Most women don't climax from penetration alone — and 4 other important facts about female orgasms

[lanceGibs]

Exactly. Before the era of internet porn, I'm sure it would have been harder for men to know where a woman's clit is. There's no such excuse for them now.

Learning was never taboo.
Learning taboo subjects was and therefore more exciting and fun.
I started young,I had read about it
She was older,I asked her,she had a big smile on her face,she took my hand in hers, selected my index finger and placed it at the right place.She had a bigger smile when she asked me to rub her there, guiding every move till she was beyond caring about what I did .
Since then ,it has been The Go To place for the index finger of my right hand.
Internet porn be damned

 

[AnnieLit]

Are we really that complicated? In some ways yes. In other ways no. Something like 91 percent of lesbians orgasm most times whilst something like 39 percent of straight women. What would this suggest to you? That women are just too complicated or that their partners are too focused on their own pleasure Or it doesnt even cross their mind that they could be giving their partner pleasure? Thats really sad.

Actually, this suggests to me that there is a HUGE survival basis. How many women play with the idea of lesbian sex in HS or in college? Quite a few. How many of them quit those experiments and never go back to them? That would be the most. Why? At a min because they don't find these experiences any more pleasurable than the traditional pairing. So by the time they take these surveys, they call themselves straight and report that they don't orgasm during sex with a male, but neglect to mention that years ago they also didn't orgasm from sex with a female.

 

[AnnieLit]

Good observation; this is one example of how surverys be unintentionally skewed.

I am a statistics major, though haven't worked in this field for a looong time.

Many surveys are skewed not so unintentionally. And this goes to any soft science, not just the sexology.
In most situations people want to get results that they can publish, not the truth, so they don't bother with running their survey designs by somebody that can poke holes in them because this takes time, money, and increases the risk of not getting any useable results at all.

 

[Paligirl]

I’m reading a book meant for older people but everyone could benefit. The penis in vagina paradigm is just one part of sexual play and if you’re open to other things both partners benefit. For us geezers with erection issues this info can be life saving.

Title!?!

 

[Wonderer67]

Question for women: Do you have different types of orgasms?

My wife cums really strong when she uses her hitachi. She doesn’t love direct clitoral stimulation (too sensitive), but she can manage if she’s doing it herself and she has super intense orgasms.

When we have sex she more often has vaginal orgasms.

Sometimes she has g-spot/gushing orgasms from doggy style, female superior, reverse cowgirl or using a g spot vibrator. (She doesn’t squirt, more of a big gusher - I love it)

Sometimes she has “body orgasms”: just good muscle contractions after sex.

 

[stickygirl]

Yes, to the idea of too much info available, often porn, based BUT most of us started to learn about sex from our school friends or siblings and most of that is totally biased, inaccurate, skewed and badly explained, if at all. Most kids roll their eyes and give a snort "You dumbass - you don't know that yet?!" For several years I thought penis was spelled peanus because I read it on toilet walls. I first thought you got pregnant from kissing. If decent sex education is skipped in school curricula then kids learn in the playground and then they have to unlearn it as they get older.

Most of our sex ed was based around not getting pregnant and only vague references made that there was a good way and bad way to do sex. Oh and anal sex leads to sickness, coma and death.

Assumption, as that general said in the Gulf war, is the mother of all fuck ups. We all know how to tie shoelaces but someone had to teach us. We are inclined to carry our "dumbass" fear into the bedroom and then make assumptions. I'm indebted to an early girlfriend letting me get between her labia and give me a guided tour, complete with questions and followed by me giving my first tongue job. Never assume and there's no such thing as a dumb question.

 

[Rob_Royale]

There’s also this radical new technique called asking your partner what she likes.

Not as reliable as you'd think. It was remarkably difficult for me to drag that sort of information out of my wife when we were dating. She said it was embarrassing.

 

[Strixaluco]

Not as reliable as you'd think. It was remarkably difficult for me to drag that sort of information out of my wife when we were dating. She said it was embarrassing.

It's not given she even knows herself. Experimenting may work better.

 

[MaggieTheUnicorn]

I think the other thing missing from this discussion is the fact that sexuality can change over the course of a lifetime. It's good to stay curious about your own sexuality all throughout your life. What works now might not always work, and conversely, what doesn't work now might one day become a huge kink. It's best to have no judgment for oneself as things change and just explore with curiosity. Yes, communicate openly with partners, but you also need to have a good internal dialogue!

I am a statistics major, though haven't worked in this field for a looong time.

Many surveys are skewed not so unintentionally. And this goes to any soft science, not just the sexology.
In most situations people want to get results that they can publish, not the truth, so they don't bother with running their survey designs by somebody that can poke holes in them because this takes time, money, and increases the risk of not getting any useable results at all.

