Offering Service vs Obeying Commands

[submissiveknight]

What an outstanding thread RJ. I voted balanced! Reason being that I enjoy both serving and obeying my Mistress. I do what I'm suppose to do and what is asked of me by Her. Reading thru the thread I find it interesting that I hold many of the same values as others. Princess and I were discussing just the othernight how We both feel more comfortable in Our D/s compared to just a few years back. She was reading this thread last night with me, even She remarked about alot of the simalarities that I have. Of course there are a few that vary from my submissive lifestyle, but that is more into how they live their lifestyle it seems. For me theres no seperation between outside and inside of the bedroom. As this thread continues i'm sure that i will have more comments,if i'm welcomed to post again. I'm really enjoying all the comments and insights on how others view there submissiveness

 

[RJMasters]

I am just sitting here enjoying a raisin bagel and reading through and enjoying all your posts. Thank you all for participating in the discussion. I have at least one more direction I would like to explore, but want to wait just a bit longer as we continue discussing the compatibility aspects of this topic. I have included all my responses into one post to help condense the number of posts.


dexwebster
Sounds like you are happy in pleasing him and he accepts/is pleased with what and how you offer it. If it ain't broke don't fix it. Ty for sharing.

SpectreT
1. It was meant to be one
2. Will head over to the cafe after this and have a look see.
3. Its funny that some people take a view that people don't change or that you shouldn't change for someone else, then there are those who seem to adept so quickly, as you have mentioned of yourself on occasion, and of course the natural change that occurs with everyone over time. This could be a whole topic of its own. I liked your concluding thought.. "Sometimes it takes trust, confidence and knowledge to offer a dominant some form of service, and that needs time to build."


BeachGurl2
Thank you for taking the time to share as you did. When I got to this part:
"but it was the first time in a very long time that someone had stopped long enough to realize that I never said what I personally wanted to do. ...but just the fact that he asked and I was able to verbalize something that I wanted just for me felt really good for a change."
I smiled knowing how special this moment must have been. When you talked of compromise and how it takes place so naturally, I kept thinking of the word adapt, adapt, adapt. What do you think? Do you see any similarities or truth in that?


Chris9
I really liked what you had to say Chris. I am glad that through the course of the discussion you discovered something about yourself and that this realization may prove helpful. I think your right in that trying to discuss this with your partner would not be as easy as say discussing limits. It might depending on the two people of course, but perhaps the best benefit can be found in self-awareness.

As an after-thought because of your comments it hit me that when two people meet and things don't go so well, and the relationship is broken off by one, often the other person might ask why they think it will not workout? Every situation is different of course but often the reason is due to incompatibility. Perhaps understanding this might help to better explain at least part of what that incompatibility might consist of?

Yasashii_Kaze
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and joining the conversation. I understand where you are coming from. I chuckled when I saw your last comment about being really confused. The reason is normally we see confusion as a bad thing but that's not always true. For me, sometimes when something confuses me, it means I am about to learn something new or "add to" something I currently know because I tend to think more about what it is that has shaken me up and confused me. I hope you stay around and perhaps reading what others share, it might open your eyes to see some new things. I believe that what you shared, in how you see or define submission is ok, but I see it as just one form/expression of how dominance and submission takes place between two people. I think there are many types of expression of both dominance and submission.


CutieMouse
Giving away sadist's secrets again?


incubus'_sub
In many ways you are right about change. Some of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to change(or perhaps adapt) to suit the other person. Its also true that over time people can change, some adjust and intertwine, while others don't and they grow apart. However, there are those who are "changed" (for good or bad) because of a relationship or actually have a spirit of adaptability, which allows them to change or adjust without facing some of the barriers that others often face when attempting the same thing. I think KC's and SpectreT's first posts are kind of an indication of this though I could be wrong.


Esclava
I am glad you stopped by I enjoy the perspective you often give to conversations, so I hope that you will do so perhaps later on. Thank you for voting.


submissiveknight
I enjoyed your comments and please know that you are certainly welcome here in this discussion. I agree that it is nice to see that though we are all individuals, we do have things in our innermost being that we share in common with others. The things often inside us are usually what make us do what we do. When we have things on the inside that are similar, it is often the case we will also see similarities in the experiences we and other people have. You say tom-a-to and I say toma-t-o but it sure make for great spaghetti sauce Thank you again for join in and my best to you and your Mistress.

