Submissive 'Thought for the Day' Calendar 2007

[snowy ciara]

Very welcome Etoile! I'm really enjoying delving back into the past. As always, I wish most of these people were still around to share their insights.

 

[Etoile]

August 28th - from Incompleteidea

I had an online Sir (I don’t suggest them) have me do this on a daily basis. Every day of the week was a different submissive pose that I would hold for 15 minutes while thinking of him. Half of the time I would imagine his eyes on me. The other half of the time I would try to think of things I could do to better please him. I was never allowed to touch his cunt before during or after this ritual until strictly told to. Every morning I was left wet and wanting just as he hoped.

Laying naked for a man that isn’t present… Doing your utmost to please and better yourself for them even when they’re not watching. It can become almost tan-trick. It can also leave you feeling very open and vulnerable.

I suggest it to any couple interested in the deeper levels of this life style…

('Meditation of a sub')

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 29th - words of Kajira Callista

"if it is scary then don't do it. *shrug*"

Question on Odd "Sub Space" Experience

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 30th - words of jadefirefly

"I don't think I'd say I actually have a needle phobia. I'm afraid of them, but not to the point that I feel dizzy, or have ever truly panicked or passed out because of them.

I do truly hate them with a passion. I used to tolerate them for platelet donations, I considered my doing it despite my hatred of them just part of the giving of oneself sort of thing. Lucky for me, tattoos seem to sit outside that sphere of needles so I don't have a problem with them.

I scrunched my eyes shut and damn near broke my friends finger when I got my belly button pierced, though. And then had to admit when it was done it didn't hurt as much as I expected. I absolutely couldn't watch it, though.

My mother does daily injections to help control her diabetes. The idea of having to poke *myself* with a needle? THAT is terrifying."

Needle Phobia

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 31st - words of EmpressFi

"my husband and I are polyamorous, not swingers. For us it means we can be and are attracted to other people, even love them, but it doesnt diminish the love we have for each other and that our relationship comes first. I both love and am in love with Master and my husband loves both of his partners. Both the husband and I have jealousy issues. not with each other, but with our partners, but.. it is something we're working through. We know that our choice is not one for every couple, but it works for us."

Swinging In BDSM?

 

[catalina_francisco]

September 1st - words of alexanna

"I would agree with cutie. I'm not very experienced myself but I have lurked around online BDSM for a long time and met a lot of "Doms" that supposedly knew all the rules and definitions and to date the man who has most captured me knows nothing at all about BDSM, he's just dominant. We role play and it gets very intense, sometimes I want him so badly it physically hurts because despite the fact that things can get pretty rough and he makes what an experienced BDSM Dom would probably consider mistakes he just instinctively knows a few things I haven't found in anyone else. What started out as a little geeky fun turned into something bigger and I have contemplated meeting him in RL despite the frustration I often feel in regards to his lack of knowledge and disinterest in looking into the scene in any kind of formal way.

On the other hand I have advertised here looking for a "real Dom" to dominate me online thinking someone more experienced would be better and have had some pretty mixed results. The one Dom I tried things with most seriously had had a slave in RL and I did what was for me a very intense scene with him via webcam however a few days later at the first sign of difficulty he split despite my telling him repeatedly of my intense fear of abandonment and his constant reassurances he wouldn't leave.

For now I am somewhat undecided as to what course to follow. Inexperience and lack of information in a Dom can be insanely frustrating but some of the people I have met from my ad seem to over analyze things to such a degree that there just isn't much spontaneity left in it, very little fun, and no room for either party to make mistakes.

I think maybe it can be a very fulfilling adventure to discover this world with someone rather than being led through it by someone who already knows "everything."

I would say though this woman's expectations are key. I knew going into my little fling that the guy was young and had no clue about BDSM so my expectations were very different from the expectations I have had about meeting someone here which is probably why I am finding it much more difficult this time around. I ended up being pleasantly surprised by what someone who supposedly knew nothing could make me feel while I find it hard to give the folks I have met from my ad the same chance I gave him.

The part about being a natural dominant though I think is a no brainer. If you aren't a dominant person, you're probably not going to be able to pull it off no matter how much information you have."

