Can you fall in love with someone online?

[HonorableRogue]

It's a long one. That's what she said. Bud-da-boom.

Your originally asked...

I've had this debate with a few people recently, and I'm curious what others think. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met? Someone you only know virtually?

The question implies that we know what it means to fall in love and you're curious if we believed we could do it again under some special circumstances.

Now you've asked...

Ok so, let's add another factor here. What makes you think it's actually love? If you feel real pain when you lose someone in an online-only relationship, does that mean you were in love with that person?

Or does my prevailing theory that you can't fall in love online still hold, and you feel pain just because you've lost a close (and sexy) friend?

This time you're implying we don't know what love is because you're asking us to justify it's "actually love". So, merging the two questions, it sounds to me like now you're asking...

Is it possible to fall in love for the first time with someone you've never met? Someone you only know virtually?

And to that I still contend yes. Two people can build that connection in any number of non-traditional ways. And some subset of those people can maintain those connections through those non-traditional methods. But that will be a small subset. We are social creatures. We need several basic Maslowian needs but some people are able to meet those needs in novel ways.

Cheers

 

[SweetSam42]

Aaaaand, she killed her own thread.

 

[Liplovinman]

Yes, yes you can....

 

[pfflyerhot]

No dead thread here...

I, for one, like reading everybody's thoughts on this subject. And, like I said earlier, the whole online thing makes me question what is and isn't reality. If it affects me, my feelings, my moods, my actions, etc... that's reality, yes? But, I can't touch them, I can't feel their chest rise and fall as they breathe... I can't feel their arms around me, etc... that's also reality, right?

 

[snoopydaddy59]

Aaaaand, she killed her own thread.

All that really matters Sam is that you feel what you feel and you go into any situation with realistic expectations, whatever those may be......
As long as your happy and no one gets harmed along the way?.......
I SAY GO FOR IT!!!!!!!

 

[SweetSam42]

All that really matters Sam is that you feel what you feel and you go into any situation with realistic expectations, whatever those may be......
As long as your happy and no one gets harmed along the way?.......
I SAY GO FOR IT!!!!!!!

Ha. I'm not talking about anything specific. Just was putting the question out there.

I think we all have different ideas about what love is and what it isn't. Some of us are a little more conservative in our definitions, and some are just more liberal.

 

[GothAngelBabe]

Most definitely.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I'm in the "yes you can" box and I'd say that "pain of loss" is one of the signs that you can fall in love online.

If I'm friends/cyber-partners/fuck-monkeys with someone that I don't love - when we part ways online, yes I miss them, think of them, wish they were still there - but it doesn't rise to the level of pain. People come and go in my live fairly regularly for a wide variety of reasons - and I do sometimes miss them.

Ah, but when I lose a love...it hurts. It obsesses me. I lay awake at night and can't stop thinking about them - just like when I lose a love in the real world. So I have to conclude that online love is as real as offline love.

I think one of the separation points here is that for some people they define love in a more traditional sense than I do - with "real love" being sharing lives in a physical space. I don't see it that way...we can easily love people and never share a life with them in the physical space.

 

[blackhillsbbw]

I'm in the "yes you can" box and I'd say that "pain of loss" is one of the signs that you can fall in love online.

If I'm friends/cyber-partners/fuck-monkeys with someone that I don't love - when we part ways online, yes I miss them, think of them, wish they were still there - but it doesn't rise to the level of pain. People come and go in my live fairly regularly for a wide variety of reasons - and I do sometimes miss them.

Ah, but when I lose a love...it hurts. It obsesses me. I lay awake at night and can't stop thinking about them - just like when I lose a love in the real world. So I have to conclude that online love is as real as offline love.

I think one of the separation points here is that for some people they define love in a more traditional sense than I do - with "real love" being sharing lives in a physical space. I don't see it that way...we can easily love people and never share a life with them in the physical space.

Great post here. I totally agree. In 15 years I've fallen in love twice. I've also fallen in lust, and in like; I'm old enough, wise enough to know what each one is. I also believe that having this medium (online) to share our thoughts and life is amazing and a gift. Whether it's with a friend or the one you love. That is if we're being truthful and our true selves.

Dani

 

[Manchild2000]

Ha. I'm not talking about anything specific. Just was putting the question out there.

I think we all have different ideas about what love is and what it isn't. Some of us are a little more conservative in our definitions, and some are just more liberal.

First, I think there are different types of love. I do think you can fall for somebody online - I'd even venture that the relationship in some ways is far stronger because all you do is communicate. Typically the one thing that sours love is lack of communication. Being together physically "seals the deal" if you have the communication going strong.

Great recent movie regarding your thread Sam. It's called "Her". Check it out.

 

[blackhillsbbw]

First, I think there are different types of love. I do think you can fall for somebody online - I'd even venture that the relationship in some ways is far stronger because all you do is communicate. Typically the one thing that sours love is lack of communication. Being together physically "seals the deal" if you have the communication going strong.

