How do you help someone get over being abused

[kikmosa]

Thanks Kiki, Wicked Woman and Bandit.

I don't know. It is hard to explain, everything seems to be coming back up and overwhelming me. This is my first day off in more than a month, I had plans but instead I skipped my class this morning, never left the house.

Don't want to be in the position of being told something and my having to decide whether to believe it or not.

I know who/what set it off, but I don't know what to do about it, so I am not doing anything, literally. Kind of frozen.

I've had many days like that. Days when even trying to decide whether to get up or not was just too hard. I wish I had some majic secret way of dealing with it but really all you can do is not try to believe or not believe. Just simply store the info until you can make a decision. Just deal with things when and how you can. No one can expect us to do more then the best we can at the given moment.

 

[kikmosa]

Hi Kiki
Mr Butthead (hehe ) is behaving himself since the spazz he threw at me three weeks ago. The couple of times I've had contact with him he's been civil, and my daughter says his moods have lessened and he's much easier to get along with. Fingers crossed all continues to go along in this way, though things could get difficult again in 6 months when I intend to file the divorce papers. However we will take things as they come......

Hope you can manage to get more net time, you are missed around here *hugs*

I should have a bit of time tonight and tomorrow. He has a girl staying from Texas and he's busy with her for now.

 

[Bandit58]

Thanks Kiki, Wicked Woman and Bandit.

I don't know. It is hard to explain, everything seems to be coming back up and overwhelming me. This is my first day off in more than a month, I had plans but instead I skipped my class this morning, never left the house.

Don't want to be in the position of being told something and my having to decide whether to believe it or not.

I know who/what set it off, but I don't know what to do about it, so I am not doing anything, literally. Kind of frozen.

I've been there.....when I was told something by someone about the man I loved with all my heart, and I felt so hurt and betrayed It took 3 days to contact him to get the answers I needed....those 3 days were hell on earth. If it hadn't been for the support of friends here and a lovely lady in r/l I don't know what I would have done......

I was in a daze, but I still had to get up, go to work, come home....in a fog of hurt and pain. I cried, threw things, got drunk (once), cried some more......and talked. Sorted it all out in my head.....it took time but it's 3 months later and I'm out the other side. Granted I still have days when I reflect on what could have been, and I'll always have special feelings for him, but I've let it go now.....

It helps to write things down.....I posted on Lit and got it all out of my system and in the process made some wonderful friends.....if you don't want to do that, use a journal.....and just let the thoughts flow.....read it back later, believe me it helps......

 

[Noor]

I've had many days like that. Days when even trying to decide whether to get up or not was just too hard. I wish I had some majic secret way of dealing with it but really all you can do is not try to believe or not believe. Just simply store the info until you can make a decision. Just deal with things when and how you can. No one can expect us to do more then the best we can at the given moment.

Since May I have had many of these days but I had thought that they stopped or at least that they had lessened in severity. It is not so much the day itself as it is how it got set off.

I am not looking for magic, I am looking for resolution, understanding, to be able to trust again like I could before. trust people who care about me not to hurt me, not abuse my trust.

 

[Gil_T2]

Dearest Gil (and everyone else),

I'm doing good here. I just don't have a lot of access to the net. We're trying to get a hub to set up but for now only one computer at a time can be hooked up. And since he uses his for school work that's the one that gets it. I also need to get a net card since the one I have in my computer isn't compatable. The only time I can get net is when he's not here and since I end up having to go with him most of the time it's not often.

Things are cooling off here and the trees are coming alive with color. Stunning crimsons and bright yellows everywhere you look. The sun shining through the leaves is so beautiful. And every evening the fields are full of deer. You can be driving down the highway and the trees will open up and you'll see a huge rolling field of green grass framed by trees in blazing colors with herds of deer grazing in the grass. Sometimes there are flocks of canadian geese passing over. A truely awesome sight.

I'm meeting people at his school but so far only to say hi to when they pass. They seem like nice people but I just don't have a lot in common with them. Everyone talks mathmatics all the time and I'm just not good at math. But I'm sure I'll meet some one eventually.

Gil, I do hope your getting better. Your in my prayers every day. I pray for everyone here but you especially you. Please take care of yourself. I'll try to be back on soon.