How To Dominate A Submissive Female

 

[catalina_francisco]

September 2nd - words of missy_me

"To me submission was at first sexual, but at a point I noticed that I need more than that. My need of submission started to be more than just physical and it totally freaked me out. It took me over 2 years to really accept the fact that it's not just some phase that's gonna fade away. But it was good that it was such a slow process - it gave me time to get information, read and talk with people.

Then I met him - and I got cold feet. He had seen something in me and he was willing to take things very slowly, and that's what really saved me. I felt the need to submit totally, but I was still afraid of my own feelings. He gave me a real D/s for dummies online course and asked tons of questions. And by the time we met IRL for the first time I had overcome most of my fears. We are still taking things slowly, but our ultimate goal is TPE. He makes most of the decisions already, and every time I see that he makes decisions that are good for the both of us (one way or another), I want to give him more and more control over my everyday life as well."

How Do You Overcome The 'Fear"?

 

[snowy ciara]

September 3rd

In the words of the ever so lovely ADR:

I have a very healthy ego as does any submissive who knows her self worth. The question is whether she can put her ego aside in the presence and under the instruction and guidance of her Dom. (There are titles for 'submissives' who can't do that and which I won't mention, as everyone knows what they are.)

Any Dom who wants an ego-less submissive, is not a Dom I would be interested in having a relationship with. A submissive believes in her own value and selfworth and is able to convey that to everyone around her. I also happen to think it makes her much sexier and much more attractive. ;-) In turn, she attracts Dominants who feel the same way about themselves... or so it has been in my experience, at least.

From SD's "Food for thought" thread.

 

[snowy ciara]

September 4

Also from SD's "Food for Thought" thread, I give you some brainy goodness from KC:

without honesty...there is nothing.
(KC's thought of the week)

 

[missy_me]

Oh wow... I've been quoted. I'm honored.

 

[FurryFury]

September 5, the words of Chelseachained:

I find it absolutely fascinating to hear of the journey of discovery by others.
Some of us have always known what we are, some are led to the truth, and for some it is an aquired taste (in an effort to please another but perhaps not heartfelt) There are so many layers of submission, though for me sexual submission is not the main attraction. (not complaining however smiles)
The mental exchange for me is such a heady and all consuming bond.
In the beginning I was in a vanilla relationship and when he led me down this path I knew a completeness that had previously eluded me. That was a very long term real life relationship (17 years)

I was on hiatus after that. Regrouping so to speak and ventured into the online world. My online relationship was very suprizingly intense. We went from keyboard, to telephone, and after about 6 months met for real. On that first meeting which was to be a brief weekend, we were both a bit apprehensive at first but quickly discovered a familiarity. I was so accustomed to hearing his voice in my ear that(this will sound funny) all i had to do was close my eyes and hear his words to find my comfort level. That weekend turned into a week laughing.

Thought i was going to need a crowbar to get him out of my house. It is now 2 and 1/2 years that we are together. real on the weekends. "electronically"
during the week. So it shall have to remain for awhile longer. but i found both of these examples an easy transition. I will caution you to be very very careful. There are truly alot of nuts out there. Good luck to you.

http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=16457836

From the thread:

What makes you submissive?

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=413768

 

[FurryFury]

September 6, the words of Serijules:

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that what makes me truly submissive is one thing and one thing only: someone to submit to.

That isn't as simple as it sounds. I identify as Dawnie's slave, but for this conversation I'm going to use submissive as it works better for my point.

It always kind of makes me cringe when people ask my BDSM orientation and I say I am a submissive. Am I really? In the context of what I am in their eyes, what I am as a stand-alone example (as they are asking just about me, not my relationship) am I really a submissive? If I were to meet my shameless lit crush in person...would I be meeting her as a submissive meeting a Dominant? No...I'd be meeting her as Seri, the person from lit. Even if she were to tie me up and do all sorts of things to me, I wouldn't be submitting...I would be bottoming. For me, an appropriate relationship has to exist in order for the submission to be there, and that relationship just wouldn't exist between two friends from lit.

