pat her hand. We chat and have a few drinks for about a hour. I'm touching her as much as I can as she loosened up she was doing the same. We start kissing and rubbing each other's legs under the table. My hand slides up her thigh and just when I brush her panties M clears his throat and tells us we should move to somewhere more private with a grin.

We stand to head back to our rooms but M has other ideas. We head up to the roof top of the building instead via the stairwell.

In her daze our little B forgets to tell us it's also a smokers area for staff..

We get to the roof top and M being M starts laying out orders for us to strip my dress comes off and dumped by our feet her work uniform next which I take more time with making sure to stop and kiss,lick and touch every part of her I reveal.
M strips out of his jacket after taking a few things out of his pockets and laying them on top of the edge of the roof (flat concrete lip and a metal railing about as wide as my wrist bolted all the way around.) The jacket goes on the pile of mounting clothes.

I start kissing and touching B we still have panties and bras on, my fingers slipping under her bra rubbing her nipples,her moaning a little into my mouth. M once again stopping us and producting a set of hand cuffs. Pealing off both our bras first he cuffs us together around the post.

We start to make out some more rubbing and licking each others nipples,M rubbing the both of our backs his hands sliding down to slap and grab our bums. Running between our leg, making the pair of us squirm. None of us noticed the weather changing or the wind picking up. The next thing we know our clothes all sail off over the side of the roof with the hand cuff keys and our room key in M's pocket of his jacket, he makes a dive for it and misses by inches. I still remember the muttered "Oh shit." And the sheepish look. Followed by "Sorry Kitten I'll be right back."

B starts to cry, over the possibility of losing her job. Both of us freezing our girly bits off and shaking cuddled up to each other.

The roof door squeaks open and I think it's M start yelling to hurry up and unlock us before I get frost bite on my clit (yes I really said that). It wasn't M at all. It was the hotel manager. He was actually very understanding and went to get a blanket for the both of us,he found M who was still looking to see if he could find his jacket and hired the services of a discrete man to unlock the cuffs.

Now days B runs a club for us and we often visit hotels together.

 

[SinfuIDreams]

Another was M giving a young newish Dom such a fright he peed himself and refused to come out of the bathroom until I sent M away. Needless to say there was no way I was sleeping with him after that

 

[de_valmont]

I recall a sexual tryst suddenly ending when the fellow I was with ended up with some scrotal skin caught in his zipper. He yelped, and his rather fulsome erection deflated almost immediately.

Oh ... that classic ... even described in literature: Jan Wolkers: Turks fruits

 

[ReaperW]

.....

 

[Toni_switch]

Im glad to see im not the only one with a bed breaking story. We were staying at beach house with my BF family at the time, We were designated to sleep on the pull out couch. The second we were playing with one another. I slide under the cover to suck him. About 5 min or so into he started bucking his hip and that when the legs of the mattress folded. He's lucky i didn't bite down when i felt the bed fall beneath me.
Lucky for us we were able to dress a bit before his family came and checked on us.

 

[eroticspank]

This was a few years ago. My other half and I weren’t even going at it full steam, but right when we both came, the bed frame popped apart and we hit the floor. We looked at each other and both exclaimed, “We broke the bed!”

A gf and I were fucking in a hotel room. I was on top and we were in the missionary position. As she started to cum she reached up to grab the headboard and it came off the wall crashing down on us. I ducked just in time and luckily the padded side hit my back and we both rolled off the bed to the floor.

I could not stop laughing it was so funny. Unfortunately it was not easy to explain what happened to the hotel staff when they came to fix it. My gf walked in right when I was talking to the maintenance man trying to tell him a lie about how it happened. He took one look at my gf, she blushed bright red, and he just smiled and fixed it.

ES

 

[tiny_tits]

Before I got used to alcohol (or blow jobs), we were drinking box wine (Thursday was a good year), got drunk. WAY drunk.

We were making out. He pulled his cock out, and I slowly started licking it and sucking it. He got too excited, pushed my head down, burying his cock in my throat, and I barfed all over him, his Mom's couch. Then he threw up on himself.

I got dressed and walked (stumbled) home.

