ok you female subs

[moonieblue]

Hello moonieblue and welcome to the conversation.

The very first time you experience the cold eyes it can almost be shocking...mind blowing and deflating but the lessons learned if one is so inclined to avoid the "look" can fill you with the warmth of progress!

Thank you Ma'am. It was a learning experience for sure. I have learned I never want to see that look from him again, and I will do everything I possible to prevent it.

 

[laurel-marie]

you didn't really think it was all about the boys did you?

Lets begin this conversation talking about cold eyes.

If you are an owned sub or slave how do you feel and react to the coldness in your Dominants eyes when you suspect that coldness has something to do with you or your behaviour?

If you are a submissive that hopes to be under the thumb of a Dominant at some time...how do you "imagine" these cold eyes would affect you. ( or is that effect language nazi's?)

Anyone care to join this inquisitive Mistress?

Most of how I would feel has been said already.
The distance that look brings is painful, gut-wrenchingly so. The icey finger runs down your spine, your body stiffening up. You want to run to him and hide from him all at once. My mind screams 'Failure"over and over again. Not a look I try to provoke.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Most of how I would feel has been said already.
The distance that look brings is painful, gut-wrenchingly so. The icey finger runs down your spine, your body stiffening up. You want to run to him and hide from him all at once. My mind screams 'Failure"over and over again. Not a look I try to provoke.

Ah ha but lets take this conversation to a different angle is it not true that the cold look in the eyes of the Dominant can on occassion (rarely of course ~~grin~~) be a frustration with their own ability to Dominate?

Hello laurel-marie!

 

[laurel-marie]

Ah ha but lets take this conversation to a different angle is it not true that the cold look in the eyes of the Dominant can on occassion (rarely of course ~~grin~~) be a frustration with their own ability to Dominate?

Hello laurel-marie!

Hello Shadowsdream
I am not quite sure I am following this question. Are you asking that, because of the misdeed I did and the displeasure it has brought....this might lead a Dominant to think he/she has failed in some way?
I don't know, maybe, if the same problem is happening over and over. <sigh> Never thought of it like this.

 

[princess4u]

on being a good girl

music to my ears:
you are a very good girl, princess....

my goal is to never see that coldness in my present master's eyes -
he is a warm and loving person and never allows the lines of
communication between us to be closed - it is simply not permitted
in our relationship

quite honestly, i am not sure he could display the coldness about
which we are speaking

 

[Shadowsdream]

Hello Shadowsdream
I am not quite sure I am following this question. Are you asking that, because of the misdeed I did and the displeasure it has brought....this might lead a Dominant to think he/she has failed in some way?
I don't know, maybe, if the same problem is happening over and over. <sigh> Never thought of it like this.

Yes when a situation keeps re-occuring a Dominant can question their own domination...but perhaps they should be questioning their Dominating technics on some occassions. It is not always the fault of the submissive even though I would be the last to say that out loud...which is why typing is so nice ~~smile~~

It is a two way street when eyes turn cold...it is not always prudent to simply assume the blame is yours without analizing what has occured and why.

 

[Shadowsdream]

music to my ears:
you are a very good girl, princess....

my goal is to never see that coldness in my present master's eyes -
he is a warm and loving person and never allows the lines of
communication between us to be closed - it is simply not permitted
in our relationship

quite honestly, i am not sure he could display the coldness about
which we are speaking

There isn't an eye in the world that can't turn cold. "Good girl" is as nice to say and mean as it is to hear I am certain!

 

[princess4u]

There isn't an eye in the world that can't turn cold. ...

perhaps ~

 

[laurel-marie]

It is a two way street when eyes turn cold...it is not always prudent to simply assume the blame is yours without analizing what has occured and why.

Not to be too argumentative, but I still feel the majority of the blame is on my shoulders. If I keep doing something wrong, then either I am not understanding something or I am being defient. One can be cleared up simply by admitting that I don't understand and discuss it, the other deserves the look and punnishment. Now, if it is because I am being defient and the course my Dom decides to take isn't working, then he should change his tecnique...but it is still because of me.

 

[moonieblue]

Yes when a situation keeps re-occuring a Dominant can question their own domination...but perhaps they should be questioning their Dominating technics on some occassions. It is not always the fault of the submissive even though I would be the last to say that out loud...which is why typing is so nice ~~smile~~

I have only ever been on the submissive side of situations like this. It hasn't happend with M yet, however it did very early on in my relationship with my previous Dom K. I don't know whether or not K ever questioned his techiniques or is ability to Dom in regards to what he was trying to teach me. However it did take me several attempts using different methods of teaching before I was able to grasp the concept. I don't think the reason I was unable to learn quickly was because of K's technique, but rather had to do with my learning style. Does that make sense?

