Jokes

[P0peye]

Three old friends walking down the street together, first one says "it's windy" , the second friend says "No, it's Thursday ", the last replies " me too, let's get a beer!"

 

[lovecraft68]

Young girl is beginning to get hair down there and is concerned and asks her mother about it.
Her mom assures her hair down there is fine, and they call it a monkey and now she's getting a hairy monkey.
Next day at breakfast with her older sister, she says "My monkey's getting hairy!"
Sister replies. "That's nothing, mine's already eating bananas!"

 

[jehoram]

"I love this new hearing aid! I can hear everything so clearly!"
"What kind is it?"
"About half past two."

 

[P0peye]

I was feeling so bad until a friend told me "Cheer up. Things could be worse" So I cheered up, and sure enough, things got worse. (Rim shot!)

 

[jehoram]

Young girl: "Why are those legs holes on swim suits cut so high? Is it to make the legs look longer?"
Mother: "No, dear. It's to make the men look longer."

 

[Rob_Royale]

I saw a great meme a while back and even without the photo it made for a fun joke.

Headline - Russia to begin drafting women into their armed forces to support the war in the Ukraine.
Punchline - This constitutes the biggest mobilization of Russian women since the launch of OnlyFans.

 

[StillStunned]

A man goes to the doctor.

Man: "Doctor, I have a problem with premature ejaculation."
Doctor: "Wow, that really sucks."
Man: "Hnnnnggh...."

 

[32aa]

The other night, my wife asked how many women i had slept with. I told her, "Only you. The others kept me awake all night."

The doctor says that I should be able see again in about 10 days. The broken arm will take about a month.

 

[32aa]

Not necessarily a joke.

Before we work on Artificial Intelligence... Maybe we should do something about Natural Stupidity.

 

[12oclocktales]

My father taught me to swim the hard way - he threw me out into the middle of the lake.
The really hard part was getting out of the sack.

 

[YDB95]

It's show and tell day at school, and the teacher asks, "Who has something special to show the class?"

One boy's hand shoots up immediately. The teacher says, "Wow, Johnny, I'll bet you have something really special!"

"I do, I do!" Johnny exclaims.

"Well, come on up and show us," the teacher says.

Johnny prances up to the whiteboard and draws a little dot on it.

"What's that, Johnny?" the teacher asks.

Johnny says, "It's a period!"

The teacher is confused. "What's the big deal about a period, Johnny?"

"Well, I don't know," Johnny says. "But last night at dinner, my sister said she was missing one. Mom fainted, Dad had a heart attack, and the old man next door shot himself!"

 

[alohadave]

It's show and tell day at school, and the teacher asks, "Who has something special to show the class?"

One boy's hand shoots up immediately. The teacher says, "Wow, Johnny, I'll bet you have something really special!"

"I do, I do!" Johnny exclaims.

"Well, come on up and show us," the teacher says.

Johnny prances up to the whiteboard and draws a little dot on it.

"What's that, Johnny?" the teacher asks.

Johnny says, "It's a period!"

The teacher is confused. "What's the big deal about a period, Johnny?"

"Well, I don't know," Johnny says. "But last night at dinner, my sister said she was missing one. Mom fainted, Dad had a heart attack, and the old man next door shot himself!"

I haven't seen a little Johnny joke in a long time.

 

[12oclocktales]

I got a note from the young bride thanking me for my wedding gift. She said it was just what she wanted, and she’d use them every time she entertained guests. I’m a little concerned because I gave her bedsheets.