Pondering serious thoughts here..

[SuperShyGuy]

For the record, the classmates I was referring to were all well before high school. By then I'd learned how to defend myself from further harm. I was referring to much earlier years in school, but that's not really overly important.

MisstressRain, thank you.


And as for you Plasmaball:

Look i am not trying to be mean,but you need help.

You damn sure fooled me then. Take out your aggression somewhere else. And don't ever tell me "That girl is not the answer." You don't know a goddamn thing about her. She's done more to help me heal in the last 3 months than 2 years of therapy accomplished, and she's my best friend. She's given me the foundation of a belief in myself, something no one else ever bothered to do for me.

And I don't need your rocket scientist opinion that getting full-time work is probably a good idea. I know that. I don't much care for being poor, I've delt with that for long enough.

 

[Mstrskey]

MistressRain

thanks a bunch darlin. I've done my share of drifting back and forth with empathy for my mother too, but in the end I decided to base my relationship with her from her time clean and as an adult. I knew from the childs perspective I would never be able to heal the rift between us. She has lost alot. Her time with her grandaughters is very limited. I would never dream of leaving my girls with her without myself or their father there to watch them. Despite everything I still don't trust her around a child.

as to my lil brother, I wish I could say he's turned out well but he has a host of problems he's battling chief among them paranoid schizophrenia. He is dyslexic, has ADHD , is manic depressive, a recovering heroin addict and is currently serving 2 years of a 5 year sentance for grand theft auto, assault and battery, theft by deception and possession with the intent to sell. He has prior convictions for assaulting his girlfriend and our mother as well as for stealing from both of them. Part of me has always felt guilty, thinking that I must have been a terrible substitute for a mother to a little boy who very obviously needed a good one. In the past few years though I have come to realize that I was a child myself and no more capable of being his mother then of being the Queen of England. No I wasn't what he needed, but I was better then the nothing he'd have had if I wasn't there.
My mother likes to make excuses for him now. Going so far as to plead with judges that it's not his fault he is the way he is, that it was her lousy parenting and that he should have leniency. I was brought into his last psych evaluation to back up that claim and I told the judge that she was the worst excuse for a parent my brother could have had, but that it was a little late to start caring about what happened to him now that he was 23 in my opinion.

Regrettably for me I've swung to the other extreme. My daughters have no chores to speak of. They don't even bring down their dirty laundry to me or put the clean away. They don't walk their dogs or set the table. I do my damndest to make sure my kids are allowed full time to be kids. My oldest is always asking to help with her little sister and I'm always telling her I'll take care of her she can go play.

{{{{{{hugs for you and your siblings}}}}}}

 

[Guest]

You damn sure fooled me then. Take out your aggression somewhere else. And don't ever tell me "That girl is not the answer." You don't know a goddamn thing about her. She's done more to help me heal in the last 3 months than 2 years of therapy accomplished, and she's my best friend. She's given me the foundation of a belief in myself, something no one else ever bothered to do for me.

no what i am saying is putting your faith in one person isn't always best. You need to find somemore people.
personally i really don't care what she has done for you, nor do i care to get to know her. :swirls finger in air:
I am not being "aggressive", sorry but i am not. Why the hell would i be anyways, seriously. That would be a waste of time.
Maybe the reason nobody has bother is because you don't trust anyone. Wow where would have ever came up with that answer? hmmmmmmmm.........So you where picked on at an earlier age.......yeah we all go through that. You just seemed to take it more to heart than anyone else. Again get over, or at least i hope you are by now!

And I don't need your rocket scientist opinion that getting full-time work is probably a good idea. I know that. I don't much care for being poor, I've delt with that for long enough.

Look i'm a rocket scientist now. Sweet!! did i say full time. I said 15 hrs. Get your facts strait. If you are going to get you panties in a bunch, could you do it with the right info!

 

[Guest]

no what i am saying is putting your faith in one person isn't always best. You need to find somemore people.
personally i really don't care what she has done for you, nor do i care to get to know her. :swirls finger in air:
I am not being "aggressive", sorry but i am not. Why the hell would i be anyways, seriously. That would be a waste of time.
Maybe the reason nobody has bother is because you don't trust anyone. Wow where would have ever came up with that answer? hmmmmmmmm.........So you where picked on at an earlier age.......yeah we all go through that. You just seemed to take it more to heart than anyone else. Again get over, or at least i hope you are by now!




Look i'm a rocket scientist now. Sweet!! did i say full time. I said 15 hrs. Get your facts strait. If you are going to get you panties in a bunch, could you do it with the right info!

Please don't do this ...

 

[appetite]

I believe this thread is meant to be a place for sharing of our pasts, and of the circumstances in each of our lives that have make us what we are today.

Critics don't have a place here. but caring and understanding people are welcome. None of us have all the answers, and for those that propose to, need to be elsewhere.

Rain made an honest effort to begin a place for sharing and positive feedback. And i suggest we honor her intention.

