dirty haiku

[nerk]

a path that leads me
down below your hearts center
my breath stirs your fire

for some reason, this brings out the big bad wolf in me

oh ok
now i see

 

[nerk]

really nice juxtapositioning, nerk

i don't like the word 'up' in there, though. for me it's padding where you don't need any. it works better without. imo
makes me want to tinker and that's a bit rude of me, uninvited - oh hell, here's what i'm 'seeing' (please forgive my messing it about)

earth so dry
rain puddles on the/its surface
a lonely woman's smile


again, you've managed to imbue this with something that feels asian, or oriental

I like your tinkering, chip. even on occasions when I disagree, the thinking always seems to get my ball rolling ... er ... it gets me thinking. And tinkering.

puddles on earth
too dry to soak up rain
a woman's lonely smile

or (a radical departure)

puddles on dry earth
lonely woman smiling
in the rain

 

[nerk]

Day 91

we were once as sure
as swallows catching sunlight
over the water

 

[butters]

we were once as sure
as swallows catching sunlight
over the water

oh! bravo!!!

 

[Honey123]

for some reason, this brings out the big bad wolf in me

oh ok
now i see

lol...

 

[nerk]

oh! bravo!!!

my thanks

 

[nerk]

Day 92

on a telephone
line all day, birds waiting for
the Verizon man

 

[greenmountaineer]

Revving

Delivery truck
“The Lubricant People” sign
Shrivels the day gray.

 

[butters]

on a telephone
line all day, birds waiting for
the Verizon man

aha, this reminded me of one i wrote in 2006 or seven...



phone wires black with birds shooting the breeze,
ruffling feathers





there's something very poemy-inspiring about telephone wires strung with birds

 

[corndog_]

There was a Litizen with unparalleled grasp of the haiku form. He was also a patient teacher, and wrote a wonderful guide.

His username was something like jtsierra-- I will see if I can dig up his work.

Unless you've already been down this road...?

 

[corndog_]

Holy moley, jthserra is a prolific writer!

Here is his treatise on haiku and another specifically on erotic haiku.

I recommend his work-- he is a thorough student and a gifted writer.

 

[butters]

now that's what i call helpful! well found, dog

 

[nerk]

Holy moley, jthserra is a prolific writer!

Here is his treatise on haiku and another specifically on erotic haiku.

I recommend his work-- he is a thorough student and a gifted writer.

Very cool, corndog. The debate rages on (mostly between my ears) as to whether or not these are actually haiku or not. This is definitely fuel to the fire, in the very best way.

 

[corndog_]

now that's what i call helpful! well found, dog

pant pant pant

 

[nerk]

aha, this reminded me of one i wrote in 2006 or seven...



phone wires black with birds shooting the breeze,
ruffling feathers





there's something very poemy-inspiring about telephone wires strung with birds

I do like this. It gives a good strong push and creates a lot of room for the mind to roll around in.

curiouser and curiouser. It seems the bird/wire image produces a little playfulness in both of us.
The two things that strike me about the image are that any time birds aren't flying, I always wonder why not.
The other thing is that it's a brilliant and commonplace example of the natural world repurposing our technology.

 

[corndog_]

Very cool, corndog. The debate rages on (mostly between my ears) as to whether or not these are actually haiku or not. This is definitely fuel to the fire, in the very best way.

You're welcome. I don't know if jthserra is around any longer, but he was always willing to offer advice when he was. As you have no doubt discovered, this place is loaded with talent and passion. You, yourself, seem dedicated to your craft!

 

[nerk]

Day 93

the desert flowers
after rain, forgetting to be
grim for an hour

 

[nerk]

You're welcome. I don't know if jthserra is around any longer, but he was always willing to offer advice when he was. As you have no doubt discovered, this place is loaded with talent and passion. You, yourself, seem dedicated to your craft!

I am committed to this.
And many people think I should be committed.

thank you for the links and the notice, feedback is always good.

I think I remember seeing that jthserra hadn't been around in a while, but I have no actual proof.

 

[nerk]

Day 94

on the shoulder, ants
haul the dead rat, piece by piece
down into their home

 

[nerk]

Day 95

blades of grass peek through
mat of fallen pine needles
will not be buried

 

[nerk]

Day 96

early for the boots
late for the sundress, she thinks
she is dressed for fall

 

[nerk]

Day 97

after rain, each tree
must be marked again, Master
holds the leash and sighs

 

[butters]

after rain, each tree
must be marked again, Master
holds the leash and sighs

awww

 

[drown]

'good god !'

...from the mute

the blood,
still runs
weak
in you...


morbid angles;

whiff...

 

[butters]

'good god !'

...from the mute

the blood,
still runs
weak
in you...


morbid angles;

whiff...

god is good
from the lips of the mute
the body
the blood
congealed in the wound
on high
morbid angles
the perfumed decay






just off of yours, drown; not a ku, not even much of a short, but it's what i saw having read yours