Married Woman Who Like To...

[Freckleface]

I would venture to say that none of us started out with a problem in our marriage. People grow apart in their friendships and their marriage. Some of us can actually 'fix' it and grow together again. Some of us can't. So we either get out or live lives in quiet desparation as Thoreau put it.

There is nothing I want more than to 'fix' my marriage. It's proving to be quite difficult when my spouse refuses to even talk about our problems. He is quite happy to pretend everything is ok. I suppose I am living in quiet desperation. Hey....does that make me a "Desperate Housewife"?

 

[fisherman62051]

There is nothing I want more than to 'fix' my marriage. It's proving to be quite difficult when my spouse refuses to even talk about our problems. He is quite happy to pretend everything is ok. I suppose I am living in quiet desperation. Hey....does that make me a "Desperate Housewife"?

Hey, Freckleface... I'm feelin' with you... my question is: how much more time do we need to give, because you know that's what we'll be asked for?? Well, I gave six months... wifey is going to a sex therapist... but I don't expect things will be improving... so I'm looking... seriously... having lots of fun here, on Lush and fetlife... feeling much better about myself... and ready to fly...

 

[Latina49]

There is nothing I want more than to 'fix' my marriage. It's proving to be quite difficult when my spouse refuses to even talk about our problems. He is quite happy to pretend everything is ok. I suppose I am living in quiet desperation. Hey....does that make me a "Desperate Housewife"?

Hi Freckleface...believe me when I say you're not alone. I think its all about making a decision, not looking back, no regrets and just do it! Whatever happens, happens....

 

[bailadora]

I appreciate your sarcasm bailadora. I have to say however, in all honesty that has not been the case with me. I have met many women on here with whom I have enjoyed friendly chat. It has been a real pleasure just to get to know people on whatever level they are willing to disclose themselves.

I would agree. There are threads here where you can go for porn and I have visited them. I'm now coming to a point in my life where that's not as important as it used to be. I'd rather have a friendly chat where I get to know the woman first. If we click, then we can move on to the sexy chats. If not, I hope that I've made a friend.

And I applaud you both for your manners.

That said, it doesn't negate the fact that you're outnumbered by the leg humpers who think anyone with even a remotely sounding feminine username is here to provide them with wank fodder. And when called on it, resort to calling their recipients pretentious cunts and variants thereof. You only need browse through the asshat threads to see what I'm talking about.

So yeah - there's my theory on why some women might be reluctant to post. They get enough of these kinds of messages as it is. No need to add fuel to the fire, as it were.

 

[troubledone]

And I applaud you both for your manners.

That said, it doesn't negate the fact that you're outnumbered by the leg humpers who think anyone with even a remotely sounding feminine username is here to provide them with wank fodder. And when called on it, resort to calling their recipients pretentious cunts and variants thereof. You only need browse through the asshat threads to see what I'm talking about.

So yeah - there's my theory on why some women might be reluctant to post. They get enough of these kinds of messages as it is. No need to add fuel to the fire, as it were.

Wow , you are a powerful writer and express your angst very well .Mutual respect has to be the basis of all adult relationships .

 

[bailadora]

Wow , you are a powerful writer and express your angst very well .Mutual respect has to be the basis of all adult relationships .

Oh, that's not angst, darlin'. Trust me - I have NO problem opening a can of verbal whoop ass on those who deserve it.

 

[needsom]

I'm on testosterone replacement therapy myself for other reasons beside sex drive. However it has increased the drive, unfortunately like many of you ladies and your husbands, I have the problem of my wife not wanting sex.
As a mater of fact she even teases me about it. Got my shot on Wednesday, horny as all get out Thursday. She said that after I helped her with some paperwork we have time to fit in some togetherness. After we finished the paperwork she totally ignored me. The same thing happened Saturday night.
I have to calm down before I confront her with it because I think that was the meanest thing anyone has ever done to me.

