Submissive 'Thought for the Day' Calendar 2007

[catalina_francisco]

August 7th - words of Chicklet

"exactly what i was thinking.

whether he's taking his anger out on you or not, whether that's a problem or not, it's all about your comfort level. if you don't like *being* the outlet for his anger, then you shouldn't have to be."

In Anger?

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 8th - words of GentleSub_Ivy

"Part of the problem is that he wants me to make the decision in our relationship. He has always been like this. He brought that particular baggage from his first marriage and I have definitely brought my own baggage. Now we are finally really starting to ask each other for what we want. We have been together 5 years too (married for 2). That seems a bit sad but I guess better late than never.

So I do wonder if I really want to serve someone who needs me to be the decision maker. It just feels backwards. I'm hoping that it just will take time for him to trust I am not his ex especially now that we are communicating a little better."

You Don't Need A Dom, You Need A Holiday

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 9th - words of mslv4Her

"The Mistress can have me tie my cock and balls and stroke myself to ensure a good hardon that the bindings maintain very well. Direction by phone is a good method for this. She can direct me in usinga a ruler for a great spanking tool. It can be held in one hand and pulled back with a finger tip until it slips away unpredicitably and smacks against my cock or balls.

There's also the aspect of sending a text message with instructions such as, go tie your cock and balls, squeeze your balls hard x times, go put ben gay on your cock and balls, etc.

Combining these activities with a bit of tease and denial play is also very exciting."

Male Genital Torture

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 10th - sirsprincess

"not until recently has my online Dom actually punished me. Usually he withholds rewards, such as waiting even longer for permission to cum. But lately he has had me spank my pussy while on the phone with him, I asked why punishments now, thought he wasn't into that. He said that he's not getting through to me and this seems to work. It does, I was nagging when he had me do that last time and I haven't nagged since.

I had a mentor/disciplinarian at one time before my Dom and he would have me do cornertime, put my plug in for a period of time and early bedtime, no TV, no reading. yuck. then when we did meet for a session, he beat my bottom back and blue for all the previous transgressions.

My Dom now has trained me to stretch as far as I can to please him and so when he is disappointed in me, that is the by far the biggest punishment, I crave his approval."

Punishments

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 11th - words of minx1

"The more I've read this the thread the more I've realised that for me a Dom with a propensity to fighting would be a complete deal breaker for me. (I don't mean an out of character/one off thing....although I wouldn't like that either if I'm truthful). I'm gonna go add it to the 'dealbreaker' thread lol

I know its each to their own and that for some seeing their Dom in action like that is attractive, but to me its a complete no no and a turnoff, not just sexually, but in general. I don't like violence anyway and I would find it difficult to submit to a man who lacks the self control and the ability to diffuse or deal with a situation in another manner."

Dom In A Fight : What's a Sub Gonna Do?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

August 11th - words of serijules

Dawnie is poly and has various other subs, play partners, whathaveyou. I am the only one she owns, her only slave.

What I offer her that the others don't or can't is purely a sense of unlimitedness, so to speak. She doesn't have to worry about my limits, my wants, my desires....unless she wants to worry about them. It's the nature of what I offer her, what I WANT to offer her. Not to say she doesn't care about me, she does very much...but she doesn't care if I'm not liking something she's doing or whether an order upsets me or if I'm too tired to "play".

With others, she doesn't have that control, at least not in the capacity she does with me. It provides a different kind of dynamic and thrill and enjoyment because it really IS all about her and what she wants, playing out her edgiest fantasies, and knowing I will take it gladly because my desire is pleasing her. What I offer her isn't better than what others offer, but it is very different and rather unique.

It's like having your cake and eating it too.

Ownership

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 12th - words of lil slave rose

"my collar chokes me so i cannot wear it. the answer to your question is yes, it makes me upset that i cannot wear it, i don't think i can honestly say that it's made me physically ill or anything. but it defiantly upsets me when i go to grab a hold of it, and it's not there. Daddy bought me another one while He was here last time, but it broke before He left so i can't even wear it now . it's been months since i've worn my collar and i miss it. but i know He'll get me another one, one that i won't ever have to take off so i'm ok with it."

Effects Of Collars on subs/slaves

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 13th - words of TreeTeal

"There is no way I would submit to just anybody. Neither should you. Being a submissive doesn't mean you throw your brain out the nearest window."

Submission - Love Involved

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 14th - words of shy slave

"I agree with this completely.

Have been in two LDR's and never got into the concept of punishing myself.