I'm a biology major but I was taught that as far as scientific reliability goes, self-report data is the least reliable, and it's mostly good for establishing what needs to be studied in further detail, with more rigorous methods.

How easily someone can get turned on, and how easily they can get turned off, these are accelerators and brakes in the brain. It also applies to other wants that aren't sexual, like going for some chocolate cake. Accelerators and brakes are thought to be genetically predisposed, not changeable. However, the context can be changed, meaning you can work around it to suit your goals, you can destress your environment so that sexy time is easier, etc., whatever the situation is.

Correction! Just because someone is genetically predisposed to something, doesn't mean it is unchangeable. Genes can be turned on and off by environmental factors, including stressors. Look up epigenetics if you are curious to learn more about that.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Question for women: Do you have different types of orgasms?

My wife cums really strong when she uses her hitachi. She doesn’t love direct clitoral stimulation (too sensitive), but she can manage if she’s doing it herself and she has super intense orgasms.

When we have sex she more often has vaginal orgasms.

Sometimes she has g-spot/gushing orgasms from doggy style, female superior, reverse cowgirl or using a g spot vibrator. (She doesn’t squirt, more of a big gusher - I love it)

Sometimes she has “body orgasms”: just good muscle contractions after sex.

Yes. They can feel totally different depending on the type of stimulation, just as you describe it.

This thread is confusing to me because when I was becoming interested in sex, the common thread in all information about sex was that the clitoral stimulation was the cause of orgasm in females and that all the talk about vaginal orgasms was just old lies and especially the talk about the G-spot was looked at with suspicion.

That did not line up too well with what I was finding out while exploring on my own, so I decided to just enjoy my ”non-orgasms”. Especially as there seemed to be a fair amount of politics involved in the differing views on the topic.
It didn’t take top long for the political fronts to move and there was more talk about different nerve bundles in the pelvic area being responsible for different types of orgasms.

The idea that it would ever be about
”insert penis, rut and voila!”, is not something I have ever seen put forward in any kind of serious context though.

Particularly ironic, given that now that men have the Internet, there shouldn't be any problem in getting that information. But maybe the problem is too much information, of the wrong sort.

I think a big part of the problem is that a lot of people don’t go looking for information and especially when it comes to sex there is this idea that it is just supposed to come(heh!) naturally.
Those of us who enjoy picking things apart to see how it really works are always going to look for information and the internet has absolutely been a game changer but there are tons of people who are more interested in shopping and entertainment and some who don’t get the basic education needed to find the relevant and useful information and to critically evaluate it.

 

[Athalia]

Question for women: Do you have different types of orgasms?

Yes. They vary in intensity, in "feel," in the parts of the body they turn on. And sometimes they don't happen at all. And sometimes you'll think, "Well, here it comes, and it's gonna be a big one" and then... pfft. The worst part is, if I'm with a guy, convincing him that it's not his fault.

I think the other thing missing from this discussion is the fact that sexuality can change over the course of a lifetime. It's good to stay curious about your own sexuality all throughout your life. What works now might not always work, and conversely, what doesn't work now might one day become a huge kink. It's best to have no judgment for oneself as things change and just explore with curiosity. Yes, communicate openly with partners, but you also need to have a good internal dialogue!

That's true. And sometimes it's there at one point of your life, and then it's not, and then it is again. (A lot of my stories feature women who experience that.) Self-communication and self-realization is key.

The idea that it would ever be about
”insert penis, rut and voila!”, is not something I have ever seen put forward in any kind of serious context though.

All "insert penis, rut, and voila!" ever really did was ensure the propagation of the species, which is why it was hard-wired into our brains.

It makes as much sense as saying that eating and drinking consists of "insert food or liquid, swallow, and voila!" That will surely ensure survival as long as the stuff isn't poisonous, but I wouldn't call that fine dining.

Those of us who enjoy picking things apart to see how it really works are always going to look for information and the internet has absolutely been a game changer but there are tons of people who are more interested in shopping and entertainment and some who don’t get the basic education needed to find the relevant and useful information and to critically evaluate it.

That's very true, and I don't have an answer for that. All we can do is try to learn as much as possible about our bodies and what they want, and try to educate our partners, so they can steer their own education into fulfilling that goal.

 

[stickygirl]

Yes. They vary in intensity, in "feel," in the parts of the body they turn on. And sometimes they don't happen at all. And sometimes you'll think, "Well, here it comes, and it's gonna be a big one" and then... pfft. The worst part is, if I'm with a guy, convincing him that it's not his fault.

