Submissive 'Thought For The Day' Calendar 2006
- Thread starter catalina_francisco
- Start date
I thought I would never make it here. 
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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- Jun 22, 2004
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March 19th - words of chicklet
While biologically we're all so similar you could hardly tell we're not directly related, and we do some of the oddest things that we don't even realize instinct is making everyone else do as well, we still have individuality and different reactions at different times than others experiencing them. Is "aftercare" important? There've been debates on this forum about it before. We seem to have reached the conclusion that it is important *for some people* - so why not "at some times"? This must not have been one of those times for you.
I don't know if I've ever experienced subspace. It's especially hard to tell since I'll never be in someone elses head to feel what their specific description of it is. But if it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, chances are that it's a duck. Especially if it introduces itself and let's you know that it would like to be indentified as a duck.
I don't think that it's wrong to push someone away instead of embracing them if he's okay with that and you're okay with that. The "wrong" part, and I don't even know if it's "wrong" exactly, would be hurting him by pushing him away if he needed you. But in my experience, at that part of a scene it's still about *you* so I am interested to know what he thought of your unwillingness to embrace.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you.
Subspace
While biologically we're all so similar you could hardly tell we're not directly related, and we do some of the oddest things that we don't even realize instinct is making everyone else do as well, we still have individuality and different reactions at different times than others experiencing them. Is "aftercare" important? There've been debates on this forum about it before. We seem to have reached the conclusion that it is important *for some people* - so why not "at some times"? This must not have been one of those times for you.
I don't know if I've ever experienced subspace. It's especially hard to tell since I'll never be in someone elses head to feel what their specific description of it is. But if it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, chances are that it's a duck. Especially if it introduces itself and let's you know that it would like to be indentified as a duck.
I don't think that it's wrong to push someone away instead of embracing them if he's okay with that and you're okay with that. The "wrong" part, and I don't even know if it's "wrong" exactly, would be hurting him by pushing him away if he needed you. But in my experience, at that part of a scene it's still about *you* so I am interested to know what he thought of your unwillingness to embrace.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you.
Subspace
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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- Jun 22, 2004
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March 20th - words of bridgeburner
You're a fake if you lie about what you want --- if you don't really desire to dominate then you're a fake. If you truly wish to dominate but don't have the skill for it then you're just unsucessful.
What is a fake Dominant?
You're a fake if you lie about what you want --- if you don't really desire to dominate then you're a fake. If you truly wish to dominate but don't have the skill for it then you're just unsucessful.
What is a fake Dominant?
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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March 21st - words of Kajira Callista
The ability to be/think extreme is very different then the need to be.
Going to extremes
The ability to be/think extreme is very different then the need to be.
Going to extremes
chris9
enjoying life
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- Mar 14, 2005
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March 22nd
Words of babiesmiles:
What's a submissive to do?
Words of babiesmiles:
I am very little experienced but if you allow me I will tell you ( impersonal you ) about the pace of my training or better about the development of a D/s relation , all based on what I am living at the moment , and just on it .
My Master , a wonderful man I really adore and trust , is that kind of quiet slow pace Dominant .
We talk a lot about everything both bdsm related issues and everyday matters , besides about our respective job matters , philosophy , music , literature and a lot of other things I won't annoy you mentioning here.
We share a deep friendship, a total understanding and a feeling we don't like to label but we consider the strongest bound we have ever felt .
By mutual agreement we always avoided the word "love " both due to our shared wariness towards the underlieing meanings and implications of that "word", and maybe just because it works fine for us that way .
He is a strong man and notwithstanding I am a strong woman he never allows me to top from the bottom , thing that I sometimes try to attempt for lack of experience, bad mood or because maybe I am not trained enough yet.
We are in a long distance relation , but we meet with a certain regularity and we talk almost every day with all the means the progress allows us to use , phone , istant messages, e-mails and why not snail mail ( how wonderful is to receive a letter or a parcel in this internet age ! )
All the above said , when we met the first time I was totally new to the whole bdsm related world ( he is my first Master) so he deliberately chose a very slow pace in my training to make me the submissive he desires and needs . So slow that I am not ashamed to say after more than an year and an half of relation I still don't know many of the practices we usually talk about on this board ( that's why I avoid to talk about them most of times ..lol... ) . But he always tells me he never has regretted his first decision which he considers the best for the way I am .
We agreed together that online / phone training or plays don't suit us and our needs ( I am not the " kneel in front the keyboard and give me a virtual bj slut " kind of woman) although we truly respect people who appreciate and enjoy online plays.
This way the "proper" training is restricted to the time we can spend together in real and yet even then his behaviour is strict but the pace still quiet and very slow.
When we have not the possibility to meet irl we mostly talk , besides another million things, about "theory " of BDSM , we share opinions about our readings or we compare sensations about something we found , or ( rarely ) experienced by our own ( he heartly encourages me to talk about bdsm with other people both Dominants and submissives ). We share advices about things to read or write , we analyze bdsm issues and we learn to know each other deeply every day more.
Is it frustrating ? Yes it is . Definitively .
Sometimes I crave to show him my unconditional submission my need to have him take possession of the whole myself both body and mind , and I told him about that .
We talked long about it but he told me he is the one who decides I am the one who has to obey, and he is giving me the rhythm he considers right . That is his will .
He told me I am going to be his and completely his and that, being a whole life choice and not a game , in his opinion needs time and an increasing trust and ease towards him and his plans for me , which can't be built in a few time .
He told me he doesn't need a tamed submissive but he likes to enjoy every drop of my awakening awareness . The journey is the reward for both of us !!
Maybe he understood something about my inner self I have not realized yet .
However lately we someway arrived to a compromise ( ty Master
I will keep you updated.
Although he still thinks I read too many BDSM novels and I frequent too much the BDSM board on here !!
But I know he enjoys that side of me at last !
