ok you female subs

[Shadowsdream]

I have really enjoyed this thread, and people have described so perceptively the issues surrounding this experience, and (as usual!) its really got me thinking about my relationship with Owen.

Owen is a master of "cold eyes" which isn't a phrase he would necessarily use- he calls it his family stare. All the males in his family have very intense eyes, and when he was a boy his grandfather and father taught him how to use his eyes to his advantage, how to pour his expressions into his eyes and control a situation instantly. In a sense, I guess what they were really doing was sowing within him the seeds of his domination- they certainly are a family of dominants (family get togethers can be rather intense affairs!!!).

He has big blue eyes, which can be a deep rich colour and full of compassion and joy, but when he's annoyed, upset, frustrated, or exasperated, I know about it instantly and notice subtle colour changes and glints and textures with his eyes.

Like many here, the look of coldness is one which fills me with intense trepidation and dread. I would do *anything* to avoid that look. He has only used it on one occasion. The reason he used it is because we were having an argument, which is a rare thing in itself. Now we were arguing about something very trivial (about whether or not tuna was better with or without mayonnaise if I remember rightly ) but I have a horrible habit from childhood that in an argument if I feel threatened, I go straight for my "opponents" Achilles heel. So if they are fat, I will call them a fat cow. Or if they are slow brained, I will call them stupid. It is an uncharacteristically nasty part of my personality that I have really struggled with over the years, and Owen has really worked with me to overcome this. On this occasion though, I said something really horrible that I *knew* would tear him apart- I don't even want to repeat in now because I still feel horrible when I think about it.

He just stood there, and then gave me this look- one that I had never seen before. Well, it was like hell had frozen over in his eyes. That’s all I can say. He just gave me the look and walked out the room. That’s all he had to do.

I must have cried for hours. It tore me to pieces. I cried and pulled my hair and threw things around the room. I was pretty much hysterical. I had never seen that look, and it was just the amount of distance I felt between us in that instant that hurt so much, we are usually so entwined but he felt a million miles away- unreachable.

I was scared to approach him to apologise, which is very unusual for me (I apologise at the drop of a hat) It was just a very alien feeling.

Of course I did apologise and the warmth flooded back into his eyes. I have never felt so much relief, as I did when he "returned to normal".

I don't exactly live in fear of that look- consciously at least, but when I think of it I get anxious. He is a fair man though, and I think he would be reluctant to use the look again, after seeing how it affected me, although I'm in no doubt that he would, if he deemed it necessary.

Bravo for explaining how you arrived at earning the "Look" that caused you to evaluate that negative side of you that Owen was not going to deal with in argument this time. Even though you found it to be a devastating experience it did not lessen your respect or love for Him but did give you a new understanding of how far it was wise to go in a trivial argument. In the long run the negative was turned into a positive which is generally the hope of the Dominant.

 

[laurel-marie]

I hope you are well this morning.

Thank you, and I hope you and your morning are progressing positively.

...for the time you are spending on each and every response.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Thank you, and I hope you and your morning are progressing positively.

...for the time you are spending on each and every response.

~~grin~~ I can't keep up to you all...delightful!

 

[Softouch911]

~~grin~~ I can't keep up to you all...delightful!

Good point to butt in -- thanks for running this, Shadowsdream. It's fantastically helpful and interesting. Your care in nurturing the threads you open is wonderful, and the courage of subs always takes my breath away .... expecially when it's My Own.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Good point to butt in -- thanks for running this, Shadowsdream. It's fantastically helpful and interesting. Your care in nurturing the threads you open is wonderful, and the courage of subs always takes my breath away .... expecially when it's My Own.

Hello Softouch it is My pleasure to see You in this thread.

I am in total agreement about the courage of subs...and the silly little beasts give Us the most fantastic ideas for depravities! ~~grin~~

 

[snowy ciara]

Hello TaintedB...do you believe that facial expressions must be held in check in Domination due to past experiences a slave may have endured. I know that personally I would feel limited if I had that concern.
Raising Ones hand in Anger or Ones voice would be destructive to such a slave and generally to most subs as well to some degree but if there were no way other than conversation to get Ones point across Domination could very easily become strained for many.