 

[cellis]

you didn't really think it was all about the boys did you?

Lets begin this conversation talking about cold eyes.

If you are an owned sub or slave how do you feel and react to the coldness in your Dominants eyes when you suspect that coldness has something to do with you or your behaviour?

If you are a submissive that hopes to be under the thumb of a Dominant at some time...how do you "imagine" these cold eyes would affect you. ( or is that effect language nazi's?)

Anyone care to join this inquisitive Mistress?

I can remember the day beginning to end. I knew I had crossed a line. I can still remember the coldness I felt in the pit of my stomach when I realized what I had done. I felt as if he had stabbed me in the heart when I saw that coldness in his eyes.

 

[landcruisergal]

I rarely have the opportunity to look my PYL directly in the eye.Even doing so makes me feel very insecure now."look at me" is a command that makes me uneasy, and usually he gets so much enjoyment at my discomfort at these occassions, and the mental/verbal tite- rope walking that accompanies them, he is usually ends up laughing.
.But a raised eyebrow, or a frown line is enough to make me fret.
I observe him as he works sometimes, and study his face and reactions to what he is reading and writing and his comments about the people that work in his company.I have seen the difference between frustration and anger/dislike on his face.
Well I usually have nothing to do except sit silently at his feet. I might as well use the time constructively.People watching is a hobby and people "reading" is a big part of my job.
I have been lucky enough to avoid the latter two expressions so far."touch wood"

 

[snowy ciara]

Am I the only one who's not indulged here? It sorta looks like it, so I'll have a crack at it.

Me being me, I tend to obsess over little things, and knowing myself, I'd probably punish myself more for the Look than Dom/me ever would. Without even knowing why I'd received it, I would most likely be castigating myself inside. I know this because I have perceived myself as nothing but a fuck up in my life before, and I have taken drastic (and often mis-guided) internal measures to "fix" myself. Just knowing I'd done something to elicit it would most likely send me in a tailspin. And as Ms. Shadowsdream pointed out, the Look may have multiple reasons. It may be the beginning of boredom in a relationship, or it may that I've done something wrong, or it may just mean "Back off; I can't deal with you right now because I've had a hell day and I need to de-compress for a while." This is where communication becomes absolutely necessary; when a person reacts so strongly to the Look, leaving them in doubt as to the cause is just plain cruel. If the Look is because the PYL is starting to get bored in a relationship, wouldn't it be kinder to simply tell them and let them go?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Excellent thread.

 

[catalina_francisco]

If you are an owned sub or slave how do you feel and react to the coldness in your Dominants eyes when you suspect that coldness has something to do with you or your behaviour?

Initially it brings about feelings of failure, depression, hopelessness, disappointment in self, deep sorrow, and guilt. In a physical sense it makes me nauseous, usually feels as if all the blood has been drained from me in one minute, shakiness and physically weak, often dizziness. Most times we move to a place where communication takes place which depending on the situation and day can result in me momentarily going down further, though in most instances and given the time I need to halt the processes within myself, I come back fighting...not with him but with myself and my negative feelings so I reach a place where I can make positive adjustments to my behaviour and attempt to fulfil his expectations and desires.

Boredom with me is never an issue.....thankfully.

Catalina

 

[TaintedB]

There isn't an eye in the world that can't turn cold.

Perhaps. But there _are_ indomitable wills in this world that prevent such a person from turning such an eye toward one's beloved slave, especially if you know she has a horror of male anger and would be devestated by it for no good reason. I haven't participated in this thread so far because, outside of scene play, the cold eye experience is an alien one to me. I think he just had his own very strong sense of perspective. He considered other things in the world--the genuine horrors and evils we hoomons inflict upon each other, as opposed to the comparatively mild misbehavior of a submissive--far more worthy of that cold eye.

 

[curiousjen]

I have really enjoyed this thread, and people have described so perceptively the issues surrounding this experience, and (as usual!) its really got me thinking about my relationship with Owen.