What's a submissive to do?
babiesmiles
elfpet
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- Oct 12, 2004
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- 1,898
Ty Chris *hugs *
shy slave
Literotica Guru
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- Jan 2, 2004
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shy slave
Literotica Guru
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March 24th
Evil fantasies that I wouldn't really want to act out but give me a twisted thrill thread
Catlinas Post
This particular post really touched me.
(We are way behind on this calender, perhaps we need to be posting more sense)
Evil fantasies that I wouldn't really want to act out but give me a twisted thrill thread
Catlinas Post
This particular post really touched me.
(We are way behind on this calender, perhaps we need to be posting more sense)
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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- Jun 22, 2004
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March 25th - words of babiesmiles
I am too shy to start a new thread just about me and this little small thing but I must say just now I really am an happy elfpet so I needed to express my feelings someway and somewhere
I just come back from meeting my Master a few days and they have been perfect days of increasing understanding and experiencing .
I must say I was right in trusting him about his slow rhythm with me and my physical training because the reward has come ...and it has been a big one.
I was said I reacted pretty well to "his" experiments with me , so now I am ready for a faster increasing pace of activities and plays . WOW
He didn't try anything too hard yet , but must say he loved to let me taste some of his toys ( some really evil ones ) ...... awwwww and mainly I had the privilege he wanted to make some Shibari ( that I really LOVED ) on me . He is fond of it and he said the ropes looked very very good on me .
I am very happy , but the main thing is he was happy and really proud about me and my behaviour .
And this last one for me is the most fantastic thing that could happen cause my aim is really to please him at the best I can every time more .
Sorry for the little rambling but I really am walking on fluffy clouds of pride , joy and happiness now
The Un-Hijackable, Non Sequiter, Rambling Thread
I am too shy to start a new thread just about me and this little small thing but I must say just now I really am an happy elfpet so I needed to express my feelings someway and somewhere
I just come back from meeting my Master a few days and they have been perfect days of increasing understanding and experiencing .
I must say I was right in trusting him about his slow rhythm with me and my physical training because the reward has come ...and it has been a big one.
I was said I reacted pretty well to "his" experiments with me , so now I am ready for a faster increasing pace of activities and plays . WOW
He didn't try anything too hard yet , but must say he loved to let me taste some of his toys ( some really evil ones ) ...... awwwww and mainly I had the privilege he wanted to make some Shibari ( that I really LOVED ) on me . He is fond of it and he said the ropes looked very very good on me .
I am very happy , but the main thing is he was happy and really proud about me and my behaviour .
And this last one for me is the most fantastic thing that could happen cause my aim is really to please him at the best I can every time more .
Sorry for the little rambling but I really am walking on fluffy clouds of pride , joy and happiness now
The Un-Hijackable, Non Sequiter, Rambling Thread
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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- Jun 22, 2004
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- 27,579
March 26th - Words of sharingfantasies
What I always liked about the BDSM world is that each set of partners dictates their relationship so that there are many different levels or types of dom and sub. Personally, after lots of reading, asking questions and listening to others, I decided that I was a borderline sexually submissive person. Not fully submissive, not completely vanilla, but somewhere in between.
I have had people tell me that I was submissive, that I wasn't submissive, that I was a borderline sub/slave, that I was vanilla with a liking for kink. LOL
After a dozen years I have a pretty good idea of where I fit, now if only I could resolve the conflict between who I am and who I think I should be..
Not Dom, not sub...
What I always liked about the BDSM world is that each set of partners dictates their relationship so that there are many different levels or types of dom and sub. Personally, after lots of reading, asking questions and listening to others, I decided that I was a borderline sexually submissive person. Not fully submissive, not completely vanilla, but somewhere in between.
I have had people tell me that I was submissive, that I wasn't submissive, that I was a borderline sub/slave, that I was vanilla with a liking for kink. LOL
After a dozen years I have a pretty good idea of where I fit, now if only I could resolve the conflict between who I am and who I think I should be..
Not Dom, not sub...
Last edited:
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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- 27,579
March 27th - words of Etoile
First things first: BDSM is not universal. It is impossible to say "yes, there is lots of sex" or "no, there is not lots of sex." It's different for every individual, and even from day to day, based on their preferences. So the true answer to most of your questions is: "It varies."
Now then. You mentioned that "the first thing" a guy would want to do when presented with a willing partner is fuck her. That may be true in some cases, and I know I have been on the receiving end of such sentiment from time to time. But very often there is a psychological aspect to it. I would venture that horny teenage boys are the only ones who can't help but stick their dick in the hole immediately. Other than that, there is a lot to be said for teasing and tormenting, and mental interaction, and investigating each other.
Do they often have sex with all the guys there? I assume you're talking about play parties. If you're asking if they are an orgy or a gangbang, the answer is pretty much always no. More often than not play parties include demonstrations of techniques - flogging, waxplay, play piercing - rather than actual sex. There is sometimes "a naked girl chained up" but like I said, it's not a gangbang. I think the swinger's clubs are probably more likely places for gangbangs rather than a BDSM play party. It might seem like a great opportunity for a gangbang, but again - that's more of a horny teenage boy mentality.
BDSM is not all about play parties, either. Most of it is done between two consenting partners; sometimes there might be one or more people added, and those people may or may not have sex with the bottom. BDSM is a mental pursuit as much as a physical one, so gangbangs and orgies are not that common. There's so much fun to be had without sex, why restrict yourself to just that?
You might also want to read the library in this forum. There's a great wealth of information there.
A BDSM "virgins" question
First things first: BDSM is not universal. It is impossible to say "yes, there is lots of sex" or "no, there is not lots of sex." It's different for every individual, and even from day to day, based on their preferences. So the true answer to most of your questions is: "It varies."
Now then. You mentioned that "the first thing" a guy would want to do when presented with a willing partner is fuck her. That may be true in some cases, and I know I have been on the receiving end of such sentiment from time to time. But very often there is a psychological aspect to it. I would venture that horny teenage boys are the only ones who can't help but stick their dick in the hole immediately. Other than that, there is a lot to be said for teasing and tormenting, and mental interaction, and investigating each other.
