Married Woman Who Like To...

[JonnyD1]

'deleted'

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

It's a gift to be able to laugh at our plights now and then. Any progress after your 'big moment'?

Unfortunately no. That last 2 mornings I've tried to initiate but he hasn't been able to "perform" or maybe he just didn't feel like it...Not really sure. He's not on any meds so I'm guessing it's his testosterone levels or it's all in his head. I try not to make it a big deal in front of him because I know with men that can seriously hurt, but I find myself wondering if I just don't turn him on anymore. That's why I was afraid to open my eyes last time, because I was afraid if it happened or he decided to stop he would be able to see the disappointment in my eyes. If it is health related I wish he would address it and let me know rather than leaving me guessing. If I was told it was due to a medical issue and he wouldn't feel like having sex that often at least I could mentally prepare myself for that. It's nice to feel desired, and currently I don't feel like I am. I'll keep trying though because I feel like it's my responsibility to keep the intimacy going if he's unable to.

 

[JonnyD1]

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[mtwain4u]

A couple of questions. Have you talked to him about his not filling your needs? And, if you are on Lit, how come you haven't mentioned it to him, insofar as maybe a couple stories could get his engine started again (to your benefit)?

Women should never be left unfulfilled. It creates chaos in the universe.

I'm in the same boat. We're both in our early 30's and I want it all the time. I would love to have "the horny husband" who couldn't keep his hands off me no matter where we were.When we were younger he'd take me anywhere he felt like...his parent's pool with them just across the yard or even a bathroom somewhere. These days the frequency and spontaneity has died. He has no clue that I lurk Lit all the time.

 

[ace195008]

That's a great idea, another thought is he stressed out t work ? Sometimes the stress makes 'George' , that what I call mine not want to cooperate in a productive manner..mind willing but the body ain't

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

A couple of questions. Have you talked to him about his not filling your needs? And, if you are on Lit, how come you haven't mentioned it to him, insofar as maybe a couple stories could get his engine started again (to your benefit)?

Women should never be left unfulfilled. It creates chaos in the universe.

I have talked to him about it. To be honest I approached it from a medical standpoint... That I felt he should go for a physical and talk to the doc about what's going on. He went and his physical went well but he didn't mention the real issue. We are friends with our doctor so I think he was probably embarrassed. For awhile I noticed his appetite declining but assumed he was just getting a bit older and out of that horny guy phase. My appetite just kept increasing however. He loves to brag and joke with his friends that he has the horny wife who wants it all the time. He just doesn't use the situation to it's fullest. We're both in our early 30's so maybe it is just a wounded ego and now all mental. But I would think I would see frustration there about wanting it and not being able to have it. Instead he seems indifferent and doesn't exactly put forth the effort to show/tell me it's not me. No, he doesn't know I'm on Lit. I have tried sharing things with him and trying new things, he just doesn't know they came from here. Joining Lit was a sanity issue. I can't talk to a friend about this because they are all mutual friends and that would be a crappy thing to do. Not to mention we come from a very religious background and the women I know would probably feel the opposite of me.

 

[Siren_Smiles]

Glad that you have come out of lurkdom!

Sorry to hear about the lack of foreplay. That should be something that is mutually enjoyed so as to maximize the pleasure for the both of you. Have you thought about going to a marriage/sex counselor? It sounds like it is something important to you. It should be just as important then to him. It sounds like communication with that is at a standstill.

I have thought about asking him to go and so far don't think it's something he would be willing to do.

Communication isn't at a standstill, just very slow. Instead of the big "come to Jesus" sort of conversation I have tried in the past, I'm mentioning things in small amounts. He doesn't take hints so I'm trying to find the balance between being honest & direct with not seeming critical and angry.

I can see what you mean about being here for the "flirting and attention".

I felt the same way siren. It hurts like hell to feel like you are the problem, or too demanding or whatever. It's a good feeling to come out on the other side of that dark fog isn't it?

Yes! It took me a long while to get here, but the sunshine feels so nice.

Still, sorry about the lack of quality. The good news is that quality can be improved while a dead libido is... well... dead. I have a close female friend with a similar issue as yours. She and I have cooked up many fun, creative and sexy ideas/plans/hair brained schemes for her to use. Most worked like a charm. Most of us guys really want to please our partners - some of us don't know how.

I think this to be more the case than anything. Prior to getting married, he had lots of fun and a few relationships. I had a few fun relationships. We're coming from vastly different experiences in regards to intimacy.

Think about it this way: We won't even own up to being lost when driving a car. Ever gotten snarled at for pointing out to a guy driving that he is lost? We know we are turned around, but if you point it out we deny it. It's a freaking reflex for most of us I swear it is. "Shut up, I know where we are going, It's just up here! Stop for directions??!! Shut up woman..."

