Rules for a submissive/slave - Any thoughts?

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rules - Cont'd

That is a good point, providing there is an open communication between the Dom/me and submissive then the relationship cn remain healthy and continue to grow. I may be way off base here, but it looks like the only communicating is from Him to her. [/B][/QUOTE]

That seems to be the case here. Judging by what has been on this list, there is no venue for communication from the slave to Him unless it is to serve Him in some way. No growth there. As far as it being healthy, You are right in saying the communication is key ... and it must be reciprocal.

i never got a chance to say welcome to the bb Ma'am *smiles*

Welcome Lady.

 

[WynEternal]

//59.my Master will decide what my sexual orientation will be. I will commit myself to His decision and perform as such only in His presence and only with His permission. //


Among all the boring and repetitive stuff, this one I find interesting since it's uncommon in what posters have said (as to rules they follow or enforce) in this forum.

Here's another thought. Wouldn't any half way intelligent master get pretty bored with a slave who patterns of behavior was so set?

There are Dom/mes who have slaves for a specific function, ie: foot slave, anal slave, etc. That being said, would it be farfetched to have a slave for a specific sexual orientation? I think it would be counter productive to have a slave be either het, bi, lesbian or gay if they were not inclined to do so.

 

[WynEternal]

Oh. I read #59 in a slightly different way. This M, when not checking to see if his undies have been folded properly, gets to say whom (and what sex) the slave fucks, etc.

And the problem with that would be?

Or in other words, would a slave go and have sex with someone their Master/Mistress did not permit them to?

 

[lark sparrow]

Examples of areas of communication and growth in submission within a D/s relationship

22.When i am ready - i shall wear His rings to signify my submission to Him - one pierced through each nipple of my breasts and one through each labia of my pussy.

44.i want my submission to my Master to feel natural and will work towards this end with a continued effort to enforce this growing feeling inside of me.

63.i have much to learn in order to become a well-trained and well-behaved slave.

65.i will work on building up my tolerances to the level i feel is necessary to please my Master, but i will be careful not to push myself further or faster than i am ready to endure or adapt to.

69.Only through submission can i find my true self.

72.i will give all that i am when i am in the presence of my Master in order to become free.

74.Crying and the shedding of tears for my Master during punishment is good and expected for it softens my will and bonds me closer to my Master.

78.i am allowed to suggest ways to further my training or use of me as long as i address my Master properly first.

79.i must always respond fully both physically and verbally to whatever my Master does with me. Expressions are important to Him.

 

[Quint]

62.my limits do not have to be respected - i trust my Master.

I could read this one of two ways, and I'm interested to see how most people took it:

1.) It is a privilege, not to be expected, that my limits are respected and so I trust my Master to grant me that privilege.
2.) My limits are unnecessary and free to be disregarded.

The first time through I automatically assumed the second, when by any laws of SSC it would have to be the first. Just thought the wording on it was very ambiguous and I did not like that at all, for something apparently so core to a relationship.

 

[s'lara]

I could read this one of two ways, and I'm interested to see how most people took it:

1.) It is a privilege, not to be expected, that my limits are respected and so I trust my Master to grant me that privilege.
2.) My limits are unnecessary and free to be disregarded.

The first time through I automatically assumed the second, when by any laws of SSC it would have to be the first. Just thought the wording on it was very ambiguous and I did not like that at all, for something apparently so core to a relationship.

another dangerous rule that could result in the harm of the slave. i read it as your second translation.

 

[s'lara]

Re: Examples of areas of communication and growth in submission within a D/s relationship

out of the 80 i posted thus far, the rules below were the only ones to address how the slave could find a healthy outlook/goal in the relationship.

22.When i am ready - i shall wear His rings to signify my submission to Him - one pierced through each nipple of my breasts and one through each labia of my pussy.

44.i want my submission to my Master to feel natural and will work towards this end with a continued effort to enforce this growing feeling inside of me.

63.i have much to learn in order to become a well-trained and well-behaved slave.

