Dom/me "Thought of the Day" calendar

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: september 24

Hmmmm, you trying to tell me something Amo?

C

I think we will find out tonight, won't we?

Francisco.

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 1

Only a coda

Three or four years ago, my submissive girlfriend (at the time) was slowly pulling out of a very intense situation. She said very plainly she needed space so I took a seat behind her no less than 20 feet away so I could watch her for trouble signs. Suddenly she began to panic and was sobbing uncontrollably. Why? Because she had forgotten I was there and had become convinced she was abandoned. She had completely lost track of time and setting to the point where it took a large effort to re-assure her. No, she had no history of mental illness and was normally a very functional and happy go lucky person -- this happened at the end of an intense sequence of events.

Later we discussed what happened, and she had even hinted that abandonment might be an area for future exploration, but the relationship ended before we re-visited it.

Mr Blonde

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 2

SAM as in Smart Ass Masochis is not behaving in a teasing manner (in my book anyway) but in a selfish way to reach his/her personal end which is a usually physical punishment. SAM's do push limits not to test a Dominant or to tease, but to decidedly push OVER the established and well known limits set and agreed between the parties involved to force the Dominant into a sadist reaction that usually would not occur. This is a violation of the D/s principle as much as it would be for a Dominant to constantly consciously override set limits towards the submissive.

Hecate

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 3

To dominate the other person completely, to feel the sense of power that comes from within when you bend someone to your will. Many say that it is the gift given freely by the sub to her master and while there is some truth in that, once the control is given to me she is mine. This doesn't mean that I will ruin her. She will grow in strength every day. I will break her down and remake her over and over.

Betticus

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 4

I don't think pedophilia has anything to do with domination. Any loser with a Nintendo can get a vulnerable or unsupervised kid to play with their dingdong.


Marquis

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 5

I think everyone wants to be cared for in some way. No matter how independent minded there will always be times in every person's life when it would be great to just lay your head and be comforted.

Some people need more care-taking than others, but I don't see that as a particularly Top or bottom issue. I mean, a personal slave can offer an awful lot of caretaking. Does that make the slave's master less of a Top? No more than providing for ones dependants makes one a bottom.

bridgeburner

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 6

BTW. To answer your point: No, having, making, shouting about, or posting a list of fuckups is not itself a fuckup. (Else the DSM IV folks would fit!) It's a sign of a particular black-and-white, self-assured (authoritative) stance as to sexual health and belief that one knows an expert amount about it.

Pure

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 7

If I needed guidance, I'd seek a relationship counsellor. BDSM relationships are still relationships -- they are still two (or more) humans dealing with issues of love, trust, honour.

Someone who cheats is breaking a trust. But equally, someone who exposes their partner to the world for a failure is just as guilty for breaking a trust. And tit-for-tat is never a good way to deal with a real issue.

FungiUg

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 8

Domination begins in the mind...if the Dominant ever forgets that, the Domination will weaken. INMH of course!

Shadowsdream

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 9

It comes down to life experience, I do not want a submissive to spank, or humiliate or whatever the kink might be for you. I want a submissive that I can go to dinner with and have a conversation with THEN go home and spank her.



NCShin

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 10th

IMO there are two different scenarios.

1) Temporary relationship, a scene involving two or more consenting adults. The involved parties have made a clear agreement before starting to 'play'.

In here there is no blank consent possible; the power lies ultimately with the submissive. If an agreement has been made beforehand and the sub withdraws from it, the sub is acting completely between her rights. Normally a safe word or a combination of safe words will be agreed upon; as long as the safe word is not used the sub has not withdrawn consent. What happens during the scene is the responsibility of the involved Dominant. The sub is completely acting within her rights, if she tries the patience and strength of a dominant by trying to change the setting to her own specific taste. The Dominant can choose to withdraw from the scene or punish the sub for behaviour as long as the sub does not withdraw consent.

2) Long term relation, in here the involved consenting adults have a more permanent character.

This one is very hard to answer since there are no set guidelines for a relationship, certainly not in BDSM. It is what the consenting adults make of it. If we look at the blank consent relationship ownedsubgal describes it comes very close to the relationship Catalina and I have. Between me and Catalina there is one agreement. I have a blank consent to do whatever I want and I will not withdraw under any circumstances from the relationship and she will not withdraw either.

Having said that in the given example I find the idea of do what I tell you or fuck off going pretty far. Quint said it very eloquently "let me flog you or get out" (inconsequential) and "respect my authority or get out" (more significant and perhaps understandable).”


Francisco

Posted by Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 11

IMHO the biggest part of responsiblity is honesty
and the biggest part of that is owning ones mistakes
weather they be deliberate or accidental

Excuses do not make a responsible person
Dom or submissive
Richard49

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 12

I'm so damn Domly!