I'm hoping it's okay to answer; I'm not trying to answer for tainted, just had 2 cents....

I don't think You should ever hold Your responses in check; because it takes away from the honesty of your relationship. But possibly, the Look should be used with care, for extreme measures only, if the response is going to be as extreme as tainted indicated.

A friend of mine pointed out that I have an interesting response to her when she gives me an angry or frustrated look. She's not a Domme, well, not mine anyway, just a friend, but sometimes friends disagree.... Anyway, she noticed that after dating the Evil Ex whenever I get something even close to the Look from anyone at all, I IMMEDIATELY get back out of fist range. So I wonder, if You gave a sub the Look to a slave or sub and she immediately got out of range instead of coming closer or dropping to her knees to give you the Question, how would You handle it?

 

[Shadowsdream]

I'm hoping it's okay to answer; I'm not trying to answer for tainted, just had 2 cents....

I don't think You should ever hold Your responses in check; because it takes away from the honesty of your relationship. But possibly, the Look should be used with care, for extreme measures only, if the response is going to be as extreme as tainted indicated.

A friend of mine pointed out that I have an interesting response to her when she gives me an angry or frustrated look. She's not a Domme, well, not mine anyway, just a friend, but sometimes friends disagree.... Anyway, she noticed that after dating the Evil Ex whenever I get something even close to the Look from anyone at all, I IMMEDIATELY get back out of fist range. So I wonder, if You gave a sub the Look to a slave or sub and she immediately got out of range instead of coming closer or dropping to her knees to give you the Question, how would You handle it?

When the "Look" of ice comes into My eyes it is instant and spontaneous...brutally honest. In that moment the sub or slaves feelings are not My main concern nor is their suffering. I would not choose a submissive or slave that I had to be cautious around with facial expressions not because they have no value nor that I wouldn't desire them for a million valid reasons...BUT...I would not be comfortable blocking My emotions either. This is one of the reasons I personally never accept a sub or slave for a long term relationship before a four month trial period under My training.
I would want for her to have the most wonderful BDSM and D/s journey imaginable and if My natural coldness as well as My natural warmth had to be tempered I would expect both she and I would bore of the lack of honesty in O/our pairing.
There is no one size fits all and that is the beauty of this lifestyle...there is a fit for everyone!

 

[serijules]

Well heck, how did I miss this thread??

D's "looks" is one of the most intense ways we communicate. Since I am deaf and tones of voice often get lost on me and I am extremely good at reading body language...D tends to use that more to communicate with me than words, including talking with her eyes.

The "cold look" is not always negative. Sometimes for us, it signifys a shift in the level of submission required of that moment. Sometimes we will spend a day just hanging out, being together...not necessarily a lot of D/s interaction going on, although I am always submissive to her Dominance, the levels of it present at any given time fluctuates. I know when the "we are just hanging out and relaxing together" ends and the "I want you to display your submission for Me" begins by the look in her eyes. I can tell when the order "Seri, come here by me" means "I want to cuddle my girl" and when it means "undress and kneel at my feet" by the look in her eyes when she gives that order.

Her eyes turn controlling, her gaze is like steel, she can see through me, through every action, every second of hesitance, warning me not to let that second turn into a moment longer. My heart beats faster, my inhibitions rush up into my throat for a moment and then melt away when I look back at her and know that I am simply hers and that's all I need to worry about. That look, that gaze, breaks down every wall I have in an instant, and while I know she can't read my mind, she still knows everything about me and knows that even the unsaid and unseen thoughts and feelings belong to her. I CRAVE those moments, that look, because it is that look that triggers the full feeling of being owned in me, and that feeling completes me. Besides...it usually means that I will be hurting for her shortly, and nothing thrills me more than pleasing and entertaining her by taking the pain and pleasure at her whim.

That look...can also be the most dreaded. When I confess something to her, and see the coldness cloud the open clarity that was there a moment before. Her disappointment in me for disobeying when we both know I know better. Perhaps even as Shadowsdream said, a certain flicker of wonder in herself, if she did something to cause this behaviour, or didn't train me well enough in a certain action. If perhaps there was a problem she didn't spend enough time with me to resolve, that caused this disobedience. She is only human, and cares enough about both our wellbeings to know that she will make mistakes too, and strives to recognize those moments.

