How do you help someone get over being abused

[ffreak]

kikmosa, I know you've suffered a lot in your life, and I wish you the best, especially since you are taking control. Your life will be better from now on.

Your story would do well as a novel. The publishers constantly tell us to write about the things we know about. Wouldn't that be a great way to work it all out and get some voyeristic revenge at the same time? All you have to do is change the names of the people and places. Don't be afraid to let it all hang-out. I think you may have the makings of a best seller.

Truth is stranger than fiction. Do it for all of us.

Take care of yourself.

To everyone else, I think this is a great thread and you are all helping us (the readers) by showing how you care.

As for me, its a good thing I'm not a cop. I don't think I could manage to bring these jerks into the station without their falling on the ground, hard, over, and over, and over...

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Don K Dyck
Hi Gil . . . all the best for the 27th . . . is there anybody who can keep us posted on your progress??

Ditto...hope things go well for you Gil....will be thinking about you.

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi Gil . . . all the best for the 27th . . . is there anybody who can keep us posted on your progress??

MAYBE :LADYOFLUST but she has been having personal troubles but I will ask her if she can.

I'll check to see how things are with her & ask for her to give updates via AUSSIE thread.

 

[wicked woman]

That would be great...thanks Gil


WW is going to be a lurking Aussie for bit.

 

[Gil_T2]

kikmosa, I know you've suffered a lot in your life, and I wish you the best, especially since you are taking control. Your life will be better from now on.

Your story would do well as a novel. The publishers constantly tell us to write about the things we know about. Wouldn't that be a great way to work it all out and get some voyeristic revenge at the same time? All you have to do is change the names of the people and places. Don't be afraid to let it all hang-out. I think you may have the makings of a best seller.

Truth is stranger than fiction. Do it for all of us.

Take care of yourself.

To everyone else, I think this is a great thread and you are all helping us (the readers) by showing how you care.

As for me, its a good thing I'm not a cop. I don't think I could manage to bring these jerks into the station without their falling on the ground, hard, over, and over, and over...

I agree with you that KIKI should do the book as apart from it likely being a best seller it would help serve to battle the demons of the past & I encourage everyone to think about writting their story or writting about their new life since escaping the horrors of abuse.

 

[Gil_T2]

That would be great...thanks Gil


WW is going to be a lurking Aussie for bit.

There is no need to lurk on the AUSSIE thread as it is very social, friendly etc & ALL are made welcome. Thanks for the kind thoughts WW

 

[Gil_T2]

That would be great...thanks Gil


WW is going to be a lurking Aussie for bit.

There is no need to lurk on the AUSSIE thread as it is very social, friendly etc & ALL are made welcome. Thanks for the kind thoughts WW

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
There is no need to lurk on the AUSSIE thread as it is very social, friendly etc & ALL are made welcome. Thanks for the kind thoughts WW

Thanks Gil...I'm sure they are....was just going to check in to see how you were...wasn't planning on asking to be adopted.

 

[Gil_T2]

Thanks Gil...I'm sure they are....was just going to check in to see how you were...wasn't planning on asking to be adopted.

adoption MIGHT NOT BE IN THE PLANS BUT THERE YOU WILL BE GREETED WITH OPEN ARMS & HUGS

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Hi Gil . . . all the best for the 27th . . . is there anybody who can keep us posted on your progress??

As Don said "all the best" and take care. Is there anyone going to help you when you go home and recover? Wish I was nearby I'd be more than glad to do whatever I could.

Lots of love and I'll be thinking of you.

 

[Bandit58]

Gah......I started to type this stuff out a couple of days ago and changed my mind and deleted the whole thing, but now I need some feedback.

You all know how my ex treated me. The silent treatment, the criticism, the putdowns......well it's still like that except I'm getting it second hand through my daughter. I'm not allowed in the house when I take her home. I haven't laid eyes on him in weeks. He phoned me once a couple of weeks ago because something was on his power bill that should have been on mine, though why he couldn't have sorted it out himself I don't know. If I ring up and he answers the phone he passes it straight to our daughter. Now I have heard that he won't come to the play she is in on the night I will be there Our son graduates from university soon, is he not going to go just because I will be?? The whole thing is pathetic, he needs to do some growing up.....

I don't know how to deal with this....all I can do is hug my child and tell her that I do still love her no matter what, and that it's her dad's problem and he needs to get over it. She's doing really well at school despite everything and her teachers have been wonderful to her. It's a small high school (around 350 pupils) and she'd be about the only one who lives with a solo dad. It's amazing the number of people who have assumed that she lives with me.......even after all this time. It's no wonder either that our son doesn't like to come home much, but he's 20 now and a young man and ready to make his own way in the world. I'm so proud of both of them but I despair of their father ever getting his act together, he will miss out on so much in the end......