 

[CutieMouse]

CutieMouse
Giving away sadist's secrets again?

I have no clue if it's a sadist's secret... I just know my odd little mind is capable of enjoying even the most hated things, and noticed how that pleasure impacted the person I cared about.

 

[BeachGurl2]

BeachGurl2
Thank you for taking the time to share as you did. When I got to this part:
"but it was the first time in a very long time that someone had stopped long enough to realize that I never said what I personally wanted to do. ...but just the fact that he asked and I was able to verbalize something that I wanted just for me felt really good for a change."
I smiled knowing how special this moment must have been. When you talked of compromise and how it takes place so naturally, I kept thinking of the word adapt, adapt, adapt. What do you think? Do you see any similarities or truth in that?

I haven't actually thought of it much in terms of 'adapting', but now that I do, interesting thoughts. As I said at the end, I have to be very careful not to lose myself because I 'adapt' so naturally. However, there are some ground rules, so to speak. I don't just adapt if the relationship isn't mutually respectful and satisfying. My compromising/adapting can only truly occur when I am 100% engaged emotionally in the relationship. Respect and trust have to be fully there, and my needs must be met as well.

I see where you're going with adapting. I do agree that for a submissive, adapting is very important. If you can't adapt well, you probably aren't naturally submissive. But that said, there is a difference, I think, between adapting and taking on a different personality. I think you have to be careful here that you don't push that adaptation idea too far to the point of suggesting that your average, everyday sub takes on a new personality based on what his/her dom/me wants. I don't believe that a natural sub does that. I still have my own personality. I compromise on things, but not the things that are important to me. For example, I feel very strongly about my personal freedoms. I'm not suddenly going to change my views on personal freedoms because my Dom thinks it's okay to search someone's house with a search warrant to fight terrorism. In fact, I will probably debate him on the issue. Political issues, religious issues, educational issues, morals and values, ethics, belief systems, etc. For me, those don't change based on what my Dom may think. As I said before, I have a brain and I'm not afraid to use it.

 

[RJMasters]

I haven't actually thought of it much in terms of 'adapting', but now that I do, interesting thoughts. As I said at the end, I have to be very careful not to lose myself because I 'adapt' so naturally. However, there are some ground rules, so to speak. I don't just adapt if the relationship isn't mutually respectful and satisfying. My compromising/adapting can only truly occur when I am 100% engaged emotionally in the relationship. Respect and trust have to be fully there, and my needs must be met as well.

I see where you're going with adapting. I do agree that for a submissive, adapting is very important. If you can't adapt well, you probably aren't naturally submissive. But that said, there is a difference, I think, between adapting and taking on a different personality. I think you have to be careful here that you don't push that adaptation idea too far to the point of suggesting that your average, everyday sub takes on a new personality based on what his/her dom/me wants. I don't believe that a natural sub does that. I still have my own personality. I compromise on things, but not the things that are important to me. For example, I feel very strongly about my personal freedoms. I'm not suddenly going to change my views on personal freedoms because my Dom thinks it's okay to search someone's house with a search warrant to fight terrorism. In fact, I will probably debate him on the issue. Political issues, religious issues, educational issues, morals and values, ethics, belief systems, etc. For me, those don't change based on what my Dom may think. As I said before, I have a brain and I'm not afraid to use it.

Grinz,

I am not going anywhere with this idea of adapting...

Actually I see where adapting takes place for dominants just as much, though it sounds odd I find its true. However my own personal position is more of the compatible one. Meaninf that you find someone with whom you can be who you are. I am not so eager to encourage submissives to embrace the idea of adeptation, unless it is within their persona to be able to do so.

So my first advice would be if you know you are an offering type submissive, I would recommend finding a Dominant that is aligned to enjoy that part of you. Same same for the other types.