Most of the time, it is me though...where I allowed other things in my life to become more important than my place in her life and my expectation of submission and obedience. I'm human too, and those times happen, sometimes more often than I would like. That look in her eyes is what shifts me back to where I belong, and whatever follows, no matter how harsh it is or how hard it is to take or how much it hurts, it is seeing that look in her eyes that is the true punishment. The rest is just ritual, necessary for both of us to be able to put it away and move on. It is this look that makes her punishments so real, unlike the fantasy punishments I got such a thrill out of from past partners. The reality of disappointment was never there, although the facade of it was. I can feel and see the difference. D's disappointment is real, and that look in her eyes is by far the most painful thing she can do to me.

It makes me feel small. Vulnerable. Disappointed in myself for being unable at that moment of disobedience to put my Domme's needs before my own. Panicked for a moment that she won't forgive me, although I know better. Resignment to the fact that I will be punished for whatever it is that caused the look. Determination to learn my lesson from this moment, and not repeat the mistake. D expects that when she teaches a lesson, it remains learned. She doesn't like to repeat herself. It is a struggle to keep looking at her, to not look away, but I know that looking away is not allowed. I feel my chest tighten, it feels like my heart is going to explode, like I have to make an effort to keep it beating. I will do or take anything to make things right again.

Mostly though...I just feel loved. The fact that she cares enough about me to care about my behaviour, to care about my training, to pay attention enough to notice when I shift from my place even slightly, and to take the time to put me back where I belong and make sure I stay there. As painful as that look can be...most of all, it means she treasures me and my submission.

 

[babiesmiles]

I've just started to explore in depth my submissive side and in all honesty I must say I don't feel completely ease in it yet , but I'm working hard on it and my Dom knows it well.

That above to say I've not experienced Dom 's "cold eyes " yet cause we are still in a phase where my lacks , more due to inexperience and difficulties to fit my really strong character in submissive behaviour, than to an actual will of mine to not obey his wishes and wills are received with firmness but lot of communication and understanding . That doesn't mean all is forgiven and he doesnt train me properly , but only that my , sometimes, bad temper get firm remarks but not coldness yet.

He saw these potentialities in me and he's helping me to go deep in the awareness and knowledge of myself in such a firm and wise way , I really thank him to trust me this much and want reward him for all his patience and understanding, deserving them at the best .

But I know its not easy and so it happened a couple of time that my stuborness caused some disappointments or misunderstandings and I must say I felt really bad after and decisely regretted , trying to come back "en route " at once .

Disappoint or not obey my Dom's wills is the last of my wishes and only the thought he could think I'm intentionally behaving in a not proper way towards him, betraying the great amount of trust he put in me and shows me, fills my heart with sadness and makes stonger and stronger my desire to become the good submissive he wants and deserves.

Hope I stayed on topic , but at the moment this is all I have experienced about it

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

from an uncollared submissive

you didn't really think it was all about the boys did you?

Lets begin this conversation talking about cold eyes.

If you are an owned sub or slave how do you feel and react to the coldness in your Dominants eyes when you suspect that coldness has something to do with you or your behaviour?

If you are a submissive that hopes to be under the thumb of a Dominant at some time...how do you "imagine" these cold eyes would affect you. ( or is that effect language nazi's?)

Anyone care to join this inquisitive Mistress?

The idea of a cold stare scares me and fear for me is not normal. A sub will do anything in her powers(or non existance of) to make the coldness go away.

As an uncollared sub I know it feels very lonely and I would do anything to keep my former Master from leaving me when I would not please him. Deep down it hurts beyond belief and as most here have said a submissive's mind will go through every emotion possible wondering what they did wrong and how they could fix it.

It's bad enough with a bf but with a Dom, who you depend on and serve with every inch of your being, it hurts even more to see and hear the disappointment.

cherry

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

serijules.....

the fact that someone can understand another person that much amazes me. Very few have gotten to know my habits and behaviors and tried to correct them with me. Although my bf and I are just starting to get into the D/s type of relationship, I still feel a defiant spirited and rebelling feeling inside my head once ina while. Although I had one master for 3 years it has not left and the spirit is what keeps me alive.

