How do you help someone get over being abused

[kikmosa]

Even though she's not living in my house she's always in my heart She only has to ring me if she needs anything and I'm there. It was her choice to stay on the farm and she copes extremely well with the moods (she tells him to "Get over it" and leaves him to get on with it). She also has aunties and uncles and cousins nearby for time out and support. Once she gets her drivers licence it will give her more independence too. She's doing well in school and has self discipline (off her own bat has been going to after school tutorials before the exams which are in a few weeks). Am I proud? HELL YEAH

And you should be proud. Your daughter is a beautiful and strong willed girl (just like her mother ) and she will survive him and come out even stronger in the end. When all is said and done, he's the only one that will suffer from his attitude. He's going to end up alone and bitter and it serves him right. You and your daughter will be out in the world enjoying life and living it to it's fullest and that's how it should be.
((((((((((Bandit))))))))))

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Bandit58
Even though she's not living in my house she's always in my heart She only has to ring me if she needs anything and I'm there. It was her choice to stay on the farm and she copes extremely well with the moods (she tells him to "Get over it" and leaves him to get on with it). She also has aunties and uncles and cousins nearby for time out and support. Once she gets her drivers licence it will give her more independence too. She's doing well in school and has self discipline (off her own bat has been going to after school tutorials before the exams which are in a few weeks). Am I proud? HELL YEAH

I'd be damn proud too to have such a strong, sensible and disciplined daughter as yours. I can see a smile that beams from ear to ear knowing you've got a great daughter.

School...ah although that was many moons ago, hehehe I hear from my & my bf's nieces and nephews how different it is nowadays from way back when...it can be rather stressful, a strain on the brain and nerve wracking but sounds like you've got a winner that won't quit. Auntie Shadow from Hawaii is happy (we in Hawaii call those we know and feel close to auntie, uncle, cousin, niece, nephew, etc).

With her drivers license she'll discover a new side of the world and with a daughter such as yours you need not worry. She is just beginning on a new adventure on the journey of life. And there are those who are near and dear to her to share in this as she makes her travels.

Take care...lot and aloha,
Shadow

 

[Bandit58]

Thank you Kiki and shadow
I also have a son who is 20 and in his last year at university. He's another reason I'm proud, because the marriage breakup happened halfway through his studies and even though he had bad headaches and had to have surgery in January this year he never got any grades below an A- (most of them were A+). I've been very lucky to have two such well adjusted kids.

He's coming back to stay at his dad's for a week and then he starts his summer job which will keep him busy till mid February, by which time hopefully he'll have found a permanent job......something his mother has yet to do, but she's working on getting some new skills and qualifications and who knows where she might end up.....

 

[Gil_T2]

Thank you Kiki and shadow
I also have a son who is 20 and in his last year at university. He's another reason I'm proud, because the marriage breakup happened halfway through his studies and even though he had bad headaches and had to have surgery in January this year he never got any grades below an A- (most of them were A+). I've been very lucky to have two such well adjusted kids.

He's coming back to stay at his dad's for a week and then he starts his summer job which will keep him busy till mid February, by which time hopefully he'll have found a permanent job......something his mother has yet to do, but she's working on getting some new skills and qualifications and who knows where she might end up.....

In the time we have gotten to know you via LIT your growth & strength has inproved out of sight so I'm sure your future will be much brighter than your past.

 

[autumn_moon]

MOLESTATION IS ABUSE......
Why you may ask & my answer is your rights were ABUSED & that is that.I think reading the post above yours might help you with the hatred you feel towards your parents.

TRUST is the one common thing with ALL abused ppl & one of the hardest to overcome, BUT with a little effort & maturity of your partner/SO it will be broken in time, as with all relationships TRUST, being honest & open all help.

Please feel free to post here even to say HI.

 

[Noor]

Autumn moon- if you need help, please pm one of us. This board has very helpful to me.

 

[autumn_moon]

Autumn moon- if you need help, please pm one of us. This board has very helpful to me.

Oops. Nevermind

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
In the time we have gotten to know you via LIT your growth & strength has inproved out of sight so I'm sure your future will be much brighter than your past.

Can't disagree with Git on that one...In time all things grow and stengthens if we choose to open our hearts and minds...This opens to a brighter future that does not allow the shadows of our past to arise or follow so closely should it dare to.

 

[wicked woman]

Just bumping this and hoping everyone is well.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

just wanted to bump the thread and say hello to everyone...until later

aloha,
shadow

 

[Bandit58]

Hi shadow how you doing

Things are much the same with me, no more bad dreams.....in fact some very good dreams lately I'm busy with a retail skills course and helping my parents get ready for their move to the South Island at the end of the month.

And in 2 weeks I go to Sydney to meet Gil.... Sorry, but we're both counting the days.....

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Bandit58


And in 2 weeks I go to Sydney to meet Gil.... Sorry, but we're both counting the days.....