Good to hear another woman say this and that it's not just me, though I'm not surprised either. Sex is too goal-orientated, which is a male-centric attitude ( I don't mean that in a critical sense ) .

 

[magicalmoments]

I hesitate to comment on this thread, being a mere male.
From my personal experience, a lifetime of swinging, swapping partners, 3'sums etc with mainly married women, I've found that most of them orgasm from being fucked, some easily, some take a bit longer to get there but most orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. I have found a small number who usually need clitoral stimulation to get them off and only one who could only reach orgasm from having her pussy licked, she said she had never orgasmed from vaginal penetration. This seems to be at odds with the data listed out in the original post.

Given that my experience is almost entirely with women who have a liberal attitude to sex and who have taken control of their sex lives it makes me wonder if women who orgasm relatively easily from penetrative sex are more inclined be those women?

 

[AnnieLit]

I hesitate to comment on this thread, being a mere male.
From my personal experience, a lifetime of swinging, swapping partners, 3'sums etc with mainly married women, I've found that most of them orgasm from being fucked, some easily, some take a bit longer to get there but most orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. I have found a small number who usually need clitoral stimulation to get them off and only one who could only reach orgasm from having her pussy licked, she said she had never orgasmed from vaginal penetration. This seems to be at odds with the data listed out in the original post.

Given that my experience is almost entirely with women who have a liberal attitude to sex and who have taken control of their sex lives it makes me wonder if women who orgasm relatively easily from penetrative sex are more inclined be those women?

I am pretty much sure it is the other way around: women that physiologically cannot orgasm from penetration are not that much interested in penetration. Sure, they can do it to satisfy their partner, they can do it for the pleasure of giving pleasure, but not for the final result. And since for other ways of getting there their partners need to be much more familiar with their bodies, they are much less interested in random encounters - not because of being closed off or whatever, but because they know that for *them* it wouldn't do much. So *you* don't get to interact with them. Which doesn't mean that they don't exist.

 

[jehoram]

I am pretty much sure it is the other way around: women that physiologically cannot orgasm from penetration are not that much interested in penetration. Sure, they can do it to satisfy their partner, they can do it for the pleasure of giving pleasure, but not for the final result. And since for other ways of getting there their partners need to be much more familiar with their bodies, they are much less interested in random encounters - not because of being closed off or whatever, but because they know that for *them* it wouldn't do much. So *you* don't get to interact with them. Which doesn't mean that they exist.

Yeah, that makes sense. Women who can't easily orgasm from vaginal penetration aren't likely to be the ones who frequent swinger's sessions and swapping and suchlike. So the women you meet under those circumstances are already self-selected.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yeah, that makes sense. Women who can't easily orgasm from vaginal penetration aren't likely to be the ones who frequent swinger's sessions and swapping and suchlike. So the women you meet under those circumstances are already self-selected.

They have perhaps just made the conclusion sex isn't very interesting.... because the sex they have had, hasn't been.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I hesitate to comment on this thread, being a mere male.
From my personal experience, a lifetime of swinging, swapping partners, 3'sums etc with mainly married women, I've found that most of them orgasm from being fucked, some easily, some take a bit longer to get there but most orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. I have found a small number who usually need clitoral stimulation to get them off and only one who could only reach orgasm from having her pussy licked, she said she had never orgasmed from vaginal penetration. This seems to be at odds with the data listed out in the original post.

Given that my experience is almost entirely with women who have a liberal attitude to sex and who have taken control of their sex lives it makes me wonder if women who orgasm relatively easily from penetrative sex are more inclined be those women?

It is quite possible to enjoy vaginal penetration a lot without orgasming from it, and then there is the excitement in the situation, the hotness of taboo and feeling slutty etc.
In short, there are lot of things to enjoy in the context you talk about that have nothing to do with orgasms.

Since a lot of men feel bad if their partner doesn’t climax and a very casual partner might not be the one you want to go through what Athalia talks about in the quote below for, it is not unheard of that people fake.
I’m not saying that it is everyone or all the time, just that it happens, in that kind of context too.

The worst part is, if I'm with a guy, convincing him that it's not his fault.

 

[UtilityCurve]

Women can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. Many women love the heightened arousal from sex and can still have a wonderful sexual experience without having an orgasm." So you know what that means? Porn has lied to us!

You know, from the opposite side of the "insert tab P into slot V" procedure, I guess that is just knowledge that cannot be shared accurately or fully between partners.

Sex without orgasm? As a man, the mere suggestion of such a thing repels, viscerally. GF's and my wife were all genuinely fascinated by my inadequate attempts to "explain what it's like for a guy."

Likewise, their insistence that they could enjoy playing, even penetration, without climaxing fell not on deaf ears, but uncomprehending ones (and not 'cause I'm dumb, it's incomprehensible at a fundamental level!).