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

I'm on testosterone replacement therapy myself for other reasons beside sex drive. However it has increased the drive, unfortunately like many of you ladies and your husbands, I have the problem of my wife not wanting sex.
As a mater of fact she even teases me about it. Got my shot on Wednesday, horny as all get out Thursday. She said that after I helped her with some paperwork we have time to fit in some togetherness. After we finished the paperwork she totally ignored me. The same thing happened Saturday night.
I have to calm down before I confront her with it because I think that was the meanest thing anyone has ever done to me.

That's horrible, I'm so sorry. I've been there before. My husband likes to stay up pretty late so he'll say "I'll be there in a bit." He basically waits till I'm asleep to come to bed. I wait until he leaves for work in the morning to relieve myself of the frustration. Without fail he'll always ask me if I took care of myself. Sometimes I feel like a shiny toy that he wants just so the other men can't have me. I don't get it.

 

[nitoc88]

That's horrible, I'm so sorry. I've been there before. My husband likes to stay up pretty late so he'll say "I'll be there in a bit." He basically waits till I'm asleep to come to bed. I wait until he leaves for work in the morning to relieve myself of the frustration. Without fail he'll always ask me if I took care of myself. Sometimes I feel like a shiny toy that he wants just so the other men can't have me. I don't get it.

I don't get that either. I am very sorry this is happening to you. It just seems mean and very counter marriage. I am very sorry.

 

[HesterPrynne]

I would agree. There are threads here where you can go for porn and I have visited them. I'm now coming to a point in my life where that's not as important as it used to be. I'd rather have a friendly chat where I get to know the woman first. If we click, then we can move on to the sexy chats. If not, I hope that I've made a friend.

I so agree with you!!! I'm not into cyber, really. I just want to have some fun, flirty chat and make friends. Anything else that happens is just icing.

 

[fisherman62051]

I so agree with you!!! I'm not into cyber, really. I just want to have some fun, flirty chat and make friends. Anything else that happens is just icing.

Hey, everybody!! I know the feeling of being left hangin'... it's terrible and wreaks havoc on self-confidence... I love having lots of sexy friends... here, on lush, even getting into fetlife... sometimes the cyber, followed by a phone call or two, gets us through the night... i think for guys the circumstances sometimes dictate how well the cyber will be... please don't rule it out..

 

[HesterPrynne]

Hey, everybody!! I know the feeling of being left hangin'... it's terrible and wreaks havoc on self-confidence... I love having lots of sexy friends... here, on lush, even getting into fetlife... sometimes the cyber, followed by a phone call or two, gets us through the night... i think for guys the circumstances sometimes dictate how well the cyber will be... please don't rule it out..

I don't rule it out. It's just not what I'm all about.

I want to build on a friendship. If it moves into cyber that's all well and good.

I just don't want to start with it.

 

[jake34]

So hopefully this will come across as respectful.

But I never will understand the female species.

No matter how hard I try to.

This is what I seriously do not understand.

So many of you women get upset because you claim that your men do not show enough attention. Or you get really mad when the men in your lives flirt/talk/have sex with so many other women.

This part makes total sense.

But then you same women go about and tend to flirt/talk/have sex with multiple men.

That makes no sense to me at all.

Why not the desire to want to just have fun and get to know one person? It is almost as if you all feel threatened into eternal commitment if you give in to such a temptation. As if the exclusivity of it all is just too suffocating of a thought.

I really would appreciate some opinions.

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

So hopefully this will come across as respectful.

But I never will understand the female species.

No matter how hard I try to.

This is what I seriously do not understand.

So many of you women get upset because you claim that your men do not show enough attention. Or you get really mad when the men in your lives flirt/talk/have sex with so many other women.

This part makes total sense.

But then you same women go about and tend to flirt/talk/have sex with multiple men.

That makes no sense to me at all.

Why not the desire to want to just have fun and get to know one person? It is almost as if you all feel threatened into eternal commitment if you give in to such a temptation. As if the exclusivity of it all is just too suffocating of a thought.

I really would appreciate some opinions.

