Question for all black men

[Svenskaflicka]

I mean that when a black guy walks hand in hand with a white girlfriend, people look at them almost as shocked as if a male gay couple were walking along, and you hear comments like 'Hoh! well I never', and 'that's indecent, just out for sex those two, sex sex SEX!' and 'I for one am outraged I tell you, shocked and OUTRAGED!'.

There are two things I just can't understand:

• why people think it's such a big deal that a black and awhite person are in love, and
• how come they think that they have the right to force their narrow-minded opinion on this couple
  [/list=a]
  
  It happened to me and my hubby, too. We were out walking, and were going out of a mall, when an old man grabbed my arm and said "you know he's gonna deceive you, just like the others!".
  I did not know this man. My hubby did not know this man. He had no idea who we were or anything. He just wanted to tell me not to trust a black man.
  I'm a firm believer in non-violence, but, I confess, my foot flew through the air and missed the man's ass with mere inches. I think that I have only been that mad 3-4 times in my entire life. I could have hit him! How DARED he make remarks about my hubby???

 

[Callia]

I think the whole question of acceptance of inter-racial relationships has to do with the kind of community you live in. In New York and LA, for example, because there are so many people of different races living side by side, it's inevitable that some of them will be attracted to each other. The more common this sight becomes the more others begin to accept it.

In Greece, on the other hand, there are very few blacks save for the Nigerian exchange students. Consequently it's much rarer to see mixed couples. When people do see them, they are quite intolerant. A white girlfriend of mine was married to a black man and the problems that couple faced were horrendous. Strangers in the street, employers, their child's classmates, everybody was against them except us, their close friends.

I guess I'm stating the obvious, but people fear what they don't know.

 

[wildsweetone]

I guess I'm stating the obvious, but people fear what they don't know.

having lived with racial prejudice and intolerence for differences from others in my life, yes i would agree that people are afraid of what they don't know. the trouble is, there's a lot who don't wish to know.

and they say ignorance is bliss? every day my life is enriched, it's their loss.

thanks for this thread, i'm enjoying following it.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Ignorance IS a bliss - it means that you have something to blamefor your stupidity. You don't have to understand, you don't have to take a stand, you don't have to feel compelled to DO something to change the world you live in - you can just lean back and whine.

The world is full of rednecks.

 

[its Leslie]

This might be the wrong thread for this, but as we are discussing outrageously biased intolerances to cosmetic differences, I think it is also an opportunity to mention that we as a species are also greatly biased when dealing with matters of simple beauty.

I am white as white as white gets. But saying that, I won't say that my preferences sexually have to be white gals.

Actually the atypical blonde beach bunny does nothing for me. To done to death I suppose.

I have seen some black girls that could wrap me around their finger, although I don't routinely go for black women as the hair styles usually lose me.

I love Japanese gals, because they have such fine petite looks, but I understand that they are not all fine petite gals.

And speaking of petite, I have learned in my life, that the scrawny no fat whatsoever, thong was never a problem, golden tanned, gorgeous hair wearing perfect beach babes are not always the ones that get my attention.
In some cases the perfection is a turn off actually.

No I am not into "fat" girls like some guys are. I would always try to encourage a woman to lose weight if possible. But only because excess weight just makes you check out of this life sooner than later to often.
I am also not going to say that I am immune to visually challenged in the extreme persons (hey I am not going to lie, as I AM only human). My heart goes out to those persons, that life has seen fit to make as far from appealing as seems possible. They are people too.

But I can say, that of all the gals I have encountered online, that I have thought of in intimate fashions, all of them are fairly plain (just like me).
All the girls in my fantasies, (the ones I know personally), are all humble ordinary gals.

But I have met no small number of women claiming they are "looking for an attractive man".
Those women will likely not remain successfully married. They are to shallow.

 

[Callia]

But 'attractive' is a relative term, Leslie. As you yourself said, you are attracted to Japanese women. For me, an attractive man is not the magazine cover hunk with washboard abs. He might have a crooked nose, or a bit of a paunch or hairy ears. The attraction lies in the kind of person he is, the sparkle in his eye, the way he carries himself, the way he smells, the kind of mind he has, the way he expresses himself, the way we 'fit' together in every sense.

So when a woman says she's looking for an attractive man, she may very well mean 'attractive to her'.

Callia

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Attraction is very individual. In theory, hardly anyone would be interested in me, as I'm very overweight, only 169 cms tall, and have small breasts.

But in real life, I can easily find a new lover every night. Men find me cute and sexy, and they are eager to come back for more. It MIGHT just be the fact that I don't hide my great interest in sex - I'm like a walking invitation to play...

 

[fallen lover]

You know, Svenska, alot of men would envy the way you can blow your own horn

I kid, I kid coz I love.

