Your Misadventures in Sex

[woodword]

College girlfriend riding me frantically, big boobs bouncing every which way, my thumb on her clit and her grinding hard, panting, "I'm going to cum, oh, God I'm going to...."

Then our heads collide mid bounce, my head is cut by her front tooth, which is partially knocked out, blood coming from my cut and her mouth. No lasting damage to me and her tooth was saved. We resumed the next day, her with swollen lip, me with a bandaged head, and her offering herself safely from all fours with me behind her.

 

[woodword]

First girlfriend giving me first hand job ever for either of us.

We'd kissed and explored before, dry humping and sucking face and my hands up her shirt and then down her pants or up her short skirts, fingers tracing the edge of her panty crotch, feeling the fabric growing moist, teasing under the edge to trace the outside of her slick lips. She eventually let me pull her panty crotch aside and have full access, running fingers all over until finding her clit, circling it and then sliding a single finger into her tightness while my other hand teased her nipples and I bit her neck. She ground into me and moaned, enjoyed what seemed like an hour of my fingering and finally whispering "don't stop, don't stop, don't stop...." and reached orgasm. From later conversations I found it was her first, by my hand or hers.

The next evening we were together on her family rec room sofa, watching TV and soon kissing and exploring. She wore a skirt and quickly wanted me to explore her more, and I reached under and continued to develop my technique of getting her off, feeling her soaking my hands as I pleased her.

As I finished she looked me intensely in the eye, reached down to unzip me and whispered "I love you. I've been dreaming of touching you like this." and encircled here petite soft hand around me. She said "Tell me what to do." and I guided her hand as I had used mine hundreds of time to jerk off, but amazed at how much better it felt to have her doing it to me. She soon kept up a rhythm and kept looking me in the eye, then looking down to visually explore my penis, then smiling back at me with a dreamy smile.

It was all sickly sweet and super horny at the same time and I soon felt a tremendous cum building in me, my already super hard erection twitching more and feeling like the skin would pop open. It was my turn to beg her not to stop and she kept it up real good, going faster and holding tighter as I instructed her until what I swear was the biggest cum of my life, before or since, erupted, spurting semen high up in multiple throbbing ribbons, my girlfriend squeaking "Oh my God, it's spitting, it's spitting!" I begged "Don't stop!" and she kept tugging, pulling every drop out of me.

Cum was fucking everywhere. All over her arm and shirt, the sofa cushions, and even a bit on her neck and in her hair. The sweet musky smell permeated the room and she continued to fondle me and kissed me with her tongue in my mouth.

Then her mom walks in the room.

"What are you doing?!" Girlfriend quickly threw a cushion over my lap but her mom had already seen us and said. "Are you heavy petting on my sofa?"

We just stammered and her mom marched out of the room as I zipped up my messy pants and girlfriend wiped her hand and arm on a pillow, panicking and almost hyper ventilating. Her mom returned, handed us 2 warm damp washcloths and stood with her hands on her hips, speaking very slowly and clearly, "You guys need to be more private and not make a mess in my house. You have desires at your age and it's OK to make each other happy but I do not want a grandchild yet so make sure this is as far as it goes."

We cleaned everything as best we could and the next day were happily jerking each other off parked safely in a car.

 

[agedmac]

Not really all that crazy ... my then-wife and I were having good sex
on our bed in the bedroom, and suddenly I felt as if we were being
watched. I looked up to see if either of our two small kids was at the
door, but the door was closed. That is when I looked down and saw
our dog ... he was sitting on the floor, with his chin resting on the
bed, his eyes were wide and he was just staring. I often wonder to
this day what the dog might have been thinking ... perhaps he was
hoping that we would try it doggy style

Ah pets..... doing it missionary style with my GF in college; her butt up on a pillow raised and her legs way back so I'm pounding a nice deep and hard rhythm. The boys rocking and swinging in mid-air.

And her cat decided with one claw extended to try and catch them. I think I broke the side table, the lamp and what felt like any chance to ever having an erection again!

 

[Jada59]

Cum shot into the eye! Yow!