No need to apologize about that! Hope you both have a fabulous time together

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Hi Bandit & Wicked...doing pretty okay considering i'm not working and getting bored out of my mind staying at home. get to spend more time with my SO but ah what can one say when there's a constant eye upon you and with the way i am makes things rather difficult to play but where there's a will there's a way and within limit, hahaha.

Bandit...ah counting the days...that can be such a drag but i'm sure things will go well and the both of you will have fun take care and until later...

bored and frustrated in Hawaii,
shadow

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi WW & SD & of course Bandit I've been without my puta for a while but nice to see you keeping this thread open & hope all is well with you.

SD.. i know you find it difficult to cope with the RESTING but it is the best thing for you & I'm sure you can adapt to the changes to your life little pleasures.

 

[wicked woman]

Must say the few days break has done wonders for your youthfulness Gil Have to agree with him though Shadow Dreamer...know it's hard for you to rest just keep thinking about all the wonderful things you'll be able to do after you've recovered from your surgery. Maybe you can do some writing...

 

[Gil_T2]

Must say the few days break has done wonders for your youthfulness Gil Have to agree with him though Shadow Dreamer...know it's hard for you to rest just keep thinking about all the wonderful things you'll be able to do after you've recovered from your surgery. Maybe you can do some writing...

If only it was true (few days break) but I was so stressed with thinking of not having my LIT fix & of course not know if anyone had come here looking for help in my absence even though I know that there are now plenty of kind hearts who have known the DEMONS & are willing to step up & help anyone who comes here.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
If only it was true (few days break) but I was so stressed with thinking of not having my LIT fix & of course not know if anyone had come here looking for help in my absence even though I know that there are now plenty of kind hearts who have known the DEMONS & are willing to step up & help anyone who comes here.

You know I was just teasing you about your new AV hon. Ah hon that just shows what a good heart you have...but moderation..moderation. We want you to take care of yourself as well.

 

[Gil_T2]

You know I was just teasing you about your new AV hon. Ah hon that just shows what a good heart you have...but moderation..moderation. We want you to take care of yourself as well.

I do know you meant the AV but believe me I do stress when I'm unable to access the net to see all is well & I won't spread rumors that you are a kind hearted lady & not a wicked woman at all

Yes I do have to take care of myself as it's not long now to my visitor arriving.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
I do know you meant the AV but believe me I do stress when I'm unable to access the net to see all is well & I won't spread rumors that you are a kind hearted lady & not a wicked woman at all

Yes I do have to take care of myself as it's not long now to my visitor arriving.

roflmao yes you better not spread any rumours wicked wicked wicked

woo hoo yup better rest up...get the toys ready... know you've got the right attitude babe....hope you both have a fab time.

 

[autumn_moon]

Does the pain ever stop?

 

[Noor]

Does the pain ever stop?

Yes, when the situation changes and you are no longer being abused.

{{{{{autumn_moon}}}}}

 

[Bandit58]

Does the pain ever stop?

With time and patience and love and trust.....yes it can. I wasn't abused as a child but I was date raped by the man I married and put up with years of emotional abuse and sexual blackmail. After I left him it took me ages to get my self confidence back (if I had any to begin with which is debatable). I had the help of some wonderful friends on this thread, and in r/l, plus I met a man who showed me that I am special and there is nothing wrong with me sexually. Even though that relationship has ended now I feel so much better about myself, I'm more outgoing and I've learned to have fun and I smile a lot more. People who knew me when I was married can't get over the change in me.

There are days when it does come back at me, especially when I have to deal with my ex or I have a bad dream (which is now getting less and less often). I don't think we ever completely get over any type of abuse, but we can have strategies and a support network in place for when things get bad. I go to a friend for coffee, or come to this thread and let it all out among people who have been there......if you don't want to post on the thread then feel free to PM one of us we are only too happy to help and it is the reason the thread is here

 

[Don K Dyck]

And you should be proud. Your daughter is a beautiful and strong willed girl (just like her mother ) and she will survive him and come out even stronger in the end. When all is said and done, he's the only one that will suffer from his attitude. He's going to end up alone and bitter and it serves him right. You and your daughter will be out in the world enjoying life and living it to it's fullest and that's how it should be.
((((((((((Bandit))))))))))

Hi Kiki, welcome back!! We missed you!! . . . bin away myself for a while getting R/L under control.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Does the pain ever stop?

Hi Autumn Moon . . . the answer is definitely "Yes"!

The first necessary step is for you to want the pain to stop. Then you progress through a number of identifiable stages when you will hate the bastard (quite normal) but the real progress comes when you summon up all your courage and forgive the bastard. Then you are free!! And life moves on to the next beautiful opportunity.

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi Autumn Moon . . . the answer is definitely "Yes"!

The first necessary step is for you to want the pain to stop. Then you progress through a number of identifiable stages when you will hate the bastard (quite normal) but the real progress comes when you summon up all your courage and forgive the bastard. Then you are free!! And life moves on to the next beautiful opportunity.

First of all welcome back DON you have been missed on many threads & especially here with you wonderful advice


(Who needs Dr Phil)