I only want my husband to tell you the truth. I don't mind making friends on here but from day one my private messages have been turned off. I didn't want to lead anyone on or give them the impression that I was looking for someone to give me what he wasn't. I know I'm whining about him on here, but I do really love him. He was my first and will hopefully be my last. In my real life I don't have an outlet or anyone to talk to because all of our friends are mutual. I would never want to disrespect him or embarrass him that way. I like browsing around on lit and finding new things to possibly try with my husband that might excite him and bring back that spark. I know this might sound odd since a lot of people do come here to chat privately. I'm just choosing to keep my conversations public on threads to avoid the temptation.

 

[jake34]

I only want my husband to tell you the truth. I don't mind making friends on here but from day one my private messages have been turned off. I didn't want to lead anyone on or give them the impression that I was looking for someone to give me what he wasn't. I know I'm whining about him on here, but I do really love him. He was my first and will hopefully be my last. In my real life I don't have an outlet or anyone to talk to because all of our friends are mutual. I would never want to disrespect him or embarrass him that way. I like browsing around on lit and finding new things to possibly try with my husband that might excite him and bring back that spark. I know this might sound odd since a lot of people do come here to chat privately. I'm just choosing to keep my conversations public on threads to avoid the temptation.

Your honesty is refreshing. I have had the luck of talking with a few women lately (in private) who are just as open. Usually, dishonesty is not the issue because men tend to be more secretive and elusive than women at times.

You have made a conscious decision to be here just to "browse" and to talk in public. Once again, this is something that makes total sense to me.

I have just been finding that the attatched, unhappy, and unfullfilled women who do choose to PM are looking/willing to talk with multiple men. But isn't the lack of attention/cheating from one special person what has upset them in the first place? So why then have the desire to talk to more than one man? This is what makes much less sense.

 

[HesterPrynne]

I'm here for the social aspect. I like talking to people ... Men and women ... And have made plenty of friends without sex having anything to do with it.

I don't like being one of a million and I detest being told that I'm the only one .... Knowing that I'm the only one that moment. So I make it clear ... I like to flirt, to chat, to have fun .... But if more is expected, then I expect more as well.

Does that make sense?

 

[jake34]

I'm here for the social aspect. I like talking to people ... Men and women ... And have made plenty of friends without sex having anything to do with it.

I don't like being one of a million and I detest being told that I'm the only one .... Knowing that I'm the only one that moment. So I make it clear ... I like to flirt, to chat, to have fun .... But if more is expected, then I expect more as well.

Does that make sense?

It makes a lot of sense.

I like when you say "I don't like being one in a million and I detest being told that I'm the only one ... knowing I'm the only one that moment".

You pretty much summed up a lot right there.

And ladies, before anyone starts to possibly attack me, I am not saying that you do not have the right to talk with more than one man. Nor am I here to condemn or judge you.

Just trying to make sense out of something I do not understand.

 

[Artina Heartflash]

wow jake. You have a lot of reaserch to do on reasons why men talk to multiple women and why women talk to multiple men.

I've told my personal stories to too many men, in order to develope some kind of intimate trust and/or bond. But every confidante I have ever had has thrown the entire friendship---(no matter how much time and effort I have invested in it)--into the trash once he meets "the woman in the red dress" ...or the woman with the cum fetish or the woman with the enema bottle or the woman with the crudest photos....well..you get the picture...lol. It is no surprise that happens on a site which has sex as the main draw.

And there you have one reason why women (or this woman) have spoken to multiple men here. Sure, there are some attention whores out there, but I for one am just someone needing to talk to a man who is willing to learn something from my experiences ...other than my bra size. I ahve just about given up on finding that kind of male friend here.

 

[wahoo33]

Great thread and thanks for all the honest replies. I was the suffering husband who loves his wife but was going looney due to mismatched libidos.
I decided against trying an affair and just resigned myself to self service. And after a few years a funny thing happened - things got better. My wife seems to have rediscovered sex.
I of course have continued to get better looking, richer and more charming as I've aged so I am not surprised she finally saw the light!
I'm being sarcastic in the last sentence to make a point. I've not really changed, and things are getting better - maybe somethings just take a little time. Things can get better and I hope they do for all of you.