(((((((Gil )))))))) Thanks so much for your support, good luck with the op You know I'll be thinking of you

 

[ffreak]

Bandit, hang in there.

It sounds to me like you are handling it just right. Ignore the way the ex is acting. If he can't deal with your lives the way they are now, its his problem. Keep loving the kids and stay close to them. They may make excuses in their heads for dear old Dad, but they won't ever forget you love them if you just show it.

And have patience. It will take a long time for life to seem normal in your lives (you and the kids) but it will get there.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Bandit, hang in there.

It sounds to me like you are handling it just right. Ignore the way the ex is acting. If he can't deal with your lives the way they are now, its his problem. Keep loving the kids and stay close to them. They may make excuses in their heads for dear old Dad, but they won't ever forget you love them if you just show it.

And have patience. It will take a long time for life to seem normal in your lives (you and the kids) but it will get there.

Ditto...

 

[Gil_T2]

Gah......I started to type this stuff out a couple of days ago and changed my mind and deleted the whole thing, but now I need some feedback.

You all know how my ex treated me. The silent treatment, the criticism, the putdowns......well it's still like that except I'm getting it second hand through my daughter. I'm not allowed in the house when I take her home. I haven't laid eyes on him in weeks. He phoned me once a couple of weeks ago because something was on his power bill that should have been on mine, though why he couldn't have sorted it out himself I don't know. If I ring up and he answers the phone he passes it straight to our daughter. Now I have heard that he won't come to the play she is in on the night I will be there Our son graduates from university soon, is he not going to go just because I will be?? The whole thing is pathetic, he needs to do some growing up.....

I don't know how to deal with this....all I can do is hug my child and tell her that I do still love her no matter what, and that it's her dad's problem and he needs to get over it. She's doing really well at school despite everything and her teachers have been wonderful to her. It's a small high school (around 350 pupils) and she'd be about the only one who lives with a solo dad. It's amazing the number of people who have assumed that she lives with me.......even after all this time. It's no wonder either that our son doesn't like to come home much, but he's 20 now and a young man and ready to make his own way in the world. I'm so proud of both of them but I despair of their father ever getting his act together, he will miss out on so much in the end......

(((((((Gil )))))))) Thanks so much for your support, good luck with the op You know I'll be thinking of you

DANDIT what can we say but dealing with hurt 6yo'ds egos is hard at the best of times & anything you do or say will be wrong (in his view) so as you say YOU TELL YOUR KIDS you love them & that;s what really matters.

 

[Bandit58]

Thanks everyone

It just makes me so angry sometimes, how he can't put our differences aside just for a few hours for the sake of our kids. I don't expect him to get along with me, but there are times when we are going to have to be in the same place at the same time and those times will involve our children. Things like 21sts, graduations, weddings, birth of grandchildren.....even if I move out of the area these things will be part of both our lives. Time might make a difference, but somehow I doubt it....

 

[pleasteasme]

Bandit-
I cannot agree with you enough. . .

I come from parents that should have NEVER had children.

My father is socially dysfunctional and never attended our graduations, competitions, or any of those things that parents are supposed to be at. In addition to this, he was both physically and mentally abusive to us.

My mother, well she is a unique story all unto herself.

The real thing that has screwed me up so much is my father and his hatefulness-or at least that is what I always perceived it to be. How can you have kids and not want to be involved in their lives? What possesses people like this to bring children into this world and treat them so horribly.

In high school I had so many issues and depression and really contemplated ending all of it. Thank god I had a wonderful group of friends and teachers that loved me and helped me get through it. Even now, years ago from living in such an aweful situation, I wonder how I ever survived, how I ever got out of it.

The baggage I carry from my childhood is a total lack of trust in men - which I am really trying to work on. I just have great difficulty trusting any man, when I could never trust my own father. I have had very few real relationships, at least 'normal' ones.

Now, I am what I would consider sucessful, I got my college degree, have a good job and can make it on my own.

My advice to with dealing with people from abusive pasts: Patience, have an open mind, be a good listener, and just be a shoulder for then to lean or cry on.

 

[Gil_T2]

Bandit-
I cannot agree with you enough. . .

I come from parents that should have NEVER had children.

My father is socially dysfunctional and never attended our graduations, competitions, or any of those things that parents are supposed to be at. In addition to this, he was both physically and mentally abusive to us.

My mother, well she is a unique story all unto herself.