65.i will work on building up my tolerances to the level i feel is necessary to please my Master, but i will be careful not to push myself further or faster than i am ready to endure or adapt to.

69.Only through submission can i find my true self.

72.i will give all that i am when i am in the presence of my Master in order to become free.

74.Crying and the shedding of tears for my Master during punishment is good and expected for it softens my will and bonds me closer to my Master.

78.i am allowed to suggest ways to further my training or use of me as long as i address my Master properly first.

79.i must always respond fully both physically and verbally to whatever my Master does with me. Expressions are important to Him.

 

[WynEternal]

I could read this one of two ways, and I'm interested to see how most people took it:

1.) It is a privilege, not to be expected, that my limits are respected and so I trust my Master to grant me that privilege.
2.) My limits are unnecessary and free to be disregarded.

The first time through I automatically assumed the second, when by any laws of SSC it would have to be the first. Just thought the wording on it was very ambiguous and I did not like that at all, for something apparently so core to a relationship.

Within the context of the safeword being available and number 65, I took it to mean the first one.

 

[WynEternal]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rules - Cont'd

That is a good point, providing there is an open communication between the Dom/me and submissive then the relationship cn remain healthy and continue to grow. I may be way off base here, but it looks like the only communicating is from Him to her.

That seems to be the case here. Judging by what has been on this list, there is no venue for communication from the slave to Him unless it is to serve Him in some way. No growth there. As far as it being healthy, You are right in saying the communication is key ... and it must be reciprocal.

i never got a chance to say welcome to the bb Ma'am *smiles*

Welcome Lady. [/B][/QUOTE]

This is an assumption I'm not ready to make since it only gives what is expected of the slave. I have yet to see anything that says the slave may not communicate her thoughts to him.

 

[lark sparrow]

I could read this one of two ways, and I'm interested to see how most people took it:

1.) It is a privilege, not to be expected, that my limits are respected and so I trust my Master to grant me that privilege.
2.) My limits are unnecessary and free to be disregarded.

The first time through I automatically assumed the second, when by any laws of SSC it would have to be the first. Just thought the wording on it was very ambiguous and I did not like that at all, for something apparently so core to a relationship.

I don't particulary like how much of this is worded as well, but to the same end, I have not been given a safeword, nor have I requested one - it's essential that we clearly communicate, and use empathy with one another.

Mistress clearly cares about my well-being and is aware of my limits. Our relationship is built upon a mutually satisfying and evolving power exchange which we (as separate individuals and as a partners) experience as safe, sane and consensual - although I have the given right to express myself freely, Mistress has the last word and final decision-making power in all areas of our (continuing) D/s relationship.

There is also clearly the same rule that applies to all consensual, "healthy", adult relationships - if there is a major conflict which impacts the relationship in an overtly negative way and cannot be resolved through compromise to each parties overall satisfaction, She has the right to withdraw Her domination and release me, and I also have the right to withdraw my submission and walk away.

It would have to be in the spirit of the first category, the second wouldn't work for me at all. Good point, Quint.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I could read this one of two ways, and I'm interested to see how most people took it:

1.) It is a privilege, not to be expected, that my limits are respected and so I trust my Master to grant me that privilege.
2.) My limits are unnecessary and free to be disregarded.

The first time through I automatically assumed the second, when by any laws of SSC it would have to be the first. Just thought the wording on it was very ambiguous and I did not like that at all, for something apparently so core to a relationship.

I had trouble taking this in any light other than the second considering the jumbled and repetitious state of this list. Number 16 keeps ringing in my head as well. Out of all of these rules, there just seem to be very FEW that look out for the general well-being and continued growth of the slave.

~Anelize

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Re: Examples of areas of communication and growth in submission within a D/s relationship

out of the 80 i posted thus far, the rules below were the only ones to address how the slave could find a healthy outlook/goal in the relationship.

Yes, but there are some included. I certainly wouldn't suggest that anyone agree to rules that feel as if they have no growth or communication potential. But I would suggest that if submission and surrender is not one of the top priorities then perhaps a D/s relationship is not the right avenue to explore.

