How do you help someone get over being abused

[Bandit58]

I was just doing some research when I came across this page.

http://www.submissiveloving.com/fakedoms.html

I was amazed at how many of those traits fit my ex, including the silent treatment, emotional blackmail, explosive temper.....and I put up with all that for years, I walked on eggshells....

About the only thing on there that doesn't fit in some way, is that he doesn't drink or do drugs.....

 

[BrownEyes26]

Hi all
Just dropping in to say hello, and wish you all well. I had a busy summer with work and school, as well as vacation. My computer died so I am using a friends, which leaves me with little time to surf the net.
Take care
BE26

 

[Gil_T2]

First of all I have to say sorry for anyone who has come to this thread look9ng for help in my absence but it is my poor health that has kept me away from LIT & I have only just returned home from the hospital after 2 operations, I will catch up as soon as I can to keep this thread alive for any & all who need it, till then again sorry for not being here.

 

[Don K Dyck]

First of all I have to say sorry for anyone who has come to this thread look9ng for help in my absence but it is my poor health that has kept me away from LIT & I have only just returned home from the hospital after 2 operations, I will catch up as soon as I can to keep this thread alive for any & all who need it, till then again sorry for not being here.

Hey Gil . . . welcome back!! Hope everything went according to plan at the hodpital . . .

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
First of all I have to say sorry for anyone who has come to this thread look9ng for help in my absence but it is my poor health that has kept me away from LIT & I have only just returned home from the hospital after 2 operations, I will catch up as soon as I can to keep this thread alive for any & all who need it, till then again sorry for not being here.

Great to see you back Gil....hope your surgery was successful. No need to apologize...sometimes we all need to look after ourselves so we are able to give of ourselves later.

 

[Stiffy Says...]

Patience, Love, Time, Therapist...

not sure if any other suggestions work, but those do....

 

[Gil_T2]

Hey Gil . . . welcome back!! Hope everything went according to plan at the hodpital . . .

Being a public patient under little Jackoff Johnny's rule I had & have many complaints about his screwing with the health system,
it starts with the first date being canned because of lack of beds, then getting the LEARNER DOCTOR doing the OP which he fucked up causeing me to have to have a second one, then trying to get over the OP I had many fights with more LEARNER DOCTORS over my meds & treatment becuase they had my blood sugars totally screwed with massive highs & lows complicating my recovery.

On the bright side I was phoned by my mum telling me that if I heard of murders in their street it wans't them & all at home was OK but then the mother of my daughter rang mum to see if all was OK with my mum & dad, mum said I was upest that my daughter hadn't been intouch so the ex organised to bring my daughter & grandson to see me (pics soon), he's a beautiful little guy & later in the week I'm hoping to get to see my grandaughter as well.I have missed seeing my daughter & grankids so much.

 

[Gil_T2]

BACK TO BED NOW

Hugs to WICKED WOMAN & all those who have posted in the threads wishing me well.

 

[Noor]

Welcome back Gil !!!

Good news about your daughter and grandson too.

Rest up and feel better.

Noor

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
BACK TO BED NOW

Hugs to WICKED WOMAN & all those who have posted in the threads wishing me well.

aaaahhhhh does that mean I get to come lie down beside you to get my big hug??? Sounds good to me


Crap about having to have 2 operations.....but really happy to hear you're going to get to see your daughter and grandchildren. Relax and just concentrate on getting better Gil.


Stiffy Says....cool AV....different.... I like.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Welcome back Gil! Glad to hear you're back at home and as for the seeing your grandson that put a smile on my face. It's great to see and spend time with family.

Missed everyone here..I haven't been doing well; unable to sit up for more than 15 minutes if I'm lucky...got word I will be having surgery soon on my back (2nd one since 2001) and they're talking about fusing it (got a shattered and a herniated disc)..feeling a bit apprehensive and have to admit kind of having second thoughts about going through with it but have to get it done or suffer the consequences of possibly not being able to walk. Been having problem standing up some mornings (can't feel my legs), walking is a real pain so much so that people comment I walk like I'm 90 years old (been feeling like that for the past couple of weeks). Got a bunch of meds to take and that really does a number on me so much so that I can't function properly (not that I could before the meds, lol).