Very good explanation, thank you. We have always been very direct with each other and I can understand how an attempt on my part to "give directions" could have come across as critical. Not my intention, but at the time, I didn't realize that this situation would require a bit more finesse.

We are way way worse in the bedroom.

The trick is to lead us where you want us without us feeling the leash otherwise we reflexively pull back. Read that previous sentence again.

I understand, just trying to find the way to do it.

You kinda have to either out think us (easy) or trick us (also very easy). Really, if you can teach a dog to sit you can teach your man anything you want in the bedroom. I don't want to hijack this wonderful thread with a long husband training rant. (sounds more appropriate for the BDSM board right )

Let me know if I can help with some ideas. I know how bad it feels to be in a sexually incompatible situation. It doesn't just ruin your time in the bedroom, it tends to spill out into other areas of your relationship and make a real mess of everything.

We're very lucky as this has not been the case. I think if I had continued to internalize and blame myself, things could have spiraled into a real mess. Part of what has confused me so much about this situation is that we are on the same page in every other aspect of our lives. Sometimes, I think if other areas had been suffering, it would have been easier to address and he would be more open to our usual direct manner of dealing with things.

I appreciate your perspective and advice. There's a way to make it work, and I'm going to find it

 

[Siren_Smiles]

So I asked Hubs if he wanted to take the "March Madness 31 days of Sex Challenge" and he looked at me like I was insane. We joked about the idea for a few days and I figured it was a no go.

Apparently, he warmed up to the idea and last night to get my attention he did something I told him I liked that he's never done before (kissed my neck, collarbone & shoulder). It's a small thing, but it's a step in the right direction. It's a sign that he has been listening to me and I'm going to find a subtle way to tell him how happy it made me.

 

[VA_Boy]

Gone!

 

[afriendg]

I have talked to him about it. To be honest I approached it from a medical standpoint... That I felt he should go for a physical and talk to the doc about what's going on. He went and his physical went well but he didn't mention the real issue. We are friends with our doctor so I think he was probably embarrassed. For awhile I noticed his appetite declining but assumed he was just getting a bit older and out of that horny guy phase. My appetite just kept increasing however. He loves to brag and joke with his friends that he has the horny wife who wants it all the time. He just doesn't use the situation to it's fullest. We're both in our early 30's so maybe it is just a wounded ego and now all mental. But I would think I would see frustration there about wanting it and not being able to have it. Instead he seems indifferent and doesn't exactly put forth the effort to show/tell me it's not me. No, he doesn't know I'm on Lit. I have tried sharing things with him and trying new things, he just doesn't know they came from here. Joining Lit was a sanity issue. I can't talk to a friend about this because they are all mutual friends and that would be a crappy thing to do. Not to mention we come from a very religious background and the women I know would probably feel the opposite of me.

I know just what you mean..we're a bit older and there are some medical issues, but I still don't see why the whole issue is so untouchable..I definately need to feel wanted and desired, not neglected..just started lurking around lit..it's opened my eyes up quite a bit..he has no idea

 

[fisherman62051]

Love your use of the word "lurking"... made me grin.. my soon-to-be ex-wife doesn't know the pleasures I've enjoyed here, at lush and fetlife... she's frigid, and when I told her that I was leaving, off she went to a sex therapist!! Just wish that I could hook up again with my lit loves... cara, margaret and a few others... you made me promises... you didn't keep 'em yet!!

 

[afriendg]

I'm married. And nothing gets me going more than lurking on lit on my phone in bed while my husband sleeps.

Oh Freckle..you gave me a chuckle...I lurk on here too on my laptop..while hubby watches TV

 

[mutato]

Oh Freckle..you gave me a chuckle...I lurk on here too on my laptop..while hubby watches TV

I do the same while on my iPod while she's watching TV or in the bedroom and I'm in the living room...

FF, I LOVE your new avatar! Very sexy!

 

[wahoo33]

Hey everyone, just thought I'd share a funny experience from the weekend.

The wife and I were out having a "date night" friday. As the evening was winding down I started thinking about what we could do spice things up after we got home.

I remembered reading a story (I think it was here) about the ABC game. It's an easy game. All you have to do is start with "a" and kiss that part of your partner. In the story they started real coy and slow - I think Adams Apple was first. B might have been the "bend behind her knee".
So I'm imagining myself kissing her neck and giving her a gentle love bite and really liking the idea of playing the ABC game. She excused herself to the restroom and I decided to mentally run through the alphabet. I wanted have some fun ones up my sleeve before I introduced the game to her. Starting off with ass, breast, clit just isn't very imaginative right?