So what makes me submissive? Another person to submit to, another Dominant person whom when things are happening to me, when I am following orders, when I am being fucked or beat...her pleasure is foremost on my mind and I am giving every ounce of submission I have to please her and entertain her, regardless of how I really feel about it. The focus, in other words, is not myself.

That's submission to me. And submission doesn't come with an "a" in front of it. I am Dawnie's submissive. Without Dawnie in my life, while I may still have submissive tendacies and desires, I just do not identify as "a" submissive. There is such a huge factor missing without the involvment of someone else to whom that submission is directed and for me, that kind of submission just doesn't happen between play partners.

So based on that theory, how do you know if you are one or not? Until you find someone that brings out that ability and desire to submit and shift your focus from your own desires and wants to theirs, I would have to say that in my opinion, one is not a submissive, one has submissive desires and needs.

Strange way to look at it, I know...but that's always how it's been for me. If the focus of the interaction and desires are pointing to yourself (and there is nothing wrong with that whatsoever), I define that as bottoming.

My motto has always been "I bottom to many, I submit to one"

So who or what am I? To all of you here, I am Seri and I am a bottom with submissive desires and needs, or I am Dawnie's submissive/slave. To Dawnie, I am Seri, and I am her property.

Pat, I'd like to NOT buy a vowel, please.

http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=16461858

From the thread:

What makes you submissive?

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=413768

 

[FurryFury]

September 7, the words of TBS:

Well Friday night, a friend of mine that I've known for about 13 years came to see me...I actually enjoyed being told what to do...I never knew it would be so fun...having to beg for something...now I've never done that with anyone else, in fact I hate it when they tell me what to do...but with him, I found it exciting...so I agree with everyone who says that it's about the bond you have with the person...being submissive is giving up control...and trusting the other person, at least for me it is...

http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=16463023

From the thread:

What makes you submissive?

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=413768

 

[FurryFury]

September 8, the words of Rbijon:

Intresting thread CTGal
I also am a sub who has several areas of responsiblity that I must be a Superman just to surivive. I am going to school and must maintain my grades to keep my scholarships or pay way too much for school, I also run a small business and must make pay roll, and keep things buzzing.

In the bedroom I am a submissive to my wife! I just want to give it up to her, and please her. She does take advanage of that and does hold me sexually bound to her by allowing or not allowing me to have sex with her, even though she keeps me on the edge. She delights in teaseing me sexually, but not fucking me. She is all about tease and attitide, which I love. She also loves the role and plays it well. As in that she keeps me hungry and in line. Sometimes she will not allow me in her presents with clothes on or I must be in HER panties...she loves the power and the humiliation.
I am looking forward in reading more post here.

http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=16465031

From the thread:

What makes you submissive?

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=413768

 

[FurryFury]

September 9, the words of Blushing Bottom:

Welcome CTGal. I have read some of you recent posts and like what I read. That and we have something in common aside from our submissiveness. Though I no longer live there, I hail from CT.

Now for what makes me submissive;

For me it is a viscreral need. In all other realms of my life I am in charge. I have a power profession, oldest of 6 siblings who has had children of her own.
Because of the ying & yang of it all I had to find a way to release. Then one day a kind gentleman offered to spank me. I said yes and ran with it.

My week is not complete unless I hear that one comment that transports me to erotic Nirvana, "good girl." This is usually in conjunction with a mouth full of cock. For me my goal is pleasure, his pleasure which is my pleasure. I wallow in his praise. I preen when I have been able to satisify his need no matter what it may be.

In essence it is my need to surrender mind, body and soul which makes me submissive. My need to address the dichotomy of being and become who I am...His.

http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=16465393

From the thread:

What makes you submissive?

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=413768

 

[FurryFury]

September 10, the words of Kayte:

Well it all depends on the parameters of the relationship. One learns from and figures out what it is works for them. In my case I do need to please Him. Have I made errors? Of course, but I learn from them.

http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=16482959

From the thread:

What makes you submissive?

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=413768

 

[catalina_francisco]

September 11th - words of shy slave

"I am not a Dom or a man so I can't comment on what men find sexy.

However, I do think this is a brave thread.

It must have taken courage to sit down and write it, to then press 'send' takes even more courage.