I am off to watch football....enjoy your day and thanks

 

[BeachGurl2]

Grinz,

I am not going anywhere with this idea of adapting...

Actually I see where adapting takes place for dominants just as much, though it sounds odd I find its true. However my own personal position is more of the compatible one. Meaninf that you find someone with whom you can be who you are. I am not so eager to encourage submissives to embrace the idea of adeptation, unless it is within their persona to be able to do so.

So my first advice would be if you know you are an offering type submissive, I would recommend finding a Dominant that is aligned to enjoy that part of you. Same same for the other types.

I am off to watch football....enjoy your day and thanks

Good advice. Enjoy the game.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Dear RJ, I'm not at all narrow minded, I've just realised over my many years that some things just are . Thinking about why does indeed help understanding but it doesn't really change anything. With human feelings & emotions however, despite what the movies would have us believe, there is rarely a ëureka" moment when all becomes clear. Knowing & understanding that I'm a sub because I'm still trying to please my unpleasable father does not & will not ever change my being a sub.

We all come here for different reasons but as you say, we come here because we enjoy communicating with others about mutual interests and because it fulfils a need in us. We can either accept that simplicity and enjoy it or we can ponder endlessly about our inner reasons for wanting to do so. Talking here is fun & interesting. We learn & we communicate & offer our own experiences to help others. All good. As a small & somewhat silly comparison, what if we were all so caught up in the "why do I want to be there?" that we were all too frightened to go ahead & post. Most of us started out as lurkers, learned as much as we needed to know to be accepted into the community and then took that first, scary step out of ourselves. We talk & we argue, we teach & we learn, but we are doing it.

As for your most recent question about compatibility. In my experience people are as they seem & it's difficult if not impossible to change someone to suit a relationship. The person who was perfect for you at 20 may not be at 40, simply because people grow & change themselves over time according to their own experiences. One of the major mistakes that almost everyone makes is to settle for someone who is nearly perfect, despairing of ever finding the really right one. This often works out just fine as lives entwine, but sometimes those differences become more marked and present insurmountable problems. Then, unfortunately, it's major decision time.

What she said.

I do ya, pal.

 

[Netzach]

M is inherently a pleaser in relationships. He does much better without direct orders.

H can handle no orders, but really really really likes orders.

Stud isn't service oriented, he's more sexually oriented.

 

[kristyna]

Excellent discussion RJ, thank you.

I voted for an even balance of both. Our relationship is very much as JMohegan described.

As far as outside the bedroom, I am totally and completely offering, not only to an SO, but to everyone I am connected to. I operate in a 'giving' kind of mode 24/7. Everyday, I ask my daughter, "what do you want for dinner." If she wants something that I can obtain for her - buy or fix myself - then that's what we have. If I am shopping and I see something that I know an SO would like, then I buy it for him. Whatever I do throughout the day always is done with someone else in mind. I've tried to stop sometimes and think about what I would rather be doing instead and often can't come up with something

This describes me almost to a tee (thank you BeachGurl) I would add that I almost feel lost if I do not have someone to "take care of". It is extremely hard for me to put myself first, especially over C and my children.

I mentioned earlier that I wanted to discuss some aspects of the topic we have been talking about. I wonder if this is an aspect anyone takes into consideration when looking for a possible relationship? Specifically when looking at things that are compatible? or to even go further...if there are existing problems developing in an existing relationship, if this aspect is considered in determining if this might be one of the underlying problems causing trouble in the relationship?

In some ways I kind of see this as part of the chemestry that automatically takes place when two people meet.

However,

If you have a Domme/Dom that prefers a submissive that is more offering, could it be of value to understand that part about each other as a means to help discover the level of compatible between them? What if the submissive is more of the other type? What kinds of problems might come from this as the relationship continues on?

By the same token if Dom/Domme prefers the more obeying oreinted submissive, could it be of value to understand that part about each other as a means to help discover the level of compatible between them?

Same same if the desire for both is there.