 

[Pure]

70.my life is empty without a Master (or Mistress) to please.
71.Just the thought of me being in the presence of my Master or hearing His voice gives me strength.

I can't help it, but isn't this Coueism [Every day, in every way, things are getting better.] Dale Carnegie, and healthy dose of evangelism. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I've just realized something. These were rules based, I believe, on a 24/7 TPE master/slave relationship. I have to put these rules into that context, and not necessarily the context of how I practice BDSM in my life, which is definitely not in the context of a 24/7 TPE master/slave relationship. It's like trying to compare apples and eggplants.

Lark Sparrow, you reminded me of that. Thanks

~Anelize

 

[lark sparrow]

I've just realized something. These were rules based, I believe, on a 24/7 TPE master/slave relationship. I have to put these rules into that context, and not necessarily the context of how I practice BDSM in my life, which is definitely not in the context of a 24/7 TPE master/slave relationship. It's like trying to compare apples and eggplants.

Lark Sparrow, you reminded me of that. Thanks

~Anelize

It kind of clicked that same way for me too, Anelize. As in there is no right or wrong way to universally practice BDSM, aside from those ways that "work" for you. It's badly written in many people's opinion, and doesn't align with their personal goals but, within more of a 24/7 TPE mindset these rules of submission are in and of themselves growthful. This general outlook and excessive direction could be experienced as safe, sane, consensual and positively growthful within a mutual goal of ultimate surrender.

 

[Pure]

I was looking for these rules on the 'net and came across a Master John claiming to have a list of 128, which he developed and he's copyrighted.
No link was working to the "126".

In the process, though I found these, since we're dealing with
slightly obsessive and detail-minded self-said dominants:

=====
Some minutiae for discussion:
http://www.bdsmu.com/page_slave_standard_punishments.html

[There are twelve basic rules, basically around sexual availability and exclusiveness.]

Nighttime Ritual: slave yielding will remember that each day has been a new opportunity to become a better slave, that each night prepares her for a new day, and that her duties do not end at bedtime.
When Master Stern indicates He is ready for bed, slave will facilitate the procedure by gathering any necessary items, checking lights and locks, and turning back sheets & blankets on Master's bed.
slave will ask Master where she will be sleeping. Master Stern will either indicate He wishes to have her in His bed, on a pallet, or directly on the floor. slave will ready her "area" when necessary.
slave will sllep in the nude and be available for sexual service throughout the night.
slave will verbally wish Master Stern a "goodnight."
Except in emergency, slave will not rise during the night or in the morning without securing Master Stern's permission.

Punishments: Master Stern will use any of the following punishments at His discretion, but is not confined to this list: (Some items assume slave's good physical condition for implementation)
Paddling: white paddle applied with severity the offense warrants
Washing slave's mouth with soap
Forced exercise in front of Master Stern.
slave kneels with mouth around doorknob for a period of time
extra chores
slave stands at attention for a period of time
slave restricted from computer use (72 hour minimum): Master Stern will password computer.
writing journals or repeated sentences by hand ( 5 page minimum)
multiple enemas
cold water shower under Master's supervision
isolation :assumed position out of Master Stern's sight
holding dime to wall with nose
food restrictions
television restrictions: Master Stern will set parental controls.
temporary silence, with or without gag
long-term "figging"

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Rules for a submissive/slave - Any thoughts?

I am with you .... when I first saw this list it was presented as a "check list" and/or point of discussion list for those who are new to the lifestyle or for newly forming relationships

I have found them very useful

makes one stop and think
and those that are new
often are not in the thinking mode

I also like flexibility. I reserve the right to change my mind at any given time.

 

[redelicious]

Re: Rituals vs. Rules

Red, you brought up a good point. Some of the "rules" were ritualistic in nature.

Would these be more acceptable if they were rituals?

Well, it's not that I don't accept most of them, I just question the need for every minute detail of a slave's life to be broken down and set forth as a rule, but then again I don't really have a slave mentality. Seems to me a confident Dom/me wouldn't have the need for such micromanagement.