Kiki

Oh Kiki I'm so pleased to hear from you & you need to know you have been dearly missed by not only me but all who have got to know the wondrful lady you are.

Big hugs to you KIKI.

 

[kikmosa]

Oh Kiki I'm so pleased to hear from you & you need to know you have been dearly missed by not only me but all who have got to know the wondrful lady you are.

Big hugs to you KIKI.

And huge hugs to you Gil. I've missed being here.

 

[Gil_T2]

Since May I have had many of these days but I had thought that they stopped or at least that they had lessened in severity. It is not so much the day itself as it is how it got set off.

I am not looking for magic, I am looking for resolution, understanding, to be able to trust again like I could before. trust people who care about me not to hurt me, not abuse my trust.

NOOR I just wish there was a way to be there in R/L for you & just hold you & assure you that there are ppl who are good & care for you with only your best interests in mind & the replies bt the others here sould show you your friends here also care.

The sad part is R/L has ppl who only think of themselves & hang anyone who is in the way of them trying to get what they want, this is a sad fact because so many get hurt by their actions.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Noor
I am not looking for magic, I am looking for resolution, understanding, to be able to trust again like I could before. trust people who care about me not to hurt me, not abuse my trust.

I went through what you're going through and I know it's frustrating. Rest assured you will find solice in your life if you don't push yourself into accomplishing this quickly and all at once. As with healing it all takes time and even when we think we are healed there may be occasions when something brings the pain back.

Rest assured with inner strength, friends here on the thread your journey will be less arduous and frustrating as mine (I got divorced come 4 years next month). It really helps to have somewhere we can go to express ourselves and have others understand, offer help/advise and guide us through the bad times, especially when bad memories come back and bother us.

Healing takes time and patience...don't give up and remember you have us to help you along.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Just wanted to bump the thread and say hello to everyone. Hope you're feeling better Gil

Until next weekend...Aloha from rainy Hawaii.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Noor
Since May I have had many of these days but I had thought that they stopped or at least that they had lessened in severity. It is not so much the day itself as it is how it got set off.

I am not looking for magic, I am looking for resolution, understanding, to be able to trust again like I could before. trust people who care about me not to hurt me, not abuse my trust.

No magic answer here Noor...just big hugs. Hoping things get better for you...

 

[Gil_T2]

Just wanted to bump the thread and say hello to everyone. Hope you're feeling better Gil

Until next weekend...Aloha from rainy Hawaii.

SHADOW_DREAMER Thakns for BUMP & I'm still getting there slowly, but now wonder why they couldn't tell me exactly what they did in the OP while in hospital so I could understand why I felt so bad, they not only went back in for OP 2 & removerd most of the 4 little glands but also half my thyroid too which I only got told about last week when I had to see the Doc who was incharge of the OP.

 

[Noor]

SHADOW_DREAMER Thakns for BUMP & I'm still getting there slowly, but now wonder why they couldn't tell me exactly what they did in the OP while in hospital so I could understand why I felt so bad, they not only went back in for OP 2 & removerd most of the 4 little glands but also half my thyroid too which I only got told about last week when I had to see the Doc who was incharge of the OP.

Can you ask for copies of your records? You can in the usa.

It is important to know, they must realize this.

do you have a patient avocate?

Hang in there Gil,

Noor

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
SHADOW_DREAMER Thakns for BUMP & I'm still getting there slowly, but now wonder why they couldn't tell me exactly what they did in the OP while in hospital so I could understand why I felt so bad, they not only went back in for OP 2 & removerd most of the 4 little glands but also half my thyroid too which I only got told about last week when I had to see the Doc who was incharge of the OP.

I agree with Noor about records. My heart feels sadness and I wish I were there to give you a hug. At times I don't understand the mentality of docs but hopefully with insistence you'll get the answers you needs.

Is there anyone else who you can get the answers from (perhaps from someone higher). Here in Hawaii we have such things when we're not satisfied with what we're told - it doesn't make the doc/patient relationship so whoopie some times (rarely) but it does make the doc realize a patient has a right to know (besides it's YOUR body!). I know I'm getting a tad irate but I just don't understand nor can I accept the way the doc incharge is dealing with you.

Take it easy and my thoughts and prayers are with you. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of everyone (most especially you). Until later...