As I said before I can see how this can happen in a natural way, but in the effort of communication especially when getting to know one another at the beginning, could understanding this aspect be helpful if it is raised and dicussed? Or maybe compatibility is over-rated and the submissive is just expected to change or adjust accordingly. hmmmm

Yes, I do believe that understanding this aspect would be extremely helpful in a relationship. I for one, do not enjoy a Dom who does nothing but bark orders or expects to micro-manage me. I am just not micro-managable. I would tire of the barking Dom, end up losing my sense of self, unhappy and the relationship would end. (hence the reason I am divorced). I do however thrive in a situation where I feel free to be myself and in being more of myself, I provide a greater service and feel a greater willingness to serve. I am after all a compliment ho as well as a pain ..nm, I digress. The little smiles I get, the thank you's, the little things are what make me try twice as hard the next time to do even better. I will do something if it is barked at me, but my frame of mind is all wrong.

I don't see how, if we flipped the coin, a Dom who is more of an obedient driven with his subs cold possibly be happy with me, an offering type of sub.

Communication is always key in any relationship. Some may think that a submissive should just change accordingly, because they are after all a submissive and shouldn't they just do what they are told? I do not subscribe to this theory. Would the submissive not loose her personality, the essence of who she/he is?

I know that there was much more that I wanted to comment on, but it is late, I'm not sure that I'm still making sense and feel that I have rambled too much as it is.

 

[BeachGurl2]

This describes me almost to a tee (thank you BeachGurl) I would add that I almost feel lost if I do not have someone to "take care of". It is extremely hard for me to put myself first, especially over C and my children.

I am much the same way. Without purpose when I don't have someone who 'needs' me. I often feel lost if I don't have another to care for. That was part of what I talked about when I said I had to be careful not to 'lose' myself in relationships. Because I can sometimes become so focused on caring for the other person that I forget to recharge for myself.

 

[RJMasters]

M is inherently a pleaser in relationships. He does much better without direct orders.

H can handle no orders, but really really really likes orders.

Stud isn't service oriented, he's more sexually oriented.

Thank you Netzach for joining in. Does knowing this about them make things smoother on you as their Domme? I mean that's kind of asking the obvious but I was hoping you could provide some examples of how knowing this aspect about them effects you and how you treat each of them. Do you find yourself making mental adjustments depending on which one you are with? Or is it just something that comes naturally(if yes, was it always this way or was there a learning curve?)?

 

[Netzach]

Thank you Netzach for joining in. Does knowing this about them make things smoother on you as their Domme? I mean that's kind of asking the obvious but I was hoping you could provide some examples of how knowing this aspect about them effects you and how you treat each of them. Do you find yourself making mental adjustments depending on which one you are with? Or is it just something that comes naturally(if yes, was it always this way or was there a learning curve?)?

Oh totally easier to accept reality and adjust expectations than it is to fight it all the time. Although I find that both of these guys have gotten more flexible or interested in the less comfortable arena. M has tentatively agreed to more overt displays in the interest of spicing things up and exploring some new ideas, and H has had to go without much in the way of overt D/s anything for a long time while my health has been in question and we're LD anyhow. So I ordinarily adjust for them and respond to their style, but sometimes I have to be adjusted around too.

I think there's a learning curve. I'm difficult. When I don't feel like I get enough chance to play or do D/s overtly I'm unahppy, when I feel like I have to I feel trapped and begin to avoid the person, whether that's warranted or not. I think I'm still trying to find my own balance.

 

[RJMasters]

Excellent discussion RJ, thank you.

I voted for an even balance of both. Our relationship is very much as JMohegan described.



This describes me almost to a tee (thank you BeachGurl) I would add that I almost feel lost if I do not have someone to "take care of". It is extremely hard for me to put myself first, especially over C and my children.



Yes, I do believe that understanding this aspect would be extremely helpful in a relationship. I for one, do not enjoy a Dom who does nothing but bark orders or expects to micro-manage me. I am just not micro-managable. I would tire of the barking Dom, end up losing my sense of self, unhappy and the relationship would end. (hence the reason I am divorced). I do however thrive in a situation where I feel free to be myself and in being more of myself, I provide a greater service and feel a greater willingness to serve. I am after all a compliment ho as well as a pain ..nm, I digress. The little smiles I get, the thank you's, the little things are what make me try twice as hard the next time to do even better. I will do something if it is barked at me, but my frame of mind is all wrong.