People who do not use the net regularly imagine we all hide our real personas but that is not always the case.

rachy, IMO just by having the courage to start this thread shows you have alot to offer anyone who sees 'you'"

Kinda Worried

 

[catalina_francisco]

September 12th - words of sexycazz22

"About a couple of years ago, I have taken part in an "online" D/s relationship with a couple of Doms (separately and at different times, obviously) It was at a time, where I wasn't unsure about myself, about what my fantasies (especially the spankings ones! ) and I went looking, and found some "wannabe" doms who were more than happy to "teach" me and I stupidly submitted to them.

Soon after, I realised that I didn't like it very much, that I hated submitting to them, although at the same time, I liked it. I guess I felt guilty of my secret and was not sure about who I was, what the hell I were doing etc. So I left all the submission and domination behind me, and I got on with it......

BUT......it was still there in the back of my mind.....egear to come to the front of my mind.....and waiting patiently for a couple of years more.

And about 5 months ago, it finally came....and I chatted to a good friend who encouraged me to ask questions, encouraged me to go do my research and finally I made myself at home at the BDSM forums, and began to read some interesting threads and asking questions. About a month later, I signed up with a couple of BDSM dating sites, then a month after that, going to a local munch and then a couple of weeks after that, I had my first real-life play session (a spanking one)

So, to answer the OP's question; I must warn you to be very careful with who you are chatting with, make sure you check with other people, to see if they know who the "dom" is. Ask questions about the BDSM and seeing if they DO know what words mean etc.

Above all, BE CAREFUL!"

How Can You Tell Who The Real Masters Are?

 

[snowy ciara]

September 13: words of cellis

In another blast from the past, I bring you the words of cellis, in the Submission can be painful thread"

It seems to me that there are a couple of issues involved here, dream....

First, there is an issue of communication. Because Art doesn't respond the way you want or need him to doesn't mean that he is not hearing you and listening to you.

Secondly, there is the issue of your desire to be perfect for Art. Honey, it just is not going to happen... we are humans and we are not infallible... we make mistakes... that's what we do.

Thirdly, and perhaps what I would consider to be my most important observation... the relationship has to come first... before the "on your knees" "Yes Master" stuff. Working on a relationship when you live in the same city is hard enough, but a LDR is most difficult.

Take a few steps back... look at what is really going on with you and Art...

Look at your relationship and what that is and what it means to the two of you...

Look at yourself, dream... what is in your best interest? That always has to be the question... What is best for you... you have to look inside yourself before you can look outward...

Now this last is just a little piece of unsolicitated advise... make friends with some of the subs here who have been around for a while... we all need a support system and you are pretty much hanging out there by yourself... you really need someone who can help you find some direction and understanding... not that we all won't be more than happy to help... but we all need friends who understand what we are going through...

 

[snowy ciara]

September 14: the words of petrel

From the "I am totally confused by now" thread.

Boy ! You ask some good questions for a newbie! Okay, here goes:

Please note: While i’ll use the word “her” to refer to a sub/slave throughout this thing, it can and does as easily refer to male subs as well. I identify with being a sub and so choose to use “her” to refer to subs in general here – just easier for me, i guess. If you wish, in future communications, i’ll use the more correct “her/him” or “s/he” when referring to subs in general. However, i’ll always use the word Dom/me to refer to both male Dominants (Dom) and female Dominants (Domme). I’ll only use Dom or Domme when referring to either a specific male Dominant (like my Master) or a specific female Dominant (like, for example, Hecate).