Although I feel the defiant rebel inside me, there is a need to see my Dom smile because of something I did well. Although I have yet to experience that look of cold whether its becasue of disappointment or a change in how much I should submit. It still hurts when I see a look that says who I am with is unhappy.

As much as I enjoy punishment, I only enjoy it if it is for the Dom's pleasure.
I think you've taken a look at the relationship and given a slightly new meaning to the question asked originally by Shadowsdream.

cherry

p.s.
Wonderful thread and I hope you continue to post more like this.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hello Catalina and thank you for a reply that I suspect flowed easily from your keyboard. All of the emotions that can feel so overwhelming...the fight I believe one should struggle with if your submission is important to you and the recognition of the road to redemotion!

YW.....the fight I have in me and have throughout my whole life is the one thing I both love and hate.....it has gotten me into some tough spots, but more than that it has helped me out of even tougher ones. It is one of the qualities he admires and counts on, and one I think which enables my submission to be as strong and fundamental as it is.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I tend to get "cold" during sadistic play, sometimes a cold look on my face or a lack of expression means that my slave is in for a very good time, it definitely triggers a change in demeanor without necessarily inducing a panic over possible displeasure or messing up. Maybe this is why my relationships with femmes have never worked well on the serious D/s level...seems like the majority of posters have alluded to feeling intensely chastised and saddened by something that isn't necessarily a huge deal on the other side.

This is part of why I also use language to display displeasure, and pipe up when someone HAS indeed, messed up. I prefer laying out the reason I am pissed off to creating a sense of vague guilt.

 

[serijules]

I tend to get "cold" during sadistic play, sometimes a cold look on my face or a lack of expression means that my slave is in for a very good time, it definitely triggers a change in demeanor without necessarily inducing a panic over possible displeasure or messing up. Maybe this is why my relationships with femmes have never worked well on the serious D/s level...seems like the majority of posters have alluded to feeling intensely chastised and saddened by something that isn't necessarily a huge deal on the other side.

This is part of why I also use language to display displeasure, and pipe up when someone HAS indeed, messed up. I prefer laying out the reason I am pissed off to creating a sense of vague guilt.

Good point, and this is why that "look" doesn't first and foremost upset me unless I know I've done something wrong (and I always know when I've done something wrong as I know exactly what is expected of me). D tells me often that if she is upset with me or upset about something I did, she will TELL me. Thus, it's safe for me to see that look and know that it usually means a shift in the level of submission required of me just then, rather than disappointment or anger.

When it DOES mean she is angry or disappointed though...I know for it to be at that level it is a big deal for both of us.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Well heck, how did I miss this thread??

D's "looks" is one of the most intense ways we communicate. Since I am deaf and tones of voice often get lost on me and I am extremely good at reading body language...D tends to use that more to communicate with me than words, including talking with her eyes.

The "cold look" is not always negative. Sometimes for us, it signifys a shift in the level of submission required of that moment. Sometimes we will spend a day just hanging out, being together...not necessarily a lot of D/s interaction going on, although I am always submissive to her Dominance, the levels of it present at any given time fluctuates. I know when the "we are just hanging out and relaxing together" ends and the "I want you to display your submission for Me" begins by the look in her eyes. I can tell when the order "Seri, come here by me" means "I want to cuddle my girl" and when it means "undress and kneel at my feet" by the look in her eyes when she gives that order.

Her eyes turn controlling, her gaze is like steel, she can see through me, through every action, every second of hesitance, warning me not to let that second turn into a moment longer. My heart beats faster, my inhibitions rush up into my throat for a moment and then melt away when I look back at her and know that I am simply hers and that's all I need to worry about. That look, that gaze, breaks down every wall I have in an instant, and while I know she can't read my mind, she still knows everything about me and knows that even the unsaid and unseen thoughts and feelings belong to her. I CRAVE those moments, that look, because it is that look that triggers the full feeling of being owned in me, and that feeling completes me. Besides...it usually means that I will be hurting for her shortly, and nothing thrills me more than pleasing and entertaining her by taking the pain and pleasure at her whim.