I don't see how, if we flipped the coin, a Dom who is more of an obedient driven with his subs cold possibly be happy with me, an offering type of sub.

Communication is always key in any relationship. Some may think that a submissive should just change accordingly, because they are after all a submissive and shouldn't they just do what they are told? I do not subscribe to this theory. Would the submissive not loose her personality, the essence of who she/he is?

I know that there was much more that I wanted to comment on, but it is late, I'm not sure that I'm still making sense and feel that I have rambled too much as it is.

Thank you kristyna for joining the conversation and offering your thoughts.

I think you raise some interesting question in the paragraph I highlighted above. To be fair, I think there are many who do subscribe to that theory, both Domme/Doms and submissives alike. I know many who like that arrangement very much and would not change it for the world. I think if you look at the poll results, one can see that there are those who are obedient types, there are those who are offering types and there are those who are a good solid mix of both. I think something good that can come out of a discussion like this is to recognize that there are many ways in which submission can be lived and expressed by a person. It may not completely square with what our own expereince might be, but it can be seen and even appreciated for being differnt.

I think one thing is clear...and that is regardless which type you may identify with, I think all have a desire to be pleasing to their Dominant. I know some who see it as part of their submission to adapt even when it is very hard to do so, and they find great joy in adapting. Some find adapting very easy to do and it is an inherient part of their nature. If a person is demanding they will joyful be obedient. If they enjoy being catered to more, they enjoy seeing that their needs and desires are met.

Its my opinion that many people refuse to look deeper into D/s because they have that idea that the submissive must give up who they are in order to be the person the dominant wants or makes them to be. They have no idea that it is possible that they can be dominated as the person they are. I think its clear by many of the responses in this thread, that the later is indeed possible for all three types.

Often new submissives in D/s have this impression that because they are submissive, they must completely give up who they are in order to be happily submissive. IMO the answer is...not yes or no, its maybe. And it largely depends upon the type of person they are and the type of dominants they will pursue relationships with.

I look forward to more of your comments and again thank you for joining in.

 

[RJMasters]

Oh totally easier to accept reality and adjust expectations than it is to fight it all the time. Although I find that both of these guys have gotten more flexible or interested in the less comfortable arena. M has tentatively agreed to more overt displays in the interest of spicing things up and exploring some new ideas, and H has had to go without much in the way of overt D/s anything for a long time while my health has been in question and we're LD anyhow. So I ordinarily adjust for them and respond to their style, but sometimes I have to be adjusted around too.

I think there's a learning curve. I'm difficult. When I don't feel like I get enough chance to play or do D/s overtly I'm unahppy, when I feel like I have to I feel trapped and begin to avoid the person, whether that's warranted or not. I think I'm still trying to find my own balance.

Nods and thank you for continuing to share. About the finding balance comment. I imagine finding it between just two people is a task let alone adding more into the mix. Hence, the comment of being adjusted too is also understandable.

One thing you touch on that hit me while I was reading your response is how this also touches on the topic of comfort zones. Often in discussions about comfort zones you only hear of limits being pushed, but I can see how this is one way to change up a few things knowing it goes against the grain a bit if you catch my meaning and be an effective way to spice things up a bit. Perhaps another good useful application in knowing this and how to use it to a dominant's advantage at times.

 

[Netzach]

Nods and thank you for continuing to share. About the finding balance comment. I imagine finding it between just two people is a task let alone adding more into the mix. Hence, the comment of being adjusted too is also understandable.

One thing you touch on that hit me while I was reading your response is how this also touches on the topic of comfort zones. Often in discussions about comfort zones you only hear of limits being pushed, but I can see how this is one way to change up a few things knowing it goes against the grain a bit if you catch my meaning and be an effective way to spice things up a bit. Perhaps another good useful application in knowing this and how to use it to a dominant's advantage at times.

