Married Woman Who Like To...

[jake34]

The personal story was never delivered "so quickly". Usually when I deliver any details, it is because someone has presented (on thread)a question relative to an experience I had. That in turn would prompt a PM from a thread reader, asking of my experiences. I don't want to volunteer all the details of my personal life...there's TOOOOO MANY ....lol...and no one has the time. But I do like to be helpful, so I try...

I am always interested in what makes people tick...but in light of most recent experiences, I now choose to be selective about whom I speak to on more intimate secrets. I am a good listener, but I am less free with my trust. (the control freaks and perpetrators do more than read...)

I think I do see what you mean. Sounds like you were trying to be friendly more than anything else with people whom you could relate to. So you ended up talking to multiple men because you were looking to share and help. But then you got burned perhaps when things became more intimate with one/some of those whom you were talking with.

Trust is not given and really has to be earned.

 

[jake34]

I've been lurking on this particular thread since it started and have been one of those hesitant to share, however, it is what is, so here goes:

My sexual frustration at home is not necessarily a complete lack of sex, but a lack of quality sex. My husband has no idea how to turn me on. He puts zero effort into foreplay. I have tried to communicate to him what I like and need but nothing changes. I have given serious thought to writing him a manual, complete with stick figure drawings. At this point, I don't know what else to do.

I spent several years believing the problem was me. I'm not attractive enough, I expect too much, and so on. I finally came to the conclusion that it's not and I am much more confident now.

**in all fairness, I have to disclose. Our entire courtship was long distance. The time we spent together was limited and we usually skipped right over the foreplay. I had no idea that was his norm, nor would he have known that I expected different once we were in the same location permanently. This would also be the only complaint I have about my husband, in every other regard we have a fantastic marriage & relationship.

As far speaking to multiple men, I don't respond to pm's that are obnoxious, "wanna watch me whack off," solicitations. If someone sends me a message that sounds intelligent and enticing, I'll respond. I'm not here looking for a relationship. I enjoy flirting and attention.

Glad that you have come out of lurkdom!

Sorry to hear about the lack of foreplay. That should be something that is mutually enjoyed so as to maximize the pleasure for the both of you. Have you thought about going to a marriage/sex counselor? It sounds like it is something important to you. It should be just as important then to him. It sounds like communication with that is at a standstill.

I can see what you mean about being here for the "flirting and attention".

 

[call_me_mina]

Great thread and thanks for all the honest replies. I was the suffering husband who loves his wife but was going looney due to mismatched libidos.
I decided against trying an affair and just resigned myself to self service. And after a few years a funny thing happened - things got better. My wife seems to have rediscovered sex.
I of course have continued to get better looking, richer and more charming as I've aged so I am not surprised she finally saw the light!
I'm being sarcastic in the last sentence to make a point. I've not really changed, and things are getting better - maybe somethings just take a little time. Things can get better and I hope they do for all of you.

How wonderful for you! It's nice to hear a happy outcome (or at least a happier outcome).

 

[bronco_2006]

I've been lurking on this particular thread since it started and have been one of those hesitant to share, however, it is what is, so here goes:

My sexual frustration at home is not necessarily a complete lack of sex, but a lack of quality sex. My husband has no idea how to turn me on. He puts zero effort into foreplay. I have tried to communicate to him what I like and need but nothing changes. I have given serious thought to writing him a manual, complete with stick figure drawings. At this point, I don't know what else to do.

I spent several years believing the problem was me. I'm not attractive enough, I expect too much, and so on. I finally came to the conclusion that it's not and I am much more confident now.

**in all fairness, I have to disclose. Our entire courtship was long distance. The time we spent together was limited and we usually skipped right over the foreplay. I had no idea that was his norm, nor would he have known that I expected different once we were in the same location permanently. This would also be the only complaint I have about my husband, in every other regard we have a fantastic marriage & relationship.

As far speaking to multiple men, I don't respond to pm's that are obnoxious, "wanna watch me whack off," solicitations. If someone sends me a message that sounds intelligent and enticing, I'll respond. I'm not here looking for a relationship. I enjoy flirting and attention.

I understand the long distance part, I have done that before myself. The first couple of meetings went the same way, hot passionate and right to the point, we both had to break it off for different reasons, however have spoken on and off after and both wished we had spent the time to do a lot more foreplay and teasing, even though the sex was great we both regret not spending some quality time getting each other hot. Won't happen again at least from me, I will always make sure there is time to enjoy more of her body before diving in so to speak.

