"Coming out" about BDSM

[mistressmaxine]

I must admit, I am intimidated by the lot of you. And it makes me very self-conscious about posting.. Especially with the level of intelligence going on (with certain people).

I know exactly how you feel especially about posting. I think I've been a member for well over a year and have only posted a very few times but with the one I posted recently I got so much encouragement back that it has boosted my confidence a huge amount.
And don't even think about intelligence levels.....having a good vocabulary doesn't make you intelligent!!!

 

[the captians wench]

My ex is convinced that the most innocent looking girls are always the filthiest.



Personally, while I don't so much enjoy the 'freaking people out' part, I do thoroughly enjoy knowing that while people think, and tell me, I'm a good girl, I know that I could turn their world upside down.

It's the 'Madonna in the streets, whore between the sheets' thing.

I tend to like it that way.

For the most part I'm quiet about it, unless asked, and understated, reserved looking even. But some times my exhibitionist gets out and wants to play.

 

[HisSexyPet]

For the most people have been like, "you? really? you're into that? but you are so quiet", I look so sweet. *bats eyes* I like freakng the shit out of people.

I love that part too. I recently came out to one of the guild leaders in the MMORPG I play. He said the same thing and then asked for pictures. giggles

 

[jbannon]

I must admit, I am intimidated by the lot of you. And it makes me very self-conscious about posting.. Especially with the level of intelligence going on (with certain people).

This is a good place to come out of your shell. Or, should I say 'pupae'. (lol - I keep dictionary.com open at all times in another window just so I can use words like that) So, dry those wings and take flight!

 

[00Syd]

One really good friend of mine, when I told her, said to me that she thought it was great that I figured out what I want and went for it because not everyone figures it out. She is still the person I feel most comfortable talking about all of this with, even (much) more so than my kinky friends.

 

[SimonBrooke]

I guess I just don't really feel [see] the need to be "out" (outside of potential partners). Anyone (acquaintence, coworker, etc) who spends any real amount of time with me will pick up an alternative-sexy-librarian vibe. Anyone with half a brain cell will figure out certain things; everyone else is probably better off in their ignorance.

It also seems to be a difference between folks with kids and without, folk
It is unfortunately still true that an alternative life-style that, as in the case of BDSM, is strongly considered connected with "deviant acts" can cause problems if used against you (custody case, job review, etc).

One of these days I'm going to be outed. That's my real name there, and my real picture, and that's really where I live, too; and as it's a village of 225 folk, once you've got that you've pretty much identified me. Sooner or later someone who knows me is going to wander in here and see that, and think 'oh! I didn't know he...'; and gossip will get round. I probably won't like that.

I've been self employed most of my life. Unfortunately, I wasn't good enough at it, so now I'm not. And one thing I dislike most about being an employee is having to be 'respectable'. I know it's conventional to use a nomme de net, particularly in places like these; and I certainly know it would be safer and wiser. But that's just not who I am. It would feel, for me, dishonest, like wearing a mask. So I just put up with the fact that sooner or later I will be outed... and, as you say, there are real world costs to being seen as a deviant, which I shall probably not like.

My sexuality isn't a secret. If anyone asked me I wouldn't lie or evade. But it isn't something that many people know about because it isn't something many people ask about. So as of this moment, only a few friends know.

On the other hand, I've recently started consciously looking for a new relationship; and I don't want a relationship with someone who isn't kinked. So, if I can't identify which of the women around me are kinked, it's probably a good idea if they can identify me!

 

[milkynips]

One of these days I'm going to be outed. That's my real name there, and my real picture, and that's really where I live, too; and as it's a village of 225 folk, once you've got that you've pretty much identified me. Sooner or later someone who knows me is going to wander in here and see that, and think 'oh! I didn't know he...'; and gossip will get round. I probably won't like that.

I've been self employed most of my life. Unfortunately, I wasn't good enough at it, so now I'm not. And one thing I dislike most about being an employee is having to be 'respectable'. I know it's conventional to use a nomme de net, particularly in places like these; and I certainly know it would be safer and wiser. But that's just not who I am. It would feel, for me, dishonest, like wearing a mask. So I just put up with the fact that sooner or later I will be outed... and, as you say, there are real world costs to being seen as a deviant, which I shall probably not like.

My sexuality isn't a secret. If anyone asked me I wouldn't lie or evade. But it isn't something that many people know about because it isn't something many people ask about. So as of this moment, only a few friends know.

On the other hand, I've recently started consciously looking for a new relationship; and I don't want a relationship with someone who isn't kinked. So, if I can't identify which of the women around me are kinked, it's probably a good idea if they can identify me!

I agree. When I first realized my kinks, it was difficult to find partners with like minded sexual needs. I live in a large city and finally got up the nerve to attend a BDSM discussion group meeting I found online and after going, have met a lot of people just like myself. It's great to voice my feelings without regard for ridicule or judgement. Obviously there are those who would never understand why I enjoy and need the type of things I do, and that's fine, but by opening up to like minded adults I have my own circle of friends separate from co-workers and family.

 

[Sayyid]

My ex is convinced that the most innocent looking girls are always the filthiest.



Personally, while I don't so much enjoy the 'freaking people out' part, I do thoroughly enjoy knowing that while people think, and tell me, I'm a good girl, I know that I could turn their world upside down.

It's the 'Madonna in the streets, whore between the sheets' thing.

I tend to like it that way.

I can corroborate this.