Saw each other at school, never talked about it. Ever.

 

[Jaws82]

Before I got used to alcohol (or blow jobs), we were drinking box wine (Thursday was a good year), got drunk. WAY drunk.

We were making out. He pulled his cock out, and I slowly started licking it and sucking it. He got too excited, pushed my head down, burying his cock in my throat, and I barfed all over him, his Mom's couch. Then he threw up on himself.

I got dressed and walked (stumbled) home.

Saw each other at school, never talked about it. Ever.

That's quite the whoopsie

 

[Gelista]

Back with my first girlfriend, in the mid year school holidays, we'd only been dating for about 2 months and had only been having sex for about 2 weeks at this point. We'd done it maybe 4 or 5 times, so were still very inexperienced and all that.

I went over her house early one morning, my gf was the only one home. So as we did, we went straight to her bedroom and started to undress. We had sex, but midway through, her dog started going mental outside. Barking like crazy. We had music on and reasonably loud but we could hear her dog barking like mental for a good 7-8 minutes. We decided to leave it, and in the end she stopped barking.

After sex we were laying on her bed talking and what not and I decided to go to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and clean myself up a little bit.

Now her house was kind of a Block C shape with her front door opening and essentially looking down a very long hallway with the bathroom, toilet, study coming off the hallway, and the master bedroom right at the end. My GF's bedroom was around the right corner.

So I jot off slowly down the hallway, condom still attached to my shrinking penis when I hear the front door start to unlock and open. Now her mum wasn't aware we were sexually active yet, so you can imagine the thoughts running through my mind. I froze for about 3 seconds, before bolting back to the bedroom...."QUICK, YOUR MUMS HOME, GET UP, SHES COMING IN" to my gf who was stark naked and spread eagled on the bed. Bed sheet and quilt was on the floor.

Then I hear "HELLO, WHERE ARE YOU TWO.....WHAT ARE YOU DOING" As we hear the footsteps down the hall. fuck fuck fuck fuck. Was hoping around trying to put my jeans back on, condom still attached as my gf threw on a top and trackpants quicker than any human on reecord, quickly pull the sheets across so the bed looks normal. I'm hoping around still and trip over a power cord, which see's my gf's stero system fall off the cabinet and smash into about 15 pieces on the ground.

Still her mum is yelling down the hallway, then decides to come in as I'm picking up pieces of this stereo.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING, DIDN'T YOU HEAR THE WORKMEN AT THE FRONT DOOR? THEY SAID THEY WERE KNOCKING FOR NEARLY TEN MINUTES.

*lightbulb moment*. Ahhh, so that's why the dog was going mental, there was workmen knocking on the door for ages which we didnt hear as the dog was barking and the music was blaring.

NOW I'VE HAD TO COME HOME FROM WORK....WHY IS YOUR STEREO BROKEN?

10 minutes later she left, couldn't look her in the eye the whole time, the condom had fallen off and was stuck on my thigh, cum slowly dripping down the whole time, me thinking what a bloody nightmare!

She left, had a good laugh and went right back to fucking again!

If I was 5 seconds later walking down the hallway then we would have met as I came around the corner, only wearing a used condom.

 

[lil_jenni]

I've told this one before in a different thread. I was going down on this guy who had really long pubic hair. All during the BJ, it kept tickling my nose. Well, when he was about to come, he pushed my head down and at least one of those hairs went right up my nose as he started filling my mouth. I tired the best I could to keep from sneezing, but I failed. Cum blew out of my nose and got everywhere, including all over him. He was grossed out and I was embarrassed as hell. To make matters worse, it irritated my nose for days. Needless to say, I never hooked up with that guy again.

 

[rushman1uk]

I was with my now husband and when we had just got together as a proper couple, we we're out for a walk in the countryside one day. I ended up fully naked apart from my court shoes, K had just dropped his pants. I'm riding K, bouncing up and down as we kissed and I sort of heard something snap and before I could look I felt something wet near my arse. I looked to see a bloody big dog. I screamed, K got a shock, the dog is startled so backs off still barking. What seemed like ages but probably only seconds, it's owner, I presume as he had the lead, appeared. He couldn't of been any older than 19! He just stopped shouting for the dog, his mouth open and looking at us, whilst we both scrambled to make ourselves decent, me obviously taking longer than my hubby.