Anyway take care and Aloha to everyone from humid Hawaii.

Lots of love,
Shadow

 

[wicked woman]

ouch Shadow damn that's not good! May I just suggest if you do have the operation to make sure to check out your surgeon...make sure (s)he has an excellent reputation. A back is way too important to fool around with. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Nice to hear from you....even though it was directed at Gil.

 

[Bandit58]

*HUGS* for Gil & Shadow.....

Still the same old same old with my ex......moody, stubborn, volatile...he rang me last weekend and said some nasty things to me which did upset me a lot. I have been walking on eggshells and trying NOT to set him off because of our daughter, but it seems no matter what I say he takes it the wrong way.

Apparently it is my fault he is in the financial situation he is in, my fault he is working all the hours God sends and then has to come home and cook and clean etc.....my fault his health is suffering......on and on and on.....he's still going on about how long it took to settle everything with the separation agreement. It only took so long because I was actually waiving a lot of what I was entitled to under the Matrimonial Property Act, and my lawyer wanted to be absolutely certain that what I was signing I absolutely understood. He thought it was me trying to get more out of him.......it seems he has selective hearing and only hears what he wants to hear.......

 

[Noor]

Bandit- you are out of his control, there isn't anything he is going to like about that.

Shatter those eggshells, get caller id and let him leave messages.

Noor

 

[Bandit58]

Thanks Noor

You have hit the nail on the head - he now has no control over me so he's trying to hit me with a big fat guilt trip. Daughter said some things yesterday which told me her eyes are being opened too, about Dad being a "control freak", and how he wonders why she doesn't include him in her school life etc. She said "He never showed any interest when you were there Mum so why is he moaning now?" He has never been to a parent interview or sports day, I think he went on a school day trip once, and the only thing he went to every year was the pet day which was to transport the lambs or calf (didn't trust me with the trailer )

The minute I started getting out from under his thumb, by working and studying at the school, he seemed to go on the defensive......putdowns, little snide remarks, arguments when I started going there more and wasn't at home where I should have been (according to him).......that's really when things started to go downhill (for me). Two years later I called it quits and he's never going to forgive me for that he said...... Like I need his forgiveness *blah* if it wasn't for our children I would be happy if I never saw him again.

 

[Gil_T2]

aaaahhhhh does that mean I get to come lie down beside you to get my big hug??? Sounds good to me


Crap about having to have 2 operations.....but really happy to hear you're going to get to see your daughter and grandchildren. Relax and just concentrate on getting better Gil.


Stiffy Says....cool AV....different.... I like.

Thankyou for the offer of laying with me to get your cuddles but at the moment it might be self serve as every thing seems such an effort, eating is still basic slop (custard,ice blocks etc) although because of other troubles I have to limit daily fluid intake as well.My throat is still extreemly tender so talking is also limited,my sight is still blurred out so time on the net is minimal too GRRRRRRR I miss my friends on LIT so much it hurts.

To ALL the fine ppl here on this thread big hugs to each of you male & female as life is to short to be worried about ppl's fobias about sexual things like guys hugging.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Thankyou for the offer of laying with me to get your cuddles but at the moment it might be self serve as every thing seems such an effort, eating is still basic slop (custard,ice blocks etc) although because of other troubles I have to limit daily fluid intake as well.My throat is still extreemly tender so talking is also limited,my sight is still blurred out so time on the net is minimal too GRRRRRRR I miss my friends on LIT so much it hurts.

To ALL the fine ppl here on this thread big hugs to each of you male & female as life is to short to be worried about ppl's fobias about sexual things like guys hugging.

[[[[[[[GIL, MATE!]]]]]]]

Hang in there, mate . . . we're all pulling with you!!

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
Thankyou for the offer of laying with me to get your cuddles but at the moment it might be self serve as every thing seems such an effort, eating is still basic slop (custard,ice blocks etc) although because of other troubles I have to limit daily fluid intake as well.My throat is still extreemly tender so talking is also limited,my sight is still blurred out so time on the net is minimal too GRRRRRRR I miss my friends on LIT so much it hurts.