 

[JonnyD1]

'deleted'

 

[JonnyD1]

'deleted'

 

[jake34]

wow jake. You have a lot of reaserch to do on reasons why men talk to multiple women and why women talk to multiple men.

I've told my personal stories to too many men, in order to develope some kind of intimate trust and/or bond. But every confidante I have ever had has thrown the entire friendship---(no matter how much time and effort I have invested in it)--into the trash once he meets "the woman in the red dress" ...or the woman with the cum fetish or the woman with the enema bottle or the woman with the crudest photos....well..you get the picture...lol. It is no surprise that happens on a site which has sex as the main draw.

And there you have one reason why women (or this woman) have spoken to multiple men here. Sure, there are some attention whores out there, but I for one am just someone needing to talk to a man who is willing to learn something from my experiences ...other than my bra size. I ahve just about given up on finding that kind of male friend here.

I know that I have a lot of research to do. That is why I asked the question that I did. I was hoping to get some honest thoughts from other women on this thread.

Why did you feel the need to tell your "personal story" so quickly to so many men? Did/do you not have the desire to form that "intimate trust" with one person? The word intimate to me suggests something that two people share together in a personal and exclusive way. And any guy who is just interested in your bra size is just an idiot. In my humble opinion.

 

[Artina Heartflash]

Hi AH. After reading your post, 'I for one am just someone needing to talk to a man who is willing to learn something from my experiences', I was wondering if you are willing to learn from their experiences?
Indeed it is a rareity on this site to find someone, male or female, who is willing to just be a friend. Some have covert intentions, others are just blatant in their pursuits. A few more seasoned and mature individuals have learned to appreciate the human condition, specifically as it is applied uniquely to each person.

I agree with second paragraph.

And YES, ALWAYS to the question in the first paragraph. Communication is a two way, and both have to be willing to exchange ideas and be open minded and nonjudgemental, unassuming, etc. to make the most of the friendship.

 

[Siren_Smiles]

I've been lurking on this particular thread since it started and have been one of those hesitant to share, however, it is what is, so here goes:

My sexual frustration at home is not necessarily a complete lack of sex, but a lack of quality sex. My husband has no idea how to turn me on. He puts zero effort into foreplay. I have tried to communicate to him what I like and need but nothing changes. I have given serious thought to writing him a manual, complete with stick figure drawings. At this point, I don't know what else to do.

I spent several years believing the problem was me. I'm not attractive enough, I expect too much, and so on. I finally came to the conclusion that it's not and I am much more confident now.

**in all fairness, I have to disclose. Our entire courtship was long distance. The time we spent together was limited and we usually skipped right over the foreplay. I had no idea that was his norm, nor would he have known that I expected different once we were in the same location permanently. This would also be the only complaint I have about my husband, in every other regard we have a fantastic marriage & relationship.

As far speaking to multiple men, I don't respond to pm's that are obnoxious, "wanna watch me whack off," solicitations. If someone sends me a message that sounds intelligent and enticing, I'll respond. I'm not here looking for a relationship. I enjoy flirting and attention.

 

[Artina Heartflash]

I know that I have a lot of research to do. That is why I asked the question that I did. I was hoping to get some honest thoughts from other women on this thread.

Why did you feel the need to tell your "personal story" so quickly to so many men? Did/do you not have the desire to form that "intimate trust" with one person? The word intimate to me suggests something that two people share together in a personal and exclusive way. And any guy who is just interested in your bra size is just an idiot. In my humble opinion.

The personal story was never delivered "so quickly". Usually when I deliver any details, it is because someone has presented (on thread)a question relative to an experience I had. That in turn would prompt a PM from a thread reader, asking of my experiences. I don't want to volunteer all the details of my personal life...there's TOOOOO MANY ....lol...and no one has the time. But I do like to be helpful, so I try...

I am always interested in what makes people tick...but in light of most recent experiences, I now choose to be selective about whom I speak to on more intimate secrets. I am a good listener, but I am less free with my trust. (the control freaks and perpetrators do more than read...)