In the last relationship I was punished twice in 2.5 years.
To me, punishment is serious, not a minor transgression issue that I could do to myself. It can also be a harsh mentally as physically.

Despite the fact we lived in different countries he never resorted to online orders, as the never worked for us.

I am at the brink of tentatively looking at new relationship, again LDR but at least in the same country. If he suggests online D/s I will know how further along this line of tentative I need to walk.

So far, my back and ass attest to the fact he prefers real life."

Punishments For Subs/Slaves While Master/Dom Not There

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 15th - words of A Desert Rose

"I can't go back. I don't know anyone who can, but then I don't know that many. Like you, I'm sure there are some who have.

Speaking strictly for myself so as not to piss anyone off: I'm selfish and my satisfaction matters to me. Being submissive is who I am. Denying that would not only be lying to myself and faking life but refusing myself the satisfaction that goes with accepting who I am. I'd be incomplete and therefore, of no use to anyone (especially myself)."

Do You Know Any Recovering ex-BDSMers?

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 16th - words of Blushing Bottom

"I so can't believe that you posted this. Just today my first Dom ever contacted me knowing I have parted ways with my BF/Dom and requested a scene.

I informed him that although I found his scenes imaginative and highly erotic his lack of aftercare has left me feeling empty. The exact opposite of how I should be feeling. He told me he does this because he knew from day one I would develop a crush on him and being unable to develop any relationship beyond that of a scene he thought he was protecting me.

We, he and I, haven't engaged in a year and a half for that very reason, his apparent indifference to my need for aftercare but I still had respect for him in many other areas but just today when he criticized me for allowing myself to feel a connection to him just because we had scened a few times, I lost it and told him off, nicely of course but asked him to never contact me again."

Bring Me Back

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 17th - words of BiBunny

"I'm not sure if I've really been involved long enough to accurately answer this question, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot myself. When I first started, both as bottom and Top, I felt like I was chasing something, that I had to play harder and harder to get to wherever it was I thought I was going. Every time I played, I had to play harder than I'd played before, or else I felt like I was failing in some way. It was addicting for awhile, but now it sort of seems childish. More and bigger ain't always better, I guess.

Lately, I've sort of come full-circle. Shortly after B. and I got together, he was debating about what he should call me. He said something like, "You're not really a slave, are you? You're more like a pet." Being the "I-wanna-be-hardcore-and-I-want-it-yesterday" kind of chick I was, I was not happy with his assessment of my subbieness. I insisted on labeling myself his slave, and I told him I wanted him to refer to me as such, too. In the past few months, I've pretty much realized that I'm not "real" slave material and that his initial appraisal of my subbieness was basically correct. I don't have a problem with identifying as his pet anymore. *Shrug*

On the other hand, I used to want a 24/7 slave of my own, too. Now I pretty much want a sub like me--a part-time pet/full-time friend and lover. Am I softening in my old age? Yeah, probably, but that doesn't mean I can't throw down some hardcore sadism when the mood strikes. I don't think the two are necessarily exclusive of one another."

Is That All There Is...?

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 18th - words of subtleone

"Ahem, may i respectfully sugest that you buy ginger instead.
I keep mine in the freezer
1. it means you always have some to hand
2. the cooling effect prior to the heat is pretty nice

I do leave it to defrost slightly before we play - dont want any Ice burns"

Figging

 

[intothewoods]

August 19 - words of catalina francisco

Bondage does not do it so much for me, but the knowledge I am totally reliant on him in all ways can. Though he entrusts me to take care of our finances, I am very aware I do not have any financial independence anymore, nor do I have the freedom to make any decisions based on what I want or want to do unless he is willing to indulge those desires. In that way I realise I am helpless in the sense I cannot just up and walk out the door at any given moment, cannot buy a ticket home, cannot even buy my own food. Being tied in bondage is more a physical thing, something tangible which may or may not work depending on the mindset and moment. I guess for me also it is only a temporary state whereas lack of money and freedom are constant.

Feeling Helpless

 

[FurryFury]

Do I get a cookie now?

Yes! You do!

 

[graceanne]

Yes! You do!

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 20th - words of Bandit58

"I "fell into" the lifestyle when I met Master Gil. I'd never read a book about it or gone to a munch or play party (bit difficult when you live in the boonies ). I didn't even know what "Master/sub" play was until He brought the subject up, although I have always had a submissive nature and had fantasised about being tied up and teased for years.