So I'm feeling all clever and sneaky until I got to "D" D... hmm, D?... Crap, what starts with D? My brain totally froze. The only word I could think of was Deltoid - and I couldn't remember if that mussel is part of the shoulder or back. Dammit, foiled by the letter D!

When she got back from the restroom she asked why I had a silly look on my face. No way was I going to answer truthfully, " I am apparently too dumb to think of a female body part that begins with the letter D"

Nope, i blamed it on the bar tv and never said a word

I still think it would be a great naughty game and I'm starting my list this afternoon!

 

[JonnyD1]

'deleted'

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

Wahoo, that does sound like a fun game. I hope you didn't let a bit of alphabet frustration come between you two. By the way, you could always kiss her digits... she has about 20 of them. The ones on the hand could be sexy if you sucked on 'em. Maybe more erotic if you started at the feet.

Ooohhhh digits! Digits are good. You could also use it to freely kiss the little dips or dimples she has. I love it when I'm kissed in the little dip between where my thigh meets my pelvis....riiiiight next to where I want it most but not quite...just enough to tease.

 

[JonnyD1]

'deleted'

 

[wahoo33]

Where were you folks when I needed you??
Digits, dimples, dips... I'm adding these to my list. What I really need is a naughty version of a scrabble dictionary!
Fortunately we still had a great time out on the town and at home that night as well.
Hope you found it as amusing as i did. Now jot down a few good places to kiss and try your own version out with your lover.
Would kissing someones esophagus be sexy....

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

Where were you folks when I needed you??
Digits, dimples, dips... I'm adding these to my list. What I really need is a naughty version of a scrabble dictionary!
Fortunately we still had a great time out on the town and at home that night as well.
Hope you found it as amusing as i did. Now jot down a few good places to kiss and try your own version out with your lover.
Would kissing someones esophagus be sexy....

Ha! I suppose as long as you didn't breathlessly whisper the word esophagus. I know myself too well and know I would probably giggle if I heard that word during a hot moment. Then again, my maturity level sometimes leaves a lot to be desired. Ears/earlobe might be a good replacement if you don't want to say it.

 

[stu_gats_2000]

Hi,

Interesting thread, like many I find that LIT is nice escape from reality. Just like some of the users my spouse seems to have lost interest in sex...

Always hoping that one day we will turn the corner but that day never seems to come along.

Cheers

 

[call_me_mina]

Hey everyone, just thought I'd share a funny experience from the weekend.

The wife and I were out having a "date night" friday. As the evening was winding down I started thinking about what we could do spice things up after we got home.

I remembered reading a story (I think it was here) about the ABC game. It's an easy game. All you have to do is start with "a" and kiss that part of your partner. In the story they started real coy and slow - I think Adams Apple was first. B might have been the "bend behind her knee".
So I'm imagining myself kissing her neck and giving her a gentle love bite and really liking the idea of playing the ABC game. She excused herself to the restroom and I decided to mentally run through the alphabet. I wanted have some fun ones up my sleeve before I introduced the game to her. Starting off with ass, breast, clit just isn't very imaginative right?

So I'm feeling all clever and sneaky until I got to "D" D... hmm, D?... Crap, what starts with D? My brain totally froze. The only word I could think of was Deltoid - and I couldn't remember if that mussel is part of the shoulder or back. Dammit, foiled by the letter D!

When she got back from the restroom she asked why I had a silly look on my face. No way was I going to answer truthfully, " I am apparently too dumb to think of a female body part that begins with the letter D"

Nope, i blamed it on the bar tv and never said a word

I still think it would be a great naughty game and I'm starting my list this afternoon!

Love it! Your post has me chuckling out loud here! So sweet.

Derriere might be a possibility...

 

[Hiliburn]

I do thank you all for posting your experiences- none of us are alone in our thoughts or feelings I think. A PP said something about us all needed to work or try harder- which I think is really true. I know I am rather selfish and in my greed do not always 'give' back in ways he would certainly appreciate most. Laughably I think I am less in the foreplay - but looking for the goal line, whereas hubby, when he is available and not sleeping, is more into the scenic route. If I went off the map more often, perhaps I would get want I want more as well. Of course using all this logic may be a symptom of 1 am posting again...and in the light of day..... lol

 

[JonnyD1]

'deleted'

 

[junk_yard]

*********

 

[call_me_mina]

Ha! I suppose as long as you didn't breathlessly whisper the word esophagus. I know myself too well and know I would probably giggle if I heard that word during a hot moment. Then again, my maturity level sometimes leaves a lot to be desired. Ears/earlobe might be a good replacement if you don't want to say it.

Agreed! "Esophagus" would have me shaking with giggles. Not that that's a bad thing. Having fun in bed (or wherever) is great. But I am 43 going on 14 (maturity-wise) a lot of days, so....