 

[WynEternal]

Re: Re: Rituals vs. Rules

Well, it's not that I don't accept most of them, I just question the need for every minute detail of a slave's life to be broken down and set forth as a rule, but then again I don't really have a slave mentality. Seems to me a confident Dom/me wouldn't have the need for such micromanagement.

It doesn't seem to me as if everything's been broken down in minute detail. Many of those on the list were unwritten rules for me and I had lots of leway in my life. Sometimes, Mistress did suggest something about my clothing or many other things. But usually, I did things within the guidelines she set, always thinking of her first.

Many of the listed would fall within those guidelines.

Like I've said before, many Masters/Mistresses would find it tedius and tiresome having to tell their slave what to do every waking moment.

 

[redelicious]

Re: Next Set of 20

63.i have much to learn in order to become a well-trained and well-behaved slave.

Not sure this really qualifies as a rule, though it may be true.

70.my life is empty without a Master (or Mistress) to please.

Now, that's just sad. Would a Master really want a slave who considers their life to be without meaning?

 

[WynEternal]

Re: Re: Next Set of 20

70.my life is empty without a Master (or Mistress) to please.

Now, that's just sad. Would a Master really want a slave who considers their life to be without meaning?

We don't know the exact dynamics of this relationship. Oftentimes, before I became 24/7, when not in the presense of Mistress, there was a certain emptyness; a hole that needed to be filled. I'm sure that there were times when I was missed too.

It doesn't have to mean that their life is without meaning, just that the devotion is noticable.

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Re: Next Set of 20

63.i have much to learn in order to become a well-trained and well-behaved slave.

Not sure this really qualifies as a rule, though it may be true.

70.my life is empty without a Master (or Mistress) to please.

Now, that's just sad. Would a Master really want a slave who considers their life to be without meaning?

Do you think we sometimes get too hung up or a bit defensive when viewing these things within the scope of D/s?

How many 'nilla songs say "My life is empty without you, babe." Hardly offensive when we're singing along and thinking about 'nilla lover.

 

[redelicious]

Re: Re: Re: Rituals vs. Rules

It doesn't seem to me as if everything's been broken down in minute detail. Many of those on the list were unwritten rules for me and I had lots of leway in my life. Sometimes, Mistress did suggest something about my clothing or many other things. But usually, I did things within the guidelines she set, always thinking of her first.

Many of the listed would fall within those guidelines.

Like I've said before, many Masters/Mistresses would find it tedius and tiresome having to tell their slave what to do every waking moment.

I don't disagree with you. Maybe it's just how these are organized that troubles me. I can easily see most of these being unwritten or just understood. I also would expect that there could even be more added or adapted as a relationship evolves. I think it's the act of writing out each act or direction as a "rule" that sorta gets me.

I think many, most, of these could fall under much broader rules, such as:
"I trust and respect my Master/Mistress and accept His/Her direction in all aspects of my life."
or
"I will endeavor to please my Master/Mistress in all my undertakings, whether in His/Her presence or not."

 

[redelicious]

Re: Re: Re: Next Set of 20

We don't know the exact dynamics of this relationship. Oftentimes, before I became 24/7, when not in the presense of Mistress, there was a certain emptyness; a hole that needed to be filled. I'm sure that there were times when I was missed too.

It doesn't have to mean that their life is without meaning, just that the devotion is noticable.

Good point. I obviously read that differently. I saw it as, my life is empty (meaningless) when I don't have a Master to serve, rather than I am unfullfilled when I don't have a Master to serve.

Quite a difference, eh?

 

[redelicious]

Re: Re: Re: Next Set of 20

Do you think we sometimes get too hung up or a bit defensive when viewing these things within the scope of D/s?

How many 'nilla songs say "My life is empty without you, babe." Hardly offensive when we're singing along and thinking about 'nilla lover.

LOL, you got me!

Well ya know, I am submissive so that supposedly means I lack in self worth.