1. “What exactly is the difference between a 'slave' and a 'sub'? I kind of think I get it but I'm not sure. Is it that a slave turns their entire life over to their dom? Are 'slaves' not allowed to set limits where 'subs' are?”
.....a. “sub” = submissive. All submissives are not the same. Some of us like and need pain with our sexuality, some of us fear pain and want only to serve, some of us need humiliation, some of us need a very supportive loving environment, some of us crave multiple partners. All of us are as individual a group of people as any other group.
.....b. In general, “slave” refers to a sub who has given her Dom/me permanent and far more freedom to choose for her in all situations than most subs. Slaves are always more experienced submissives who know what they need and have found the Dom/me who mirrors her needs. Exception: some subs play at being called slaves and some Dom/mes like to call their subs “slave”. The old ways are changing rapidly in this new era of net communication.
.....c. All submissives set limits. If you ever meet one who boasts that she doesn’t, please ask her if she’d kill herself if her Dom/me indicated she should. See? We all have some limits. Slaves may have less limits than most subs simply because they are more secure in who they are and what they need – and because they tend to be so much more experienced in BDSM practices.
..........i. For example, I have no safe word with my Master and I never have. I consider myself slave to him; he considers me his slave. It would be unwise and unsafe for both newbie sub and newbie Dom/me to ever ever play without a safe word, however, since they are still learning not only what they need but how to guide that need and channel it through another person. My Master and I are long past that, and not only with each other but in our lives as sub and Dom.

2. “Is it unusual for a woman to be a dom/top? The workshop I went to was about electric play. I found it very interesting and was very turned on. I wouldn't mind having the stuff done to me to see what it's like - I wouldn't want to seriously hurt someone. BUT what turned me on was thinking of what I could do to my partner with the items.”
.....a. It is not unusual for a woman to be Domme. It is less usual than it is for a man to be Dom, but it is not unusual.
.....b.Almost every good Dom/me I’ve ever known has had done to her what she does to others. Many have spent some time as subs, to be honest, and know what it is to submit. There’s not a good Dom/me in the world who would willingly hurt (in a bad way) his/her sub. Your ***primary*** responsibility, at all times (not only in sexual situations), is to the safety and well-being of your sub. It is to you that they entrust not only their physical well-being, but their emotional stability as well.
.....c. If the thought of doing to others with electrical toys turns you on, baby – you’re a Domme. Okay, maybe a switch. Definitely not all sub though.

3. “Some people are insisting that I'm hiding my 'true nature' by not 'admitting to being a sub' but the idea of that just doesn't appeal to me.”
.....a. Fuck ‘em. They don’t live in your skin. Don’t have your needs. Don’t have your fantasies. Don’t have your desires. Fuck ‘em. Smile politely and walk away.
.....b. You’ve got your answer already. Later, if you find that Domming doesn’t appeal to you, well, try being on the bottom for awhile. It’ll either be where you belong or give you extremely valuable insight into what we feel and need.

4. “On the other hand, one of the women at this workshop was a dom with a male slave and she seemed very uncaring towards her slave. Does the fact that I'd care about my partner's feelings mean that I'm really a sub?”
.....a. Again, that Domme and that sub NEEDED that kind of (seemingly) uncaring relationship. They were getting out of it what they needed. Such a thing would not work for me, I can tell you that, and doesn’t seem to be what would work for you, either.
.....b. There’s a billion zillion quadrillion people out there, all of whom need different stuff from their personal relationships. A quarter of them are interested in some kinda BDSM thing. Some of them will be interested in what you’re interested in. Don’t ever ever ever settle for something that doesn’t fit.

5. “I'm confused, can you tell?”
.....a. We’re all confused. We’re all walking our own paths, trying to do the best we can without hurting too many people in the process. Just human nature, babes.

6. “I wanted to talk to someone from here that I trust to be honest with me.”
.....a. Well, thank you. I’m really flattered. I’ll be as honest as I can and give you the best info I know how to give.

7. “My friend who I attended the workshop with said I should ask questions and also gave me a book called SM101 to read.”
.....a. Good book. Good advice.
.....b. Why were you going to an electricity seminar anyway? That’s kinda advanced play for you, Lady Newbie Domme, isn’t it?
.....c. Here’s a few sites for you to read up on BDSM stuff:

Dominants in Controlled Kink (DiCK) – EXCELLENT resource for newbie Dom/mes
http://members.aol.com/MasterNik/Homepage.html

The Beginners Guide to Dominance and Submission – excellent basic beginners overview
http://www.cyberhell.net/DsGuide/index.asp

BDSM Newbie Guide – I always point new people to this page. Fast easy reading and good info.
http://www.sxysadist.com/RG_Newbie.htm

Mistress Steel – has been around and publishing since before the net – she’s someone I want to meet before I die. This stuff is likely to be wa
y too much for you right now, but peek in and save this link for later (months, maybe years from now), after you know more, when your questions are getting more sophisticated.
http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html


There’s a LOT of not-so-good web pages full of info out there. Beware. Please feel free to ask anything else you want to know.