Now might be a good time to mention the old cleche, 'beutty is in the eye of the beholder', but I know that a man especially is capable of being very attractive to women even though he is definately (clearly) an ugly man.

Let me list:

There's the 'Power' vibe, the 'Rich' vibe, the 'Sense of Humour' vibe, the 'Ugly Great Big Sex Beast' vibe, and the 'Sweet' vibe (although this is very unreliable, at least for sex purposes).

Finally, their is the 'Charmigly Ugly' vibe, like Jerry Lee "Crocadile Face" Lewis, or Robert "The Mole" De Niro.

Me, I am not ugly in any of these usefull ways, I'm more your unremarkably attractive type, which fits my lack of personality.

Still, I got heart.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

It happened again today...

I was talking to some of the people in my class, and got into the subject of the men of our lives. I showed the others a photo of my guy, and a woman at the table told us about the time she had been living with a Gambian guy (black) who dealt with drugs, cheated on her, and made a lot of other shady things. She told me to watch out. When I said that she shouldn't judge millions of people from her bad experience with ONE asshole, she brought up the "our culture is different than theirs" and all that crap.

I felt hurt. And irritated. Again, I ask:

• how come people are so stupid that they judge all black people from the bad actions of one black person, while the same people don't judge all white people for the bad actions of one white person? and
• how come everyone feel that it's not only their right but their f-ing DUTY to tell everyone else about their narrow-minded opinions?

Depressing.

 

[fallen lover]

1. It takes all sorts to make a world

2. You can never have to much furtilizer.

Its just natures way of keeping the fool-population down, by discouraging them from good sex.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

As I walked past the alcoholics/druggies on my way home from school, the question came back to me - exactly HOW is it that all people are worth equally much?

 

[wildsweetone]

This is from the heart, but with the clumsiness of my brain I'm not sure I'm going to say it right, but I'll give it a go...


It's often the comments of others which confirm our own opinions of what we believe.

 

[its Leslie]

There is a saying, "beauty is only skin deep"....bullshit.

You are either beautiful all the way through or you are NOT.

I have met beautiful people that were fakes, they were only beautiful on the surface. I have also met people that were ugly on the surface, and ugly all the way through.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is also a bit risky. We can often be easily fooled. Things are not always what they seem.

To see beauty, you must get to know the person and let them show you. And this takes time.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

You know, Svenska, alot of men would envy the way you can blow your own horn

With the whole f-ing Atlantic ocean between me and my hubby, blowing my own horn is the closest I get to a blowjob...

 

[fallen lover]

As I walked past the alcoholics/druggies on my way home from school, the question came back to me - exactly HOW is it that all people are worth equally much?

As it happens, you've just stumbled onto one of my opinions, and it goes a little somthin like this:

The key to being human, is that the mind rules and the body follows. We are all equally entitled to have our minds make our decisions for us. We are not as farm animals for instance, where what sex you are, or what breed or size or grade of wool, determines what you will do with your life. We are all equal in our potential to decide for ourselves what to be, even if we first have to overcome physical limitations (like a female marine for instance).

The results of these decisions, are not equal.

 

[fallen lover]

There is a saying, "beauty is only skin deep"....bullshit.

You are either beautiful all the way through or you are NOT.

I have met beautiful people that were fakes, they were only beautiful on the surface. I have also met people that were ugly on the surface, and ugly all the way through.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is also a bit risky. We can often be easily fooled. Things are not always what they seem.

To see beauty, you must get to know the person and let them show you. And this takes time.

I disagree, as a man- I can confirm that physical beuty does exist, and is utterly independant of soul-beuty. Some of the most beutiful women I have ever desired, have had souls pretty much made entirely of mud, and some crawly things.

There are some ridiculously good-looking women out there that are complete narcissistic bores, who's personalities are the weight of a half of a feather next to beutifull-minded people that wouldn't win any prettiness contests.

Life is just that way, essentially unfair.

 

[its Leslie]

You must have missed my meaning of beauty, fallen.

Beauty is not a great set of tits and a good looking ass. Nor is it tight abs and a long cock.
It isn't perfect hair and a tan to die for, or immaculately carved muscles.

The people settling for calling the external body, "beautiful" regardless of how fit, healthy, and attractive appearing, are merely settling for the illusion, and not even pondering the potential.

I have yet to look at a "beautiful" woman with lust. They are only what they are visually to me.

I also never buy books based on the cover, or models based on the box art. I don't purchase products based on the ads nor settle for demos.

What you see is just what you see, it is rarely what you get.

The women I call beautiful, are often women I have never even seen in person.