Do they often have sex with all the guys there? I assume you're talking about play parties. If you're asking if they are an orgy or a gangbang, the answer is pretty much always no. More often than not play parties include demonstrations of techniques - flogging, waxplay, play piercing - rather than actual sex. There is sometimes "a naked girl chained up" but like I said, it's not a gangbang. I think the swinger's clubs are probably more likely places for gangbangs rather than a BDSM play party. It might seem like a great opportunity for a gangbang, but again - that's more of a horny teenage boy mentality.
BDSM is not all about play parties, either. Most of it is done between two consenting partners; sometimes there might be one or more people added, and those people may or may not have sex with the bottom. BDSM is a mental pursuit as much as a physical one, so gangbangs and orgies are not that common. There's so much fun to be had without sex, why restrict yourself to just that?
You might also want to read the library in this forum. There's a great wealth of information there.
A BDSM "virgins" question
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
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- 27,579
March 28th - words of serijules
A lot of people think that punishment is a sign of a "bad" submissive or some such bullshit, so I rarely talk about my own punishments or discipline. I'll humor you though <g>
Punishment and discipline are a big part of my relationship and always have been. Her expectations have grown a lot since I have become her slave, so the instances of punishment are fewer and farer between since I pay much closer attention to what she expects now than I may have in the beginning, but I am also more likely to be punished for seemingly mild transgressions if they are things I have been trained to know better on or rules she knows I understand and know to follow.
Punishment is used in our relationship as a method of training and continued discipline, mostly, and also for a release. There are times when I allow feelings or issues to build up and affect my behaviour; those moments often result in a punishment because not only do I know better, but I have means available to me to avoid getting into that state. I'm human, though, and I make mistakes and lose sight of things sometimes. Punishment puts me back in my place and back in touch with my submission.
Just this morning I confessed to a few instances of failing to wear my seatbelt. I hate wearing the damn thing and if I had my way, never would, but she requires it because she expects her property to remain safe. The confession will likely earn a punishment because I do know better and don't have any good excuse for my failure. In order for us to deal with it and move on, a punishment is the best way. It's more a ritual than anything, a way for her to make her displeasure known and a way for me to atone for my behaviour. Without the punishment it feels like issues are just left hanging in the air and that doesn't work for us.
I'm punished for various things...failure to abide by her expectations, forgetting to address her properly (not every single time...she'll let it slide a few times expecting me to correct myself. It's only when I don't take that initiative to correct what should be an ingrained habit that I'll get punished for it.), doing something that she deems unsafe or damaging to her property (not taking care of myself correctly, making rash and unwise decisions). Things of that nature.
The last punishment I received was quite some time ago, and was for allowing something that was bothering me to remain pent up until it was affecting my service to her, instead of going to her and talking about it right away. The punishment was a hairbrush spanking and kneeling time holding the brush. The punishment itself isn't what changes or alters my behaviour, it's the disappointment on her part that affects me. As I said, the physical punishment is really just a ritual. I usually can't take punishments very well even when normally I can take pain quite well. It changes drastically when disappointment is involved and is much harder to take.
Some standing rules I have are to address her properly (no Ma'am, yes Ma'am), my ass is to be lubed at all times when with her (I have a HARD time remembering this one), I am not allowed to touch myself or orgasm without direct permission. No one is allowed to bite me or fist me but her. My collar is not to be removed without her permission. I am not allowed to smoke. 2 drink limit. Cunt shaved clean at all times.
Just a few examples, there are more. Failure to abide by these things may result in punishment because she has taken the time to create these rules, there are reasons for them, and she expects them. I have been trained to obey them. Failure to do so is a sign of disrespect for her wishes and her care. Thus...punishment.
Ma'am sums this all up often into "Obedience, respect, gratitude". My "laws", so to speak.
I don't believe punishment is necessary to D/s relationships. I do believe punishment works well for us and is a valuable part of our D/s relationship.
Punishment
A lot of people think that punishment is a sign of a "bad" submissive or some such bullshit, so I rarely talk about my own punishments or discipline. I'll humor you though <g>
Punishment and discipline are a big part of my relationship and always have been. Her expectations have grown a lot since I have become her slave, so the instances of punishment are fewer and farer between since I pay much closer attention to what she expects now than I may have in the beginning, but I am also more likely to be punished for seemingly mild transgressions if they are things I have been trained to know better on or rules she knows I understand and know to follow.
Punishment is used in our relationship as a method of training and continued discipline, mostly, and also for a release. There are times when I allow feelings or issues to build up and affect my behaviour; those moments often result in a punishment because not only do I know better, but I have means available to me to avoid getting into that state. I'm human, though, and I make mistakes and lose sight of things sometimes. Punishment puts me back in my place and back in touch with my submission.
Just this morning I confessed to a few instances of failing to wear my seatbelt. I hate wearing the damn thing and if I had my way, never would, but she requires it because she expects her property to remain safe. The confession will likely earn a punishment because I do know better and don't have any good excuse for my failure. In order for us to deal with it and move on, a punishment is the best way. It's more a ritual than anything, a way for her to make her displeasure known and a way for me to atone for my behaviour. Without the punishment it feels like issues are just left hanging in the air and that doesn't work for us.
I'm punished for various things...failure to abide by her expectations, forgetting to address her properly (not every single time...she'll let it slide a few times expecting me to correct myself. It's only when I don't take that initiative to correct what should be an ingrained habit that I'll get punished for it.), doing something that she deems unsafe or damaging to her property (not taking care of myself correctly, making rash and unwise decisions). Things of that nature.