 

[bronco_2006]

I'm here for the social aspect. I like talking to people ... Men and women ... And have made plenty of friends without sex having anything to do with it.

I don't like being one of a million and I detest being told that I'm the only one .... Knowing that I'm the only one that moment. So I make it clear ... I like to flirt, to chat, to have fun .... But if more is expected, then I expect more as well.

Does that make sense?

very much so and I agree !

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

Great thread and thanks for all the honest replies. I was the suffering husband who loves his wife but was going looney due to mismatched libidos.
I decided against trying an affair and just resigned myself to self service. And after a few years a funny thing happened - things got better. My wife seems to have rediscovered sex.
I of course have continued to get better looking, richer and more charming as I've aged so I am not surprised she finally saw the light!
I'm being sarcastic in the last sentence to make a point. I've not really changed, and things are getting better - maybe somethings just take a little time. Things can get better and I hope they do for all of you.

That's wonderful and really encouraging! This is what I'm hoping will happen with my husband and I. At least I know there are success stories out there.

 

[HesterPrynne]

very much so and I agree !

Thanks Bronco ....

Good to see you this evening!

 

[Artina Heartflash]

I think I do see what you mean. Sounds like you were trying to be friendly more than anything else with people whom you could relate to. So you ended up talking to multiple men because you were looking to share and help. But then you got burned perhaps when things became more intimate with one/some of those whom you were talking with.

Trust is not given and really has to be earned.

Does anyone consider the fact that some women who openly admit their frustrations on this thread are doing so with great trust? Trust that someone will try to understand, trust that someone will not stalk like a lion after a bird with a broken wing, trust that someone with whom they have just begun a friendship will not use the info against them...

I could write a book on my experiences online and offline of drama resulting from being too friendly. Call it "My Life as a 'Hmmm-OOO-AHHH-HAHAGROAN-ONO-OMG!" lol. But it would take years to write and so the stories come out here and there in conversations instead. People are inspiration to me and an eternal fascination, so I continue to talk to multiple folks.

And yet inside for lack of true intimacy---sexual and soulful---- I feel nonexistant now.

 

[fisherman62051]

Does anyone consider the fact that some women who openly admit their frustrations on this thread are doing so with great trust? Trust that someone will try to understand, trust that someone will not stalk like a lion after a bird with a broken wing, trust that someone with whom they have just begun a friendship will not use the info against them...

I could write a book on my experiences online and offline of drama resulting from being too friendly. Call it "My Life as a 'Hmmm-OOO-AHHH-HAHAGROAN-ONO-OMG!" lol. But it would take years to write and so the stories come out here and there in conversations instead. People are inspiration to me and an eternal fascination, so I continue to talk to multiple folks.

And yet inside for lack of true intimacy---sexual and soulful---- I feel nonexistant now.

Hey, Artina... I understand where you're comin' from... while we would hope that the special moments we share with others here will continue, most of the time those budding relationships die... I am putting trust in the woman that she will enjoy my company on a frequent basis, that we can chat intimately and share needs and desires and that they will be met. I revel in being a whore, but I would like to have regulars... sometimes we find them, sometimes we don't. Point I'm trying to make is to keep hopin'... that we exist meaningfully with others outside our normal circles. I love listening to the hot women who hit on me... just hope they keep coming back for more!!

 

[Artina Heartflash]

It's often said that 60% of all marriages end in divorce.
And that a large percentage of the 40% aren't happy with their spouse.
So I'll put it to you like this, if you were a fireman and had a building burning in your area, and the fire captain said you can go in but you only have a 40% chance of coming out alive, and even if you do you can be badly burned or scarred, would you want to go in?

Ehm... is this a question of being a saving hero to a princess calling for help from burning tower? Are there kids inside the structure? Is there anything at all of value worth risking the life , to enter this "institution"...or does it look like a crazy asylum in which you may encounter someone who will strangle your breath before the flames hit you?

Ah... don't think too hard on that. Comparing marriage to a burning building is not good. Prep the structure with safety measures before entering so the risk of fire is less...and guard well the people you value. It is not a job/duty to enter a marriage. It should be an act of love...