That look...can also be the most dreaded. When I confess something to her, and see the coldness cloud the open clarity that was there a moment before. Her disappointment in me for disobeying when we both know I know better. Perhaps even as Shadowsdream said, a certain flicker of wonder in herself, if she did something to cause this behaviour, or didn't train me well enough in a certain action. If perhaps there was a problem she didn't spend enough time with me to resolve, that caused this disobedience. She is only human, and cares enough about both our wellbeings to know that she will make mistakes too, and strives to recognize those moments.

Most of the time, it is me though...where I allowed other things in my life to become more important than my place in her life and my expectation of submission and obedience. I'm human too, and those times happen, sometimes more often than I would like. That look in her eyes is what shifts me back to where I belong, and whatever follows, no matter how harsh it is or how hard it is to take or how much it hurts, it is seeing that look in her eyes that is the true punishment. The rest is just ritual, necessary for both of us to be able to put it away and move on. It is this look that makes her punishments so real, unlike the fantasy punishments I got such a thrill out of from past partners. The reality of disappointment was never there, although the facade of it was. I can feel and see the difference. D's disappointment is real, and that look in her eyes is by far the most painful thing she can do to me.

It makes me feel small. Vulnerable. Disappointed in myself for being unable at that moment of disobedience to put my Domme's needs before my own. Panicked for a moment that she won't forgive me, although I know better. Resignment to the fact that I will be punished for whatever it is that caused the look. Determination to learn my lesson from this moment, and not repeat the mistake. D expects that when she teaches a lesson, it remains learned. She doesn't like to repeat herself. It is a struggle to keep looking at her, to not look away, but I know that looking away is not allowed. I feel my chest tighten, it feels like my heart is going to explode, like I have to make an effort to keep it beating. I will do or take anything to make things right again.

Mostly though...I just feel loved. The fact that she cares enough about me to care about my behaviour, to care about my training, to pay attention enough to notice when I shift from my place even slightly, and to take the time to put me back where I belong and make sure I stay there. As painful as that look can be...most of all, it means she treasures me and my submission.

WOW! and thank you for showing the many facets of the "Look" but I think you have summed it all up with the last paragraph and so it is this that I will address in particular.
(Mostly though...I just feel loved. The fact that she cares enough about me to care about my behaviour, to care about my training, to pay attention enough to notice when I shift from my place even slightly, and to take the time to put me back where I belong and make sure I stay there. As painful as that look can be...most of all, it means she treasures me and my submission)
If there was no care, concern, respect and emotion in the relationship the lack of interest would not harden the eyes...a good eye reader would simply see dull eyes shifting past them.
When We care the most We are often harder than if We have little invested in the BDSM or D/s sides of our worlds.
It sounds as though you have an amazing Mistress and She a wonderful girl who appreciates and recognizes her place and worth.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I've just started to explore in depth my submissive side and in all honesty I must say I don't feel completely ease in it yet , but I'm working hard on it and my Dom knows it well.

That above to say I've not experienced Dom 's "cold eyes " yet cause we are still in a phase where my lacks , more due to inexperience and difficulties to fit my really strong character in submissive behaviour, than to an actual will of mine to not obey his wishes and wills are received with firmness but lot of communication and understanding . That doesn't mean all is forgiven and he doesnt train me properly , but only that my , sometimes, bad temper get firm remarks but not coldness yet.

He saw these potentialities in me and he's helping me to go deep in the awareness and knowledge of myself in such a firm and wise way , I really thank him to trust me this much and want reward him for all his patience and understanding, deserving them at the best .

But I know its not easy and so it happened a couple of time that my stuborness caused some disappointments or misunderstandings and I must say I felt really bad after and decisely regretted , trying to come back "en route " at once .

Disappoint or not obey my Dom's wills is the last of my wishes and only the thought he could think I'm intentionally behaving in a not proper way towards him, betraying the great amount of trust he put in me and shows me, fills my heart with sadness and makes stonger and stronger my desire to become the good submissive he wants and deserves.

Hope I stayed on topic , but at the moment this is all I have experienced about it

your reply was wonderful...your beginning journey will create a lifetime of memories and knowing that you strive to do your best is always a good thing.

Perhaps it is good to read many of the possibilities and different significances of cold eyes long before the day you may experience them. To understand the variables and how different Dom/mes use them.