The last punishment I received was quite some time ago, and was for allowing something that was bothering me to remain pent up until it was affecting my service to her, instead of going to her and talking about it right away. The punishment was a hairbrush spanking and kneeling time holding the brush. The punishment itself isn't what changes or alters my behaviour, it's the disappointment on her part that affects me. As I said, the physical punishment is really just a ritual. I usually can't take punishments very well even when normally I can take pain quite well. It changes drastically when disappointment is involved and is much harder to take.
Some standing rules I have are to address her properly (no Ma'am, yes Ma'am), my ass is to be lubed at all times when with her (I have a HARD time remembering this one), I am not allowed to touch myself or orgasm without direct permission. No one is allowed to bite me or fist me but her. My collar is not to be removed without her permission. I am not allowed to smoke. 2 drink limit. Cunt shaved clean at all times.
Just a few examples, there are more. Failure to abide by these things may result in punishment because she has taken the time to create these rules, there are reasons for them, and she expects them. I have been trained to obey them. Failure to do so is a sign of disrespect for her wishes and her care. Thus...punishment.
Ma'am sums this all up often into "Obedience, respect, gratitude". My "laws", so to speak.
I don't believe punishment is necessary to D/s relationships. I do believe punishment works well for us and is a valuable part of our D/s relationship.
Punishment
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
March 29th - words of serijules
Not nosey at all, I wouldn't answer if I didn't welcome comments or questions.
With all my relationships it has pretty much been something my partners just knew about me and I about them. I'll use my current relationship for an example; we met through a spanking group in which we shared many mutual friendships with the people involved. Spanking as punishment was a common interest for everyone involved pretty much, and was something we all talked about and shared our needs/experiences with through the newsgroup and at parties. So it was just something that was a known shared interest for us.
Lets say that HADN'T been the case though...it is something I would for sure have talked about or shared my need for in advance. It IS a need for me...I would not be happy without that outlet and would have a tough time releasing guilt without the ritual of punishment. I would feel like every mistake I made was a much bigger failure or issue than it was. That's just how my personality works.
How I found out this works for me...pretty much the same way I found out I was kinky. I have ALWAYS had a fascination with authority figures and "punishment". I remember when I was younger and Top Gun came out, there are two scenes where Maverick and Goose are being 'lectured' or told off by authority figures. I would watch those scenes over and over.
So it started out once I discovered spanking and kink as a fetish, so to speak, something I got off on...but it was always roleplay, the disappointment wasn't real, so it was just a huge turn on. So I explored that by playing with people casually and roleplaying disciplinary scenes. That was alright, but it didn't really offer the permanent security that I craved in a relationship that involved discipline/punishment.
Once I was involved in a real relationship, I realized that my need for punishment was actually a security issue. Someone caring enough about me to punish and correct my behaviour is a big security for me. I feel safe under that kind of control. When I was a kid I got away with EVERYTHING because I was the "poor deaf girl". I needed the guidence and security of discipline then and didn't get it. I've never been one to act out for attention, ever, but I always secretely craved accountability. I would beat myself up mentally for every little mistake I made rather than learning to "learn from it" and move on. As an adult, I found that missing need was fullfilled by being involved in a D/s relationship where I was held responsible for my behaviour and actions.
Edited to add...I don't enjoy punishments in the relationship I am in now. I hate to disappoint and it's tough to know that I have, but it happens. I didn't want to give the impression I ENJOY it in the way I used to early on, as there is a big difference between roleplaying and reality. Now I get that same thrill I used to get from "punishment" roleplays through submission instead. I find it is much more satisfying and thrilling than roleplay ever was.
Punishment
Not nosey at all, I wouldn't answer if I didn't welcome comments or questions.
With all my relationships it has pretty much been something my partners just knew about me and I about them. I'll use my current relationship for an example; we met through a spanking group in which we shared many mutual friendships with the people involved. Spanking as punishment was a common interest for everyone involved pretty much, and was something we all talked about and shared our needs/experiences with through the newsgroup and at parties. So it was just something that was a known shared interest for us.
Lets say that HADN'T been the case though...it is something I would for sure have talked about or shared my need for in advance. It IS a need for me...I would not be happy without that outlet and would have a tough time releasing guilt without the ritual of punishment. I would feel like every mistake I made was a much bigger failure or issue than it was. That's just how my personality works.
How I found out this works for me...pretty much the same way I found out I was kinky. I have ALWAYS had a fascination with authority figures and "punishment". I remember when I was younger and Top Gun came out, there are two scenes where Maverick and Goose are being 'lectured' or told off by authority figures. I would watch those scenes over and over.
So it started out once I discovered spanking and kink as a fetish, so to speak, something I got off on...but it was always roleplay, the disappointment wasn't real, so it was just a huge turn on. So I explored that by playing with people casually and roleplaying disciplinary scenes. That was alright, but it didn't really offer the permanent security that I craved in a relationship that involved discipline/punishment.
Once I was involved in a real relationship, I realized that my need for punishment was actually a security issue. Someone caring enough about me to punish and correct my behaviour is a big security for me. I feel safe under that kind of control. When I was a kid I got away with EVERYTHING because I was the "poor deaf girl". I needed the guidence and security of discipline then and didn't get it. I've never been one to act out for attention, ever, but I always secretely craved accountability. I would beat myself up mentally for every little mistake I made rather than learning to "learn from it" and move on. As an adult, I found that missing need was fullfilled by being involved in a D/s relationship where I was held responsible for my behaviour and actions.
Edited to add...I don't enjoy punishments in the relationship I am in now. I hate to disappoint and it's tough to know that I have, but it happens. I didn't want to give the impression I ENJOY it in the way I used to early on, as there is a big difference between roleplaying and reality. Now I get that same thrill I used to get from "punishment" roleplays through submission instead. I find it is much more satisfying and thrilling than roleplay ever was.