The real thing that has screwed me up so much is my father and his hatefulness-or at least that is what I always perceived it to be. How can you have kids and not want to be involved in their lives? What possesses people like this to bring children into this world and treat them so horribly.

In high school I had so many issues and depression and really contemplated ending all of it. Thank god I had a wonderful group of friends and teachers that loved me and helped me get through it. Even now, years ago from living in such an aweful situation, I wonder how I ever survived, how I ever got out of it.

The baggage I carry from my childhood is a total lack of trust in men - which I am really trying to work on. I just have great difficulty trusting any man, when I could never trust my own father. I have had very few real relationships, at least 'normal' ones.

Now, I am what I would consider sucessful, I got my college degree, have a good job and can make it on my own.

My advice to with dealing with people from abusive pasts: Patience, have an open mind, be a good listener, and just be a shoulder for then to lean or cry on.

Yes it all to common unfortunately that so many men refuse to see & be a part of their childrens lives ( for me my daughter was/is the greatest joy of my life), it's strange how you have to have a drivers licence to operate a car,adog licence to have a dog yet there is nothing to check to see if ppl are suited OR able to raise children causing emence emotional troubles for so many throughout their lives.

 

[Gil_T2]

For those who are supprised to see me posting today..... I got my operation suspended becuase of lack of beds & will have to wait till they again open the beds for NON PAYING patients.

 

[kikmosa]

Hello everyone.

I hope everyone is doing ok. If anyone has heard from Gil please let us know how he's doing.

Well, I'm in NY. Things are going well. I have a job interview tomorrow. Hope it goes good. Would be a nice place to work.

I'll try to look in more often now that things are settling down. Everyone take care and be well.

Kiki

 

[Gil_T2]

Hello everyone.

I hope everyone is doing ok. If anyone has heard from Gil please let us know how he's doing.

Well, I'm in NY. Things are going well. I have a job interview tomorrow. Hope it goes good. Would be a nice place to work.

I'll try to look in more often now that things are settling down. Everyone take care and be well.

Kiki

KIKI it's so nice to hear the move went well for you & life is on the up as well,best of luck with the job too.I haven't bben on much as I have hurt my wrist & have to type with the other hand (finger) & still waiting for a bed so I can have the OP which is now planned for the 10th Sept (Wed) but won't know till Tuesday night when I have to ring to make sure my beds still available.


Big warm hugs to my dear friend & know the future is yours to take control.

 

[Bandit58]

Hello everyone.

I hope everyone is doing ok. If anyone has heard from Gil please let us know how he's doing.

Well, I'm in NY. Things are going well. I have a job interview tomorrow. Hope it goes good. Would be a nice place to work.

I'll try to look in more often now that things are settling down. Everyone take care and be well.

Kiki

Great to hear you're doing so well Kiki Hope the job interview goes well, I'm still doing work based training but I need a real job......trying to take control of my future but as I said on another thread, it's like climbing a mountain in cement filled boots.....

 

[Don K Dyck]

KIKI it's so nice to hear the move went well for you & life is on the up as well,best of luck with the job too.I haven't bben on much as I have hurt my wrist & have to type with the other hand (finger) & still waiting for a bed so I can have the OP which is now planned for the 10th Sept (Wed) but won't know till Tuesday night when I have to ring to make sure my beds still available.


Big warm hugs to my dear friend & know the future is yours to take control.

AW geez, Gil . . . don't you know that Little Johnnie Bonsai Howard thinks that it is more important to kill foreigners in Iraq (where the oil is) than to care for aussies (where the taxes come from)?? So much for a free enterprise society . . . . Liberal Party policies suck!! . .

 

[Gil_T2]

AW geez, Gil . . . don't you know that Little Johnnie Bonsai Howard thinks that it is more important to kill foreigners in Iraq (where the oil is) than to care for aussies (where the taxes come from)?? So much for a free enterprise society . . . . Liberal Party policies suck!! . .

That little turd of a prime minister has decided to declare everyone who is on a pension as being a resident of IRAQ......



He seems to think we are just as much a drain on his fundings.Kill us ALL off & the budget savings will go to some forign nation.

 

[sexyimporttuner]

I was abused in a relationship. It took me awhile to start dating again, but when I did, I came right out and told him what had happend to me, and he took things very slow, and watched what he did, and what he said.

 

[Noor]

I was abused in a relationship. It took me awhile to start dating again, but when I did, I came right out and told him what had happend to me, and he took things very slow, and watched what he did, and what he said.

You are lucky, sometimes when you tell they use it to hurt you later, saying things like "do you want me to lie to you?" even when they have no problem lying to you or "do you want me to hit you?" They never do it up front in the beginning, they wait until you are down or weakened in some way.