are you a slave, submissive or sensualist

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: submissive, slave, sensualist

Richard - are you trying to get at the point that there are no 'real' submissives? Or that most people who consider themselves a submissive might really in fact be a sensualist? Are you searching for that 'real submissive?"

All I know is that this thread has caused me to do an awful lot of deep thinking.

I have no agenda other than to explore
what these terms mean
1) are they identies/roles/titles
2) how are they defined
3) what is one

As I have posted previous in my search the last three years
I have found many that present themselves as submissives
that in my core are just sensualist ...........

So I have to look at weather my mental picture is acurate
or if as in other things I have missed the boat

If this thread has brought you to some deep thinking
than it has benifited at lest one additional person
besides myself.

 

[sweet4poison]

Since there are times when he goes months without rewarding me for my servitude, i would have to say i am doing it for my own self satisfaction of holding up to my mind's eye what a good slave would be, and reaching for that ideal.

 

[Richard49]

Since there are times when he goes months without rewarding me for my servitude, i would have to say i am doing it for my own self satisfaction of holding up to my mind's eye what a good slave would be, and reaching for that ideal.

Do you find pleasure in th serving it's self?

What is a reward to you?

 

[sweet4poison]

a reward for me

do i find pleasure... yes. When i get a smile from him it makes the effort worth while for me.

a reward for me would be ...
being allowed sexual pleasure, wearing my collar, and being touched. Being allowed ... release... through pain. Being played with...

sigh.

 

[redelicious]

[red .. I really would like that AV hangin on my wall]

So I am missing
how/why you identify as a submissive
and not a vanilla

I am missing something

Well Richard, do you have to be in a relationship with a sub to consider yourself Dominant, or are you Dominant because you just are?

To be honest I usually balk at calling myself "a submissive." It's certainly not the role I play in my own household. And giving up control is not an easy thing for me. I generally fight it tooth and nail (Red has major trust issues). But when I have been able to let go I have felt . . . peace.

I haven't always known I was "submissive," like some others. I didn't even really know what it meant until two+ years ago when I discovered Lit. What I have always known is that my sexuality is based on pleasing others. That's when I am at my happiest.

So vanilla doesn't seem the right term for me either. Submissive, bottom, sensualist, slut - I'll answer to all of those, though none are the perfect discription.

 

[Richard49]

Re: a reward for me

do i find pleasure... yes. When i get a smile from him it makes the effort worth while for me.

a reward for me would be ...
being allowed sexual pleasure, wearing my collar, and being touched. Being allowed ... release... through pain. Being played with...

sigh.

It seems to me that that smile is a reward

That prehaps you get satisfacation in serving
cause it fits a mental picture you have
but the pleassure only comes with reward

 

[Richard49]

Well Richard, do you have to be in a relationship with a sub to consider yourself Dominant, or are you Dominant because you just are?

To be honest I usually balk at calling myself "a submissive." It's certainly not the role I play in my own household. And giving up control is not an easy thing for me. I generally fight it tooth and nail (Red has major trust issues). But when I have been able to let go I have felt . . . peace.

I haven't always known I was "submissive," like some others. I didn't even really know what it meant until two+ years ago when I discovered Lit. What I have always known is that my sexuality is based on pleasing others. That's when I am at my happiest.

So vanilla doesn't seem the right term for me either. Submissive, bottom, sensualist, slut - I'll answer to all of those, though none are the perfect discription.

What is a Dominate is a whole other question/thread
but to answer just the one question ........... I am a Dom even though I not only am alone but have put my toy bag high up in my closet and have no expetations of ever taking it down again

You bring up another good aspect/question
If I (editoral I ) am a leader in area of my life
am I/can I be a submissive/slave?

Personally ... please remember this is just my opinion
I would value a woman that was very strong who gave herself to me ..............

 

[graceanne]

You bring up another good aspect/question
If I (editoral I ) am a leader in area of my life
am I/can I be a submissive/slave?

Absolutely. As stated in another thread (I think) I am, or before I got sick, a CNA. I was going to be an RN, because I'm a good leader. I also lead the decisions on our children. Kenny gets last word, but the fact is that I know more about children, I've been around more, and I read a lot more books on child raising. So generally when it comes to raising the kids, I'm the boss behind the scenes.

 

[sweet4poison]

smile is reward

i agree. I love his laugh too. It makes me very happy when i hear it.

 

[Richard49]

If the pleasre from serving only comes with the reward
than are we not talking senualist?

 

[shyly curious]

throwing out my .02 ...

some people are male
some people are female
some people are blond
some people are redheads
some people are short
some people are tall
some people are in relationships
some people are single and uninvolved
some people are "sub"
some people are Dom/Domme

some people feel whole by doing
some people feel whole by seeing anothers response
some people seek to trigger a response

one can be Dom/Domme without having a sub
one can be sub without having a Dom/Domme

the relationship between a Dom/Domme and a sub is like the relationship between a gardener and a flower. if the right care and nutrients and attention are offered to the flower, the flower rewards the gardeners efforts with blossoms and growth. if the gardener is careless and does not offer the right mix of nutrients and attention, the flower will not blossom or reward the gardener.

imho, it is not what you are, but rather whether the relationship has the care and nutrients to foster the blossoming and hence the rewards that maintain the interactions.


maybe i have gone off track here, if so, my apologies.

