Disappointments

[lovecraft68]

Definitely in keeping with the foregoing, "Little Dicky", my first published fetish story, was torpedoed on leaving harbor. Not one comment out of 4500 post-publication views, but some eight readers collectively voted the story a 2.67. Luckily for me, I don't depend upon writing fiction for my livelihood. Though such a reception hurts at first, I press on regardless.

As long as you are enjoying yourself that's what counts

 

[estragon]

Thanks LC68. It's been quite a ride.

 

[estragon]

A True Disappointment

Sagacious_21 had written an excellent Chapter One of "Blind Leading Blind", and as Ch 2 posted I sat, eager to quibble, at my keyboard. But that which Sagacious labeled as Romance turned out to be either GS or EC. Now I have nothing against either genre, when I know that the story I'm reading (and quibbling) is in that genre. But Sagacious took a truly tender and loving story and turned it into a FMF stroker.

Now, again, I've nothing against FMF strokers. But as I said in my public comment to the story, if I buy a bottle labeled Chardonnay, I will be annoyed if the contents turns out to be Barbados Rum (again, nothing against Barbados Rum--but I wanted Chardonnay).

I didn't get what I bargained for. And the writing in Ch 2 was distinctly of a lower grade than that of Ch 1, aside from the content.

Unfortunate.

 

[estragon]

A StangStar Disappointment?

Now StangStar06 is the boss hoss of LW; everyone knows that. But his latest, "The Biggest Loser", aside from the mechanicals (Stang is too chary with quotation marks--it's OK, Stangster, they don't cost anything), has a rush-to-finish conclusion, and too much formula.

I love his character Debbie--there's a real person there, and Stangster has drawn her with his usual skill. But CJ and Sarah are cardboard. And after the brilliance and humor of "All In The Family", where Stangster showed the world how to write an LW classic, I was disappointed.

I guess when you're the best, we expect so much more. And are more easily disappointed when everything isn't a masterpiece.

 

[estragon]

I liked MandyWilluk2000's "Lesbian Induction" and said so on in the public comments and in my 'Embarras de Richesse' thread on this Board. The mechanicals are very poor, and other commentators said so, so no point in me piling on after the whistle. I didn't quibble the story; it was too much work, even though I'm doing everything to avoid working on Ch 4 of "A New Birth of Freedom". Despite mechanical faults, it was a good read, well-told.

But one commentator (obviously a fan) nailed the story as a repeat of Ch 3 of an earlier series Mandy wrote back in 2005, "Me and My Girls". By the bye, does anyone else remember Lupino Lane and the Lambeth Walk?

I plead in mitigation that when an author posts a story, I don't go back and read every other story the author posted, looking for autoplagiarism (if there is such a thing; can one steal from oneself?). But this is "weel ower t'score", as they used to say in Gleeska.

Mandy, I claim foul. No fair. A good story gets told once; after that, the teller becomes a bore.

 

[sr71plt]

Mandy, I claim foul. No fair. A good story gets told once; after that, the teller becomes a bore.

Depends on what the author does with it. If the author uses the same story foundation to significantly expand and/or weave a story with an entirely different resolution, then the author is being clever and creative. And it is, afterall, the author's own material to work (or rework) with as he/she pleases.

Anyone who would dump on a story for reuse of some material/passages alone isn't giving the work fair consideration.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

The guidance for numbers in U.S. style (British style may vary) humanities fiction (which includes erotica) is rather complex. Rounded approximate numbers ("about five hundred virgins") and numbers below 101 in ticking off units ("five virgins") should be written out. Precise numbers above 100 ("180 pounds") and percentages, time, dates, gun calibers, and some other exceptions are given as arabic numbers.

(An exception to this is if you have a sentence with multiple "like" units and one is about 101: "The Lichtenstein navy as 3 gunboats and 237 rowboats

Some publishers (mainly scientific) go with rendering numbers above nine in arabic numbers (but with the same percentages/time/date exceptions the humanities rules cover).

Not much question, though, that something is wrong in a sentence where the style is inconsistent.

U.S. fiction style on numbers can be reviewed here: http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org/16/ch09/ch09_toc.html

I go with sr but would add a bit for fiction (erotica?). Readers' comments generally give credence to the view that they find numbers written in ordinals, rather than literally expressed, a bit off-putting.

Again, why bother with numbers? Tall, petite, buxom etc., we need seductive word sketches in fiction not lab reports.

