Most women don't climax from penetration alone — and 4 other important facts about female orgasms

[AnnieLit]

My personal sample size doesn't allow for making such conclusion yet. (And if I'm really lucky, I won't need adding to it.)

Well, I started off with all doms *that I met*, it is a true statement no matter if my sample size 2 or 20

 

[Wonderer67]

How is possible, someone explain this one ?

I rarely have traditional ejacualtory orgasms. I can have them, but my wife controls my orgasms. We have a very good and varied sex life, but I enjoy the feelings of extreme horniness and she likes it too.

There are other ways for men to cum as well. Prostate and body orgasms.

I have an ejaculatory orgasm about once every 2-4 weeks.

 

[jehoram]

How is possible, someone explain this one ?

Well, there's this little blue pill, I'm told. It lets guys stay hard after they orgasm, and then they can continue to pleasure other people without the need to orgasm themselves. If they want to, I guess they can even fake an orgasm and, when the partner asks him why he's still hard after he "cums," he can honestly say, "It's the pill, honey."

 

[tristantrotsky]

I didn't want to burst his bubble with this revelation, so went with the self-selection part. But yes, even with a regular partner it is not always possible to tell when the female orgasm is real and when it is not, with a new partner it must be close to imposssible. And if the woman enjoys the encounter in general, but doesn't cum, she is much more likely to fake it with a one-off partner just to give him the pleasure of satisfaction at the work well done.

I feel strongly that he should complete her pleasure, and not simply enjoy getting off himself. Don't be selfish, guys. If he's already cum and she hasn't, he has tongue and fingers to bring her to an equally delicious climax...

 

[AnnieLit]

I feel strongly that he should complete her pleasure, and not simply enjoy getting off himself. Don't be selfish, guys. If he's already cum and she hasn't, he has tongue and fingers to bring her to an equally delicious climax...

No, actually he should do that only if asked. Otherwise, enjoy experience as a whole and don't make it a competition with every man that came before you. Maybe she can cum from tongue and fingers, maybe not. Will she enjoy him trying? Yes, but to a point. Again, he is not her lover, figuring out what exactly is needed maybe as easy as trying a one or two things, or not. If it doesn't, there is nothing wrong with asking what will work and accepting the answer "Don't worry about it, it's ok."

On the other hand, most women know that men are not too happy about an answer like that, especially if they are the type that think that they are so great in bed that they can bring over any woman that happens to be in their bed. So, it is easier to fake it and be done. With a regular partner it's not a very good strategy, but with a one night stand, why not?

 

[tristantrotsky]

No, actually he should do that only if asked. Otherwise, enjoy experience as a whole and don't make it a competition with every man that came before you. Maybe she can cum from tongue and fingers, maybe not. Will she enjoy him trying? Yes, but to a point. Again, he is not her lover, figuring out what exactly is needed maybe as easy as trying a one or two things, or not. If it doesn't, there is nothing wrong with asking what will work and accepting the answer "Don't worry about it, it's ok."

On the other hand, most women know that men are not too happy about an answer like that, especially if they are the type that think that they are so great in bed that they can bring over any woman that happens to be in their bed. So, it is easier to fake it and be done. With a regular partner it's not a very good strategy, but with a one night stand, why not?

Mutual need should be mutually satisfied. You are right, it is not a competition, and it has nothing to do with it being a regular lover or a one-night stand, it is a blissful fusing of minds and bodies, caring and consideration.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I feel strongly that he should complete her pleasure

Yes, but pleasure is not the same to everyone at all times.
If someone says they are happy and done for now, I think it’s common courtesy to believe them, even if you wouldn’t be happy and done at that point.

I you can create a situation where both this:

If he's already cum and she hasn't, he has tongue and fingers to bring her to an equally delicious climax...

and ”Thanks, that was nice but now I’m done and want to cuddle/sleep/eat/go to work…” is an acceptable answer to everyone involved though, you are going to be less likely to get any fake shows and more likely to have partner who is up for sex even when they don’t feel like they can bring their A-game, in my experience.
That takes both honesty and willingness to take the other persons word for it though, from both sides.

Likewise, their insistence that they could enjoy playing, even penetration, without climaxing fell not on deaf ears, but uncomprehending ones (and not 'cause I'm dumb, it's incomprehensible at a fundamental level!).

The way all this shook out in my life is that any play that didn't result in bombs bursting in midair for my partner made me feel guilty, invariably.

I think this is super common, because we think we need to understand each other at all times, when what we need is rather to accept each other.
It really shouldn’t have to be more complicated than ”I prefer coffee rather than tea right now” which could be quite incomprehensible to someone who is dying for that cup of tea but rarely makes us feel guilty over handing them a cup of coffee.

And frankly I think that feeling of guilt and perhaps selfishness is often the reason for any disconnect in this area, rather than any kind of masculinity/competitiveness/malecenteredness.