 

[DarkrSide]

My ex and I were house sitting for her parents one summer. We were in the pool making out. She started giving me a handjob. I went under the water and would dive between her legs, teasing her pussy.

Well, I dove too deep and hit my head on the bottom of the pool on the fourth or fifth dive. We think I gave myself a concussion so we stopped....

 

[BongoGal]

I once gently informed a young man that as much as he seemed to be enjoying his thrusting, he wasn't actually thrusting into me. I suspect that he was getting it between a thigh and the mattress.

I was thinking about this the other day. I bet that if I hadn't said anything, he probably would have continued thrusting until he came, and he would have been perfectly satisfied and convinced that he had just fucked me. I am sure that in his mind he was balls deep. If I had told him afterward, then I bet he would have assumed I was joking because he would 'know' what he had done. If I convinced him by, say, showing him his semen on the sheets, I think he'd have been humiliated.

In his defense, while it wasn't his 'first time', but the number of fucks he had at that point were probably in the low single digits.

 

[tightmedicine]

Aside from the usual, oops, bumped a head or a body part, fell off a bed, lost balance ...

The worst was the night of the chafing boner.
One would think a hard-on that kept going for a while would be a good thing. In this case ... it was awful.
I hadn't overly been in the mood (it happens!) and the foreplay was minimal. I thought, meh, all right, a nice quickie never hurt anyone. Except it kept going and going. And he refused to allow me to switch to hands or mouth, insistent he could get the job done this way. I tend to lube well on my own but he even dried up my enjoyment to the point I just had to grit my teeth and hope.

 

[Isevil1976]

Back before I was married a girlfriend and I enjoyed reenacting porn movies as they were playing. We were watching one called the sexual limits and in the scene the guy picks up the woman flips her upside down and is doing a standing 69. So I grab her by the hips hoist and start to spin her in the air, forgetting to calculate for the ceiling fan which she smashes, the glass explodes and I drop her, she braces her fall but ends up with a broken wrist and then lands her bare ass on the coffee table breaking it. I get her to the ER, she gets a cast, we come home to find my roommate completely pissed and had to explain it to him.

 

[hundejahre]

My first time having sex (ever, not just with her), the girl was ADD and taking meds that, as I would soon come to learn, caused her to have heart issues. So we’re in my room in the basement of my father’s house. It’s a big room, with a fireplace, in an otherwise completely uninteresting tiny house. It’s a Sunday, but it’s also April 15th and my father is off getting his taxes done. I take her there thinking we’re just going to make out, but she decides we’re going to have sex. So I have some candles and the light from my aquarium, softly playing some instrumental jazz (because I was that kid), pull the mattress off my bed and onto the floor. We start going at it, slow at first, she’s on top, then faster, and faster, and then she clutches her chest and falls off me. In a low, raspy voice she says “bottle... in my purse... get it”.

And she’s basically having a heart attack on my bedroom floor. The bottle in her purse turns out to be the pills that she has to take to counter the shitty side effects of the ADD meds. It takes me a minute to find them, I hand her the bottle, which she throws (like a girl... having a heart attack) back at me. Oh, right, I probably need to open it. So I do, fish one out and hand it to her. She swallows it dry. And I quietly wonder how I’m going to explain a naked dead girl in my room.

Fifteen minutes later and she’s recovered enough to sit up and explain what happened. And then she tells me she wants to finish, and won’t take “no” for an answer. And she makes me be on top, so now I can be a murderer instead of just a bystander. So after about 30 minutes, none of which was fun, so I fake my first orgasm. We get dressed and leave. I ask if she wants go get something to eat, and she tells me she doesn’t have time, she needs to get to confession.

WTF? First, I thought she was Jewish (turns out she was adopted and was rebelling), second, she considers what we just did a sin and now she needs to get god to forgive her, so I’m on my own for dinner.

We dated for the next 5 years, occasionally taking breaks, and it really didn’t get any less weird.