To ALL the fine ppl here on this thread big hugs to each of you male & female as life is to short to be worried about ppl's fobias about sexual things like guys hugging.

Great to see you Gil...as Don said hand in there...you're going to get better. We miss you too. Self serve cuddles are fine by me.

 

[Gil_T2]

[[[[[[[GIL, MATE!]]]]]]]

Hang in there, mate . . . we're all pulling with you!!

LOL pulling isn't even thought of here OH you meant OK OK I am sick hehehe

Seriously though it's all the kind thoughts of my friends on the NET that do help me cope.

 

[Gil_T2]

Great to see you Gil...as Don said hand in there...you're going to get better. We miss you too. Self serve cuddles are fine by me.

Thankyou WICKED WOMAN & I'm sure your self helpers would bring joy to me.

 

[wicked woman]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by wicked woman
Great to see you Gil...as Don said hand in there...you're going to get better. We miss you too. Self serve cuddles are fine by me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally posted by Gil_T2
Thankyou WICKED WOMAN & I'm sure your self helpers would bring joy to me.

See sweetie I even accidentally misspelled 'hanG in there' to give you an extra 'hanD'. Not the hand on the back swat, or a clap of the hands....you know darn well what kind of hand it would be, don't you?

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Just wanted to pop in and say ALOHA to everyone here in the thread. Here's a great BIG HUGGGGG to you Gil...hang in there and we're all thinking of you. There isn't a moment in the day when I don't forget to think of you all Gil, Bandit, Wicked, Don and everyone else.

Trying to make the best of life and just when I thought things were pretty okay my car goes out on me OUCH! As for checking on the surgeon to do the fusion on my back I've got good news...he's rated the top in his field (beats the surgeon who did my back previously). So now it's a matter of time, tests, taking so much meds my co-workers keep teasing me about a drug test at work (don't help when you work with Harbor Cops).

Got to skeedaddle, jsut got done cooking dinner for my SO who should be coming home in about two hours and I am in dire need to lay down and let my back rest. Feeling so like a 90 year old and getting pretty depressed about it all.

HUGGGS & SMOOCHES TO ALL!

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by shadow_dreamer
Just wanted to pop in and say ALOHA to everyone here in the thread. Here's a great BIG HUGGGGG to you Gil...hang in there and we're all thinking of you. There isn't a moment in the day when I don't forget to think of you all Gil, Bandit, Wicked, Don and everyone else.

Trying to make the best of life and just when I thought things were pretty okay my car goes out on me OUCH! As for checking on the surgeon to do the fusion on my back I've got good news...he's rated the top in his field (beats the surgeon who did my back previously). So now it's a matter of time, tests, taking so much meds my co-workers keep teasing me about a drug test at work (don't help when you work with Harbor Cops).

Got to skeedaddle, jsut got done cooking dinner for my SO who should be coming home in about two hours and I am in dire need to lay down and let my back rest. Feeling so like a 90 year old and getting pretty depressed about it all.

HUGGGS & SMOOCHES TO ALL!

AAAhhh hon I'm so glad your surgeon is the best...it will make a huge difference. Not sure what to say to try to make you feel better...I know back pain can be pretty miserable. Just take it one day at a time and try to stay positive....Big hug back at you...softly...carefully.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

AAAhhh hon I'm so glad your surgeon is the best...it will make a huge difference. Not sure what to say to try to make you feel better...I know back pain can be pretty miserable. Just take it one day at a time and try to stay positive....Big hug back at you...softly...carefully.

Thanks Wicked...I wish I could reach in and give you a big HUG! Trying my best but at times the tears fall silently when I know I can't do the things I used to do (walking more than half a block, sitting more than 30 minutes on a good day and most of all standing).

Too much pills, want to do things, go places but as my SO says "rest, relax". It's so frustrating....

HUGGGGGS to you and hope to be back on the thread tomorrow. For now goodnight everyone...love to all.

Shadow

 

[Bystander]

Wow its hard to describe what I feel after reading this thread. Its a jumble of thoughts and emotions, anger, sorrow, bewilderment, horror.
I wish I could say something helpful but I can't so I'll say this,
I hope and pray that all of you can heal, and my best wishes go with you.