Thank you for posting to this thread ~~smile~~

 

[Kajira Callista]

I tend to get "cold" during sadistic play, sometimes a cold look on my face or a lack of expression means that my slave is in for a very good time, it definitely triggers a change in demeanor without necessarily inducing a panic over possible displeasure or messing up. Maybe this is why my relationships with femmes have never worked well on the serious D/s level...seems like the majority of posters have alluded to feeling intensely chastised and saddened by something that isn't necessarily a huge deal on the other side.

This is part of why I also use language to display displeasure, and pipe up when someone HAS indeed, messed up. I prefer laying out the reason I am pissed off to creating a sense of vague guilt.

LO that kinda cold stare is one i seriously enjoy. Somehow there is a difference between the two and i can tell when its a good cold stare and when its a bad one.

 

[TaintedB]

Hello TaintedB...do you believe that facial expressions must be held in check in Domination due to past experiences a slave may have endured. I know that personally I would feel limited if I had that concern.
Raising Ones hand in Anger or Ones voice would be destructive to such a slave and generally to most subs as well to some degree but if there were no way other than conversation to get Ones point across Domination could very easily become strained for many.

Well, I think this is one of those "no black or white" areas that is impossible to accurately generalize about. Too many variables and individual circumstances to take into account. I can tell you what I think I'd do if I was dom and had a submissive with that porblem, but of course this is completely a guess because I don't have the temperment to dom someone: if it was just one expression, like the cold eyes, that bothered them, I'd hold it in check if it really freaked them out.

But as for me personally, as a submissive and as a human, I don't think coldness belongs in loving relationships, because it communicates distancing, avoidance, removal rather than engagement and involvement. If the relationship is crumbling, that sort of shit is to be expected, of course, but at any other time it seems horrifically inappropriate, at lesat to me. If I want coldness, I'll go fuck a stranger who could care less whether I live or die after the fucking's done. Anger certainly has its place in relationships, including bdsm relationships, but I prefer to receive it hot, even searing hot, rather than cold.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I am

sending my girl in here to post. The topic of conversation is one I have long wanted to have one on one with her...alas, she seems to communicate better through the written word.

I do know how I feel when she forces me to move into Domme mode, especially when I do not particularly want to (like when we are just cuddling or I am touching her and she freezes up). Those things bother me and I shift from loving girlfriend to pissed off Mistress in seconds.

As always Shadowsdream, you provide the help I need (even if I am not sure until I read some of your posts that I required help...)

 

[Trinique_Fire]

As requested

Luna *points upward* sent me over here to give my opinions and feelings and response to this thread.

When I see the "cold eyes" or The Look as i refer to it, part of me wants to crawl in a hole, and the other part of me wants to drop to my knees, cast my eyes downward, and do whatever it takes to appease the situation.

Occasionally, however, The Look simply turns me on to no end.

Short but sweet. I'm a bit out of Lit practice, so this is my .02

 

[landcruisergal]

Nice to see you landcruisergirl

I love what you have written about reading the face of your PYL and the different emotions that run through you just by the change of expression on His face. Obviously He knows a subtle expression change is enough to cause you concern ~~smile~~. I hope a raised eye brow is as close as you ever get with Him!

Thank you, "learning" him is a challenge.
I think the worst look I ever got was when I was beating myself up over my nearly passing out at the end of a needle/web scene and he got irritated eventually and said " I know you are only human, and so do you now, so deal with it and shut up."

 

[Caitlynne]

Yes when a situation keeps re-occuring a Dominant can question their own domination...but perhaps they should be questioning their Dominating technics on some occassions. It is not always the fault of the submissive even though I would be the last to say that out loud...which is why typing is so nice ~~smile~~

It is a two way street when eyes turn cold...it is not always prudent to simply assume the blame is yours without analizing what has occured and why.

Very interesting questions! Ma'am, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I like edges [for the most part], and I have some sincere thoughts on the question you pose here.

In my relationship, my responsibility is to obey and react. Let's presuppose that I haven't done something to incur the cold eyes, by that I mean, I have been obedient. If it's not my obedience, then it is probably the react part of "obey and react".