And on those (admittedly) rare occasions when I didn't want to pop, they found it ... confusing. (These were occasions when all I wanted, needed, really was to demonstrate that it wasn't always about me. Sometimes I wanted to give her a thrill expecting nothing in return, like bringing her flowers or a completely unexpected passionate, lip-mashing, tongue-twisting kiss.)

Yes, women do it too, both like you describe, because if he doesn’t have the big O of his life we are obviously not attractive enough and in not believing him when he says he’d be happy to rather than bothered by having to spend some more time hunting down that elusive orgasm for us.

The road to hell is often paved with good intentions.

 

[AnnieLit]

Mutual need should be mutually satisfied. You are right, it is not a competition, and it has nothing to do with it being a regular lover or a one-night stand, it is a blissful fusing of minds and bodies, caring and consideration.

It has everything to do with being a regular lover or not - I am much more interested in taking it slow and teaching a regular partner what works for me than I would with a one-off encounter. With a one off, especially if we are talking swingers, threesomes, etc, there is enough of OTHER excitement that satisfies other sexual needs, pushes other buttons so to speak. I know for me there are a few scenarios that I would like to explore one day, but I am absolutely sure that my own orgasm will not be on the menu there.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I’m reading a book meant for older people but everyone could benefit. The penis in vagina paradigm is just one part of sexual play and if you’re open to other things both partners benefit. For us geezers with erection issues this info can be life saving.

Very true. There are many other ways to pleasure each other.

 

[Strixaluco]

It has everything to do with being a regular lover or not - I am much more interested in taking it slow and teaching a regular partner what works for me than I would with a one-off encounter. With a one off, especially if we are talking swingers, threesomes, etc, there is enough of OTHER excitement that satisfies other sexual needs, pushes other buttons so to speak. I know for me there are a few scenarios that I would like to explore one day, but I am absolutely sure that my own orgasm will not be on the menu there.

Heck, one night isn't even enough to teach. Our even 3 nights.

(Which is one of reason I don't even do them. Only "intended to become long-term" ones for me.)

 

[tristantrotsky]

It has everything to do with being a regular lover or not - I am much more interested in taking it slow and teaching a regular partner what works for me than I would with a one-off encounter. With a one off, especially if we are talking swingers, threesomes, etc, there is enough of OTHER excitement that satisfies other sexual needs, pushes other buttons so to speak. I know for me there are a few scenarios that I would like to explore one day, but I absolutely sure that my own orgasm will not be on the menu there.

I love this dialogue.
You should never ever consider yourself beyond learning new attitudes, revising your ideas or being open to erotic negotiations. Maybe one of the problems is that women seldom articulate their needs for fear of hurting or offending their partners, so guys have to work things out through their - sometimes mistaken, assumptions.
This kind of open exchange of ideas is fascinating, and can only help both genders to achieve a better and more fulfilling sex-life. Thank you, ladies of Lit...

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I love this dialogue.
You should never ever consider yourself beyond learning new attitudes, revising your ideas or being open to erotic negotiations. Maybe one of the problems is that women seldom articulate their needs for fear of hurting or offending their partners, so guys have to work things out through their - sometimes mistaken, assumptions.
This kind of open exchange of ideas is fascinating, and can only help both genders to achieve a better and more fulfilling sex-life. Thank you, ladies of Lit...

Communication between partners is very important so each can feel satisfied. I was fortunate to have 2 such partners in my life and the intimacy was amazing for both. For the others, the communication was one way as both did not communicate their needs and wants to me thus their was frustration for both of us.

 

[UtilityCurve]

Yes, but pleasure is not the same to everyone at all times.
If someone says they are happy and done for now, I think it’s common courtesy to believe them, even if you wouldn’t be happy and done at that point.

I you can create a situation where both this:

and ”Thanks, that was nice but now I’m done and want to cuddle/sleep/eat/go to work…” is an acceptable answer to everyone involved though, you are going to be less likely to get any fake shows and more likely to have partner who is up for sex even when they don’t feel like they can bring their A-game, in my experience.
That takes both honesty and willingness to take the other persons word for it though, from both sides.





I think this is super common, because we think we need to understand each other at all times, when what we need is rather to accept each other.
It really shouldn’t have to be more complicated than ”I prefer coffee rather than tea right now” which could be quite incomprehensible to someone who is dying for that cup of tea but rarely makes us feel guilty over handing them a cup of coffee.

And frankly I think that feeling of guilt and perhaps selfishness is often the reason for any disconnect in this area, rather than any kind of masculinity/competitiveness/malecenteredness.



Yes, women do it too, both like you describe, because if he doesn’t have the big O of his life we are obviously not attractive enough and in not believing him when he says he’d be happy to rather than bothered by having to spend some more time hunting down that elusive orgasm for us.