I have the classic style Winnie the Pooh shower curtains in my bathroom. It has Pooh bear and Eeyore and Tigger and Owl and Piglet and Kanga and Roo and Christopher Robin on it. The cloth outer curtain.

And I love to take long, hot bubble baths and pull the curtains shut and just melt in the water.

Betticus

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 13

So, for my 1000th post, a cautionary tale.....

If you have ever had those weird feelings of impending doom..Well I have them all the time.. Sometimes I don't pay attention to them. And I ALWAYS pay for it.

Like tonight.

I was on my way home this evening. As a matter of fact I was almost completely there. When not paying attention to that feeling caught up with me.
As I came around a curve on the two lane highway that I travel, I found all the blue and yellow lights in the world.
No biggie..There had been a rockslide.
No problem... Just wait till they get it cleared and go on.
Right?
Well.....Not exactly..
It wasn't a biggie till the highway patrollman working the scene noticed that my tag had expired..*sigh* Evidently I had forgotten to renew my registration.
So I handed over assorted paperwork and got ready to recieve a non-moving violation ticket.
Pain in the ass right? But still not a major thing...
I wish...
It seems that at some point I had an outstanding traffic ticket that I, well to be honest, it was so long ago that I just plain forgot.
ANd the wonderful county of Johnson, in scenic East Bumfuck, suspended my license.
Now you would think that if they were going to do something like that, they would tell you....So would I...
So, as a matter of fact, would the law state..But while the law does so state, they didn't.
To make a long story shorter, the patrolman walked back to my car, informed me of all this, and gifted me with the wonderful new years greeting of "Do you have someone who can pick you up...So I don't have to take you to jail?".
We fortunately I did..So I am not writing this from the day room of the new county lockup.
He was nice enough to have the dispatcher call for my ride and let me pull my car off the road so I can have it picked up tomorrow. Thereby saving me a tow bill at least.
So, we stood around and shot the breeze while waiting. (Did I mention that I knew him from having sat on the Grand Jury in November..Nice guy actually)
We, or rather "he", recieved a radio call that my ride had had a tire go out about three miles from where we were.
*SIGH*
At this,he just had me grab my stuff and hop in the back of the Highway Patrol Blazer; he then drove me over to where the other car was waiting.
Arriving I found that they had a spare, but no jack, and no lug wrench. Well, we found a four way in the back of the Blazer and back to the radio he went.
(And did I mention that while this was going on the area was turning into a police convention????)
About twenty minutes later we finally got the tire changed and were on the way.
Oh..It seems that the flat was due to my ride having run over a rock or two from the rockslide that caused me to have to stop. They evidently passed the area about twenty minutes before the highway cut let loose for good.

So, three or four pink sheets of paper, and an episode of Monty Python later.. And now I have to figure out just how much I owe the state of Bumfuck to get all this fixed. Which I have to do as quickly as possible because I am in the process of changing jobs, and they all seem to want a valid DL these days.

The number promises to be depressingly large.

The moral of the story...

One: Pay attention when your back brain is trying to tell you something.

Two: On your way out this morning, or this evening, or whatever...LOOK AT YOUR TAG!

EKVITKAR

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 14

Before you start screming:but then it isn't BDSM, then it is abuse and it is sick and criminal! ...hold it for a moment and ask yoursef: isn't that exactly what "public" thinks BDSM is about? So without EXPLAINING ina a short, spot-on motto that no, this is not at all what it is all about, how should people have known?

It may not have been needed for those IN the lifestyle, but for those NOT in it.

Hecate

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 15

In summary, when dealing with new people or even familiar people under difficult circumstances, spend one minute per fifteen minutes of conversation reviewing what was said. Don't analyze things to death and be willing to forgive small peccadillos. But when things appear to be seriously awry....yes, yes, yes, trust your gut and have the strength to walk away.

Mr Blonde

 

[AngelicAssassin]

October 16

It would work best with a first edition sub. There are 30 minute timers, but what is the drama in that? 5 minutes can be an eternity to a virgin ass Especially when she is watching the sand slowly wind down.

WriterDom

 

[AngelicAssassin]

October 17

The pocket rocket is an amazing little intense vibrator that does its job quickly and efficiently...BUT that desired orgasm does not need to be allowed easily...O No!

I like to add a little extra twist...the voyeur in Me likes to stand back on occassion and just view the struggle to orgasm...so...

A fem sub blindfolded and naked upon the bed with the direction to hold the pocket rocket directly on her exposed clit, using only her thighs to keep it in place and to manuever the intensity as required to achieve orgasm. If she drops it more than once..game over...O well!

It is very amusing to watch the gyrations being performed to get maximum benefit without losing the toy. The orgasms are always extremely intense and often noisy..so You may wish to also use a penis gag for a little quiet...I personally prefer her suffering sounds upon reaching her goal...yes this type of orgasm is as much about suffering as it is about pleasure.