He recommended a couple of websites (Castlerealm was one) and a Yahoo group He belonged to. From there I started doing my own research/reading and brought my questions to Him when we chatted online.

Now I am 24/7 sub to Him and we've been together for over 3 1/2 years now, and married for 8 months I guess I got lucky in that I didn't have to go through the endless searching for a Dom.....it's true that you find what you want when you stop looking, at the time I'd had my heart broken and sworn off men! "

Question From A Complete Newbie...

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 21st - words of Yasashii_Kaze

"My ex used to do this to me on a regular basis. Early in the relationship I had been woken up by him and commented on how nice it was to be woken that way. He was blown away. Turned out it was a major fantasy of his, and he'd never met a girl who liked it.

From that point on, almost every night that we slept together he'd do that. I never slept through the entire act, but he'd usually be well inside me before I stirred. The only problem we ever had was one night he started feeling me up while I was having a dream that some guy was trying to rape me and I flung out my arm and clocked my ex in the face.

After I realized who it was I stopped defending myself and things progressed. I agree that it was consensual because I had given my express consent beforehand. Of course, when he tried the same thing after we had broken up there were a few issues that had to be dealt with. This time the face clocking wasn't so accidental."

Is Having Sex With Someone While They Sleep The Same As Rape?

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 22nd - words of NALA CAYENNE

"I'm with you, sirsprincess. Had to wear nipple clamps twice- once to show me how they felt and once as punishment a few days ago. They hurt like hell! I would do anything not to have to wear them again.

I love having my nipples pinched and bitten but no way to nipple clamps!"

Do Nipple Clamps Turn You On?

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 23rd - words of the captains wench

I know exactly why I can't just feel what I need to feel, why I need to be pushed. Because that's how I was taught to be as a child, and even as a young adult.

We were always taught to "suck it up" or "just let it go" we never delt with anything. So if I was upset, I took a deep breath and "let it go". I never could understand, at least not until later in life, why these things would come back and hurt me later. "That happened two weeks ago, why am I upset about it now".

As a teenager, I remember my mom looking at me and telling me "if you can't be happy at least pretend to be for me". And so that began the constant smile faze that I've just started working out of the past two years. She didn't mean it the way she said it, she was talking about one of those "fake it till you make it" deals, but I took it so much further than what she intended. There was a lot going on at that time, my step father was getting sicker every day (prostate cancer) and he refused to be hospitalized, throw two teenagers on top of that and poor mom had a lot to deal with too.

When it came to his final days, I had to step up and be an adult. I surpressed everything I felt because mom was not capible of making decitions. Not to mention his side of the family was being very disrespectful and I was the one that had to explain to them that he didn't want them there in the first place. I made sure mom ate, and slept, and so many other things an 18 year old just shouldn't have to go thru. And the whole time I was "strong". I repressed everything until he took his last breath. Then I crashed and for 2 weeks I was not functional.

I know this wasn't a healthy way to deal with things, but it was how I was trained to do, and if I had handled it any other way, his family would have stolen half our stuff because "it means so much more to me than you".

I am better at undertanding and letting my emotions out more, but there are just some times that I need a push. And I feel it's better to have that push when I need it, than to let it keep being bottled up until I rip the head off of a customer."

What's The Difference?

 

[snowy ciara]

August 24th

I give you the words of Chicklet!

Originally Posted by Penalt
Chicklet, would you perhaps think then that certain people have built-in or genetic tendancies to aspects of BDSM?

No.

If you want to pull it from that line, I don't think it's genetic, but it could possibly be something built in by how you're raised. My roommate and I were discussing this last night, because I, for instance, was only spanked ONCE as a child. And I don't think that I would or could possibly like it in adult life if it'd ever happened in childhood. My roommate, on the other hand, was spanked OFTEN, and thinks that she associates her spankings in adult life as proof of love, like her parents gave her.

An example of what I'm talking about could be, I have been medicated for depression in the past. My mother also has depression. It can be caused by a shortage of enzymes in your brain or whatnot, and I thought for a long time that this was proof that it was a genetic disorder. HOWEVER, now I think that I had depression because my mother raised me to look at everything negatively. Negative thinking is something you learn from your parents, and it's very hard to break.

So, I used to think the depression I had was genetic, and now I think it was a learned behavior.

I don't think it's genetically built in to any of us to be any more submissive than any other animal might be.

The thread in question is Natural Slave?. Please go there for more really good discussion.