 

[estragon]

elfin and sr, thank you

for reading my thread. If you will read the two stories, you will see that the author made very few changes between the 2005 and 2011 versions. I have no objection to an author using a plotline s/he previously explored. As I said, however, this was "weel ower t'score".

Another disappointment was that the authors I copy edit/quibble ran out of the money in the Summer Lovin' contest. I take nothing away from the winners (well done, Bashfully Shameless! Hail to the victors!); I am sure their efforts deserved the reward, although the winning genres (sci/fi fantasy, incest/taboo and group sex) aren't high on my reading list.

To those who didn't finish in the money, better luck next time, and keep writing!!

 

[SydneyBlake]

for reading my thread. If you will read the two stories, you will see that the author made very few changes between the 2005 and 2011 versions. I have no objection to an author using a plotline s/he previously explored. As I said, however, this was "weel ower t'score".

Another disappointment was that the authors I copy edit/quibble ran out of the money in the Summer Lovin' contest. I take nothing away from the winners (well done, Bashfully Shameless! Hail to the victors!); I am sure their efforts deserved the reward, although the winning genres (sci/fi fantasy, incest/taboo and group sex) aren't high on my reading list.

To those who didn't finish in the money, better luck next time, and keep writing!!

I agree, GQ, it's one thing to resuscitate something old, but to cut and paste it into something else and present it as new is plain lazy. Then again, this is a free site and we all get what we pay for.

 

[estragon]

Serenissima Syd, thanks.

Now for something completely different, as Monty Python used to say. When will you publish Ch 12 of "How to Save a Life"? Don't keep that great story from your adoring public. The plot is the best you've done so far, and the sex is good and hot, in the best Syd tradition.

You asked on another thread who besides Stella Omega writes a good lesbian sex scene. I have some suggestions: Discreet_Lover's "Just What She Needs", take 2 (post-quibbles) was sweet and hot. Miss Lisa Jones, a/k/a Grandmistress Lisa Jones' series "Limits", "Lisa Learns to Love", and the dark and heady "Gotcha", have some really good scenes. Last, but definitely never least, Grandmaster dweaver999, my inspiration and ideal. His "Valerie" series, and "Stranger Than Truth", are BDSM, but really good, and the relationship between Valerie and Sally is thoughtfully and sensitively written.

Really good writing, hot sex, and best of all, believable characters, from whom you part with regret.

ETA- The scene between Rena and Lu in Ch 6 of "How to Save a Life" was really good, even though I had my doubts at first about its place in the story. But you brought it off perfectly, as usual. Great job!

 

[SydneyBlake]

Serenissima Syd, thanks.

Now for something completely different, as Monty Python used to say. When will you publish Ch 12 of "How to Save a Life"? Don't keep that great story from your adoring public. The plot is the best you've done so far, and the sex is good and hot, in the best Syd tradition.

ETA- The scene between Rena and Lu in Ch 6 of "How to Save a Life" was really good, even though I had my doubts at first about its place in the story. But you brought it off perfectly, as usual. Great job!

Ch 6 will be reworked at a later date, and Ch 12 should post any time now. A day later, my DH was asking about 13. Lol. He was pissed I left him hanging.

You'd think after 18 years, he'd be used to it by now.

 

[estragon]

Ch 6 will be reworked at a later date, and Ch 12 should post any time now. A day later, my DH was asking about 13. Lol. He was pissed I left him hanging.

You'd think after 18 years, he'd be used to it by now.

Serenissima Syd, but I'll bet you never left him hanging when it counts.

 

[estragon]

StangStar06 has posted a speak-like-a-pirate story, "Race Among the Ruins", and his fans are loving it, but I found the plotline unbelievable. I could believe the characters and the premise, but Stang jumps the language barrier as if it isn't there, and would have us believe that modern archaeology hasn't progressed beyond Indiana Jones. And his ending is flatly unbelievable, with ex-wife and current fiancée both working for our hero. I know that, however good a writer may be, every story doesn't find favor with every reader.And StangStar06 is in the top bracket in the LW league. But this one drew too big a check on my credulity account balance.

 

[estragon]

I just heard RobinE pulled "A Rose to Keep" from the site. Too bad; it was a great story, and deserved a sequel.

 

[estragon]

Tweet!

Sagacious21 is going on, a page at a time, with his "Kenny" series. It's got real possibilities, and characters that aren't cardboard, but there's a little too much telling and not enough showing. And as we've got to Ch 3 with nary a fuck in sight, I'm waiting for the ref to blow the whistle and assess five yards for delay of the game.