Punishment
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
March 30th - words of catalina_francisco
Punishment in our relationship is not something which is taken lightly, therefore not something which happens frequently. Neither of us enjoy it, nor do we seek ways to make it happen. It has to be a fairly serious event to require punishment...lying would be one, though that fortunately has never been required, running away would be another, deliberate disobedience without cause (or what he considers cause), abuse of his property as in myself (that can range from deliberate to accidents which happen through carelessness), cheating (thankfully not an issue), to name just a few. Despite my being a masochist, physical pain is usually used. This is partly because I have huge issues with depression so using psychological means can have unwanted side effects for a long time, physical can also result in psychological because as many have said, there is no desire to displease so when it happens it can trigger depressive episodes.
The pain he inflicts often does not have to be as severe as we would do in a session and yet because of the circumstances heightening the senses, especially emotions, it is far from pleasureable and more painful than usual...if on the rare occasion that does not happen, he just ups the heat until it is definately past what I could dismiss lightly or enjoy. If he wants to give pain which is not punishment, but for his pleasure alone, or meant to include mine also, he does not have to dress it up in pretence of being punishment...there have been many occasions my body has been used to relieve stress and tension he is experiencing.
Catalina
Punishment
Punishment in our relationship is not something which is taken lightly, therefore not something which happens frequently. Neither of us enjoy it, nor do we seek ways to make it happen. It has to be a fairly serious event to require punishment...lying would be one, though that fortunately has never been required, running away would be another, deliberate disobedience without cause (or what he considers cause), abuse of his property as in myself (that can range from deliberate to accidents which happen through carelessness), cheating (thankfully not an issue), to name just a few. Despite my being a masochist, physical pain is usually used. This is partly because I have huge issues with depression so using psychological means can have unwanted side effects for a long time, physical can also result in psychological because as many have said, there is no desire to displease so when it happens it can trigger depressive episodes.
The pain he inflicts often does not have to be as severe as we would do in a session and yet because of the circumstances heightening the senses, especially emotions, it is far from pleasureable and more painful than usual...if on the rare occasion that does not happen, he just ups the heat until it is definately past what I could dismiss lightly or enjoy. If he wants to give pain which is not punishment, but for his pleasure alone, or meant to include mine also, he does not have to dress it up in pretence of being punishment...there have been many occasions my body has been used to relieve stress and tension he is experiencing.
Catalina
Punishment
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
March 31st - words of FurryFury
LMAO!!!
I have noticed that I rarely met anyone online with Angel as part of their on screen name that acted in a nice manner.
As for never promising what you can't deliver, one doesn't always know what brick walls are in their subconscious until they run smack into one.
IMO, Dominants should expect to run into the unexpected in a sub's psyche now and then. They should either help the sub past that unexpected challenge or shelf whatever it is depending on how important a certain activity is to them but it should surprise when such things come up. If they never come up, you either have a person who really knows themselves (which in my experience is so very rare as to by nearly mythical or the Dominant isn't really delving very deep.
Also, I believe that often conflicts of this kind come up from lack of full and comprehending communication between two people. That too isn't a fault situation but simply the way things sometimes are and something to be worked through if one cares enough to make things work.
Greatest Pleasure
LMAO!!!
I have noticed that I rarely met anyone online with Angel as part of their on screen name that acted in a nice manner.
As for never promising what you can't deliver, one doesn't always know what brick walls are in their subconscious until they run smack into one.
IMO, Dominants should expect to run into the unexpected in a sub's psyche now and then. They should either help the sub past that unexpected challenge or shelf whatever it is depending on how important a certain activity is to them but it should surprise when such things come up. If they never come up, you either have a person who really knows themselves (which in my experience is so very rare as to by nearly mythical or the Dominant isn't really delving very deep.
Also, I believe that often conflicts of this kind come up from lack of full and comprehending communication between two people. That too isn't a fault situation but simply the way things sometimes are and something to be worked through if one cares enough to make things work.
Greatest Pleasure
guyseeksdominatelady
Virgin
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love the idea...
i would love to have a Lady use a strapon-dildo on me, but finding a Lady that is into that can be hard.
guyseeksdominatelady
Virgin
Why does it say Virgin under my screenname??
i would love to have a Lady use a strapon-dildo on me, but finding a Lady that is into that can be hard.
guyseeksdominatelady
Virgin
Why does it say Virgin under my screenname??
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@}-}rebecca----
not enough discipline ...
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guyseeksdominatelady said:
Would you please consider removing your post from this Thread it has no place here. As soon as you have I will delete my own
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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April 1st - words of catalina_francisco
No, because apart from the consent issue, these stages of a domestic violence behaviour pattern usually take place over weeks or months, most usually weeks. The 3rd phase which is popularly referred to as the honeymoon phase is what causes confusion in most abused partners because it plays into their emotions and how they want to believe the partner is deep down, holding onto the dream and fantasy of love. It often encourages them to feel guilty for what has happened and for any complaints they may have because here he is being so nice to them, buying flowers, helping around the house, buying gifts for them being extra loving and thoughtful...in the mind it doesn't make sense and so often it is easier to believe this is the real person, not the abuser they have been living with.
Then it goes into making excuses for the abuser like he works too hard, he was abused as a child, he is mentally ill, he has an addiction, he feels jealous and/or insecure, she shouldn't have been late with his dinner, she should try harder to not upset him, and the list goes on. People often make the mistake of putting the abuser down to their partner which often makes it so much worse as then they feel it their duty to defend them, often lying and covering up the truth, feeling embarrassed for what others see, thus they are not then in a place where it is easy to help them or get them to help themselves.
Catalina
A case study in power, control, and abuse
Marquis said:
No, because apart from the consent issue, these stages of a domestic violence behaviour pattern usually take place over weeks or months, most usually weeks. The 3rd phase which is popularly referred to as the honeymoon phase is what causes confusion in most abused partners because it plays into their emotions and how they want to believe the partner is deep down, holding onto the dream and fantasy of love. It often encourages them to feel guilty for what has happened and for any complaints they may have because here he is being so nice to them, buying flowers, helping around the house, buying gifts for them being extra loving and thoughtful...in the mind it doesn't make sense and so often it is easier to believe this is the real person, not the abuser they have been living with.