 

[fallen lover]

Then you're a better man then me

 

[Svenskaflicka]

There IS a difference between "beautiful" and "attractive". This summer, I saw a Brazilian guy, who was one of the ugliest guys I've ever seen - and at the same time, he was so inredibly attractive, that I just wanted to... but that's another story. His friend, on the other hand, wa sthe most beautiful man I've ever seen - chiseled out of stone, covered in dark brown silk... but he was just TOO beautiful. I could stare at him, like at a painting, but I wasn't as turned on by him as I was by his ugly friend - not by a long shot!!!

Sex is weird...

 

[Svenskaflicka]

You know, Svenska, alot of men would envy the way you can blow your own horn

I kid, I kid coz I love.

Speaking of that... I have another thread called "Tooting my own horn" - it's a private commercial for a new series of stories I'm writing. Check it out!

 

[bignblack68]

good points

I've been reading through the threads and everyone has posted some very good points...i guess we just have to look at it like this...people can and will be stupid and/or ignorant.

Kind of reminds me of the time about 4 or 5 yrs ago when i was dating a white woman. At the time she had a friend who i thought was pretty cool...as it turns out....one night my girl and her friend were at a bar that we all would frequent. My girl ended up almost getting in a fight with a guy cause he said "Oh you're the bitch dating that nigger right?"

As i said she almost got in a fight with him but fortunately she didn't....but the kicker was that her friend couldn't understand why she was upset....she said, and i quote: "Why are you upset? That's what he is a nigger right?"

Needless to say, my girl and her friend didn't stay friends long after that....she told me all of this later that night when she came over and i couldn't believe it....as i said her friend seemed pretty cool and i wouldn't have thought she would think something like that, but she obviously did...i guess it just goes to show you that
ignorance and stupidity can rear it's ugly head wherever and whenever you least expect it.

 

[its Leslie]

I can relate to that "friend" thing.

Had a friend recently become a "non person" in my life.

Knew this girl for a number of years. She didn't always see things my way, but everyone thinks differently to a point.

One day while trying to patch up a sore point between her and my wife (who were and still are friends), I decided to chat her up. After all she was my friend originally.

Well you can know a person a long time and not know them at all I suppose. She went from a nice person to a materialistic waste inside of that conversation on the phone. She has absolutely no grasp of the difference between people and things.

I feel sorry for her I suppose, but I was perfectly disgusted with her. I won't have anything to do with her any more. She is thoroughly ugly.

I now know the root cause of her being unwed. She will die alone childless with only her "things" to mourn her passing. Her loss.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I once had this discussion with a girl I know:

Me: Imagine 10 black men. 1 of these rapes and murders a white girl. Are you afraid of the other 9 men?
Her: Yes, of course I am!
Me: Imagine 10 white men. 1 of these rapes and murders a white girl. Are you afraid of the other 9 men?
Her: No, of course not, why should I?

Nuff said...

 

[Callia]

I can confirm that physical beuty does exist

And even 'external beauty' is a relative and subjective term. Let's say that modern-day Western society considers (if we take models as an example) the thin, blonde, blue-eyed, well-toned and tanned young woman as a paradigm of beauty. In a different day and age she would have been considered grossly unattractive. 'Thin' meant she didn't have enough to eat, 'well-toned' meant she had to work in the fields. Both these qualities were undesirable. Beautiful was the fair-skinned woman with folds of flesh round her middle.

I also think we need to keep in mind that we're talking about two different understandings of the word 'beauty'. One is 'external beauty' and the other 'internal'. I don't think the dividing line between the two is as easily discernible as one may think. Someone might not meet the 'criteria' of external beauty, yet he or she may be so beautiful inside (ie kind, gentle, dynamic, energetic, loving or whatever qualities you consider positive) that this is evident in his/her face, expression, carriage and behavior and others can't help but view this person as 'beautiful'. It also works the other way round. Someone might meet all the 'criteria' of external beauty, yet be so naggy or vapid or cruel that you can't help but see it on their faces.

Callia

PS I know we're off on a tangent here, but it's an interesting one!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Black Beauty

Combining the beauty issue with the original topic for this thread...

I read about this place in Africa, where it's a tradition that as soon as a man asks a woman to marry him, her parents will put her in a "fattening hut" where she must live for two years before the marriage can actually take place. During this time, the man will prove his value as a provider for the family by working in the fieds for her father, while the woman will stay in her hut, not being allowed to go outside for a walk, but instead will be fed rich food 5 times a time, and have her skin massaged with scented oils, all to make her fat and attractive to her future husband.

This goes very well together with my own experience of African men. Most African guys that I've been dating, have been crazy over my full behind, and when I talked to a couple of African girls once, about the fact that African men seemed to like big women, they nodded and said:

-Yeah, it was like that back in our country. We couldn't get any guys, 'cause the fat girls got them all.

One man's turn-off is another man's ideal...