Appetite

 

[jenlovesamy]

Guys, take this somewhere else.

 

[Celestiale]

I've always wondered this myself, about my fellow Litsters...

Yes I was, yes it has, yes I do. Through therapy I've learned about the sexual addiction that stems from my experiences. I now consciously try to make better decisions about intimacy...some days are better than others. I definitely have my "kinks" that I know have stemmed from my past, and I try, like pet said, to incorporate them rather than shun them, but guilt can still play a factor somewhat...eventhough they aren't hurting anyone (except maybe me?), and only involve adults. Like I said, I try to make the best choices, but I'm still growing!

Thanks for asking...it's been interesting to see other's experiences.

*hugs you tight*

 

[SuperShyGuy]

Guys, take this somewhere else.

I apologize. I never meant to break out the flamethrowers in a thread on a serious topic.

 

[Guest]

uhh well i am not going to stop voiceing my opinion on matters, I feel this thread is for telling what has happened to you and lookinbg for help and friendship. Yes i was a tad harsh,but i didn't mean it for it to read that way. I just come off that way, either on here or in real life. do i apologize for what i said....no, i rather stand by it. I would just like to blame this little tangent on my parents, because without them i wouldn't be like this. Your all welcome.

 

[jenlovesamy]

Whether any of us agreed with either of you or not, this thread wasn't meant to be bashing eachother. He's obviously still overcoming his trauma and he has to learn how to do that. If his way is going to be even more destructive, that is also something he has to realize on his own. I mean, it's not like I really understood at the time I began eating exactly how much weight I would gain, but if someone had told me back then to stop or I was going to get fat, it would have just pissed me off, get it? The point is, if they are mistakes, which I'm not saying they are, they are his, let him discover that, ok? I hope I made my point clear enough, I'm not even sure I understood that, hehe...

 

[Guest]

i disagree people can point stuff out to that person if they see something wrong. It is up to the person to do anything about it. Yes they could have said your getting heavier by eating,but it is still up to you to listen and do something about it.

 

[jenlovesamy]

You're missing the point but I refuse to argue with you about it.

 

[Guest]

No i got you point. But i am stillgoing to voice my opinion.It is still up to the person on how they take what i say. I never try to make a direct assualt on a person unless they deserve it.Shyguy isn't one those people. I am just very blunt with my words.btw i was never agrueing.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

I must say, MistressRain, that I am impressed that you came out of such a horrific childhood in a relatively unfuckedup condition.

The relationship I had with my mother was so adversarial that I feel that it amounted to abuse. So, you grow up with at least one parent who is hypercritical, verbally abusive, has a hair-trigger temper,

I wasn't going to even consider posting in this thread until I saw this. I never had to deal with physical or sexual abuse. But both my parents were extremely adversarial, discouraging, and they overreacted at everything I did or said. And my folks were hypocrites as well as hyper-crites. I dealt with it by fighting back and being on guard 24/7. I had to hide most of the things I liked to do from them. (See: my .sig)

And then they got the last laugh, too. Mom got behind on bills because of her gambling habit, and I took out a $2000 loan to save her house. She promised to pay me back, then she died before she could, and now I'm stuck with that debt.
Is it wrong to hope that someone is burning in hell?

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by LovingTongue

Is it wrong to hope that someone is burning in hell?

No lol not all ... I do that alot!! Thank you for posting.Where ya been??

 

[jenlovesamy]

Damn, did she at least will you the house?

 

[Le Jacquelope]

No lol not all ... I do that alot!! Thank you for posting.Where ya been??

I've been around around around, I've been around (now I got the beach boys iin my head LOL)

I'd be asleep right now except for this nightmare I just had.

jenlovesamy: it sure looks like the house is willed to me - but that may be a moot point. See: outstanding mortgage payments....

 

[jenlovesamy]

Well, sorry to hear it.

 

[Guest]

Do you think it theraputic to maybe voice yourself here , to the person(s) who hurt you .... I was thinking about doing it as a release.....

 

[Guest]

rain what do you mean?

 

[Guest]

rain what do you mean?

I mean using this place as a venting board to tell those who have wronged you but will never see it , how you feel ... kind of like an open letter ... addressing the people who abused or hurt you in some way.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Do you think it theraputic to maybe voice yourself here , to the person(s) who hurt you .... I was thinking about doing it as a release.....

Yeah and it might be a good thing that 'person' isn't around.. maybe

 

[Guest]

it might, maybe, i dunno m,ost of the people i am pissed with already know how i feel so. Rain answer your pm would you.

 

[Guest]

Yeah and it might be a good thing that 'person' isn't around.. maybe

hey you... how's it going ? I understand you being angry ....

 

[Mysticcal]

I found it therapeutic to put my thoughts down on this board. Felt like I released some and everytime I acknowledge what happened, I forgive a little more, and am easier with everything. Thank you again for starting this thread.