Then it goes into making excuses for the abuser like he works too hard, he was abused as a child, he is mentally ill, he has an addiction, he feels jealous and/or insecure, she shouldn't have been late with his dinner, she should try harder to not upset him, and the list goes on. People often make the mistake of putting the abuser down to their partner which often makes it so much worse as then they feel it their duty to defend them, often lying and covering up the truth, feeling embarrassed for what others see, thus they are not then in a place where it is easy to help them or get them to help themselves.
Catalina
A case study in power, control, and abuse
chris9
enjoying life
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April 2nd - words of satindesire
Not everyone in the BDSM lifestyle rejects that image of 'normality'. I happen to be a church-going, heterosexual, monogamous, suburban person. I'm not married YET but we also practice safe, clean, non-violent sex sometimes. But I totally see what you meant by that and I agree with you!
See, personally, our sex and our lives aren't always about BDSM. Sometimes we go DAYS without having anything close to a 'scene'. Sometimes he springs it on me suddeny, sometimes he tells me he wants to far in advance. Having a BDSM lifestyle is just as much subject to Real Life as any WASP-y vanilla relationship. I'm a sub, have always considered myself a sub since I knew what sex was and have always felt very comfortable and 'at home' with my path, but that doesn't mean that we're always in leather and chains and I'm showering in my collar. To look at us, you might think "What a cute couple!" You wouldn't for a second think "What a BDSM couple!" Unless you were a VERY good people-watcher and could see the deference I always give him.
Being a fake sub I think begins with this ideal that you're always gonna have this 'Gor' like life, in veils and ankle cuffs, dancing for your master's pleasure and serving him warm drinks over a blazing fireplace. I'm not saying that kind of life doesn't exsist, but most BDSMers aren't multi-millionaires capable of living that kind of lifestyle 24/7. And when they find out about the fact that they're not going to live this constant dream-like fantasy, they get confused, frustrated, and start making demands that they should KNOW won't happen.
I'm a sub, and I defer to my Dom. But that doesn't mean I don't have expectations. I've been flamed for saying this before but I don't think it should be "ALL ABOUT THE DOM/ME"...because people are human beings, no matter WHAT kind of title they give themselves. If you need monogamy in a relationship and your Dom/me cheats on you, are you gonna sit back and be crushed and depressed about it? Will you work on the relationship? Or will you leave? Just because you're a sub DOESN'T make you an automatic doormat. If he HITS me in an angry way, like my last boyfriend did, I'm leaving his happy ass. I'm a sub. Not a punching bag. Now, spankings...? Canings? In a BDSM scene, totally cricket with me. But if I wake him up in the middle of the night because I had a nightmare and he belts me across the face, that's when I call foul play. So a Dom/me or a sub, or anyone for that matter, should have expectations in a relationship.
BUT...I think that fake subs are also subs that take it too far, and are so confused about what they want they think that being a doormat will satisfy them. Maybe they're a special kind of machochist and just love that kind of stuff but IMHO, probably not.
So, to me, that's what entails a fake sub. Someone who either expects too much, or expects too little, because of their own fantasies getting in the way of what Real Life BDSM really is.
What is a 'fake' submissive?
Not everyone in the BDSM lifestyle rejects that image of 'normality'. I happen to be a church-going, heterosexual, monogamous, suburban person. I'm not married YET but we also practice safe, clean, non-violent sex sometimes. But I totally see what you meant by that and I agree with you!
See, personally, our sex and our lives aren't always about BDSM. Sometimes we go DAYS without having anything close to a 'scene'. Sometimes he springs it on me suddeny, sometimes he tells me he wants to far in advance. Having a BDSM lifestyle is just as much subject to Real Life as any WASP-y vanilla relationship. I'm a sub, have always considered myself a sub since I knew what sex was and have always felt very comfortable and 'at home' with my path, but that doesn't mean that we're always in leather and chains and I'm showering in my collar. To look at us, you might think "What a cute couple!" You wouldn't for a second think "What a BDSM couple!" Unless you were a VERY good people-watcher and could see the deference I always give him.
Being a fake sub I think begins with this ideal that you're always gonna have this 'Gor' like life, in veils and ankle cuffs, dancing for your master's pleasure and serving him warm drinks over a blazing fireplace. I'm not saying that kind of life doesn't exsist, but most BDSMers aren't multi-millionaires capable of living that kind of lifestyle 24/7. And when they find out about the fact that they're not going to live this constant dream-like fantasy, they get confused, frustrated, and start making demands that they should KNOW won't happen.
I'm a sub, and I defer to my Dom. But that doesn't mean I don't have expectations. I've been flamed for saying this before but I don't think it should be "ALL ABOUT THE DOM/ME"...because people are human beings, no matter WHAT kind of title they give themselves. If you need monogamy in a relationship and your Dom/me cheats on you, are you gonna sit back and be crushed and depressed about it? Will you work on the relationship? Or will you leave? Just because you're a sub DOESN'T make you an automatic doormat. If he HITS me in an angry way, like my last boyfriend did, I'm leaving his happy ass. I'm a sub. Not a punching bag. Now, spankings...? Canings? In a BDSM scene, totally cricket with me. But if I wake him up in the middle of the night because I had a nightmare and he belts me across the face, that's when I call foul play. So a Dom/me or a sub, or anyone for that matter, should have expectations in a relationship.
BUT...I think that fake subs are also subs that take it too far, and are so confused about what they want they think that being a doormat will satisfy them. Maybe they're a special kind of machochist and just love that kind of stuff but IMHO, probably not.
So, to me, that's what entails a fake sub. Someone who either expects too much, or expects too little, because of their own fantasies getting in the way of what Real Life BDSM really is.
What is a 'fake' submissive?
