AMA - seela

[seela]

Wow...I feel a little lazy with the little Spanish I know. I would like to know more of Italian, French and I've thought about Mandarin.

No need to feel lazy! I'm just a weirdo who really enjoys languages.

Mandarin is fun and if you're interested, you should give it a go! I'd like to know Spanish and French better, too.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Is there any part of the world that you haven't traveled that you would like to explore?

What are some of your more memorable travel experiences?

 

[seela]

Is there any part of the world that you haven't traveled that you would like to explore?

What are some of your more memorable travel experiences?

I'd really like to go to central Asia and Iran, but I've never had anyone to go with and although I generally enjoy traveling alone, I think that's a trip I'd like to take with someone to be able to talk about it with someone later on.

Some of my most memorable travel experiences. Hmm. I was stranded in the Romanian countryside. It rained a lot, it was Sunday, nothing was open. I was waiting for the next train out of the place which came in a few hours, sitting on a bench under my umbrella. A bunch of Romani kids were running in the rain and jumping in puddles and laughing at me, I gave them chocolate, they went to get their mom who then insisted to take me indoors and rescue me from the rain. Then half the village (or it seemed that way) came into the house to stare at me when I was drinking the tea. No common language but some of them knew some words of German. Somehow we manged to talk and they were really nice. I got their address and when I got back home I sent them a box of baby stuff a few times. Diapers, formula, baby wipes, chocolate etc.

Also during the same trip a bridge collapsed and I was stranded on a random tiny train station with a small bunch of people from 10PM to 3AM. It was scary at first, lots of homeless and rowdy people there too. After a while the police/guard left and the last thing was that he told me not to sleep and not to take my eye off my stuff. I was freaking out first, but then the leader type of person of the homeless clearly started looking after me and an old Romanian gentleman (who spoke French - I didn't but we managed to talk anyway, he had been a drummer in a jazz band in the 60s and toured Europe, his luggage were all boxes wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string like in Sound of Music!) and any time someone was coming to harass us he started yelling at them the harrassers went away. Men, women and children slept on the floor on mattresses they had rolled out.

It was a bizarre night. A bizarre trip. Definitely memorable.

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

No need to feel lazy! I'm just a weirdo who really enjoys languages.

Mandarin is fun and if you're interested, you should give it a go! I'd like to know Spanish and French better, too.

You're not a weirdo, but inspiring

 

[seela]

You're not a weirdo, but inspiring

Thank you!

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

What is a habit you notice about yourself you'd like to change?

(Mine would be releasing the the self doubt and taking on things to encourage more self confidence)

 

[seela]

What is a habit you notice about yourself you'd like to change?

(Mine would be releasing the the self doubt and taking on things to encourage more self confidence)

Saying horrible things about myself to myself inside my head is probably a habit worth letting go of.

I'd also like to have a better follow through. I sometimes start a project but might have a difficult time finishing it without some kind of an outside incentive.

What kinds of things do you think would help encourage more self confidence in you?

 

[Pervy_Sage]

What’s your hidden talent?

 

[Primalex]

Do you have trouble to compartmentalize the humiliation during a session and carry it over in your mundane life? And if so, how do you feel about it?

 

[seela]

What’s your hidden talent?

I don't think I have any hidden talents. One thing I don't often talk about on Lit is that I've played woodwinds in a baroque orchestra. I played for around 15 years. I've quit music since, both listening and playing.

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

Saying horrible things about myself to myself inside my head is probably a habit worth letting go of.

I'd also like to have a better follow through. I sometimes start a project but might have a difficult time finishing it without some kind of an outside incentive.

What kinds of things do you think would help encourage more self confidence in you?

This also for me too.
Getting my driver's license (yeah, but I'm not the only one age 29, like the last few decades), persuing learning Spanish more fluently (there's a large Hispanic/Latino population here), going back to school...you know, never stop learning about who I can be and who I can help or even the limits of what I can learn.

 

[seela]

Do you have trouble to compartmentalize the humiliation during a session and carry it over in your mundane life? And if so, how do you feel about it?

It depends highly on the scene, but generally speaking I think I'm not very good at compartmentalizing.

A lot of the time I love it when it bleeds into my everyday life, because it allows me to relive some things over and over. Sure, sometimes it just feels very cringey afterwards and I don't enjoy it, but most of the time I enjoy mixing the mundane with the scene.

After the relationship ends, this can become hell because many things are so intertwined with what once was and the humiliation, but such is life.

 

[seela]

This also for me too.
Getting my driver's license (yeah, but I'm not the only one age 29, like the last few decades), persuing learning Spanish more fluently (there's a large Hispanic/Latino population here), going back to school...you know, never stop learning about who I can be and who I can help or even the limits of what I can learn.