Well, what I really liked about it in this case is that this used to be an area of some conflict between us, and I backed off it for a while. Consistently I find that given a little time to process, I'll be asked for the thing I was asking for if I just sit and wait.

 

[RJMasters]

Well, what I really liked about it in this case is that this used to be an area of some conflict between us, and I backed off it for a while. Consistently I find that given a little time to process, I'll be asked for the thing I was asking for if I just sit and wait.

Very cool.

For those on the 50 yard line taking notes...bold and highlight this one.

Thanks Netzach

 

[incubus'_sub]

Don't we all treat other people as individuals in all of our relationships? If that's a learning curve, then we begin it when we are born, do we not?

We pursue & continue relationships with lovers, friends, aquaintances & workmates depending on how we view them, our needs that that particular person meets, the needs that we meet for them. We form closer relationships with those we feel are compatible to the needs we are looking to meet at that time in our lives, which is not to say that those needs won't change over time & the relationships become less close, be they friendships or partners.

Most people adjust their behaviour when dealing with others eg some friends don't like swearing & others don't care, but that's really just basic courtesy. However, behaving in a polite & personable manner when dealing with others is not really changing for the relationship, is it? In fact it could be seen as playing a role in order to impress at that time for a particular reason. This is known as civilised society & those for which it is does not come naturally are usually called sociopaths.

There comes a time in everyone's lives when we realise that certain relationships are no longer meeting our needs & it's just not worth the effort of adjusting our normal behaviour any more. Most adults, when seeing a former school teacher, will continue to behave as adults rather than reverting to the behaviour of a child. That relationship has changed due to time & need as all relationships do.

 

[sodden_kitten]

Tell me what to do!!

i'm definitely obedience oriented at the moment. Perhaps once W/we live together this will change, but i am most happy, in the meantime, going above and beyond each time J gives me a task to complete; and with the exception of the one time i was delinquent with a task, He's always pleased and surprised.

Not coincidentally, i think, His favourite words to hear coming from this one's mouth are, "If it pleases You, my Sir." *grins* Good match!

 

[RJMasters]

Don't we all treat other people as individuals in all of our relationships? If that's a learning curve, then we begin it when we are born, do we not?

We pursue & continue relationships with lovers, friends, aquaintances & workmates depending on how we view them, our needs that that particular person meets, the needs that we meet for them. We form closer relationships with those we feel are compatible to the needs we are looking to meet at that time in our lives, which is not to say that those needs won't change over time & the relationships become less close, be they friendships or partners.

Nods...I think that is why I mentioned earlier how this often happens naturally...kind of like that chemestry people talk about between two people.

 

[RJMasters]

i'm definitely obedience oriented at the moment. Perhaps once W/we live together this will change, but i am most happy, in the meantime, going above and beyond each time J gives me a task to complete; and with the exception of the one time i was delinquent with a task, He's always pleased and surprised.

Not coincidentally, i think, His favourite words to hear coming from this one's mouth are, "If it pleases You, my Sir." *grins* Good match!

Welcome sodden_kitten to the conversation. Thank you for sharing your happiness with the rest of us. It is good that you see yourself for who you are and have an open mind as to adjustments which may come in the future. I wish you and J all the best.

 

[kristyna]

Thank you kristyna for joining the conversation and offering your thoughts.

I think you raise some interesting question in the paragraph I highlighted above. To be fair, I think there are many who do subscribe to that theory, both Domme/Doms and submissives alike. I know many who like that arrangement very much and would not change it for the world. I think if you look at the poll results, one can see that there are those who are obedient types, there are those who are offering types and there are those who are a good solid mix of both. I think something good that can come out of a discussion like this is to recognize that there are many ways in which submission can be lived and expressed by a person. It may not completely square with what our own expereince might be, but it can be seen and even appreciated for being differnt.

I think one thing is clear...and that is regardless which type you may identify with, I think all have a desire to be pleasing to their Dominant. I know some who see it as part of their submission to adapt even when it is very hard to do so, and they find great joy in adapting. Some find adapting very easy to do and it is an inherient part of their nature. If a person is demanding they will joyful be obedient. If they enjoy being catered to more, they enjoy seeing that their needs and desires are met.