 

[myinnerslut]

August 25th

in the words of madetotakeit

Exposing the throat does go to the primal part of us. It is our most vulnerable area. In that short span of flesh the two systems we need to survive are just below the surface. The air exchange can be restricted just as the blood flow. Pulling the head back to expose the neck goes to the physical acknowledgment of being in control. It is inherently aggressive and can definitely trigger the fight or flight adrenaline rush in me. However if I present my neck or even allow any control over it (not in a breath control way-not my play scene) that is an acknowledgment either intentionally or not that at that moment I am helpless.


Feeling Helpless
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=561979

 

[snowy ciara]

August 26: in the words of Kat42

From the thread, Do Doms like subs to rebel?

Well, I am probably a sub, and I am usually in trouble for being a rebel of some sort. Perhaps it is just that all of us, even subs, have a limit, even unconscious. My relationship with Goddess seems to reside at this line, where I am going to rebel any second, and where surrender is a task I must accomplish.

I have noticed that, for instance, beatings have three phases, the first is the blissful warmth of filling my desire to feel the lash. Then the struggle and revolt of the growing pain and warmth turned to incredible heat, then, finally, the collapse into surrender when I finally realize I can do nothing but accept it.

Goddess seeks out this experience in everything. Giving me what fills my needs to serve is easy to do, but asking me to serve in some way I don't *appreciate* is where She finds true surrender, constant and on going.

Note: the OP's name is Kat42, but I can't edit the post title. Sorry about that!

 

[snowy ciara]

August 27

I give you the words of SteamyChik, from the Monster Thread, aka "BDSM: !Questions and Answers! (Yes, I'm attempting to read the whole entire monster thread! This is on page 8.)

Cymbidia said about Gor: However, and i don't say this lightly, i respect SteamyChik as someone who doesn't seem to be some simpering little pretender subbie and so, for her sake, i'm giving this whole subject another (and open-minded) look.

R - E - S - P - E - C - T I got some! Yea!

I think it is easier to look at the similarities of Gor and BDSM than the differences, because really, there aren’t that many differences.

First though, a disclaimer – IRC Gor is not the same as real life Gor. Because IRC is cyber-based, necessarily the ability to write descriptively and entertainingly is a must for any would be Gorean IRC slave. For anyone interested or involved in real life submission, IRC Gor is beyond silly. I have done my share of taking 30 minutes to serve a glass of paga (beer) while laughing my head off. IRC Gor is not the best place to obtain a realistic view of Gor. End disclaimer.

In Gor and BDSM, both incorporate communication, trust, negotiation, and commitment. Just like in BDSM, Gorean lifestylers communicate. That ongoing communication begins to establish the trust that is necessary to take it further. Just like in BDSM, Gorean’s both Masters and slaves, must establish trust. Just like in BDSM, Gorean slave girls would never submit to just any so-called Master without that initial foundation of communication and trust being established. And just like in BDSM, there are girls that will throw themselves at anyone’s feet just to get what they want and need, usually to their own (and the poor dom/master/top’s) regret. However, once that trust is established, just like in BDSM relationships, a song-and-dance of negotiation takes place. Now here is where things might differ. Negotiation means different things to different people. Some people negotiate a written contract. Verbal negotiations work for some. With a few, the trust is so ingrained by the time the negotiation should take place, there are no verbal negotiations – but, they know each other so well, there is a trust that neither would knowingly or purposefully hurt the other. In my instance, I am married to my Master and have been for 21 years. The concept of him using his dominance over me to hurt me, just because we are Gorean, is as inconceivable to me as Creidhne hurting you would be to you. Moving along, just like in BDSM, there is a commitment between the dom/Master and sub/slave. And just like in BDSM, that commitment is there until either party decides to end it. Because for all its reputation, Gorean lifestylers are very aware that real slavery, the kind where one person completely controls everything about another person, including life, is not feasible or even wanted in today’s world. Just like in BDSM, we consider that type of control abuse and against the law. Communication, trust, negotiation, and commitment are major similarities between BDSM and Gorean.

There are some differences between Gor and BDSM, although if looked at it closely – not really. A few of the differences are the controversy over safe words, the “but-will-you-kill-steal-etc-if-your-Gorean-Master-tells-you-too” question, the “but-we-live-in-the-U.S.-not-some-fictitious-planet-created-by-a-nut” accusation, total power exchange is it real or memorex, and the favorite – “if-you-are-a-Gorean-slave-then-suck-my-dick” attempt. Can't forget the difference between "play" and "punishment".