P.S. I suppose my SO has a solid gripe about my docs taking so long to do something about my back (10 months and still waiting for surgery). Patience is a virtue but when pain is involved it sucks!

 

[BrownEyes26]

Hi everyone
I haven't been around these parts in a while and just wanted to drop in and say HI!!
Gil, I hope that you are feeling better soon.
Browneyes26

 

[Don K Dyck]

Can you ask for copies of your records? You can in the usa.

It is important to know, they must realize this.

do you have a patient avocate?

Hang in there Gil,

Noor

Good advice Noor . . .

Gil, you are entitled to ask the doctors as many questions as you like before an operation. if you have any special reasons for fearing an adverse outcome it is very important that the doctor is aware of these before the event, and preferably in writing.

Did you ask for the reasons that the extra bits were removed? You are entitled to an answer . . .

 

[Gil_T2]

Good advice Noor . . .

Gil, you are entitled to ask the doctors as many questions as you like before an operation. if you have any special reasons for fearing an adverse outcome it is very important that the doctor is aware of these before the event, and preferably in writing.

Did you ask for the reasons that the extra bits were removed? You are entitled to an answer . . .

I do not blame the nurses as they were run of their feet 24/7 but ob my release I read the report on my stay which was full of BULLSHIT by the attending ward Doc, i did get the full low down when I saw the Supervising Doc who did the Op but it was best part of a month after the OP & my throat had best part healed by then. I have now made an official complaint about 2 of the Doctors who totally screwed up my treatment then tried to revert the blame on me because I wouldn't eat....it wasn't that I wouldn't eat it was they kept bringing meals I couldn't eat even if I wanted to & believe me I was hungry every meal I told them that my throat hurt like hell & I couldn't eat solids yet no attempt to get replacement meal that were possible for me to eat.

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi everyone
I haven't been around these parts in a while and just wanted to drop in and say HI!!
Gil, I hope that you are feeling better soon.
Browneyes26

Nice to see you back .BROWN EYES

At last thing seem to be going my way with todays visit to the pain clinic offering hope but a long wait to be assessed for the course they run & more pills, atleat these are not as strong as the Morphine they were pumping me with but stronger then the Penadine forte they offered on release so thought now of getting at least a few consecutive hours of sleep at night & the Doc I saw has looked at the whole list of my health troubles instead of just the pain problem, I have yet another clinic on thursday so fingers crossed the run of luck continues.

To all who have offered suppot during my absence I thankyou.

 

[Gil_T2]

The last 2 days have been great for me with good news on my health with treatment for some of the things that have been depressing me so I now can smile in honesty as things are finally looking up.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
The last 2 days have been great for me with good news on my health with treatment for some of the things that have been depressing me so I now can smile in honesty as things are finally looking up.

I'll join that Gil. Great news!

 

[Don K Dyck]

The last 2 days have been great for me with good news on my health with treatment for some of the things that have been depressing me so I now can smile in honesty as things are finally looking up.

Great news Gil . . . and the BIG 5,000 is also cumming . . .

 

[Gil_T2]

Great news Gil . . . and the BIG 5,000 is also cumming . . .

HeHe well it's a case of having to get better before I have my visitor from NZ joining me for a 3 week holiday with the AUSSIE SYDNEY LIT MEET on the 29th NOVEMBER it's been a looonnngggg time since I had a playmate.

 

[Native Alien]

Just stopping in to say hello and see how my favorite aussie is doing. Good to see you in such good spirits Gil...

Have a good one friend.

 

[Bandit58]

HeHe well it's a case of having to get better before I have my visitor from NZ joining me for a 3 week holiday with the AUSSIE SYDNEY LIT MEET on the 29th NOVEMBER it's been a looonnngggg time since I had a playmate.

*HUGS* I promise not to wear you out TOO much.......

 

[kikmosa]

*HUGS* I promise not to wear you out TOO much.......

Are you kidding????? He needs to be wore out. Maybe then he can get some sleep. I think you'll do wonders for him.

 

[Bandit58]

Are you kidding????? He needs to be wore out. Maybe then he can get some sleep. I think you'll do wonders for him.

((((((Kiki)))))

Thanks hon I'll do me best.....