Two people not afraid of getting burned.

 

[jake34]

Does anyone consider the fact that some women who openly admit their frustrations on this thread are doing so with great trust? Trust that someone will try to understand, trust that someone will not stalk like a lion after a bird with a broken wing, trust that someone with whom they have just begun a friendship will not use the info against them...

I could write a book on my experiences online and offline of drama resulting from being too friendly. Call it "My Life as a 'Hmmm-OOO-AHHH-HAHAGROAN-ONO-OMG!" lol. But it would take years to write and so the stories come out here and there in conversations instead. People are inspiration to me and an eternal fascination, so I continue to talk to multiple folks.

And yet inside for lack of true intimacy---sexual and soulful---- I feel nonexistant now.

Trust is just not an easy thing to find. About as hard to locate as respect. Opening up gives us the chance of getting hurt. Even on a public forum like this. That is a scary prospect. The only problem is that the alternative is even more frightening. That is the thought of being not attached at all. So perhaps we continue to open up with the hope that one day we may find that closed off intimacy with one special person.

 

[jake34]

It's often said that 60% of all marriages end in divorce.
And that a large percentage of the 40% aren't happy with their spouse.
So I'll put it to you like this, if you were a fireman and had a building burning in your area, and the fire captain said you can go in but you only have a 40% chance of coming out alive, and even if you do you can be badly burned or scarred, would you want to go in?

Better to have danced than to not have danced at all I guess.

 

[wahoo33]

I've been lurking on this particular thread since it started and have been one of those hesitant to share, however, it is what is, so here goes:

My sexual frustration at home is not necessarily a complete lack of sex, but a lack of quality sex. My husband has no idea how to turn me on. He puts zero effort into foreplay. I have tried to communicate to him what I like and need but nothing changes. I have given serious thought to writing him a manual, complete with stick figure drawings. At this point, I don't know what else to do.

I spent several years believing the problem was me. I'm not attractive enough, I expect too much, and so on. I finally came to the conclusion that it's not and I am much more confident now.

**in all fairness, I have to disclose. Our entire courtship was long distance. The time we spent together was limited and we usually skipped right over the foreplay. I had no idea that was his norm, nor would he have known that I expected different once we were in the same location permanently. This would also be the only complaint I have about my husband, in every other regard we have a fantastic marriage & relationship.

As far speaking to multiple men, I don't respond to pm's that are obnoxious, "wanna watch me whack off," solicitations. If someone sends me a message that sounds intelligent and enticing, I'll respond. I'm not here looking for a relationship. I enjoy flirting and attention.

I felt the same way siren. It hurts like hell to feel like you are the problem, or too demanding or whatever. It's a good feeling to come out on the other side of that dark fog isn't it?

Still, sorry about the lack of quality. The good news is that quality can be improved while a dead libido is... well... dead. I have a close female friend with a similar issue as yours. She and I have cooked up many fun, creative and sexy ideas/plans/hair brained schemes for her to use. Most worked like a charm. Most of us guys really want to please our partners - some of us don't know how.
Think about it this way: We won't even own up to being lost when driving a car. Ever gotten snarled at for pointing out to a guy driving that he is lost? We know we are turned around, but if you point it out we deny it. It's a freaking reflex for most of us I swear it is. "Shut up, I know where we are going, It's just up here! Stop for directions??!! Shut up woman..."

We are way way worse in the bedroom.

The trick is to lead us where you want us without us feeling the leash otherwise we reflexively pull back. Read that previous sentence again.

You kinda have to either out think us (easy) or trick us (also very easy). Really, if you can teach a dog to sit you can teach your man anything you want in the bedroom. I don't want to hijack this wonderful thread with a long husband training rant. (sounds more appropriate for the BDSM board right )

Let me know if I can help with some ideas. I know how bad it feels to be in a sexually incompatible situation. It doesn't just ruin your time in the bedroom, it tends to spill out into other areas of your relationship and make a real mess of everything.

 

[wahoo33]

That's horrible, I'm so sorry. I've been there before. My husband likes to stay up pretty late so he'll say "I'll be there in a bit." He basically waits till I'm asleep to come to bed. I wait until he leaves for work in the morning to relieve myself of the frustration. Without fail he'll always ask me if I took care of myself. Sometimes I feel like a shiny toy that he wants just so the other men can't have me. I don't get it.