First, the safe word thing. Gorean’s are very fond of saying we do not use safe words. The slave is totally at the mercy of her Master. In my experience, I have never been around a Gorean slave girl that was not able to beg, plead, or scream her way out of any type of activity if she was really upset. Just like in BDSM, a Master (like a dom) would not purposely break his toy. He is concerned and loving and willing to stop any activity that seems to be upsetting his girl. Just like in BDSM, there are Master’s that will abuse their sub, but then, just like in BDSM, we see that as abuse and illegal as much as the next person. So, Gorean slave girls may not have a safe-word per se, but believe me – they do have a safe-look, safe-moan, or safe-expression that works just the same. It’s a semantics thing.

The “but-will-you-kill-steal-gossip-etc-if-your-Gorean-Master-tells-you-too” question is really not valid either. cymbidia, you just recently went through this same type of accusation because of your lifestyle. The same answers of why this is not so works for Gor also. First off, Gorean Master’s would never require anything illegal of their slaves. This would break the trust and therefore the bond, and therefore the relationship. Gorean slave girls may appear to put up with a lot, but in the end, they have the final say as to when it ends. And just like in BDSM, if a woman doesn’t know when something has gone from consensual to abuse, she needs help.

The “but-we-live-in-the-U.S.-not-some-fictitious-planet-created-by-a-nut” accusation is amusing as well. Gorean lifestylers incorporate what works for them out of the Gorean books. The Gorean books are really good at showing a loving Man/woman domination – yes, most of the time the Master was quite in love with his slave. And they treated them with loving sternness, patience and appropriate punishment when necessary – just like the dom/sub power exchange in BDSM. Just like in BDSM though, they throw out the ridiculous and keep the stuff that works for them, turns them on and fulfills their fantasies, all within the bounds of normal laws.

Total power exchange, living the life 24/7, has long been a controversy. I’m not sure I can answer it! However, I know that in a married Gorean relationship, there are times that he does the dishes and the laundry, and I handle the finances. There are many times that the weekends are the only chance we get to immerse ourselves in the Gorean lifestyle. The rest of the time it’s a tickle at the edge of our conscience, an anticipation of the night and closed bedroom doors, a knowing smile at an office party, a subtle expression that elicits an equally subtle reaction when among “vanilla” people. Just like BDSMr’s that live 24/7, it doesn’t mean that every move and breath is commanded as much as it is a mindset, the awareness that the domination is always there, even if hidden out of necessity.

My favorite is “if-you-are-a-Gorean-slave-then-suck-my-dick”. As a Gorean slave, I give my trust to my Master. He is the only one I am responsible for pleasing. He is the only one I need to obey. He would never put me at risk for disease and would never share me sexually with another. This is evident in the Gor books also; the Master’s rarely shared their slaves sexually with other men. Along those same lines, unless my Master commands me too, I do not even have to acknowledge other Masters/doms in any other way than basic politeness. If anything, Gorean Master’s would never ask a slave to do anything unless it was his own slave, or he had permission from the slave’s Master. This is much stricter in real life Gorean than anything I have seen in the BDSM real life world.

My Master wanted me to insert here that there is a big difference in the way punishment is used between Gor and BDSM. Gorean’s use punishment as a deterrent to disobedience. It is not fun, it is not “playing or scening” or a way to get into headspace – it is mentally and physically painful. For Goreans, the mental D/s aspect takes precedence over the S/m aspects of BDSM. It is not possible to be a SAM (smart-ass-masochist) Gorean slave. Gorean slaves try to be pleasing because that is what they enjoy. If they didn’t enjoy it, they would not try to be Gorean slaves. Master says that doesn’t mean that slaves don’t have their rebellious moments, (now why did he say that? ) just that the majority of the time, a slave enjoys her slavery. Along the same lines, this doesn’t mean that Gorean Master’s won’t “play” with their slaves. A Gorean Master enjoys making his slave dance for him under the whip, enjoys watching her body respond to the pleasure of the pain. It is often used as a reward for being found very pleasing. Many Gorean Master's and slave girls would leave the Gorean lifestyle if the infliction of pain (which is a large part of BDSM) was the main part of the Gorean lifestyle also.

So to sum up this really lengthy Gorean explanation, there is not that many differences between the Gorean lifestyle and the BDSM lifestyle except the way we describe things and the jargon. Gor is yet another way to practice BDSM with the emphasis on the D/s. If there is a difference that anyone thinks is glaring between BDSM and Gor, please ask and I'll see if I can address it - or undress it

Steamy

 

[Etoile]

That was a good one, snowy! Thanks for sharing.