The road to hell is often paved with good intentions.

Couldn't this enough. Bookmarked. TY.

 

[magic_rat]

Recently a male friend told me that he blew a woman's mind by fucking her from behind and "smashing her ovaries" through some method. A female friend then told him that it wasn't nice and that it was actually painful.

This is the thing. One woman may love smashed ovaries, another will hate it. Statistics are basically meaningless when all you have to do is find the best way of satisfying the person you are with.

My ex wife never came from penetration, and would pretty much only cum after 10-15 minutes of oral.

Other women I have been with are probably split 75%/25% penetration/non-penetration.

My current partner is multi-orgasmic during penetration (lucky me! Lucky her!) and if I hit her G spot right, my arm will fall off before she's orgasmed out. But she's not keen on receiving oral. Loves giving it, but has to be in the right frame of mind to receive, due to an asshole first husband who said he didn't like giving because of the smell.

Gave her her first anal orgasm recently too.

 

[Trubbycat]

The overarching lesson here is everybody is different.

 

[IrisAlthea]

This is the thing. One woman may love smashed ovaries, another will hate it. Statistics are basically meaningless when all you have to do is find the best way of satisfying the person you are with.

Word.

 

[tristantrotsky]

It has everything to do with being a regular lover or not - I am much more interested in taking it slow and teaching a regular partner what works for me than I would with a one-off encounter. With a one off, especially if we are talking swingers, threesomes, etc, there is enough of OTHER excitement that satisfies other sexual needs, pushes other buttons so to speak. I know for me there are a few scenarios that I would like to explore one day, but I am absolutely sure that my own orgasm will not be on the menu there.

 

[chad132]

I am a 68-year-old man who is I guess clueless. I have been told all my life that if a man has a large penis a woman will just cum early and always just because of his size. Will a woman tell me if this is true or false?

 

[Strixaluco]

I am a 68-year-old man who is I guess clueless. I have been told all my life that if a man has a large penis a woman will just cum early and always just because of his size. Will a woman tell me if this is true or false?

False.

Besides, a large penis can be really painful without enough having enough stimulation before entering. And hitting the bottom of vagina can either cause or prevent orgasming.

 

[chad132]

Thank you for your reply I don't understand how this gets spread for all men to believe they have to be BIG or women will not give them a try. Thanks again.

 

[AnnieLit]

I am a 68-year-old man who is I guess clueless. I have been told all my life that if a man has a large penis a woman will just cum early and always just because of his size. Will a woman tell me if this is true or false?

This was a joke, right? You can't be THAT clueless! The internet has been around for more than 20 years now, you never ever thought of asking it this question? You never asked any woman what were her thoughts on the subject? Yes, there are some size queens out there, but I highly doubt that all of your partners happened to be that way.

 

[JessGabriel]

The brain is the most important sexual organ. Exercise it: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319596

THIS. Seriously.

 

[chad132]

It is no joke I have so many men say they can not count how many women tell them if they are not really big they don't want to sleep with them because they only cum if a man is really big. go BIG or go home. So I thought maybe that is what only works for women no a day. I thought maybe if some women saw my question they can help me get a true and straight answer. Thanks for any truth. I am not big at all and wanted the truth so I know if I am still in the game or out.

 

[AnnieLit]

It is no joke I have so many men say they can not count how many women tell them if they are not really big they don't want to sleep with them because they only cum if a man is really big. go BIG or go home. So I thought maybe that is what only works for women no a day. I thought maybe if some women saw my question they can help me get a true and straight answer. Thanks for any truth. I am not big at all and wanted the truth so I know if I am still in the game or out.

In real life, not in porn, being too big is a much bigger problem than being too small - most woman can't safely take in a porn sized cock, getting cervix hit is a VERY painful experience (you don't have to take my word on this, google it and you will get enough testimony from a lot of different women). Yes, sure, there are some women that like that sort of pain, but there are very few of them, so you can ignore them for the moment. For everybody else it would take some very creative positioning to make things work. So all that talk about BBC - it might be beautiful to look at, sure, but not very useful for anything else.

 

[TalkToMeInSB]

I am pretty much sure it is the other way around: women that physiologically cannot orgasm from penetration are not that much interested in penetration. Sure, they can do it to satisfy their partner, they can do it for the pleasure of giving pleasure, but not for the final result. And since for other ways of getting there their partners need to be much more familiar with their bodies, they are much less interested in random encounters - not because of being closed off or whatever, but because they know that for *them* it wouldn't do much. So *you* don't get to interact with them. Which doesn't mean that they don't exist.

Going to have to disagree with the premise that women who don't cum from penetration aren't interested in penetration. The majority of the women I've been with did not cum from penetration, but they loved to fuck! Especially the current partner. However they all knew that my oral skills would push them over the edge multiple times so perhaps the real issue is can their partners give them orgasms at all?