Great recent movie regarding your thread Sam. It's called "Her". Check it out.

I agree with you…communication hugely happens online and I think that is key.

 

[SweetSam42]

First, I think there are different types of love. I do think you can fall for somebody online - I'd even venture that the relationship in some ways is far stronger because all you do is communicate. Typically the one thing that sours love is lack of communication. Being together physically "seals the deal" if you have the communication going strong.

Great recent movie regarding your thread Sam. It's called "Her". Check it out.

Good points about communication, but online, you can convey what you want to convey of who you are. I've talked to people and had completely different experiences with them than other people have told me about their relationship with the same person. It's unsettling, to say the least.

And yes, I've seen (and not enjoyed) Her. The difference here is that in Her, the object of affection is a disembodied OS. No real person behind it. And don't get me started on how someone chooses a non-entity to love over finding an actual person. I am of the mind that you can choose not to fall in love with someone.

 

[WonderPonder]

I can't see actually falling in love with someone on line, yet I'm sure it can produce sparks. My limited thinking on this subject would be, if you're lonely, down, emotionally vulnerable you might feel you are, but I think it's just because of that. You don't have all the pieces so you fill those holes with your own pieces of perception, that personally won't necessarily fit in most cases if that makes sense.
For me, I believe I could be intrigued with someone, to get my curiosity going. Love? I'm 100%, personally saying no for myself.
Everyone is different though.

 

[greyjim]

....................

 

[annafedorenko87]

I believe in love at first click. I was so desperate and tired of being alone... I created profile on https://kovla.com/datings/us/ and the same evening my husband-to-be texted me and asked me out. Believe it or not, he was the first and the only one whom I met online!

 

[blackhillsbbw]

I believe in love at first click. I was so desperate and tired of being alone... I created profile on https://kovla.com/datings/us/ and the same evening my husband-to-be texted me and asked me out. Believe it or not, he was the first and the only one whom I met online!

So how long have you known him?

 

[PattiJolene]

Falling in love over words with a person who is the source of such an Inspiring Idea and Thoughts. It has happened before lm sure and it is very much possible. Love thoughts happens in your mind and when there's no physical component it can be the strongest emotion you can feel. I guess its like a rush... the thought of having someone that feels what you feel and wants what you need.

 

[PattiJolene]

I couldn't have said it better Patti.

Thank you!

 

[LizTee5]

Yes!!!

 

[StacyLeigh]

I would agree to some extent. Falling in love is completely possible, if both parties are open. You could fall in love with a fake person in RL just as easily as you can online.
There is something quite special in finding someone you can connect with - where neither of you have preconsived notions of what the other should be like (ie: friend of a friend, coworker, classmate etc)

I think you can fall in love with the personality someone portrays online that can turn into the real thing once you meet. Not that it has happened to me but I think it is interesting to get to know someone this way and see what can develop. I have several friends that met their spouses online....so there must be something to it.

 

[annafedorenko87]

So how long have you known him?

We are going to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary this year (18/06).
We had just few dates and moved in together. One year later we got married. This is our story in a word If any questions you are welcome!

 

[HonorableRogue]

I am of the mind that you can choose not to fall in love with someone.

From my personal experience, I disagree on this one. I DO get to choose what I do about the feelings I have for someone but, barring someone doing something highly destructive to the relationship, I can't simply choose not to love someone.

Trust me I'd LOVE for that to be true (no pun intended). There are many people I wish I didn't love. I don't like them but I still love them and will still be there for them if needed even though it's not especially healthy for me or some of my other relationships.

If you really do know how to simply stop loving someone I'd love some pointers.

 

[HonorableRogue]

That's the thing Stacy. I have dated people in real life that start off great but then turn south quickly when you find out who they really are. Sometimes online is an escape from real life but I think there are people out there (at least I hope so) that are true to themselves online (which I know can be few and far between) and not out there to be fake and toy with other's emotions. I definitely think that you can get the same butterflies from being with someone in person as you can by talking to them online especially when you develop that special bond. Just my thoughts.

Yup. Honesty is honesty no matter if it's face to face or virtually. But in this case it's closer to integrity (doing the right thing when no one is watching). Some people are actually the same people on-line that they are in real life.

Clearly there's enough of them to keep the on-line dating services going because if everyone lied on-line, no one would connect and be the success stories that power other people's dreams to try.

 

[SweetSam42]

From my personal experience, I disagree on this one. I DO get to choose what I do about the feelings I have for someone but, barring someone doing something highly destructive to the relationship, I can't simply choose not to love someone.

Trust me I'd LOVE for that to be true (no pun intended). There are many people I wish I didn't love. I don't like them but I still love them and will still be there for them if needed even though it's not especially healthy for me or some of my other relationships.

If you really do know how to simply stop loving someone I'd love some pointers.

I said I think you can choose to not fall in love with someone, not that you can choose to stop loving someone. Huge difference.

 

[MarkSand]

Of course you can, if you're wise enough to leave yourself open to it.