 

[graceanne]

I don't only serve for a reward. If I'm lucky I get a thank you. Like recently I gave the shower an extra good scrubbing. I don't think he even noticed, but I know he's a germophobe, and that if their's mold that it'll bug the heck out of him. I did it because I love him, and it makes his life easier.

 

[sweet4poison]

If the pleasre from serving only comes with the reward
than are we not talking senualist?


Sensualist... i see that i came into my own as a sensualist when i allowed myself to admit to him i wanted him as Master. So... i suppose in THAT sense i am merely seeking my own pleasure when i beg him to allow me to serve him.

 

[Richard49]

If the pleasre from serving only comes with the reward
than are we not talking senualist?


Sensualist... i see that i came into my own as a sensualist when i allowed myself to admit to him i wanted him as Master. So... i suppose in THAT sense i am merely seeking my own pleasure when i beg him to allow me to serve him.

if you say so

 

[Kajira Callista]

kc
I want to thank you for the giving us the trust
to share your truth ..........
I do not know what the right Dom is for you .......
but he will be deeply honored

 

[crazybbwgirl]

......... What I have always known is that my sexuality is based on pleasing others. That's when I am at my happiest.........
.

That's perfect. And exactly how I feel. Sometimes when I come to this board to read and learn I go away with a fuzzy head from all the labels. I can't really seem to fit myself in to one specific spot. And, in truth, I think I change depending on the Dom. I will change to fit his needs. But I only have a very few r/l experiences and have not yet met "The Dom" for me. Its a learning process - but a very fun one!

 

[ethereal~minx]

1) how do you define each of these
2) which do you see yourself if you are not a dominate

hmmm.
I'm extremely responsive to stimulus~ if that is called sensualist, then yes. this is something about me I wish to change. I respond to what is outside of me~~~ and I will fly high on the happy, pleasure filled mmm good feelings from the look of another, or the kind words, or the scent or the visual beauty
or I could go low, soooo low at just the slightest look, words, etc. not a very healthy way to live.

submissive~ hmmm again. I am submissive in my heart to Love/Light/God. the strength in the dominant would equal the strength of my submission, and I would be a submissive in that consensual relationship. in another relationship, my strength may be dominant if that was the chosen path. depends...

slave~ I can't get my mind around this one. there have been times in the last 2yrs when I've felt like a slave~ like I had no control. I was learning to trust in myself but at the time and even upon reflection it isn't something I want to go into right now. I begin to tremble & tear. it's painful. does it mean blind trust? complete trust? that would be cool. I could never be a slave.

 

[Richard49]

hmmm.
I'm extremely responsive to stimulus~ if that is called sensualist, then yes. this is something about me I wish to change. I respond to what is outside of me~~~ and I will fly high on the happy, pleasure filled mmm good feelings from the look of another, or the kind words, or the scent or the visual beauty
or I could go low, soooo low at just the slightest look, words, etc. not a very healthy way to live.

submissive~ hmmm again. I am submissive in my heart to Love/Light/God. the strength in the dominant would equal the strength of my submission, and I would be a submissive in that consensual relationship. in another relationship, my strength may be dominant if that was the chosen path. depends...

slave~ I can't get my mind around this one. there have been times in the last 2yrs when I've felt like a slave~ like I had no control. I was learning to trust in myself but at the time and even upon reflection it isn't something I want to go into right now. I begin to tremble & tear. it's painful. does it mean blind trust? complete trust? that would be cool. I could never be a slave.

You bring up some interesting/good points .......... and context


Is it bad to respond to external stimulus?
Is this a sensualist?

What role does trust play in both submission and slavery?

Is one a submissive or does one submit?

I am sure there are even more points here that I have missed

 

[bluntforcemama]

I play the slave and the submissive, and I'm a rampant sensualist.

 

[Richard49]

I play the slave and the submissive, and I'm a rampant sensualist.

you play?

care to expand o the meaning?

 

[bluntforcemama]

you play?

care to expand o the meaning?

My politically correct title (as I see fit) is a switch with overbearing submissive tendencies. However, to please my mate, I often play slave to his Master, though I am not a slave. I also play the submissive to his Dom. This roleplaying that we engage in does not leave the bedroom (or wherever we decide to play).

 

[Richard49]

My politically correct title (as I see fit) is a switch with overbearing submissive tendencies. However, to please my mate, I often play slave to his Master, though I am not a slave. I also play the submissive to his Dom. This roleplaying that we engage in does not leave the bedroom (or wherever we decide to play).

Than we are talking about senuality not D/s?

 

[bluntforcemama]

Than we are talking about senuality not D/s?

It depends on your own definition of each.

 

[Richard49]

It depends on your own definition of each.

and my opening post to this thread asked each to share thier defintion and how it applied to them

perhaps you choice to not read that far back

 

[shyly curious]

and my opening post to this thread asked each to share thier defintion and how it applied to them

perhaps you choice to not read that far back

read back R49, she did give a definition,

but it seems not to meet your needs, which I get from your post,

Than we are talking about senuality not D/s?

how did you get to this from Mysts posts and definitions?

just curious what you are actually trying to get out of this thread, are you having trouble processing your past three years experiences? if so, why? do you know who you are? do you know what you crave? do you know how to find satisfaction?

like i said, just curious.