 

[SydneyBlake]

Sagacious21 is going on, a page at a time, with his "Kenny" series. It's got real possibilities, and characters that aren't cardboard, but there's a little too much telling and not enough showing. And as we've got to Ch 3 with nary a fuck in sight, I'm waiting for the ref to blow the whistle and assess five yards for delay of the game.

OMG, GQ, you made me laugh with that one! What other football lingo can we apply to erotica writing?

 

[estragon]

OMG, GQ, you made me laugh with that one! What other football lingo can we apply to erotica writing?

Serenissima Syd, I'll leave that to you and Ilmonamour. I can only offer "illegal use of hands and arms" (nonhuman), "too many men on the field" (group sex), and "illegal shift" (crossdressers & transsexuals).

 

[estragon]

Sagacious21 posted Chs 3 and 4 of his "Kenny" series, and while the sex finally arrived, it was rather perfunctory, rather like indifferent room service food arriving too late. The plot has real potential, and could be really hot as well as showing the development of Kenny's relationship with Consuela, but the telling drags. The story needs more showing.

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

Serenissima Syd, I'll leave that to you and Ilmonamour. I can only offer "illegal use of hands and arms" (nonhuman), "too many men on the field" (group sex), and "illegal shift" (crossdressers & transsexuals).

I think the "illegal shift" could work in nonhuman, too.

Just saying.

 

[sr71plt]

Actually Sagacious21 posted chapters 4/5 of "Kenny" today. And tell you what, Sagacious21, when this chapter (currently at 4.66) goes below the rating of estragon's last-posted story (3.18), you can start worrying about his public forum "disappointment." At 4.66, you obviously are delivering to your audience. Until then, I wouldn't worry so much, if I were you--you can even thumb your nose if you like.

 

[El Folo]

StangStar06 has posted a speak-like-a-pirate story, "Race Among the Ruins", and his fans are loving it, but I found the plotline unbelievable. I could believe the characters and the premise, but Stang jumps the language barrier as if it isn't there, and would have us believe that modern archaeology hasn't progressed beyond Indiana Jones. And his ending is flatly unbelievable, with ex-wife and current fiancée both working for our hero. I know that, however good a writer may be, every story doesn't find favor with every reader.And StangStar06 is in the top bracket in the LW league. But this one drew too big a check on my credulity account balance.

Hey, not questioning the rest of your review, but how come you flat out gave away the ending, even if you have gripes with it?

 

[sr71plt]

Hey, not questioning the rest of your review, but how come you flat out gave away the ending, even if you have gripes with it?

My guess is because he's full of himself. I suggest you read one of his stories and post a review here.

 

[El Folo]

My guess is because he's full of himself. I suggest you read one of his stories and post a review here.

Hello, teh lulz. We meet again.

 

[SevenSquared]

I have a reason. Literotica readers are a pretty damn lazy lot. It takes a few extra seconds to vote but heaven forbid they do it.

Another reason is probably because a lot of people open stories, read the first few paragraphs and then stop reading either because:

1. It isn't about what they thought it was about
2. It is badly written, or not written in a way they like
3. It is taking too long to get to the action or, conversely, gets to the action too quickly.
4. They have zero connectivity or empathy with the main character(s)
5. They notice it is 5 pages long and they were looking for something shorter
6. Some real life reason or other

You can't really blame these people for not voting. Would you want them to vote on a story they hadn't really read? I probably only finish about one story in three that I open, usually for one of the reasons above, but they still count as 'views'..

 

[PennLady]

Another reason is probably because a lot of people open stories, read the first few paragraphs and then stop reading either because:

1. It isn't about what they thought it was about
2. It is badly written, or not written in a way they like
3. It is taking too long to get to the action or, conversely, gets to the action too quickly.
4. They have zero connectivity or empathy with the main character(s)
5. They notice it is 5 pages long and they were looking for something shorter
6. Some real life reason or other

You can't really blame these people for not voting. Would you want them to vote on a story they hadn't really read? I probably only finish about one story in three that I open, usually for one of the reasons above, but they still count as 'views'..

Sometimes I read a story and don't vote b/c I'd want to give it a 2 or 3. I've read a number of posts from people who say they only vote if they can give it a 4 or 5. Should I give it the 2 or 3 if I think that's what it deserves? Maybe.