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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- 27,579
April 3rd - words of Etoile
Okay, let me try to break it down based on what you've said. I think you're assuming too much infantilization here. I'm not sure where you got the idea about sitting in somebody's lap is part of Daddy/girl relationships, because I would say it really isn't. It might be part of D/g play, but that's just sceneing...sitting in the lap isn't something that really goes on automatically in all D/g relationships!
It also sounds like you're assuming that the girl is willful. I think that's more a bratty sub thing. I don't think the definition of "girl" includes willful. In fact, for many girls, it is about serving Daddy. D/g can very much be a service-oriented relationship.
How does general conversation work? Well heck, the way it works for any D/s couple. We talk, same as everybody else. For me personally, I usually defer to my Daddy's greater knowledge and experience - after all, e is 20 years older than me. But that doesn't mean I'm being infantilized in any way; we have normal conversations but I acknowledge that I don't know as much about some things.
It really does sound like you're thinking of bratty subs, not little girls. That's the only situation I know of where there is an ongoing battle of wills. I'm not offended by your rant, I think it's just born of a lack of understanding and perhaps assigning characteristics of one group (brats/SAMs) to another group (Daddy/girl relationships).
Daddy Doms and the girls who love them
Okay, let me try to break it down based on what you've said. I think you're assuming too much infantilization here. I'm not sure where you got the idea about sitting in somebody's lap is part of Daddy/girl relationships, because I would say it really isn't. It might be part of D/g play, but that's just sceneing...sitting in the lap isn't something that really goes on automatically in all D/g relationships!
It also sounds like you're assuming that the girl is willful. I think that's more a bratty sub thing. I don't think the definition of "girl" includes willful. In fact, for many girls, it is about serving Daddy. D/g can very much be a service-oriented relationship.
How does general conversation work? Well heck, the way it works for any D/s couple. We talk, same as everybody else. For me personally, I usually defer to my Daddy's greater knowledge and experience - after all, e is 20 years older than me. But that doesn't mean I'm being infantilized in any way; we have normal conversations but I acknowledge that I don't know as much about some things.
It really does sound like you're thinking of bratty subs, not little girls. That's the only situation I know of where there is an ongoing battle of wills. I'm not offended by your rant, I think it's just born of a lack of understanding and perhaps assigning characteristics of one group (brats/SAMs) to another group (Daddy/girl relationships).
Daddy Doms and the girls who love them
@}-}rebecca----
not enough discipline ...
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April 4th - Words of Shy Slave
Andante and I are in an LDR.
We see each other for a few days every month (depending on work commitments).
We talk every day by IM and telephone.
Our conversations are not specifically D/s in nature, that sort of flows through all our communications.
I don't do any of the things you mention in your first post.
He has in the past set tasks and he may well again in the future, but currently it is not a big part of what we do for each other.
We support each other, and I look to him for guidance but its usually on mundane issues.
I do write to him now and then, but that helps me sort out my thoughts and it gives him time to think through his response. This has only happened about 6 times, so its not journaling, nor has he asked me to do that.
I don't put a specific part of my day thinking about my submission to him. In truth if I tried my mind would wander. But a part of my mind is always thinking of him, if that makes sense.
There are many challenges in LDR, but equally there are challenges when living together.
Our challenges relate to being apart at difficult times and having to plan ahead to see each (We have booked flights from now until March 2007 to see each other).
As difficult as being apart is I want to enjoy the experience. The talking on the phone, the anticipation of seeing each other, the re-newing of physical nearness, is not something that can be done in the same way once we live together.
I don't want to rush through such bittersweet moments such as seeing him walk away to the plane and anticipating the next time together all in the same though process.
Kneeling on the floor in my room alone cannot replace those things or enhance those memories.
The beauty of D/s is every relationship is unique, I am sorry I can't add to your list of how to cope with specific 'Do this....tasks' but we don't rely on tasks to reflect on our relationship, we rely on daily communication.
LDR and D/s
Andante and I are in an LDR.
We see each other for a few days every month (depending on work commitments).
We talk every day by IM and telephone.
Our conversations are not specifically D/s in nature, that sort of flows through all our communications.
I don't do any of the things you mention in your first post.
He has in the past set tasks and he may well again in the future, but currently it is not a big part of what we do for each other.
We support each other, and I look to him for guidance but its usually on mundane issues.
I do write to him now and then, but that helps me sort out my thoughts and it gives him time to think through his response. This has only happened about 6 times, so its not journaling, nor has he asked me to do that.
I don't put a specific part of my day thinking about my submission to him. In truth if I tried my mind would wander. But a part of my mind is always thinking of him, if that makes sense.
There are many challenges in LDR, but equally there are challenges when living together.
Our challenges relate to being apart at difficult times and having to plan ahead to see each (We have booked flights from now until March 2007 to see each other).
As difficult as being apart is I want to enjoy the experience. The talking on the phone, the anticipation of seeing each other, the re-newing of physical nearness, is not something that can be done in the same way once we live together.
I don't want to rush through such bittersweet moments such as seeing him walk away to the plane and anticipating the next time together all in the same though process.
Kneeling on the floor in my room alone cannot replace those things or enhance those memories.
The beauty of D/s is every relationship is unique, I am sorry I can't add to your list of how to cope with specific 'Do this....tasks' but we don't rely on tasks to reflect on our relationship, we rely on daily communication.
LDR and D/s
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shy slave
Literotica Guru
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- Jan 2, 2004
- Posts
- 8,255
April 5th Words of Kajira Callista
sometimes sleeping alone makes you feel like you want to staya wake forever.
The Bitch Thread
sometimes sleeping alone makes you feel like you want to staya wake forever.
The Bitch Thread
chris9
enjoying life
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- Mar 14, 2005
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- 3,657
April 6th Words of Kajira Callista
I have to say this even though I know what is going to happen
I struggled with a bunch of things for a long time and a priest was the person I went to to sort it all out.
I have read many bible passages and wanted to use them to justify "me".