Owen is a master of "cold eyes" which isn't a phrase he would necessarily use- he calls it his family stare. All the males in his family have very intense eyes, and when he was a boy his grandfather and father taught him how to use his eyes to his advantage, how to pour his expressions into his eyes and control a situation instantly. In a sense, I guess what they were really doing was sowing within him the seeds of his domination- they certainly are a family of dominants (family get togethers can be rather intense affairs!!!).

He has big blue eyes, which can be a deep rich colour and full of compassion and joy, but when he's annoyed, upset, frustrated, or exasperated, I know about it instantly and notice subtle colour changes and glints and textures with his eyes.

Like many here, the look of coldness is one which fills me with intense trepidation and dread. I would do *anything* to avoid that look. He has only used it on one occasion. The reason he used it is because we were having an argument, which is a rare thing in itself. Now we were arguing about something very trivial (about whether or not tuna was better with or without mayonnaise if I remember rightly ) but I have a horrible habit from childhood that in an argument if I feel threatened, I go straight for my "opponents" Achilles heel. So if they are fat, I will call them a fat cow. Or if they are slow brained, I will call them stupid. It is an uncharacteristically nasty part of my personality that I have really struggled with over the years, and Owen has really worked with me to overcome this. On this occasion though, I said something really horrible that I *knew* would tear him apart- I don't even want to repeat in now because I still feel horrible when I think about it.

He just stood there, and then gave me this look- one that I had never seen before. Well, it was like hell had frozen over in his eyes. That’s all I can say. He just gave me the look and walked out the room. That’s all he had to do.

I must have cried for hours. It tore me to pieces. I cried and pulled my hair and threw things around the room. I was pretty much hysterical. I had never seen that look, and it was just the amount of distance I felt between us in that instant that hurt so much, we are usually so entwined but he felt a million miles away- unreachable.

I was scared to approach him to apologise, which is very unusual for me (I apologise at the drop of a hat) It was just a very alien feeling.

Of course I did apologise and the warmth flooded back into his eyes. I have never felt so much relief, as I did when he "returned to normal".

I don't exactly live in fear of that look- consciously at least, but when I think of it I get anxious. He is a fair man though, and I think he would be reluctant to use the look again, after seeing how it affected me, although I'm in no doubt that he would, if he deemed it necessary.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Not to be too argumentative, but I still feel the majority of the blame is on my shoulders. If I keep doing something wrong, then either I am not understanding something or I am being defient. One can be cleared up simply by admitting that I don't understand and discuss it, the other deserves the look and punnishment. Now, if it is because I am being defient and the course my Dom decides to take isn't working, then he should change his tecnique...but it is still because of me.

~~smile~~ not argumentative at all and in your situation you already are aware that there are variables...in your understanding...possible defiance...communication and punishment. Generally the cold look does have a reason directly caused by disappointment.

I hope you are well this morning.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Yes when a situation keeps re-occuring a Dominant can question their own domination...but perhaps they should be questioning their Dominating technics on some occassions. It is not always the fault of the submissive even though I would be the last to say that out loud...which is why typing is so nice ~~smile~~

I have only ever been on the submissive side of situations like this. It hasn't happend with M yet, however it did very early on in my relationship with my previous Dom K. I don't know whether or not K ever questioned his techiniques or is ability to Dom in regards to what he was trying to teach me. However it did take me several attempts using different methods of teaching before I was able to grasp the concept. I don't think the reason I was unable to learn quickly was because of K's technique, but rather had to do with my learning style. Does that make sense?

Good morning....since it is morning here

It does make sense that you may have had an incompatible learning style versus teaching style. I have used the look with My slave many many times as often it has been 100% his fault that he has tasted My coldness but there have been occassions when My style or mood and expectations just did not fit the situation due to many extenuating situations. My cold eyes in those moments though turned onto him had to be owned by Me and communication when I warmed up also earned him My apologies.

Because I have a different deep Mistress/slave relationship with this toy..he receives more of My cold eyes than all of the others put together. Neither he or I would have it any other way.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I can remember the day beginning to end. I knew I had crossed a line. I can still remember the coldness I felt in the pit of my stomach when I realized what I had done. I felt as if he had stabbed me in the heart when I saw that coldness in his eyes.

Hello cellis
you have brought another possible reality of cold eyes to the table. The beginning of the end. A silent withdrawal or dismissal. One single look can speak a thousand words and cause one to look deep within for its cause.