Its my opinion that many people refuse to look deeper into D/s because they have that idea that the submissive must give up who they are in order to be the person the dominant wants or makes them to be. They have no idea that it is possible that they can be dominated as the person they are. I think its clear by many of the responses in this thread, that the later is indeed possible for all three types.

Often new submissives in D/s have this impression that because they are submissive, they must completely give up who they are in order to be happily submissive. IMO the answer is...not yes or no, its maybe. And it largely depends upon the type of person they are and the type of dominants they will pursue relationships with.

I look forward to more of your comments and again thank you for joining in.

Thank you RJ, you have given me much to think on. I am heading for work, will think on it and will hopefully comment later. I do hope that I did not come off as narrow minded or uninformed. Most of my opinions are colored by a very bad relationship but thankfully I am learning. It has been a shocking experience for me to find that it was okay if I did not want to do something.

 

[RJMasters]

Thank you RJ, you have given me much to think on. I am heading for work, will think on it and will hopefully comment later. I do hope that I did not come off as narrow minded or uninformed. Most of my opinions are colored by a very bad relationship but thankfully I am learning. It has been a shocking experience for me to find that it was okay if I did not want to do something.

Did you come off narrow minded or uninformed?

Nope, not at all. I enjoyed your comments.

 

[satindesire]

To be completely clear and honest, I have to say that I am 'offering' oriented in my Service. Whether it be sexually, physically (like giving affection or something as simple as a massage after his hard day's work) or things like daily chores to maintain the household.

I really get very excited and full of anticipation and happiness when he asks me to do something -specific- for him, but I find that I learn what partner likes very early in the relationship and do these things without needing to be asked, so maybe it's my own downfall that I'm pretty good at anticipating their needs.

Some things that I find usually unpleasant take on a new 'spin' when he -asks- me specifically for it. Like keeping the house clean...by myself it'd probably be a little cluttered, but for him I enjoy keeping it spotless. And sexually, things like anal sex, which I am still new to, and his....*ahem* size keeps it rather uncomfortable no matter how much practice and preperation I've gotten...when he wants it and -says- he wants it, I find myself looking forward to things that used to be hard for me.

Typically, though, I do things before needing to be asked.

 

[BiBunny]

I voted for an even balance of both, although I don't think that's quite what it is for me. I like obeying commands, for one thing. I have found, though, like many others who've already posted here, I certainly don't like being micro-managed. On the other hand, if a Dom wants me to do something, he'd better say so (preferably in a courteous manner, like BeachGurl--I think--mentioned). Like I once told a play partner, "I'm a slut, dammit, not a mind reader!"

My service to Master has been a learning process. At the beginning stages of our relationship, before I was collared, I mostly obeyed commands because I didn't know then what exactly he expected of me. I have slowly become more of an "offering service" type, now that I'm more aware of what he wants me to do. For example, when we first met, I wouldn't have dared just snatched his shoes off and started massaging his feet because I didn't know if he wanted me to or not. (Some people are kind of weird about their feet, y'know.) After he asked me to give him a foot-rub a couple of times, I learned that he enjoys it. So, now, I don't have any qualms about snatching his shoes off and massaging his feet when the notion strikes! I expect that the longer we are together, the better I'll get. Familiarity, for me, breeds the offering of service. That's not to say that I don't still enjoy the feeling of contentment I get when I do what he asks successfully.

 

[Sprinkles22]

My human nature, in and out of submissive roleplay is that of "offering". I am a giver and a peacekeeper. My heart functions to serve others, to give and offer of myself. Even my chosen profession, nursing, is a 'giving' experience.

Do not misunderstand me, I am NO doormat type personality. I am extremely strong willed and cower to no one, save my Master. My temper is legendary to those who know me. But I feel good inside when I offer my services and submission; I feel secure.

I obey my Master when he asks specific tasks of me, yet I personally feel as if I failed him in some way by not identifying his needs beforehand and acting upon them. No, I can't read his mind ... but we are very much in tune with one another and know each other's personalities very intimately. I usually can sense his needs or desires and offer my submission before he has to ask.