Shadowsdream

 

[AngelicAssassin]

October 18

Johnny Bravo has a mommy thing going.

Dexter is into bondage.

The Powerpuff girls....well, need I say more?

I want to meet the pervert who is behind the programming at the Cartoon Network!

Yet another attempt to lighten things up around here. Don't fuck with me, people!

MissTaken

 

[AngelicAssassin]

October 19

I have always seen BDSM relationships as a dance of extremes in one way or another. Yet so subtle that it barely moves with the internal music of contentment and chaos.

I close My eyes and hear the cry of a single violin string screaming in harmony with the whip and the sobs of the one before Me. A slow start when the band just begins to whisper the first halting steps of the waltze that will momentarily glide across a crowded dance floor and still find the participants alone and absorbed.

Deep swoops to lull and attract before the frenzy of crescendos that build and crash upon the shores of My imagination.


Anyone care to begin a conversation around the dance of Domination and submission?


Shadowsdream

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 20

While I'm starting to see a connection between barbies, and BDSM/kinky sex...I ripped heads off everything when I was a kid... barbies, GI Joe, strawberry shortcake (but, really, who wouldn't?), and other dolls.

However, I haven't done these things as an adult, to people, while I have practiced BSDM. I also haven't doused anyone with gasoline or hairspray, and set them on fire; drawn and quartered anyone; or set up "crime scenes" which included decapitation/knifing/missing limbs, and liberal amounts of blood (katsup) spilled all over the place.

KestralWolfe

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 21

Remember, while growing up, all of the good citizenship rules drilled into your head by family, school, church, and friends? Ever feel a bit rebellious? Ever question why?

i'm not saying most of those "good manners" don't come into play when dealing with a submissive. To my way of thinking, you better have your, pardon the drop into old jargon, chit in neat, squared away little piles before you even think about taking on that kind of responsibility.

Somewhere along the line, i stepped outside the "politically correct" way of interacting with fellow human beings. i got restless, irritated, frankly pissed off with fighting myself and "the rules." As Ebonyfire so eloquently put it, i stopped giving a shit what other people thought long enough to realize following the herd would put me in an early grave, or numb my mind beyond ever caring enough to live.

i got a taste in the military, what a sobering experience, to determine the fate of lives, and that satisfied the itch for a while. i don't mean to simplify to the point of sounding like a sociopath, but that particular area ain't up for discussion right now.

How do you turn that off in your personal life? You don't. i married a woman and lived as man and wife for 10 years while descending into passive aggressive hell. When i finally got the courage to leave, i ended up staying for another 12 months because of a promise. Amazing how they come back to bite you.

i realized, thru a lot of living, a lot of trial and error, and plain dumb luck, society may not like it when i'm "full on." i can hide it, shade it, plaster a numb nuts expression on my face now and go with the flow when needed, but sooner or later, that dominant seeps through the facade.

i don't apologize for it anymore. i may stay quiet, but my eyes will give it away every time. And you know what? Almost nothing tastes as sweet as a boss, spouse, lover, whatever that drops his/her eyes because you refuse to blink.

If anything, make it an "unlearning" experience. i'd call my state natural, but it required a lot of effort to dig out of an unnatural mold. Never again, and until the end of days ...


AngelicAssassin

 

[AngelicAssassin]

October 22

I think that from both my own perspective as a Dominant and a LOT of time spent with lifestyle folk I tend to pick up on verbal cues, mannerisms, bits of dress, etc etc that others might miss & that can often give me a good idea
But you can never be 100% if someone doesn't come out and say something
If it's someone I'm interested in I will try to drop hints or phrases to see how they respond...things folks "not in the know" wouldn't get or would think were jokes
I have ALSO seen a tendency, especially among younger people who're first getting in to "the lifestyle" (such as it is) to see "hints" and "signs" EVERYWHERE. They think they can "tell" who or what everyone around them is. This's pretty natural....they're just coming to something new, and it fills their need to fit in & feel "normal" to feel others around them are all in to the same things

my .02

James G 5

 

[catalina_francisco]

October 23

Herein lies the rub with today's society. I think if you have someone you can trust completely you can have perfect freedom. Ain't no rules that say subs have to be kept. A subs growth and success should be the to the dom's glory and pride. Just a thought.

da grunt

 

[AngelicAssassin]

October 24

It seems there are lots of submissives out there, who are lining up to give blowjobs, eat pussy, rim asses and give massages, but the real test of submission in my mind is can he clean the kitchen to my satisfaction? Can he sort and wash my laundry without ruining my clothing? Can he vacuum the house and dust, clean the toilets, and buy groceries?


Can he do decent maintenance on my computer so I do not have to do it? Can he change the oil in my car?

Any other Dom/mes have anything to say on submissives and the mundane tasks of life?

Ebonyfire