 

[snowy ciara]

September 15: the words of Furry Fury

From the thread "I'm a very new dom, confused about rewards, esp vs. Pain"

I'm certainly less experienced than most here but what the hell, I love to discuss.

Okay, first are you enjoying what you are doing? Or are you doing it just for her.

Second, she likes pain but didn't like being spanked? That begs the question why? What sorts of pain does she think she likes? Or, would it have been different if another component were put into play at the same time, penetration somewhere or vibration of something for instance?

Last, if she does indeed enjoy and long for pain, which I'm not convinced of from this post, it sounds like she loves to be dominated though, then no it is not a punishment in my opinion it is a reward.

Say she gives you good oral service you might reward her with what she craves. Or perhaps she had something that is really, really hard for her to do and she does it for a whole week, then you reward her.

In my opinion you shouldn't try whipping her unless you practice a lot on something else first to get the technique down a whip is sort of dangerous.

Now if she enjoys being your "bad girl" and being "punished" which you also enjoy doing to her, that is one thing but for a real punishment for a real infraction, I'd think you would need something that she wouldn't enjoy otherwise you are basically asking her to break the rules constantly to get what she wants.

Orgasm denial and reward can be a nice long distance thing to play with. For instance she has to masturbate and not come everyday, then you get together finally and she has been good, you let her come while giving her this pain that she supposedly wants while you fuck her or she services you.

Another thing, you could do find out what she likes the best and give her a goal to work towards. The goal could be something she wants to work on or something you want her to be able to do that so far, she can't. Tell her she can't do or have this thing until you tell her to and that will be based on when she achieves the goal.

I'm a big proponent of natural consequences with my kids anyway and I'm not much into punishing. If I'm pissed off it's not pretty though. Her goal should be to keep you happy. I don't have a whole lot of thoughts punishment wise. The worse for me would be to disappoint or lose the presence of a Dominator or loved one.

Okay that is more than enough said about something I need more experience in myself.

Good luck to you on your journey in these things.

Fury

 

[snowy ciara]

September 16: words of AnelizeDarkEyes

from the Sadism vs. Masochism thread:

Succinct and to the point. I love it. Things work this way in our house as well.

One of the things I love about him is he has absolutely zero confusion about his sadism. He loves hurting me. He has no interest in me zoning off into subspace and missing all the hurty parts. He'll snap me back to reality if I even try. I've come to love being present in my pain, and adore him for every stroke, whack, punch, lash, whatever.

I don't want a sadist with apologies. I want one who revels in hurting me.

~Anelize

 

[snowy ciara]

September 17: the words of Red Sonja

From the Submissive or Dominant thread:

To most, I come across as quite dominant in daily life. I own my own practice as a professional. I've been successful in a number of arenas.

However, to the person I love, I am submissive. I would and will do whatever he asks. However you should understand, we've been together for almost 14 years on the 21st of this month.

I trust him completely to act in my best and his best interests. He is master not only of me, but of himeself. Therefore I can safely make the no limits statement above.

I really enjoy putting off the workday world and becoming completely his. It is such a relaxing, safe, and comforting thing to do. I truly treasure this relationship and know that I am blessed.

 

[snowy ciara]

September 18: words of sunfox

From the "Lifestyle" subs vs. "Sexual" Subs thread:

I didn't get the impression that he was saying that -every- D/s couple is romantic. He was just speaking about the ones that are.

It's that need that some folks have to pop up and declare themselves the intriguingly different exception to every rule that has people using blanket terms like pyl and PYL... to avoid having to say "I think the course of true love, even in BDSM, never runs smooth.. except for those of you who happen to be only service, or only visit professional Dom/mes, and those of you who submit only on a Sunday when there is a lunar eclipse scheduled for 8:36 pm."

 

[snowy ciara]

September 19: words of serijules

From the "Lifestyle" subs vs. "Sexual" subs thread:

I think the only one who's definition matters is your own.

Screw everyone else, they ain't living it.