Thank you for sharing this painful insight.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I rarely have the opportunity to look my PYL directly in the eye.Even doing so makes me feel very insecure now."look at me" is a command that makes me uneasy, and usually he gets so much enjoyment at my discomfort at these occassions, and the mental/verbal tite- rope walking that accompanies them, he is usually ends up laughing.
.But a raised eyebrow, or a frown line is enough to make me fret.
I observe him as he works sometimes, and study his face and reactions to what he is reading and writing and his comments about the people that work in his company.I have seen the difference between frustration and anger/dislike on his face.
Well I usually have nothing to do except sit silently at his feet. I might as well use the time constructively.People watching is a hobby and people "reading" is a big part of my job.
I have been lucky enough to avoid the latter two expressions so far."touch wood"

Nice to see you landcruisergirl

I love what you have written about reading the face of your PYL and the different emotions that run through you just by the change of expression on His face. Obviously He knows a subtle expression change is enough to cause you concern ~~smile~~. I hope a raised eye brow is as close as you ever get with Him!

 

[Shadowsdream]

Am I the only one who's not indulged here? It sorta looks like it, so I'll have a crack at it.

Me being me, I tend to obsess over little things, and knowing myself, I'd probably punish myself more for the Look than Dom/me ever would. Without even knowing why I'd received it, I would most likely be castigating myself inside. I know this because I have perceived myself as nothing but a fuck up in my life before, and I have taken drastic (and often mis-guided) internal measures to "fix" myself. Just knowing I'd done something to elicit it would most likely send me in a tailspin. And as Ms. Shadowsdream pointed out, the Look may have multiple reasons. It may be the beginning of boredom in a relationship, or it may that I've done something wrong, or it may just mean "Back off; I can't deal with you right now because I've had a hell day and I need to de-compress for a while." This is where communication becomes absolutely necessary; when a person reacts so strongly to the Look, leaving them in doubt as to the cause is just plain cruel. If the Look is because the PYL is starting to get bored in a relationship, wouldn't it be kinder to simply tell them and let them go?

Many good points here ciara but I am going to focus on the last one first...If the Look is because the PYL is starting to get bored in a relationship, wouldn't it be kinder to simply tell them and let them go?
Not necessarily...boredom can be fixed in its early stages through communication and change of attitude. But there must be a real desire to work hard to attain the goals set by the Dominant and an authentic desire to understand the significance of the disappointment that is causing the boredom. There would be no kindness in setting her free so quickly when there was still hope for redemption. Long term boredom definately is an indication that setting her free is the kindest thing to do for both of them.
I have always been touched when any of My toys drop to their knees at My feet when they don't understand the "Look" and look up at Me with the "Question" in their eyes. It has shown Me an authenticity and a desire to understand and repair their good standing.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Excellent thread.

~~smile~~ thank You Rosco

 

[Shadowsdream]

Initially it brings about feelings of failure, depression, hopelessness, disappointment in self, deep sorrow, and guilt. In a physical sense it makes me nauseous, usually feels as if all the blood has been drained from me in one minute, shakiness and physically weak, often dizziness. Most times we move to a place where communication takes place which depending on the situation and day can result in me momentarily going down further, though in most instances and given the time I need to halt the processes within myself, I come back fighting...not with him but with myself and my negative feelings so I reach a place where I can make positive adjustments to my behaviour and attempt to fulfil his expectations and desires.

Boredom with me is never an issue.....thankfully.

Catalina

Hello Catalina and thank you for a reply that I suspect flowed easily from your keyboard. All of the emotions that can feel so overwhelming...the fight I believe one should struggle with if your submission is important to you and the recognition of the road to redemotion!

 

[Shadowsdream]

Perhaps. But there _are_ indomitable wills in this world that prevent such a person from turning such an eye toward one's beloved slave, especially if you know she has a horror of male anger and would be devestated by it for no good reason. I haven't participated in this thread so far because, outside of scene play, the cold eye experience is an alien one to me. I think he just had his own very strong sense of perspective. He considered other things in the world--the genuine horrors and evils we hoomons inflict upon each other, as opposed to the comparatively mild misbehavior of a submissive--far more worthy of that cold eye.

Hello TaintedB...do you believe that facial expressions must be held in check in Domination due to past experiences a slave may have endured. I know that personally I would feel limited if I had that concern.
Raising Ones hand in Anger or Ones voice would be destructive to such a slave and generally to most subs as well to some degree but if there were no way other than conversation to get Ones point across Domination could very easily become strained for many.