I'm very sorry coach, that just sounds really cruel. Things can get better. Sometimes problems resolve themselves and sometimes it takes a lot of work. You seem like a kind person who is sincerely looking for a solution. Sometimes we are the most cruel to the people we love. Hopefully hubby will snap out of it or whatever is causing him to behave so poorly will change. (stress at work for example?)
Otherwise buddy up with some of the NY/NJ guys. They might know some "people" who can give him the Ole Jimmy Hoffa treatment.

 

[Princecharmingx]

Ladies, I'm sitting here reading this thread and I have to say I never really put a lot of thought in it before. I am a self admitted dog, and I admit that I used to go after the women with the rings on at bars. They were easy to "score" with.

Now I look at it and realize that they were probably hurting and desperate for any attention. There are a few I know weren't hurting. There are some that were out for themselves with no thought or in a few cases malicious thought for their husbands.

It may mean little to nothing but if any of you need an ear to bend or someone to keep you company here online you know where I am.

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

I'm very sorry coach, that just sounds really cruel. Things can get better. Sometimes problems resolve themselves and sometimes it takes a lot of work. You seem like a kind person who is sincerely looking for a solution. Sometimes we are the most cruel to the people we love. Hopefully hubby will snap out of it or whatever is causing him to behave so poorly will change. (stress at work for example?)
Otherwise buddy up with some of the NY/NJ guys. They might know some "people" who can give him the Ole Jimmy Hoffa treatment.

This thread must be good luck. Last night I went to bed and asked him when he would be turning in. He said after the race....I knew I would be out way before the end. I thought about getting the new toy out I just bought but decided to just go to sleep. I was probably asleep for an hour when I woke up to him attacking my breasts. I kept my eyes closed just enjoying it and not wanting him to stop. Eventually he paused and I thought he left to go back to the living room. When I was about to get really upset I felt the new toy I purchased being slowly pushed into me. He obviously had found it in our closet and had stopped to go get it. I finally opened my eyes and he was in the zone. He was vocal and kept pushing me until I couldn't take it anymore. He pulled me to him and made me suck him until he had enough and then proceeded to have me any way he felt like it. I felt like a rag doll as he was tossing me around and twisting me into crazy (awesome) positions. I have NO CLUE what came over him or caused him to behave like that but I was ready for a repeat this morning. He as usual kind of brushed the suggestion off. I'm wondering if it was my attitude change last night that caused it??? After spending time on the boards I realized quite a few people go through these ups and downs so I'll just need to pull up my big girl panties and take care of myself when he won't. I wonder if he could tell... I know it didn't "fix" our problems and odds are he'll continue not having a huge interest in sex, but for the first time in a LONG time I saw the man he used to be. Baby steps I guess. Hopefully it will get better before I hit menopause in 30 years.

 

[Artina Heartflash]

I felt the same way siren. It hurts like hell to feel like you are the problem, or too demanding or whatever. It's a good feeling to come out on the other side of that dark fog isn't it?

Still, sorry about the lack of quality. The good news is that quality can be improved while a dead libido is... well... dead. I have a close female friend with a similar issue as yours. She and I have cooked up many fun, creative and sexy ideas/plans/hair brained schemes for her to use. Most worked like a charm. Most of us guys really want to please our partners - some of us don't know how.
Think about it this way: We won't even own up to being lost when driving a car. Ever gotten snarled at for pointing out to a guy driving that he is lost? We know we are turned around, but if you point it out we deny it. It's a freaking reflex for most of us I swear it is. "Shut up, I know where we are going, It's just up here! Stop for directions??!! Shut up woman..."

We are way way worse in the bedroom.

The trick is to lead us where you want us without us feeling the leash otherwise we reflexively pull back. Read that previous sentence again.

You kinda have to either out think us (easy) or trick us (also very easy). Really, if you can teach a dog to sit you can teach your man anything you want in the bedroom. I don't want to hijack this wonderful thread with a long husband training rant. (sounds more appropriate for the BDSM board right )

Let me know if I can help with some ideas. I know how bad it feels to be in a sexually incompatible situation. It doesn't just ruin your time in the bedroom, it tends to spill out into other areas of your relationship and make a real mess of everything.

Heh. I've know plenty of subbies who don't have a prob with instructions.....lol.
Careful not to generalize, dear. Buy a Garmin. lol.