The way all this shook out in my life is that any play that didn't result in bombs bursting in midair for my partner made me feel guilty, invariably. The experience of my own body overrode mere words, even ones I believed completely.

And on those (admittedly) rare occasions when I didn't want to pop, they found it ... confusing. (These were occasions when all I wanted, needed, really was to demonstrate that it wasn't always about me. Sometimes I wanted to give her a thrill expecting nothing in return, like bringing her flowers or a completely unexpected passionate, lip-mashing, tongue-twisting kiss.)

So, it's not porn as such. It's porn from a male point of view that we guys can identify and isolate, but never escape.

 

[Strixaluco]

You know, from the opposite side of the "insert tab P into slot V" procedure, I guess that is just knowledge that cannot be shared accurately or fully between partners.

Sex without orgasm? As a man, the mere suggestion of such a thing repels, viscerally. GF's and my wife were all genuinely fascinated by my inadequate attempts to "explain what it's like for a guy."

Likewise, their insistence that they could enjoy playing, even penetration, without climaxing fell not on deaf ears, but uncomprehending ones (and not 'cause I'm dumb, it's incomprehensible at a fundamental level!).

The way all this shook out in my life is that any play that didn't result in bombs bursting in midair for my partner made me feel guilty, invariably. The experience of my own body overrode mere words, even ones I believed completely.

And on those (admittedly) rare occasions when I didn't want to pop, they found it ... confusing. (These were occasions when all I wanted, needed, really was to demonstrate that it wasn't always about me. Sometimes I wanted to give her a thrill expecting nothing in return, like bringing her flowers or a completely unexpected passionate, lip-mashing, tongue-twisting kiss.)

So, it's not porn as such. It's porn from a male point of view that we guys can identify and isolate, but never escape.

Hmm.

Enjoying sex without orgasm definitely happens. But whether I want one, and feel like left without (and now we are talking about the next orgasm, it applies just as well when I have already gotten 5), is a different thing. There are days when I probably won't orgasm, and won't feel like left without. Days when I might, but if I don't get excited past certain point, I don't miss it. There are days when damn you if you stop before I get it. When I can't even fall asleep without getting my happy ending. Or even when I sleep for half an hour and then wake up needing one extra.

(Curiously, I've met Doms who are better at judging whether I need one more than myself. Even over a video call, insisting I keep going when I was ready to stop. My mind and body aren't always agreeing, my body is sometimes greedier.)

 

[ace195008]

It’s also the case that men can enjoy sex without having to orgasm. Turn around is fair play.

How is possible, someone explain this one ?

 

[AnnieLit]

How is possible, someone explain this one ?

At least in the BDSM world it is very much possible. Have you ever heard about denial? Cock cages? Some men get a lot of pleasure out of giving control over their orgasm to somebody else. If they are allowed to cum, say, once a month, it doesn't mean that they are not enjoying the other 29 days.

 

[AnnieLit]

(Curiously, I've met Doms who are better at judging whether I need one more than myself. Even over a video call, insisting I keep going when I was ready to stop. My mind and body aren't always agreeing, my body is sometimes greedier.)

I would say ALL Doms that I met that got to the point of making any decisions for me in this regard were much better at judging what I needed and when. I guess everybody can read my body except me, online or offline made no difference. Or maybe I just got lucky.

 

[AnnieLit]

Since a lot of men feel bad if their partner doesn’t climax and a very casual partner might not be the one you want to go through what Athalia talks about in the quote below for, it is not unheard of that people fake.
I’m not saying that it is everyone or all the time, just that it happens, in that kind of context too.

I didn't want to burst his bubble with this revelation, so went with the self-selection part. But yes, even with a regular partner it is not always possible to tell when the female orgasm is real and when it is not, with a new partner it must be close to imposssible. And if the woman enjoys the encounter in general, but doesn't cum, she is much more likely to fake it with a one-off partner just to give him the pleasure of satisfaction at the work well done.

 

[Strixaluco]

I would say ALL Doms that I met that got to the point of making any decisions for me in this regard were much better at judging what I needed and when. I guess everybody can read my body except me, online or offline made no difference. Or maybe I just got lucky.

My personal sample size doesn't allow for making such conclusion yet. (And if I'm really lucky, I won't need adding to it.)

 

[ace195008]

At least in the BDSM world it is very much possible. Have you ever heard about denial? Cock cages? Some men get a lot of pleasure out of giving control over their orgasm to somebody else. If they are allowed to cum, say, once a month, it doesn't mean that they are not enjoying the other 29 days.

Thx Annie yeah I see what your saying Dom making his female edge but not cum until he says so