They said things that touched home and made me feel that I wasn't a freak after all because the bible says I am supposed to be this way.
What I learned...
Well I learned a lot of things but mostly I learned that I am me because I am me, not because the bible said so.
God doesn't see you as normal or abnormal and I am in fact not a freak.
Being submissive to men (or women) does not bring you closer to God.
My lifestyle might be frowned upon by the holy rollers but I am what I am because God made me this way.
No one has a right to frown on me because that in itself is a sin.
A confession of sin should not be an apology for who I am... it is not meant to be scary or make you feel bad, it is meant to show you it is OK to sin (whatever that may mean to you) and God always...always forgives.
So after all the background and rambling, back to the subject.
My religion (to me) is not about who I am or what I do or what the bible says or what others think... it is about my relationship with God, which is a private thing between Him and i...as it should be.
Normal?
I have to say this even though I know what is going to happen
I struggled with a bunch of things for a long time and a priest was the person I went to to sort it all out.
I have read many bible passages and wanted to use them to justify "me".
They said things that touched home and made me feel that I wasn't a freak after all because the bible says I am supposed to be this way.
What I learned...
Well I learned a lot of things but mostly I learned that I am me because I am me, not because the bible said so.
God doesn't see you as normal or abnormal and I am in fact not a freak.
Being submissive to men (or women) does not bring you closer to God.
My lifestyle might be frowned upon by the holy rollers but I am what I am because God made me this way.
No one has a right to frown on me because that in itself is a sin.
A confession of sin should not be an apology for who I am... it is not meant to be scary or make you feel bad, it is meant to show you it is OK to sin (whatever that may mean to you) and God always...always forgives.
So after all the background and rambling, back to the subject.
My religion (to me) is not about who I am or what I do or what the bible says or what others think... it is about my relationship with God, which is a private thing between Him and i...as it should be.
Normal?
Kajira Callista
Empty
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- Sep 10, 2003
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- 19,348
chris9
enjoying life
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- Mar 14, 2005
- Posts
- 3,657
April 7th, words of shy slave
I have read pyls say that alot on here and in r/l.
Being a pyl is hard work, it takes self control and assesrtiveness.
It is not a role for the faint hearted.
I am not saying this as a means of trying to give a 'Holier than thou' attitude or to be unkind.
I have been in a similiar situation to you.
I was with someone online for about 2 months. His emails were explicit and went far beyond anything I understood. But it was only email. Even so, had it gone to r/l I would have had problems. I too think we ended on ok terms but it was a mental warning to me to be clear about things.
I never learnt, and in r/l ended up in a situation that was beyond my mental capabilities with someone. I posted about it here eons ago (or so it seems) and some wonderful people put my head straight on the matter. Ironically the second person was as dull as ditch water when we met, and I got bored in a scene and went off to make a cup od tea (yes, really). His fantasies and 'Domliness' did not come across in r/l as they did in other ways.
That said, I have a different view now.
When I was looking for a partner I made it clear in my profile what I was like. When talking to Doms I kept my mind firmly on the concept that he may be a PYL but he is not my PYL.
(Although emailing and talking to Andante I discovered my own advice fell by the wayside again)
The hardest thing I found was understanding my own limits. How did I know that I did, or did not want something if I had never tried it, or never heard of it?
Limits I had when he and I met have vanished.
Things I had never considered we talk about.
But, I have learnt that being a pyl means being able to speak up and have your views heard.
I spoke to one PYL on the phone, by the end of 6-7 calls he was so fed up with me asking questions, giving my views etc that had we met he would have spent the next ten yrs punishing me for not being what he wanted.
Its not easy when your in a new situation to speak up, but for your mental well being you have to.
Submission isn't easy but with it can be an amazing experience.
My main advice is look after yourself when looking for the right person, there are alot of people out there who are right for someone else and not for you.
*pyl =pick your label, sub, slave, bottom etc
PYL=Pick Your Label, Dom, Domme, Top etc
New sub looking for advice...
ChaosMiko said:
I have read pyls say that alot on here and in r/l.
Being a pyl is hard work, it takes self control and assesrtiveness.
It is not a role for the faint hearted.
I am not saying this as a means of trying to give a 'Holier than thou' attitude or to be unkind.
I have been in a similiar situation to you.
I was with someone online for about 2 months. His emails were explicit and went far beyond anything I understood. But it was only email. Even so, had it gone to r/l I would have had problems. I too think we ended on ok terms but it was a mental warning to me to be clear about things.
I never learnt, and in r/l ended up in a situation that was beyond my mental capabilities with someone. I posted about it here eons ago (or so it seems) and some wonderful people put my head straight on the matter. Ironically the second person was as dull as ditch water when we met, and I got bored in a scene and went off to make a cup od tea (yes, really). His fantasies and 'Domliness' did not come across in r/l as they did in other ways.
That said, I have a different view now.
When I was looking for a partner I made it clear in my profile what I was like. When talking to Doms I kept my mind firmly on the concept that he may be a PYL but he is not my PYL.
(Although emailing and talking to Andante I discovered my own advice fell by the wayside again)
The hardest thing I found was understanding my own limits. How did I know that I did, or did not want something if I had never tried it, or never heard of it?
Limits I had when he and I met have vanished.
Things I had never considered we talk about.
But, I have learnt that being a pyl means being able to speak up and have your views heard.
I spoke to one PYL on the phone, by the end of 6-7 calls he was so fed up with me asking questions, giving my views etc that had we met he would have spent the next ten yrs punishing me for not being what he wanted.
Its not easy when your in a new situation to speak up, but for your mental well being you have to.
Submission isn't easy but with it can be an amazing experience.
My main advice is look after yourself when looking for the right person, there are alot of people out there who are right for someone else and not for you.
*pyl =pick your label, sub, slave, bottom etc
PYL=Pick Your Label, Dom, Domme, Top etc
New sub looking for advice...