 

[bronco_2006]

Thanks Bronco ....

Good to see you this evening!

Hi there! Nice to see you as well dear!

 

[mutato]

Good evening ladies and gents. Another day down and closer to the weekend. I hope everyone had a good day.

 

[wahoo33]

Awesome news, double thumbs up Coach!!!

This thread must be good luck. Last night I went to bed and asked him when he would be turning in. He said after the race....I knew I would be out way before the end. I thought about getting the new toy out I just bought but decided to just go to sleep. I was probably asleep for an hour when I woke up to him attacking my breasts. I kept my eyes closed just enjoying it and not wanting him to stop. Eventually he paused and I thought he left to go back to the living room. When I was about to get really upset I felt the new toy I purchased being slowly pushed into me. He obviously had found it in our closet and had stopped to go get it. I finally opened my eyes and he was in the zone. He was vocal and kept pushing me until I couldn't take it anymore. He pulled me to him and made me suck him until he had enough and then proceeded to have me any way he felt like it. I felt like a rag doll as he was tossing me around and twisting me into crazy (awesome) positions. I have NO CLUE what came over him or caused him to behave like that but I was ready for a repeat this morning. He as usual kind of brushed the suggestion off. I'm wondering if it was my attitude change last night that caused it??? After spending time on the boards I realized quite a few people go through these ups and downs so I'll just need to pull up my big girl panties and take care of myself when he won't. I wonder if he could tell... I know it didn't "fix" our problems and odds are he'll continue not having a huge interest in sex, but for the first time in a LONG time I saw the man he used to be. Baby steps I guess. Hopefully it will get better before I hit menopause in 30 years.

 

[wahoo33]

That's too funny Artina. I was thinking about my GPS when I wrote those sentences!
Maybe we should reprogram one for naughty moves? "Ding ding. Turn left in 4 inches. Arriving at destination. Nibble earlobe for 10 seconds..."

Heh. I've know plenty of subbies who don't have a prob with instructions.....lol.
Careful not to generalize, dear. Buy a Garmin. lol.

 

[andyomama66]

Fires within...

This thread must be good luck. Last night I went to bed and asked him when he would be turning in. He said after the race....I knew I would be out way before the end. I thought about getting the new toy out I just bought but decided to just go to sleep. I was probably asleep for an hour when I woke up to him attacking my breasts. I kept my eyes closed just enjoying it and not wanting him to stop. Eventually he paused and I thought he left to go back to the living room. When I was about to get really upset I felt the new toy I purchased being slowly pushed into me. He obviously had found it in our closet and had stopped to go get it. I finally opened my eyes and he was in the zone. He was vocal and kept pushing me until I couldn't take it anymore. He pulled me to him and made me suck him until he had enough and then proceeded to have me any way he felt like it. I felt like a rag doll as he was tossing me around and twisting me into crazy (awesome) positions. I have NO CLUE what came over him or caused him to behave like that but I was ready for a repeat this morning. He as usual kind of brushed the suggestion off. I'm wondering if it was my attitude change last night that caused it??? After spending time on the boards I realized quite a few people go through these ups and downs so I'll just need to pull up my big girl panties and take care of myself when he won't. I wonder if he could tell... I know it didn't "fix" our problems and odds are he'll continue not having a huge interest in sex, but for the first time in a LONG time I saw the man he used to be. Baby steps I guess. Hopefully it will get better before I hit menopause in 30 years.

I'm guessing that is was the fiery jet-fuel crash that happened during the race that sparked his desires.

 

[fisherman62051]

Have a few married ladies with whom I chat regularly... haven't heard from them in a while... I am a good listener, and have helped them satisfy their secret desires...

 

[ace195008]

Hi all,
I just wanted to add something to this thread. Medications really wreck libido and desire sometimes, in particular, SSRIs, blood pressure meds. Was on Zoloft worked on my anxiety, played hell with my erections. The other issue, I see is sometimes the partner is selfish. Not understanding the other person. I was married twice, 1st time 4 yrs crashed and burned wasn't pretty, second one she passed away after 17yrs, both sexually not what I desired...

Regards,
Scott

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

I'm guessing that is was the fiery jet-fuel crash that happened during the race that sparked his desires.

OK, this seriously made me laugh. Who knew the answer could be so simple.