Those are great goals! I've been thinking about getting a driver's license too, but I don't know if it'd make sense because I don't really need a car in my life and wouldn't have a chance to practice after getting the license. I'm afraid I'd forget how to drive before even really the hang of it.

It'd be fun to know how to drive, though. I like the thought of being able to be a chauffeur.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I'd really like to go to central Asia and Iran, but I've never had anyone to go with and although I generally enjoy traveling alone, I think that's a trip I'd like to take with someone to be able to talk about it with someone later on.

Some of my most memorable travel experiences. Hmm. I was stranded in the Romanian countryside. It rained a lot, it was Sunday, nothing was open. I was waiting for the next train out of the place which came in a few hours, sitting on a bench under my umbrella. A bunch of Romani kids were running in the rain and jumping in puddles and laughing at me, I gave them chocolate, they went to get their mom who then insisted to take me indoors and rescue me from the rain. Then half the village (or it seemed that way) came into the house to stare at me when I was drinking the tea. No common language but some of them knew some words of German. Somehow we manged to talk and they were really nice. I got their address and when I got back home I sent them a box of baby stuff a few times. Diapers, formula, baby wipes, chocolate etc.

Also during the same trip a bridge collapsed and I was stranded on a random tiny train station with a small bunch of people from 10PM to 3AM. It was scary at first, lots of homeless and rowdy people there too. After a while the police/guard left and the last thing was that he told me not to sleep and not to take my eye off my stuff. I was freaking out first, but then the leader type of person of the homeless clearly started looking after me and an old Romanian gentleman (who spoke French - I didn't but we managed to talk anyway, he had been a drummer in a jazz band in the 60s and toured Europe, his luggage were all boxes wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string like in Sound of Music!) and any time someone was coming to harass us he started yelling at them the harrassers went away. Men, women and children slept on the floor on mattresses they had rolled out.

It was a bizarre night. A bizarre trip. Definitely memorable.

Those are some interesting experiences. Sometimes it seems like the strangest things can happen while travelling. I kind of like experiencing some of that stuff though because it makes me more flexible.

May I ask about some types of play you find humiliating? I understand if you would rather not answer that because it is an intensely private question.

 

[cookiecat]

Do you bring your lunch to work or eat out?

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

Those are great goals! I've been thinking about getting a driver's license too, but I don't know if it'd make sense because I don't really need a car in my life and wouldn't have a chance to practice after getting the license. I'm afraid I'd forget how to drive before even really the hang of it.

It'd be fun to know how to drive, though. I like the thought of being able to be a chauffeur.

An example: to go back to school, on public transportation called metro transit here in the states, it will take 2 hours and 30 minutes to get some place with a car that would take 20-25 minutes. That's the local community college. The local university is about 40-50 minutes by car. I am not working, so taking Uber, Lyft or even a cab/taxi (driving services) is out of the question.

 

[seela]

An example: to go back to school, on public transportation called metro transit here in the states, it will take 2 hours and 30 minutes to get some place with a car that would take 20-25 minutes. That's the local community college. The local university is about 40-50 minutes by car. I am not working, so taking Uber, Lyft or even a cab/taxi (driving services) is out of the question.

Oof, that sounds rough. I've been lucky enough to always live in a place where I can rely on public transport or simply using my bike or walking. That's one thing I really appreciate about living where I do.

 

[seela]

Do you bring your lunch to work or eat out?

I do both. We have a cafeteria in the building just for the people who work here. It's not the greatest but it's pretty cheap and it's quick and easy, so I go there pretty often. I work in the center of the city and there are lots of nice places close by, so I eat out sometimes as well.

Now with covid I being my own lunch about three times a week just to limit the social contacts a little. I eat at my desk, which is the saddest thing ever. Right now I'm having chicken salad, browsing lit and kinda listening to a dude talk about the Arrow-Debreu model.

 

[seela]

Those are some interesting experiences. Sometimes it seems like the strangest things can happen while travelling. I kind of like experiencing some of that stuff though because it makes me more flexible.

May I ask about some types of play you find humiliating? I understand if you would rather not answer that because it is an intensely private question.

Hmm. Yes, you may ask.

I just don't really know how to give a meaningful answer to that question without going into specifics in public which I try to avoid these days.

A lot of the things I find humiliating have something to do with my own insecurities and the person in power harping on them. And I have some kinks I'm not totally at peace with myself and those provide some rather fruitful grounds for humiliation play even though so many other bdsm people wouldn't associate the things with humiliation in the least.

It's all quite situational for me. When some people have tried to humiliate me, instead of them hitting the goal it has just made me roll my eyes or, rarely, get angry.