 

[Taster2]

My highschool girlfriend and I thought it would be a good idea to skip school and find some time together. We go back to my house when we think the coast is clear. We are in my room having a great time, her bent over and me taking her doggy style. How was I supposed to know my dad came home from work for lunch. Well we never heard him until he was standing in the bedroom door. He says to us, you should be in school right now, I will talk with you when I get home. With that he left and went back to work. He never brought it up.

 

[SydneyScorpio]

Everyone's had something go wrong during sex. Let's hear your funny, or tragic, story.

1. Having sex on one of the bench seats on top of Sydney Harbour Bridge on New Years' Eve. When we finished, an older couple were standing a few yards away and the male said he thought our performance should go in the Guiness Book Of Records.

2. A drunken night at the beach led to sex on the hood of a car. At the end of it a young woman asked us what we thought we were doing? My lover said what's it look like? The woman said that we had dented the hood of her car. We looked around & our car was parked 2 vehicles down. Same model & color.

3. Late night sex in the backyard of a church and getting asked to leave by the priest who lived onsite.

4. Finally scoring the love of my life after months of trying. A lot of alcohol was consumed and a couple of hours of foreplay & finishing with the missionary position with her knees over my shoulders. She was a grunter and just as I came she had a major asthma attack, resulting in a trip to hospital.

5. Having an intense session with a waitress from my favourite restaurant. We were hammering away doggystyle and I accidentally slipped out of her very wet pussy and slid all the way into her ass. Well she screamed out so loud that the neighbors on both sides started hammering on the door thinking that she was being murdered.

6. After fucking a hostess at the restaurant I worked at, she told me that her daughter wanted me too. Odd people!

 

[Texastuffbbc]

In college
We are at my apartment going at it. She goes down on me and is trying to deepthroat me. She opens her mouth wide, I am Red Bull can thick, and her jaw goes out of joint. We cannot work it back in and I have to take her to the ER. We made up a lie tat she bumped into something, but the attending had her doubts.

Almost happened again when I stayed over at her moms house and she came downstairs late at night and went down on me again trying to deep throat. It almost went out of joint again. To say the least I never got head from her again.

 

[MarciMay]

Out parked in a bf truck, we where going at it, both totally nude, me straddling him and him inside me so deep it driving me insane, then a knock at the window and two flashlights shining in on us, we just freeze him inside me and roll the window down, to good evening may I ask what your doing, I looked at my bf and giggled and my smart ass mouth says “he don’t know” the officer did not like that so he said to get dressed and step out the truck, as he walked away we started in again, now he is pissed, so we get out me in panties and tee shirt him with just pants on, he asked it I was there under my own free will, smart ass me said yes but he wasn’t. After long conversation they let us go they let us go, we found a new place, finished, when I got home my mom says the cops called care to explain, I didn’t see the bf for awhile

 

[draconus_infernus]

This was a few years ago. My other half and I weren’t even going at it full steam, but right when we both came, the bed frame popped apart and we hit the floor. We looked at each other and both exclaimed, “We broke the bed!”

 

[HornyProf]

we were getting it on in the cemetery, totally or near totally naked, I was going down on her and we were having a great time and then... Car lights--caught by the police! the officer was kind enough to let us get dressed before coming out and informing us that not only the cemetery but all the public parks are closed late at night

Where the hell are we going to have hot romantic outdoor sex then.. No, I did not say that. I was so frazzled I left my glasses there.

 

[occasional_lovers]

I was climaxing in the cowgirl position and grabbed the headboard very firmly. The next thing I remember was the sound of wood cracking and the bed collapsing. I think he still hurts...

 

[snap16]

I was climaxing in the cowgirl position and grabbed the headboard very firmly. The next thing I remember was the sound of wood cracking and the bed collapsing. I think he still hurts...

I've had the bed collapse multiple times during sex.

 

[bob53]

Mood Killer
Ex and I very close to the point of climax when Step daughter knocks on bedroom door:
"Mommy I don't feel good" and proceeded to puke right outside the door.

 

[frazz]

I got a good lesson in Newton's laws of physics. Most notably, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

An ex-GF and I had been out to a nice dinner. We get back to her place and start going at it. I feel my orgasm start to build up. As soon as my cock shot the first load of cum, I farted. She laughed about that for the longest time. I was completely embarrassed.