It could just be he is bored and he wants to play with me. "Cold Eyes" can get a mighty fine reaction from me. If I don't immediatley realize what I've done wrong, I'll search and search for it. That can be quite amusing to watch. It's not fun for me, but I've seem him get a chuckle out of it.

If it's not my obedience and it is not just a "mind fuck" because he wants to see me react, then [and here is the limb] it's not me. It is him. [yes, I know sacrilege] He is the one who gets to have whatever he wants. Those are the rules, if he can't decide what he wants, is it my job to inform him or decide for him? Not in my relationship. I can try all my submissive ways to try and please him, but I cannot decide for him what it is he needs to feel less angry, bored, whatever. Only he can decide that. If he doesn't know, then I can't help. Not really.

It's a tricky thing. Dominants are not perfect. But you make a valid point here about the 'look' being some doubt as to their domination. If they don't know in that moment what they want, they cannot enforce their will. A submissive cannot then take up that will and decide for them, at least I can't, not in my relationship. Submissives/slaves aren't mindreaders either.

Oh I can try, I have even succeeded a few times in bringing him out of a 'Mood", but there is a line in the sand, I do not EVER cross over. It is when he simply does not know what he wants. That's a terrible thing for a Dominant, to have a willing slave, ready and eager to serve, and not have a clue what is wanted. Anger of this kind can come for many sources, again, I do not delve into them unless I am invited. But I have learned that it is quite often not me at all.

I'm told, I am to obey and react. If I do that, I cannot fail. If I do somehow fail to please him, then he either did not really want it, or he skipped a step in my preparation for the task. But I cannot fail if I obey and react. He has repeatedly told me this. It is one of the things he has gone over, and over, and over with me. I cannot fail as long as I obey and react.

So if I have been obedient and I've reacted, and he still has cold eyes, it is in his world that the error was made. These are his words not mine.

[/gets off the limb]

Now if I've been disobedient or failed to react, and he has cold eyes, I get physically sick. My stomach turns to a knot, and I wish I were dead. Well, not literally, but pretty damn close. One of the few times I lose sight of my limits and want to "Do anything" to please him. It scares me just as much to know I want to do anything as it does to have committed 'whatever' has garnered the look. It is a frightening place to be.

 

[Shadowsdream]

The idea of a cold stare scares me and fear for me is not normal. A sub will do anything in her powers(or non existance of) to make the coldness go away.

As an uncollared sub I know it feels very lonely and I would do anything to keep my former Master from leaving me when I would not please him. Deep down it hurts beyond belief and as most here have said a submissive's mind will go through every emotion possible wondering what they did wrong and how they could fix it.

It's bad enough with a bf but with a Dom, who you depend on and serve with every inch of your being, it hurts even more to see and hear the disappointment.

cherry

I noticed that you said you "would not please him"...is this one of the thoughts that go through your mind?

I think the only way it can hurt is when it matters. I hope that you find your happiness once again cherry

 

[Shadowsdream]

I tend to get "cold" during sadistic play, sometimes a cold look on my face or a lack of expression means that my slave is in for a very good time, it definitely triggers a change in demeanor without necessarily inducing a panic over possible displeasure or messing up. Maybe this is why my relationships with femmes have never worked well on the serious D/s level...seems like the majority of posters have alluded to feeling intensely chastised and saddened by something that isn't necessarily a huge deal on the other side.

This is part of why I also use language to display displeasure, and pipe up when someone HAS indeed, messed up. I prefer laying out the reason I am pissed off to creating a sense of vague guilt.

Very good point Netzach and thank You for speaking about it.
I also use the "cold" look during sadistic play. It turns Me on and fills a certain passion that takes Me to a different head space and at the same time enables the slave to go to a place he loves to be. Partial fear and partial anticipation.

 

[esclave_PP]

I try not to do things that would give me the cold look. Master's eyes, and I know this will sound cliche, so I apologize, are the gateway to his being. He allows me to look into them because as he says, "he likes to know what is going on with his slave." That is a high honor, well at least to me. When we met the first time I had a hard time doing this because previous owners hadn't let me.

If he does do the "look" and it is deserved, my whole innards just shrivel and I feel horrible. I am harder on myself that he would be. I tend to punish myself more if I feel I've displeased him.