Tough question to answer within my stupid limits, but a very good question. It's my favorite topic and I wish I could feel more comfortable talking about it here again.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Hmm. Yes, you may ask.

I just don't really know how to give a meaningful answer to that question without going into specifics in public which I try to avoid these days.

A lot of the things I find humiliating have something to do with my own insecurities and the person in power harping on them. And I have some kinks I'm not totally at peace with myself and those provide some rather fruitful grounds for humiliation play even though so many other bdsm people wouldn't associate the things with humiliation in the least.

It's all quite situational for me. When some people have tried to humiliate me, instead of them hitting the goal it has just made me roll my eyes or, rarely, get angry.

Tough question to answer within my stupid limits, but a very good question. It's my favorite topic and I wish I could feel more comfortable talking about it here again.

I completely understand that. I have a hard time knowing what I can talk about that won't identify me and what will. I've had a couple of people figure out who I am on a couple of other sites so I try to be very cautious. Thankfully nothing came of those situations but I don't like people knowing this aspect of me.

Humiliation is interesting to me because it can be so many different things for so many people. Like you said, there are things that some wouldn't find humiliating that I do. Plus there are things others find humiliating that aren't so much to me.

What do you look forward to the most when you get home from work?

 

[seela]

I completely understand that. I have a hard time knowing what I can talk about that won't identify me and what will. I've had a couple of people figure out who I am on a couple of other sites so I try to be very cautious. Thankfully nothing came of those situations but I don't like people knowing this aspect of me.

Humiliation is interesting to me because it can be so many different things for so many people. Like you said, there are things that some wouldn't find humiliating that I do. Plus there are things others find humiliating that aren't so much to me.

What do you look forward to the most when you get home from work?

My identity here was connected with my identity on another site where I was bullied by someone pretty brutally and especially my more earnest posts here about humiliation and emotional masochism seemed to fuel the ugly posts on that other site. That's why I've become wary of posting about that particular topic in any detail, which is sad because it is my favorite thing.

I live so far away that people on Lit don't care about me, so I get a false sense of security here sometimes.


Coming home from work I most look forward to removing makeup and not wearing shoes. Although I don't always wear shoes at work anymore either, now that I think of it. There are like 5 people in my section of the corridor on a typical day, so nobody cares what I do or look like here. I've started to wear wool socks at work too. It's a drafty building, that's my excuse.

 

[gracie920101]

My identity here was connected with my identity on another site where I was bullied by someone pretty brutally and especially my more earnest posts here about humiliation and emotional masochism seemed to fuel the ugly posts on that other site. That's why I've become wary of posting about that particular topic in any detail, which is sad because it is my favorite thing.

I live so far away that people on Lit don't care about me, so I get a false sense of security here sometimes.


Coming home from work I most look forward to removing makeup and not wearing shoes. Although I don't always wear shoes at work anymore either, now that I think of it. There are like 5 people in my section of the corridor on a typical day, so nobody cares what I do or look like here. I've started to wear wool socks at work too. It's a drafty building, that's my excuse.

I'd like to disabuse this notion, right here and right now and maybe clarify our viewpoint.

We care about you.

We DON'T care who you are or what you do IRL as it doesn't affect our interactions with you.

We care that you are comfortable in the threads enough to share your opinions and views on any subject in which you choose.

We care that you have a place to share your kinks and pervs to your comfort level and no one kink shames you for that.

We value the time and knowledge you have to share with us and would miss you if you weren't here.

 

[seela]

I'd like to disabuse this notion, right here and right now and maybe clarify our viewpoint.

We care about you.

We DON'T care who you are or what you do IRL as it doesn't affect our interactions with you.

We care that you are comfortable in the threads enough to share your opinions and views on any subject in which you choose.

We care that you have a place to share your kinks and pervs to your comfort level and no one kink shames you for that.

We value the time and knowledge you have to share with us and would miss you if you weren't here.

Thank you.

Sometimes I wish I could be a part of a little more active, I guess active is a good word for it, Lit community as well. Time zones and my general laziness make it hard though.

It's nice that this corner of Lit has felt a little more alive the past few weeks.

 

[midwestyankee]

Thank you.

Sometimes I wish I could be a part of a little more active, I guess active is a good word for it, Lit community as well. Time zones and my general laziness make it hard though.

It's nice that this corner of Lit has felt a little more alive the past few weeks.

It's my observation that activity picked up here at about the same time that you started your AMA thread. Coincidence? I don't think so.

 

[cookiecat]

^^^ seela - The thread you bumped about bdsm with someone you don't like was great. It did seem like discussion happened more even just a few years ago. Maybe it comes and goes?

It's always more interesting when more voices add to the conversation.

You'd be very missed if you weren't here.