 

[dragonprime]

I was in a three-way once (MFM). My FWB was laying on the bed and the other guy was fucking her missionary while she was sucking my cock. I look over and he's about to cum. I didn't think anything about it. I just was enjoying her moaning and sucking on my cock. He decides he's going to pull out and shoot his load over her stomach. Well his aim wasn't that good and he ended up getting me right in the eye.. I don't think I ended up finishing to say the least. lol

 

[dirtycarol]

My husband fucked me so hard in our travel trailer during a week-end escape the damn bed broke and we were both sent crashing to the floor.

 

[The_Hype]

An ex let me give her first (and my first time giving) facial. First shot... corner of the eye. It seeped in, causing her eye to burn and turn red. We left shortly after to go see the first Matrix movie. Well... I saw it at least.

A couple of times while having sex with my gf, now wife... having her legs on my shoulders in missionary position, I've slipped out and poke hole number two. Talking about a buzz kill. Btw, she can take a finger but not a dick.

Was getting head from a co-worker one night at her place. Out of the blue, her daughter starts calling for her daddy. I went into limp mode.

 

[agedmac]

An ex let me give her first (and my first time giving) facial. First shot... corner of the eye. It seeped in, causing her eye to burn and turn red. We left shortly after to go see the first Matrix movie. Well... I saw it at least.

A couple of times while having sex with my gf, now wife... having her legs on my shoulders in missionary position, I've slipped out and poke hole number two. Talking about a buzz kill. Btw, she can take a finger but not a dick.

Was getting head from a co-worker one night at her place. Out of the blue, her daughter starts calling for her daddy. I went into limp mode.

Haven't had a lot of these, but the ones that still makes me laugh was with a very sexy 'sort of divorced' (not officially) gal in college, who cried out Derrick, fuck me Derrick..........only I'm not Derrick and her almost ex wasn't either. Never had a cock wither faster!

 

[Klinkster]

Many years ago, at the drive-in movie....my then girlfriend, now wife and I parked in the back, and were busy getting handsy. Her sister saw my pickup parked back there, and walked over, stuck her head in the window, to say hi.
Bad timing. I was furiously rubbing my wife's clit, and she was pounding away at my cock. She stuck her head in the window right when I started to blow my load. I hit the head-liner, and splattered her sisters face with three or four good shots!

It was my wife's fault....bad aim...or maybe it was good!

 

[varv]

there was a curious case. We had a picnic in three couples. We retired with my boyfriend, when we returned to the company, one of the friends drew everyone's attention to the clot of sperm on my hair and shoulder on a t-shirt. It was very uncomfortable in the company for a while.

 

[MahoganyAngel]

I am loving the funny stories! OP, brilliant for starting this topic.

 

[BongoGal]

I recall a sexual tryst suddenly ending when the fellow I was with ended up with some scrotal skin caught in his zipper. He yelped, and his rather fulsome erection deflated almost immediately.

 

[30bandits]

I recall a sexual tryst suddenly ending when the fellow I was with ended up with some scrotal skin caught in his zipper. He yelped, and his rather fulsome erection deflated almost immediately.

did you kiss it, and make it better?....

 

[justdamhorny]

This happened shortly after we were married. I had a pickup with a cap on the back and the inerior of the bed was all fancy, like some of the vans back in the late 70's. I had double slider windows so you could crawl from the cab into the back if you had to. Also, the windows on the back were tinted so dark that you could only see out.

We went to a local park one Saturday afternoon and decided to climb into the back to have a little fun. We were nicely going sat it , hands all over each other and most of our clothes off when many cars started to arrive. Turns out that it was a wedding party coming to take pictures in the park. As they parked all around us we went silent and just laid there. After most had left the area, we crawled through the sliders and into the cab, started the truck and left. A few people looked, trying to figure out how we had shown up but they didn't know what was really going on!!!

 

[agedmac]

I recall a sexual tryst suddenly ending when the fellow I was with ended up with some scrotal skin caught in his zipper. He yelped, and his rather fulsome erection deflated almost immediately.

Always my argument for wearing underwear---got my hardening tip caught once in the zipper w/o underwear. Took almost 10 painful minutes to free the tip...the whole time the girl I was with was giggling almost uncontrollably